Stef –

"Callie's supposed to get released on Monday." I said standing in the middle of what used to be the stairs to our front porch. "What are we supposed to do if this doesn't get done in time? What if the social worker comes by?" I hissed as Ramirez walked by with his arms full of planks of wood.

"We got the permit to build the ramp today, we had to pull a lot of strings, Stef." Mike pleaded. "We're going to work day and night, Callie's going to be able to come home on time. I swear."

"I'm super grateful, I really am. This is just an extra stressor I don't need right now."

"I know, and just leave it all to me. I'm handling the house, we're still on schedule. Everything inside is practically done, we're painting and cleaning. That's all that's left inside. We finished Callie's room and bathroom, those were the huge projects."

"Okay, okay. I'll trust you, just please get it done." Mike chuckled a little and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Go, you have Callie's appointment. Remember?" I felt my shoulder's fall a little. "It's going to be fine. You said it yourself, she's doing great."

"Yeah, yeah. You're right." I waved over my shoulder and climbed back into my car. Mike was looking over the plans laid out over the lawn and I anxiously scanned the house one last time before driving away. If the social worker saw this, if the Judge saw this, would they see that we had the support and resources to provide for Callie? Could we do it better than Robert?

No, we can't do it better than Robert. He has millions of dollars at his disposal. We have a couple thousand and it's about a thousand dollars less since we bought school clothes for the boys. I put the car in park and headed into the hospital, I stopped at the front desk and signed in before being made to wait. Lena came in and sat beside me, squeezing my hand.

"How's the house looking?" She asked, checking her watch.

"They got the permit for the ramp outside. Mike says it will be done in time." I shrugged and looked around the waiting room, this one mirrored the waiting rooms throughout the children's hospital. It seemed odd since Callie was so old, but it was also comforting in some way.

"Adams Foster?" We stood up and followed the nurse down a hall to a conference room. We were face to face with Callie's entire team. Her neurologist, dietician, orthopedic surgeon, psychiatrist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, and social worker all sat at the table. Lena and I took the two open seats and we went through a round of introductions.

"So how is everyone feeling about Callie going home next week?" Her neurologist asked the table at large. Everyone sounded excited and opened the files in front of them. "Moms?"

"We're excited, nervous." Lena answered. "We're happy we got a wonderful donation and we're almost done with all the renovations in the house." There were positive murmurs around the table.

"We all agree that for next steps Callie needs an audiology and ophthalmology appointment." Lena started scribbling down notes. "These are the ones we all agreed on, and they all have a history of working with TBIs." A list of names was passed around the table and I tucked it into Callie's folder. "They'll know where to start on the auditory processing problems and start to figure out what we can do about her vision problems."

"Does anyone have any guesses?" I asked looking over the list.

"We all know it's because of damage to those areas of her brain, but we've reached a point where we need experts in those areas." I nodded and put a star next to the doctors closest to us. "Alright, moms, we know Callie went home over Christmas. How was that?"

"Good, really good. We didn't have too many concerns, she had one seizure early Christmas morning. She was pretty exhausted after that, but she ultimately did really well."

"Awesome. How's her emotional stability been?"

"That's been, honestly, I think that's pretty rough for the both of us." I said, patting Lena on the arm. "If she's not mad at us then we can talk her down pretty well, but a few days ago Callie asked me to leave and that was it."

"Does she use the coping strategies?" Her psychologist asked, scribbling down in her folder.

"Yes. Most of the time, she can't really do it on her own though." There were nods all around the table.

"Okay, ready for updates?" Her neurologist looked through his folder again and took a sip of water. "She's averaging about two, almost three, seizures a week. I don't want to change her medication levels yet, we just did it last week, but if her rate of seizures doesn't change in three weeks then we'll change those up again. Scans are looking really good, her next EEG is scheduled for a month from now, and we haven't seen any new blood clots."

"Awesome." Her psychiatrist and dietician went next with a similar amount of good and not so good news. All of it was trial and error, Callie struggled to eat and never really felt hungry so there was talk of adding a new medication for that. Occupational therapy was going pretty well, that one just took time, we were reminded for the millionth time. Speech therapy was good, Callie hated it, but she was doing well. Her physical therapist was excited for her to try using the walker independently this week. It was her orthopedic surgeon that had most of the bad news.

"We have a couple options for the muscle spasms on Callie's leg. I know you already turned down surgery, I agree that should be a last resort. So our other options are injections into the muscle to dampen the amount of feedback they're getting from the brain, minor electro shock feedback, or casting for a few weeks."

"Sorry, did you say electro shocks?"

"Yes, it's a really low electrical current. You can try it first if you're worried about Callie using it. That and casting would probably show us the best results."

"A cast? Like if she broke a bone?"

"Yes, we'll start with two weeks and then take it off for a week and see if we need to try again." I looked towards Lena and she shrugged a little.

"Callie would rather be in a cast than have surgery again." Lena answered with a little nod. "She's supposed to start walking this week, right? So no walking?"

"She can walk with the cast on, we think this is a good idea too." Her physical therapist chimed in. "This is the least invasive option and won't set her back at all like surgery might."

"At what point do we need to consider surgery seriously?" I didn't want to hear the answer to this question, but it needed to be asked.

"If the muscle spasms become something that prevent her from walking then surgery would be moved to the top of my recommendations list." Her surgeon had a bit of a serious undertone.

