Suffocation.

Hiro jumped a mile in his own skin when Tadashi dropped him on the floor of their bedroom. Tadashi had dragged him by his ear from his moped all the way inside. Usually when Tadashi bailed Hiro out of his shenanigans he let him off easy compared to this. Hiro would just hide behind his computer screen to shut out Tadashi's lecture. But today, today was the breaking point for his older brother.

"It is one thing to always have to save your ass from those ridiculous bot fights." he started off fuming. Hiro might have found his brother cursing at him funny, since Tadashi rarely swore. But this was real anger. Hiro had crossed a line with his brother, and he knew this was worse than the usual disappointment.

"But pot of all things, Hiro? Jesus-"Tadashi threw his hands up in the air, not even looking at his younger sibling who was curled up on the floor. After a long pause, Tadashi sighed at him.

"Stand up." He still held a strict tone, but Hiro could sense a hint of guilt coming from his older brother with how harshly he just treated him. Hiro scrambled to his feet with his head down.

"I wasn't going to smoke it... I was just going to sell it." Hiro mumbled knowing that wasn't going to build his case any, but for whatever it was worth he had to let Tadashi know that.

"There's hardly a difference, Hiro," he scolded not knowing what to do from there. "I can't handcuff you to this house; but its crap like this that makes me wish I could." He started pacing and Hiro was oh-so tempted to take a seat at his computer, and just shut all of this out. But when he made the first step towards his desk, Tadashi moved to stop him.

"Don't you dare. You're not shutting this out. I'm not going to let you waste your life like this." Tadashi spoke as if he had just read Hiro's mind. He took a deep breath in to hold back from saying, 'What would mom and dad say?'

"Why do you care so much?" Hiro asked stubbornly, "It's not your life I'm messing up! Why can't you let me figure this out for myself?"

"I care because you're all I've got left!" Tadashi's voice cracked, and he flinched when something rubbed against his legs. When he tilted his head down to find Mochi looking up at him, he relaxed a little. He crouched down to the cat's level so he could scratch underneath her chin. "Alright, so we have you too, Mochi," he cooed at her before looking up at Hiro. "And yeah, we have Aunt Cass... but she's at her limit too. She doesn't know how to handle this rebellious phase of yours. She wants to help, and so do I. Hiro, what's going on with you?" As he raised back up to a standing position he watched Hiro carefully- looking for a sign, any clue of what was going on in that big brain of his.

After a long pause Hiro groaned, frustrated, and rubbed his temples furiously. "I don't know- I don't know, okay? I'm not like you, Tadashi. I am not a perfect little angel- and I don't want to go to your dumb nerd school. I don't need to be taught things I already know, okay? You keep acting like that would fix everything. But it won't. Trust me."

Tadashi wanted to be angry, he wanted to defend his school, but more importantly he wanted to understand Hiro. So he just subsided his anger for now.

"Okay fine. I wasn't going to mention that tonight, anyway. I just want to help you figure something out. If not my nerd school, what about another one? Is there anything legal that peeks your interest? Anything at all?" he relents because he had exhausted every argument for SFIT, and if Hiro was just so against it, fine, he wouldn't try anymore. As long as Hiro directed his time doing something more- positive, he didn't care at this point.

Hiro shuffled his feet as Tadashi continued to pace the room. "I- I don't know." he replied honestly. "I just know I don't want to be a carbon copy of you. I want to be..." his voice trailed away as his brother interrupted him.

"Is that what you think, Hiro? That this is a contest?" he shook his head in disbelief. "So what if we both like building robots? We've got our own style, and one is not better than the other. I never want you to feel inferior to me, in fact, I know if you put that knuckle head of yours to use, you'd easily surpass me."

Hiro scoffed because he didn't know how else to react. Of course he knew Tadashi would have a comeback for that, but even so, he couldn't let him know the real reason behind his acting out. "Can you just, like, give me time to figure this out for myself? I appreciate your help... I just don't have an answer for you right now."

Tadashi finally stopped pacing. "You have to give me an answer by the end of this week. Otherwise I'm getting rid of that computer until you do something with that brain of yours."

Hiro opened his mouth to argue, but when he saw the look in Tadashi's eyes he figured it would probably be wise not to.

Tadashi stayed home for the rest of the night to keep an eye on Hiro. Not many words were exchanged from that point on. Since it still seemed like a sore subject, Hiro decided to tinker with his fighter bot instead of going online before bed. While his brother sat cross legged on his bed, reading through one of his college text books. About an hour before bed, Aunt Cass came up with a snack with some milk for the two of them, and she gave them both good-night hugs before leaving them again.