"Anyone else?" Lena opened it up to the table.

"The worst that could happen is that Callie isn't able to consume enough calories throughout the day. Then we would recommend she continue supplemental tube feedings." Her dietician spoke up.

"Obviously the remaining bullet fragments will always be a concern, we just need to continue regular scans." I nodded and they began discussing how things were going to change once Callie came home. Lena scribbled down notes frantically and we just tried to keep up with all the doctor jargon. Hours drained away and my head started to hurt as they all discussed changing certain medications for the fifth time.

"Do you think Callie could tolerate eating five smaller meals a day?"

"We can try it, she's had a pretty hard time keeping three medium sized meals down. She's thrown up every other day." There was a small murmur of concern.

"Maybe it's nausea?" Someone else asked from the other end of the table.

"Callie said she just feels full already." Her neurologist sighed. "Hopefully it's something we can retrain her body to be accustomed to, but she may not regain that feeling."

"Well, we're out of time."

"I'll write up these new prescriptions, have Callie start these new doses tonight and I agree with having her eat five small meals a day instead of three medium sized ones. Start electric stimulation as soon as moms consent and cast up that leg. Did I miss anything?" No one answered. Lena was scribbling away in her notebook as everyone stood up and started shaking hands.

"Stef, Lena. Can I have a word?" Callie's social worker asked as everyone started to leave the room. We hung back and pushed all of Callie's paperwork into the appropriate folders before stuffing it into her backpack. "Have you had a chance to tell Callie?"

"We're going to do it tomorrow. She's still pretty mad at us."

"Perfect. I'll take the notes from today's meeting to the Judge so he can share what he feels is appropriate with Robert. Is there anything else you'd like for me to pass along?"

"Just, please be sure to tell him why we're turning down surgery again. I don't want him to think we're denying Callie something that is guaranteed to make her better."

"Right, of course." She wrote down a few extra notes before standing up. "It looks like Robert is going to be granted visitation rights after Callie settles back in at home. She obviously isn't in any danger with you guys, but Callie does have the right to choose if she wants a relationship with Robert, or not."

"Of course." We shook hands and Lena and I waited for her to leave the room first.

"Mostly good news, I just wish these seizures would stop. It's hard for her to learn new stuff if she keeps having seizures and forgetting days at a time."

"We just have to keep trying."

"We aren't really trying, we're making decisions on Callie's behalf. She's doing all the work. Even these doctors and therapists aren't doing a fraction of the work Callie is." There was an awkward pause as we put files back where they belonged. "I just, I don't know if we're doing the right thing anymore."

"What do you mean?" Lena refused to take the file I was trying to hand her.

"We've turned down over a hundred procedures. I went through the files." Lena opened her mouth, but paused. "Where they all the 'right' choice? That's what the judge is going to be looking at."

"Of course they weren't. We did what we thought Callie would want."

"But that's not" –

"You were right when we passed up the g-tube, Callie would have hated that. We were right when we chose to wait to see if the swelling would go down without another brain surgery. We might not be right about the muscle spasms, surgery might be the right answer, but Callie would want to try everything else first. We made decisions based on what Callie would want."

"Robert can afford things like stem cell therapies, and drugs that cost more than our house."

"If Robert cares that much about Callie's recovery then he'll support her with or without custody." Lena put the last of the files in her bag and walked away. She was done with this conversation, and pissed that I brought it up at all.

"I'm sorry." I said, leaning into Lena's window as she started her car.

"Don't be, you're right. We can't match everything Robert can give Callie, but she loves us." Lena shrugged. "We need something to go our way this time, and it's going to be this." She leaned in and kissed me. "I promised Callie I'd get there in time for lunch. I'll see you back at the hotel, okay?"

"Yeah, tell her I love her even though she's still mad at me." Lena squeezed my hand and I smiled even though it was obvious she could see how much it hurt that Callie was still upset.

Jude –

"I guess I'll get this. This is in the dress code, right?" I asked showing the picture to Brandon. He just shrugged and slumped into this seat. Jesus leaned over and looked at the picture I selected.

"Eh, that's haircut for nerds. Get this one." He showed me one further down the page, it was something that I wouldn't have considered for myself in a million years, but it was cool.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it would look good on you."

"You three together?" A lady asked, leaning over the counter. Brandon nodded. "Who wants to go first?"

"I'll do it." Jesus jumped up and followed her behind the counter. I watched as she cut off chunks of his hair. Brandon was the only one of us that had gotten a haircut since the accident. He would usually get one while he was out with his dad.

I went next and watched as she cut my hair into the style Jesus had picked out. The top was still pretty long, but the sides were super short. She combed it over to one side and put some gel in it. I did look cool, Jesus gave me a thumbs up in the mirror and I thanked the lady as she brushed hair off my collar.

Brandon paid for our haircuts and we got in the car. Everyone was getting more upset and tense as Monday got closer and closer. Jesus was going on runs twice a day, Brandon kept going to his Dad's house, and Mariana hadn't said anything to anyone in a few days, and moms kept stressing over the remodel and who was going to watch Callie. I pulled out the class schedule moms had given me and held it next to the map of the school. I highlighted the routes that should be taken to get to class in the most efficient manner, then went over the syllabuses moms had printed for each class.

I wouldn't have Callie this time. She wouldn't be there to glare at people in the hallways and she wouldn't be there to help me make new friends. Jesus and Brandon would be there, they would be there, but they weren't the same as Callie. We had gotten so close in the past few months, there was no way to avoid it, we spent days alone in the house while moms were at work or with Callie. Getting back into the world where people worried about mundane things seemed so complicated.

"I'm going to the gym, want to come?" Jesus asked, walking out of the hotel bathroom. We had been in this hotel for too long. There was little to do, and everything looked the same. Everything was the same. Each floor had the same art on it, room service only had three different choices for each meal, and the gym on the first floor had two machines and a rack of dumbbells.

"Yeah." He lifted the heaviest dumbbells he could over his head until a sweat drenched the shirt he was wearing. "Are you excited for Callie to come home?"

"Of course I am." He answered immediately, starting to do lunges. There was a pause. "Are you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I am. I – I just. I'm nervous." I picked up a weight that I knew would be too heavy and tried to lift it anyway. "I'm going to do everything wrong. I always do everything wrong when I'm around Callie."

"Don't worry about doing things right or wrong." Jesus took the weight from my hands and gave me a lighter one. "Callie will let you know if you're doing too much."

"Are you going to do sports at this new school?"

"Yeah, are you?"

"No, I'm awful."

"You're not that bad, you've just never done it before." He watched me lift the weight once to make sure I was doing it right before picking his own weight back up. "Don't take this the wrong way, but it might be a good way to get out of the house. I don't think we'll be able to go many places once Callie is home."

"Why not? Moms will be home more."

"Right, but they have to take care of Callie now. There won't be any doctors to do it." I remembered back to when Callie was home for Christmas. Moms did do everything for her, unless that had changed. She went back to the rehab center for a reason right? To keep getting better. Maybe she'll be able to dress herself now?

"I'm going to run around the block a few times." Jesus said, after re-racking all his weights. "We can swim when I get back." I nodded and took my time skipping the elevator and going up the stairs to our room. Brandon was still at his dad's house and Mariana seemed to be taking a nap. Moms were either with Callie, or meeting with social workers, or at work. It was hard to keep track anymore and it didn't really matter either way.

I turned on the shower and jumped in, I didn't really want to swim anyway, I had done everything possible in this hotel and Mariana seemed to have it right. I tried to get every last bit of recently trimmed hair off my body before throwing some pajamas on and climbing into bed.

Callie –

I sat at the table in my room with Moms sitting across from me. The tension in the air was suffocating. The social workers were coming back tomorrow and they were going to take me to a group home. No matter what anyone said, I knew that was the reason they were here. Maybe it was my fault I had gotten shot, I did something dumb. I don't remember what I did, but that had to be why.

Moms looked outrageously nervous, and the only thing it did was annoy me more. If they were going to send me away then they should just do it, if they were going to reverse my adoption I would rather they just got up and left. I can't remember how long I have been in the hospital but it's been a long time and it must be costing them millions.

"Just, just go." I said after what felt like hours of them trying to start this conversation.

"What?"

"You don't want me anymore, it's okay."

"No, no. Callie, we love you. You aren't going anywhere." Stef stressed. "This is about your birth father." I tried to put her sentence together in my mind. Each way I thought of it, it still didn't make any sense.

"Birth father?" I repeated back to her, Stef nodded a little. Father? My dad? "Donald?"

"Do you remember getting really sick last month? You had surgery."

"Yeah, I remember." I looked back and forth at Stef and Lena. "Donald was there?"

"No, no. When you had surgery they needed to give you more blood. So we checked Jude to see if you two had the same blood type."

"Okay, what does that have to do with Donald? Is he my, my, that thing?"

"No." There was a thick silence. "You and Jude aren't a match because Donald isn't your biological father." The world seemed to stop spinning, my body reacted before I actually understood what they said. "You and Jude have the same mom, but you have different dads." Stef added.

"So what?" I muttered. "What now?"

"I've met your biological father. His name is Robert."

"I don't want to meet him." I rushed. "I want to stay with you."

"You aren't going anywhere, but the judge may want you to meet him. He wants to meet you, Cal." I shook my head.

"Does Jude know?"

"Yes." Moms sat there looking sad. "The judge wants to talk with you and see how you feel about everything."

"I – I just don't understand." Tears started to burn my eyes and it just made me more frustrated. "I just want to go home, I can still go home?"

"Yeah, you're still coming home with us. None of that has changed, but Robert is your" – her words blended together as my shirt seemed to get tighter and crush the wind out of my lungs. Tears fell from my eyes and I could see moms trying to talk to me, but a humming noise filled my ears.

"I can't breathe." I muttered, pulling at the collar of my shirt. Lena stood up from her chair and pulled my wheelchair away from the table. I kept pulling at my shirt, taking it off seemed like the only way I could stop it from suffocating me. Stef grabbed my arms as I struggled to lift the shirt over my head.

"Take a deep breath, Callie. Count with me, you can do this." She said, kneeling down so we were face to face.

"Shirt off, please. Please." I pulled on the collar as hard as I could and Stef reached over as if she was going to stop me again.

"Just take off the damn shirt, Stef. It's not the end of the world." Lena said pushing my arm through one of the sleeves. Stef pulled the shirt over my head and I tried to get air to my lungs. Stef crouched in front of me and tried to get me to count again, but something overwhelming was happening.

"Should I get someone?" Lena asked, crouching down beside Stef.