It was so hard for the older brother to understand. Hiro was so loved, and cared for, he didn't have a clue where all of this defiance was coming from. For the past several months, the two brothers have been at war with each other. Hiro was nearly fifteen now, and hadn't done anything since graduating high school two years ago. During the first couple months Tadashi didn't bother him at all, he figured there was no need for Hiro to jump right into school. He deserved a summer break like everyone else. But after five months had passed, he had really noticed his bot fighting had become an issue. He was sneaking out nearly every night... Tadashi silently thanked whatever was keeping Hiro from finding the trackers in his hoodies, because it was the only thing letting him come to his brother's rescue when he needed it.

But Tadashi was reaching his limit, too. Today was the most angry he has been with Hiro ever. The illegal bot fights were one thing, but to become a dope dealer? That wasn't the brother he remembered growing up with. There was something Hiro was keeping from him, and he knew everything would be so much easier if he just opened up... but there was only so much Tadashi could do. He had a lot of time to think about it, whatever Hiro was keeping from him. Even though he had some guesses he couldn't be sure. These were the only things he knew as fact: Once upon a time the two of them were practically inseparable. However, shortly after Hiro graduated he slowly started becoming distant from his older brother. At first, Tadashi had thought it was because he was spending more time at school. No matter how many times he offered to take him, Hiro always rejected him. He figured it must be something else. The only conclusion Tadashi could draw was that Hiro was harboring something deep within him that he felt he had to keep hidden from his family. There could be various reasons he felt that way. It might just be too personal, something that would be too uncomfortable to share with someone; even if that someone was not only your brother, but also your best friend. Maybe he felt like Tadashi wouldn't understand, or was just unsure in general how he would react.

No matter how many times Tadashi had asked Hiro what was going on he always diverted his question. Coming up with something convenient to argue about, but Tadashi read right through that. It was just the words behind the excuses he couldn't distinguish, like it was written in brail.

Giving up on his reading for the night, Tadashi closed his text book and peeked up to see that Hiro had dozed off at his desk. The older brother got off his bed, walking over to him with a small smile forming on his face. He poked at his forehead gently.

"You're gonna be sore tomorrow if you sleep like that all night." he scolded, but the younger one didn't budge. Tadashi just heard a light snore in response, which caused him to roll his eyes.

"Come on Hiro..." he rubbed his shoulder gently, because he didn't want to startle him too much; but even that didn't wake him.

"Alright fine." he muttered (to himself he supposed), easily scooping Hiro up as he carried him to his bed. He even went as far as pulling the covers over him; tucking him in with extra care since he didn't want to wake him at this point.

"Night kid." he ruffled his hair a bit, and shut off the light before going back over to his side of the room to settle in for the night.

The next morning Hiro was woken by his older brother. "Hiro! Hiro!" he was shouting, and it wasn't until he opened his eyes that he realized that his brother had went as far as grabbing him by the shoulders to wake him.

"What's going on? Is there a fire?" he asked relatively calmly. He squirmed out of from under the covers, out of his older brother's grasp, not realizing until then how hot and sticky he was feeling… especially in a particular area. He scrubbed at his eyes with his palms in attempt to cover up his blush, hoping Tadashi wouldn't comment on anything.

"I heard you practically crying in your sleep. You kept saying my name..." As his voice trailed away Hiro noticed where his brother's gaze had fallen.

"Heh. That's weird. I don't remember any of that." Hiro muttered, shifting to try cover up what his brother already saw.

"Right... sorry for waking you." he mentioned, quickly turning away. "I'm uh... going to heat up some left overs Aunt Cass has in the fridge. Want any?"

"N-no thanks."

When he was gone Hiro tugged at his hair angrily. He knew. Hiro heard him say it. Tadashi. Tadashi heard his own name come from Hiro's lips. The way he said it, when he put two and two together, wrenched at Hiro in the worst kind of way. How could he eat now that his brother knew his dirty secret? Tadashi could pretend all he wanted that he didn't know, and maybe he didn't know everything, but now, for the first time- he had an inkling.

Tadashi didn't come home at his usual time that night. When Hiro went downstairs for dinner, that's when Aunt Cass told him that he would be staying out late with a study group. As much as Hiro wanted to take advantage of this time to go bot fighting, he decided against it. After offering to do dishes, Hiro scurried back into his room wishing he could disappear into a black hole. But the more he thought about this morning, the more desperate he became. Since Tadashi wasn't going to be home, Hiro decided he would indulge himself, just this once. It wasn't true what he told Tadashi earlier. He remembered every second of that dream. God, it was still so vivid in his mind. His older brother hovering over him, touching his body in ways that he had never been touched before. His bigger hands pressing Hiro down on the bed to keep him still as his lips connected to every inch of him...