"Not yet." Stef looked around the room, as I continued to try and get air into my lungs. My head started swimming and I was going to pass out if I didn't get myself under control. Vomit crept up in the back of my throat and a cold sweat seemed to cover my body. "Come here." Stef said quickly, picking up my arms and tightening them around her neck.

She pulled me to my feet and her touching me was one of the most overwhelming feelings I have ever experienced. I tried to pull away, but she held me tighter. "Come this way, we're going to sit on the bed, okay?" If I opened my mouth I was going to throw up everywhere. Stef sat me down on the bed and climbed behind me, she crossed my arms over my chest and held me tightly.

"Stop." I choked, cringing as more of her body touched mine.

"Callie, I'm pretty sure you're having a panic attack. Okay?" Stef leaned close into my ear.

"I don't care." If it wasn't my shirt that was suffocating me, it must be my skin. I wanted to rip it all off.

"We're just going to sit here for a minute. I'm going to hold you really tight and we're just going to sit here." Stef held onto me so hard I couldn't get away. I looked down at her tightly locked arms and tried to get air into my lungs. It seemed to make more sense now, I couldn't breathe because Stef was holding me so tightly and that made me feel better. Stef started breathing loudly and deliberately and I just tried to mimic the noises she made. I needed to breathe, I needed this feeling to end.

Stef didn't move, she just sat there and held me. We sat there together for days or hours, and breathing slowly became easier. The feeling, the need, to rip my skin of my body didn't go away. I tried to just breathe, but that did nothing for the feeling. I tightened my own grip on myself and felt a scar on my right side I had never noticed before. I pressed down on it and a sharp pain went up my side.

"What's this?" I asked, breaking the silence that had fallen into my room. The scar was three inches long and as wide as my finger. Stef moved for the first time since she had locked her arms around me and looked down at my side.

"It's from surgery." She said shortly. "How do you feel?"

"Too much." I muttered.

"Lena can you go get someone?" I had forgotten Momma was sitting in a corner, staring at the two of us. She got up and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind herself. "I have panic attacks too." Stef said as I settled back into her chest.

"Since when?"

"Since the accident, they started while you were still in a coma."

"Because of me?"

"No, not you specifically. I was worried about everyone, but I just want to help you get through this stuff." The urge to rip my skin off flared up again and I pushed down on the scar, but Stef seemed to notice and she held my hand tightly. "Momma's going to come back with someone that has some medicine that can help."

"Do you take medicine?" Stef held me tightly again.

"No, but Momma helps me, just like I'm going to help you. Okay?" I nodded. "The medicine is probably going to make you sleepy, but I'll stay until you wake up."

"I don't want to meet him." I felt tears begin to choke me again.

"Momma and I will always be here. We're not going anywhere and you won't hurt our feelings if you decide to meet him."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I declared as air began to get caught in my chest again. Stef stopped talking and held me tightly again and breathed in my ear until Lena walked in with a nurse close behind her.

"Hey, Callie." She said softly as she pulled out a stethoscope. She reached around Stef and took down all the basics before placing heart monitor stickers on my chest. "What happened? Do you remember what made you upset?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I insisted, holding Stef tightly.

"Okay, I'm going to go talk to the doctor and we'll see what we can do to help." She left and the room was silent again.

"Hey, I've got this medication for you, Cal. Let's try and relax." The doctor tipped a medication back into my mouth and it dissolved quickly on my tongue, leaving a bitter taste. Lena brought a straw up to my mouth and I swallowed a few mouthfuls of water before easing back into Stef's arms. "Is this the first time you've had a panic attack?"

"No, but"- I thought on the words I was trying to say. "This feels different, my body feels different."

"Different how?" I tried to think through the words, but they started turning into white noise.

"I can't stop." The doctor nodded, but I recognized the nod as one that meant she really didn't understand what I had said. I have had a few panic attacks before, but this was the first time it didn't stop. The medication had definitely started working, my arms and legs felt heavy and I couldn't understand anything anyone said. The panic attack didn't seem to actually stop, everything just felt numb now, my eyes were closing even though I tried to keep them open.

Stef said something behind me, and I just nodded and let my head fall back on her shoulder. Lena picked up my arms and helped Stef push them through my shirt. Stef held me up a little as Lena tucked me into bed. I tried to make words, but I couldn't move. Lena pulled a chair close up to my bed and held my hand tightly as I tried to stay awake. Her mouth moved in some way, but I couldn't even hear anymore, her hand reached into my hair and she left it there as I fell asleep.

"Callie?" Someone whispered softly, I could feel someone rubbing my back and whoever it was they kept going until I opened my eyes. "Hey, how're you feeling?" Lena asked, pulling on my hand to get me to sit up.

"I'm okay." I assured her. Why wouldn't I be okay? Anxiety punched me in the stomach so hard that I stopped breathing for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked, squeezing my hands.

"I – I don't know." I breathed through it and stuffed it down the best I could. "I'm okay, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" I nodded. "Okay, let's get you ready for your appointment." Lena draped my arm over her shoulders and picked me up to put me in the wheelchair. She pushed me up to the table and meal number three for the day was sitting there.

"I'm going to throw up if I eat." I said looking at Lena.

"You still have to try. Okay?" I didn't answer, but picked at the food in front of me. I swallowed a few bites by the time Stef came in the room.

"How are you feeling, baby?" Stef asked, kissing the top of my head.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Two hours? Maybe three?" I nodded and tried to remember why I needed to be sedated in the first place. I remember having a panic attack, that damn thing lasted forever, but why?

"Who's Robert?" I asked moms as the name crossed my memory.

"Do you remember what we talked about before?" I scanned my memory as I pushed pudding around a bowl.

"Something about my dad?" I shrugged. Something about my dad and a man named Robert, but my dad is named Donald, maybe it was a dream?

"Yeah, we did a blood test on you and Jude. You have different dads, your dad is Robert and Jude's dad is Donald." Lena said softly. My stomach twisted painfully and my heart pounded faster, but it wasn't too bad. I could breathe through this, it wasn't a big deal.

"Need that." I muttered pointing at the trash can behind Stef. She grabbed it quickly and I held it in my lap as my stomach continued to twist and turn. I didn't have to wait long for the food to make a reappearance, this had become part of our routine too since I started eating solid meals.

"We can cancel your appointment today if you need to." Stef said as I inched towards the bathroom to brush my teeth.

"I'm fine." It was true, I really am fine. But I wish my brain worked like it used to so I could really understand what they said. I have a dad, I've always had a dad. My dad is named Donald, but Donald isn't my dad. He's not my dad, but he is. He's Jude's dad, and Robert is my dad. I don't know Robert. I don't want to know Robert. I want to live with moms, I don't want to lose moms.

"Do you need any help?"

"No." I brushed my teeth, trying to piece together everything I had just been told. I came back out to the table and moved the bowl of pudding away. That was the last thing I wanted now. I tried to eat some applesauce but it wasn't much better. "Have you met him?"

"I have, Momma hasn't." Stef answered tentatively.

"What did he say?"

"He said a lot of stuff, Cal. He's worried about you, worried about how you're doing. He loves you."

"He doesn't even know me." I shrugged.

"That's true." Lena answered. "It's up to you how close you want to be with him, but I think you should contemplate meeting him. He would really like to get to know you. You don't have to do anything other than that."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I shoveled a huge spoonful of applesauce into my mouth and had to concentrate on not choking. It hasn't happened yet, but there have been a few times I freaked myself out.

"Okay, do you remember what appointment we have today?" I shook my head. "Your orthopedic surgeon is coming by today, we talked to him about how your leg keeps hurting."

"I don't want surgery." I winced, swallowing too much applesauce at one time.

"We know, and we told him. You can tell him yourself when he gets here. But since we're not doing surgery we're going to put a cast on. Okay?" A cast?

"What's that?" Moms looked confused. "A cast, what's that?"

"Oh, um. Let me pull up a picture on your tablet." Stef typed around for a minute then showed me a few different pictures of large colorful casts on peoples' legs below their knee.

"How long?"

"Your doctor told Momma and I three weeks, then they'll take it off for a week and see how you're doing." I finished my meal in silence, focusing on swallowing food without choking and trying to keep it all down. Moms talked to each other at the other end of the table gesturing to notes within stacks of paper.

"Hey, Callie?" A voice called from the door way. I pushed myself away from the table and turned to see a person dressed in scrubs standing in the door way. "I'm here to take you to your appointment, ready to go?" I nodded and heard moms scramble to gather all of their things from the table.

Appointments were second nature, before I lived with moms I had seen a doctor maybe five times in my entire life. Now I had been to enough doctors to last my entire life time, and there were probably thousands more in my future. I had seen this doctor less than the others, less than the ones that flashed lights in my eyes or asked about my headaches. This doctor was, nice, I guess but didn't ask much from me. He had me try and stand as long as I could and watched me take a few steps with a walker and nurses holding me up. He was aggressive in the stretches he performed on my legs and apologized each time I flinched, just as he was about to talk to moms another spasm began and my calf tightened painfully.

"This is what everyone's been talking about." He announced as Stef reached for my hand tightly. He squeezed my calf more gently and tried to move ankle and toes as I tried to breathe through the pain. "Can you bend your knee, Callie?" He asked gently. I shook my head, he attempted to bend my knee a little, but it hardly budged.

"Does this change what you want to do?"

"No, not initially." He said, looking up at Stef. "Do you need some medication, Callie?" I shook my head.

"It should stop in a few minutes." I muttered, it wasn't worth a muscle relaxer.

"How many times does this happen?"

"Four times a day on a good day." Stef answered for me. "The most I've seen it happen, ten or twelve." Lena nodded in agreement. The doctor grabbed a few hot towels and wrapped up the stiff muscles.

"We're just going to wait it out, okay?" He said gently, his demeanor had changed. He wasn't rude before, but now he seemed concerned about how I was doing instead of just watching how I moved. We sat there for ten minutes before my leg began to relax at all. "There we go." He began massaging the muscles trying to speed up the process. "Did your moms tell you what was going to happen today?" I nodded and he held out a paper with a few different colors on it. "You can pick the color of your cast, if you want. It's going to cover all the way up to here. He placed a finger right below my knee. I scanned the page of colors and couldn't remember the names of any of them, so I just tapped one that I think I liked.

"Blue, sounds good. I'm going to have a tech come in and put the cast on, okay." I nodded. "Just make sure you cover it up in the shower and I'll see you guys in two weeks to take it off and we'll start feedback therapy." He said to Stef and Lena as he washed his hands in the sink and typed on the computer.

"I, I can still walk?" I asked Stef. "I'm supposed to."