"Tadashi..." Hiro whimpered, his hand down his pants now, and he laid down in his bed just how he imagined he'd be if his brother was actually on top of him. He had his hand beat on his hard on, feeling relentless as he got close.

"Tadashi, more- please-" and when he came in his hand, he felt sick. How could he do this- even after today? How could he.

He stripped down to throw his clothes in the dirty hamper, and willed himself to take yet another shower for the day. What he didn't expect was to take three hours in the shower. He didn't want to do it, but he ended up jerking off again, even after feeling guilty about the last one. But this time it was even worse than before. The depression was finally sinking in, and Hiro looked down at the razor blade he had brought into the shower with him. He curled up under the shower head with his legs spread. His eyes laid on the faded cuts on his thighs. Some were light and faded, but others were deeper, and some weren't even fully healed yet. At this point he was hardly phased by the scars. This was his anchor when Tadashi couldn't be. This was how he managed to keep it all from him. But now it was all over. His hiding space was shrinking all around him, and he cut deep. There was no point in trying to hide anymore. So he slashed at his inner thighs, making more marks in one go than he usually did. He spent a whole hour making every cut release a pain he felt in his heart. Usually he didn't cry when he did this, with the exception of his very first time. And well, now- Hiro felt hot tears fall from his eyes, contrasting the shower that was now running cold. He dropped the razor, and sat there with his head in his knees for at least another hour. A knock on the door is what finally drew him from his trance.

"Hiro are you in there?" The voice revealed itself as Tadashi.

"Uh, yeah just a sec!" he yelped back and quickly got out and changed into his pajamas that were thankfully already in the bathroom with him. After he exited, Hiro took a step to the side. "It's all yours." he mumbled avoiding his brother's gaze.

"Oh, I don't have to use it. I just- you've been in there for over an hour." Tadashi mentioned with a blush on his face; which rose a panic in Hiro's facial expression.

"You've been here all this time?" he couldn't help but sputter.

"I just got home a little over an hour ago," he said though by his voice Hiro doubted he was being honest. But in case he was, Hiro decided not to mention it was more like three hours.

"Aunt Cass said you wouldn't be home. She said you had a study group or something." Hiro said as he rubbed the back of his neck. This felt so weird. What was he supposed to say?

"Oh they all went out for drinks instead, and I decided to just come home instead." he sighed, and eyed Hiro as if he were contemplating saying something more. Honestly, Hiro didn't know what to make of the expression. All he knew was that it made him feel so small in comparison to Tadashi.

"Hiro I want to talk to you about something." he brought up after a long pause.

"...What is it?" Hiro responded reluctantly.

"I want you to listen to me, okay? Don't shut me out..." Tadashi began with and Hiro nodded slowly.

"I won't, what's up?" he asked, trying to sound casual, but in truth his heart was pounding like crazy.

"I- uh- well, there's a show case coming up at SFIT. And I know you've told me no like a hundred times. But I really think you would like it there. It's more than what you're picturing, trust me." After Tadashi spoke, Hiro relaxed.

"Really? You're coming back to this again?" Hiro couldn't help but snap. "I told you I don't want to go there... I can't."

"Why not? Give me a real reason this time." Tadashi pushed. He wanted Hiro to finally tell him what was going on. He didn't want to keep guessing. The older brother needed to know what he was dealing with here. When Hiro didn't say anything Tadashi was tempted to smack him. He wanted to scream, 'Just tell me!' But that wasn't him- Tadashi was the triple C. Cool, calm, and collected in every situation. When dealing with someone as wild as Hiro, he had lots of practice, too.

"Tadashi, why can't you learn to just leave things be? I want to be left alone!" Hiro croaked, wrapping his arms around his midsection fearing he might actually vomit.

"I can't. I can't leave you alone okay? You're my responsibility. You're-" Tadashi stopped himself from saying the word he was about to say: 'mine'. Hiro was his. His to protect, his to love, to watch over; his to be with forever. And so many other things that he didn't have the guts to say.

"I'm what? I'm irresponsible? I'm a child? I can't handle anything on my own?" Hiro persisted; and Tadashi just groaned.

"Forget I said anything." he concluded finally.

Hiro blinked feeling confused. Was he really being let off the hook that easily this time? He raked his fingers through his hair. "No- no I am not going to forget. Just say it." Hiro challenged.

Tadashi closed the distance between them, staring down intensely at Hiro. "No. It's your turn to say how you feel."

That was it, Hiro thought. Of course, this was a trap for him to confess his love. He knew Tadashi wouldn't say it for him, and he wouldn't ever let this go until Hiro finally fessed up.

"I feel... suffocated." Hiro mumbled. "I can't do this with you anymore. I need some space."