"Yep, you can still walk on the cast. Not today. It has to dry today, but tomorrow you can walk on it in therapy." The doctor answered as he finished notes and shook moms hands. "You're doing awesome, Callie. Keep working hard, okay?" I nodded and he shook my hand too.

The tech came in and put wet stuff on my leg. She kept trying to talk to me, but I didn't understand anything she said so eventually she stopped trying. It was better that way, I wanted today to be over. I wanted to lay in bed and watch tv in my dark room. I didn't want to eat anything else today. The person working on my cast began to wrap the blue gauze around and smoothed it down with her hands before letting my foot rest on the bed. I started to move my feet down so I could go back to my room, but the tech stopped me.

"The cast has to dry a little bit. You're going to sit here for about twenty minutes and I'll be back to check on you. Okay?" I nodded once and she walked out, Stef pulled up a chair and started to talk to me.

"Can, I just. Let's watch a movie?" Stef paused for a moment and looked as if she was going to ask me what was wrong, but cracked a weak smile and pulled out her laptop. I just nodded when Stef offered up the third movie and thirty minutes later the technician came back and said I could go back to my room.

Second lunch was sitting on the table waiting for me when I got back to my room. My throat seemed to close over and my stomach churned immediately. Stef pushed my wheelchair up to the table and tried to hand me the spoon. This seemed to be the last straw for me, tears welled up in my eyes and I tried to hide them with the back of my hand.

"Hey, hey." Stef put the spoon down and knelt in front of me. I tried to cover my face with my hands but it was hard and as soon as Stef touched my shoulder I broke down completely. "What's wrong, just tell me what's wrong so I can help." Stef pleaded desperately. Lena tried to get words from me when Stef failed, but the words were frozen. Frustration was drowned with the never ending sorrow that seemed to cover me, I couldn't talk. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to lie down and never ever get up. Never again.

Stef seemed to pick me up, I couldn't tell if Lena helped, either way it didn't matter. This was my life now. Entirely dependent on Stef and Lena to help me eat, dress, and move. The sorrow seemed to get darker and Stef's hands tightened around me. She held me tightly and wouldn't let go as my body seemed to fight itself as I drowned in darkness. I cried forever. My throat was dry and raw, my face swollen and tight with dry tears, but there was nothing left to cry for. My eyes burned when I tried to open them, and Stef seemed to be holding me as if I were five, my face resting on her shoulder and her hand rubbing circles on my back.

"Hey, are you okay?" Stef asked as my sobs finally stopped and my breathing finally seemed to regulate.

"No." I muttered, letting my dry eyes close as Stef squeezed me tighter.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" She asked as carefully as she could.

"I, I don't know." I stuttered, feeling a sob choke me again. "I want to sleep."

"Can you try to eat, Callie? You still have this and dinner later, baby." I kept my eyes closed as I shook my head. "Cal, you have to try." Stef said with a bit of sternness in her voice. "I know you don't feel good" –

"I feel awful." I corrected her.

"If you don't eat" –

"I don't care, I don't care." I insisted. No one said anything for a while, Stef continued to rub circles on my back as I kept my eyes closed. I heard Lena leave the room and close the door softly behind herself.

"Can you try to tell me what's wrong? Just try, take your time." Stef said softly. I didn't answer right away, I held onto my mom as if she was going to go away and struggled to pull my feelings together. Once they were almost bearable I then had to try and piece words together to form a sentence she would understand.

"I'm sad." I muttered after way too much time to have such a short sentence. "I want to lay down, I'm sad." The pitiful sentence made the darkness get darker.

"We can wait it out, you'll be okay."

"I'm sad, but worse." I tried to explain better.

"Are you trying to say depressed?" I shrugged, I didn't know what that word meant. "It's okay if you are, it happens."

"I don't know. I'm not going to eat." I insisted. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"I'm going to go call someone, okay?" Stef asked, I could hear in her voice that she was trying not to be upset with me. She didn't wait for me to answer and just put me down on the bed and walked out of the room. I laid down in the middle of the bed and tucked my knees into my chest the best I could with the bulky cast making it hard to move. I had my back to the rest of the room and I just closed my eyes, hoping the darkness would eat me.

"Callie?" Someone asked opening the door.

"Please, go away." I muttered.

"I will in a second." I heard the person's footsteps get closer. "Can I just check that you aren't getting sick?" I rolled onto my back and kept my eyes closed as whatever nurse checked my temperature and took my pulse. "Do you have a headache worse than normal?"

"No, just leave me alone." I rolled away from her and tried to make myself as small as possible.

"Callie." Lena whispered. I didn't answer, I just tried to get smaller and smaller. "I know you don't feel good, baby." Lena touched my shoulder and I just cringed away. "You can have some time, but we're going to try to eat again later. Okay?" I didn't answer. "Can you let me know if you understood me?" I couldn't move. "I love you." Lena closed the door when she left and I tried to sink into the mattress. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to wake up from this never ending dream, for once I just wanted to wake up and for it to be Monday and my head wouldn't hurt and I had never gotten shot. For the first time I legitimately wished I died that day, and it terrified me. I don't know how long I laid there, but the room darkened and eventually moms came back in the room.

"Okay, Cal." Stef's voice said gently, I felt weight move the mattress, and someone's hand touched my shoulder. "Let's try to eat, alright?" I didn't move, the hand squeezed gently. "C'mon, baby. I know you can do it, I know it sucks."

"No you don't." I snapped suddenly, I didn't mean to say it out loud, but my stupid brain didn't work anymore.

"You're right, you're right, Callie. I have no idea what's going on, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Stef didn't say anything else for a few minutes.

"Callie, let's just try and sit up. Okay?" Lena suggested. It seemed to take forever, but I did. I sat up and tried to keep my body as small as possible. "Great job." Lena wrapped her arm around my shoulders and there were another few moments of quiet.

"You told us how awful you feel, and we're so sorry you feel that way. Can you try and eat, Cal?" I didn't answer, I was tired of throwing up every single thing that I put in my mouth. "I know you aren't doing this on purpose, and I wish I could make you feel better, Callie. I wish that more than anything." Stef leaned in and kissed the top of my head. "This isn't a threat, okay?" I looked up at her, that last thing didn't make any sense.

"What threat?"

"What I'm about to tell you. It's not a threat, if you can't eat for the rest of today it's okay. Since you've gotten hurt you've lost a lot of weight, and to keep getting better that requires eating."

"I know."

"If you can't eat, and it's okay if you can't. It could be your brain injury that is making it so hard" –

"I hate my brain." I blurted out, my face burned with embarrassment.

"Hey, I love your brain. It's just hurt, but it's you." I didn't say anything back. "Your brain injury may make it so you will always have trouble eating." Stef seemed to be waiting for something, "are you understanding what I've said so far, Cal?" I nodded once. "If you can't eat, and you can't stop throwing up then we're going to have to go back to tube feedings." Moms tensed up a little, but tears just began falling from my eyes again.

"I'm trying. I'm trying, I swear."

"We know, baby. We know." Lena held me tightly. "We're so proud of you." We sat there for a long time, each of us cried at some point, and eventually we just sat there in silence. "Okay, it's not a threat. You understand that, right?" I nodded. "Do you think you can eat?" I shrugged.

"I'll try." I muttered, Stef and Lena helped me get over to the table and placed one single cup of Jell-O right in front of me. I picked up the spoon with my left hand and Stef didn't say anything to try and get me to use the other hand.

"I talked to Mike today, they're almost done with your bedroom." Stef said once I ate about half the Jell-O. "You're coming home soon and we've fixed everything up so there aren't any stairs on the first floor."

"Thanks." I muttered trying to force myself to swallow even though I felt outrageously full already. "I need a break." I pushed the cup away and placed my forehead on the table, moms left me alone as I tried to keep the food down. It seemed to take forever for my stomach to stop churning but eventually it did and I returned to forcing myself to eat small bites of Jell-O until the cup was empty.

"We'll take a break and then you can try to eat something else? Only if you can." Lena said gently tossing the empty cup in the trash. I nodded and moms just sat near me quietly, I tried not to focus on the nagging feeling that I truly wished I had died when I got shot. Guilt washed over me and it just seemed to make the darkness even darker, moms had spent so much time and money and now I just wanted to give up on them.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked, breaking the silence. I shrugged and only felt my left shoulder move up and down. "Do you want to try and talk about it?"

"I – I don't know how. I can't, no, it's hard." I tried not to be frustrated but it was devastating. Lena nodded and didn't mention it anymore. After another handful of empty minutes Stef put another movie on and we all pretended to watch it, Lena put a cup of pudding in front of me on the table and I tried not to think as I put food in my mouth.

"Kelsey reached out to us, she was hoping to come visit you when you get home next week." Lena said into the awkward silence as I tried to finish the last few bites of pudding.

"Kelsey?" I muttered putting the last bite in my mouth and trying not to think about it while I swallowed.

"Your friend, from the hospital." I should have remembered her name. "I let her know that you miss her." I nodded. Lena placed another cup of food in front of me and I had to squeeze my hands together to stop myself from knocking it to the floor. No one talked to me as I ate that one as well, they seemed to be able to sense that I was on the edge of a catastrophic break down. Once I finished that cup Lena placed ice cream in front of me and I took two bites before pushing it away

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." I rushed, then closed my eyes and tried to relax as everything I had just eaten tried to make a reappearance. Stef tried to put a trashcan in my hands, but I pushed her away and tried to focus.

"You can be done eating." Stef said softly. I nodded once and kept breathing. It seemed to take forever but somehow the food stayed down.

"What time is it?" I asked after what could have easily been an hour. Moms were both working on their computers, and looked a little surprised when I tried to talk to them.

"Seven, someone should be coming in to help you with meds soon and get you ready for bed." Lena closed her computer and smiled a little.

"You can go home, I'm okay."

"We like spending time with you." Stef argued back, I wanted to smile but it would have taken so much effort. "Do you want to try and tell us what's going on? Just try, Cal." Moms sat there quietly as I tried to put the letters into words, then the words into a sentence, then my mouth had to make those sentences real on the outside.

"I – I feel." I tried, moms waited patiently. "Not good, bad." I continued to search for the right letters inside my head. Inside the head that hurt constantly and didn't remember what day it was. "Sad, but worse." I added. Moms didn't interrupt me as I continued searching. Talking wasn't this hard before I hurt my head, right? I didn't hurt my head, someone else did. "Dark sad, with bad thoughts."

"Can Momma and I do anything to help?" I shook my head a little. "Thank you for telling us." Stef squeezed my hand and wiped a tear off my cheek. "What are the bad thoughts?" I shrugged, it would have been easy to say that I wanted to die. But they didn't deserve to be hurt that way. They have been here forever and it would be awful that after everything they had done I could be so ungrateful that I wished I had just died.

"There's nothing you can say that will make us upset." Lena said softly, but that wasn't true. They would be devastated if I told them I was mad I didn't die. Someone knocked on the door before pushing it open and the nurse came in to give me medicine and help me get dressed for bed. "Do you want one of us to stay over tonight?" I shook my head and pushed my wheelchair away from the table.

"Love you, I'm okay." I insisted and directed all my attention to the nurse. The pills I had to take were all crushed up into a gross mixture of applesauce but it was only a few bites and I swallowed it quickly to get it over with. Moms hugged and kissed me before they left and the nurse pushed me into the bathroom, she took off my shoe and then undid the Velcro strap on the brace on my left ankle. She pulled a plastic bag over the cast on my right foot and taped it off. She pulled the loose shorts off and my underwear before I tried to raise my hands over my head to help her get my shirt off.

Even though I tried to help she had to hold my arm and push it through the shirt to get it off. She moved me into the plastic shower chair before wiping my body down with a soapy wash cloth and rinsing all the soap off. She grabbed a clean cloth and washed my face before drying me down with a towel.

"How was your day, Callie?" The nurse asked. I recognized her, I saw her multiple times a week, always at night. I think she stayed here all night.

"Okay. Moms were here." I explained as she pulled a shirt over my head, I winced a little as she pulled my arm through.

"Yeah, I saw them." She got me dressed and put me back in the wheelchair. She pushed me over to the mirror and put some toothpaste of my toothbrush before handing it to me. I brushed my teeth the best I could and she brushed my teeth after I finished just to make sure I got every tooth. "You have brothers and sisters, right?" She asked after wiping the sides of my mouth.

"Three brothers, one sister."

"Wow, that's a big family. What are they names?" She grabbed my hairbrush off the counter and started brushing.

"B-Brandon, Jesus, Mariana, and Jude."

"How old is everyone?" I thought of this question, I knew what she meant. I couldn't understand how to give her an answer though.

"I don't remember." I answered softly. She was careful to be gentle around the scar behind my ear, but it still hurt when she accidentally pulled too hard as she braided my hair and secured the end with a hair tie. This was the only time I really wore my hair back and you could see the edge of the scar on my neck.

"Okay, kiddo. Is that everything? How're you feeling?" The medications I had taken thirty minutes ago were starting to work. One of them had to be a sleeping pill because every time I was given my evening meds I got tired and fell asleep within an hour.

"I'm okay." I answered softly. She pulled back the covers on my bed and helped me get in. She tucked the blankets in around me and made sure the nurse call button was near me in case I needed help.

"Need anything else, Cal?" I shook my head as I tried to keep my eyes open. "Okay, night. I'm just outside your room, if you need me." She squeezed my shoulder and let herself out of my room. I stopped fighting the medication induced exhaustion and fell asleep.

Stef –

"Hey, Cal. How are you feeling today?" I asked as she came out of the bathroom. It's been a rough couple of days. Her troubles with emotional regulation just seemed to be getting worse and the addition of panic attacks meant she had been mildly sedated two more times since learning about Robert. Callie started to try and transition herself from the wheelchair to her bed, and I was too anxious to sit there and watch her try. I sat her on the bed and she rolled her eyes a little when she thought I couldn't see.

"Going home tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, you're coming home. Momma and I are going to take the rest of your stuff home tonight, and come pick you up in the morning after the doctors check you out." Cal nodded and held a stuffed animal close to her chest.

"Nervous." She muttered, as I sat on the edge of her bed.

"You know what? Momma and I are nervous too." I said honestly. Callie looked up with a slight smile.

"It's going to be okay, I'm okay."

"I know, baby." I stood up and grabbed Callie's shoe so I could take her to physical therapy, and so she couldn't see me cry. I pulled her sock on and carefully strapped up the orthotic brace before sliding her shoe over it and tying the laces. "Are you ready? Momma's already in there waiting on us."

"Yeah." I pushed Callie down the halls savoring each moment, how had we ended up here? Each moment we thought she was going to die, when doctors came to us with blank expressions and less than good news. When Callie was ripped away from us for a lifesaving surgery, when she opened her eyes, when she talked, when she moved. When she cried, when she laughed. The months that lead to these last few days of being under the care of someone else and now she was about to be ours again.

"Are you okay, mom?" Callie turned in her seat and looked up at me. I nodded and dried my eyes quickly as the door to the physical therapy room swung open. Her therapist took my spot behind Callie's chair and Lena squeezed my hand with a tight smile on her face. Lena and I fidgeted nervously as the therapists helped Callie warm up. A rounded shoe was strapped onto the cast and I could see the anxiety on Callie's face across the room.

"She's going to break down." I muttered, watching all the warning signs start to play across her face. She seemed to be breathing a little harder and her eyes had started to glaze over.

"She'll be fine, it makes sense she's nervous." Lena assured me.

Her physical therapist motioned for use to come over and we stood across from her as she shakily pulled herself to her feet. She now stood at one end of the room, holding tightly to her walker. I stretched out my arms as if she was a toddler. "Alright, Cal. You can do it." I encouraged.

"I'm right here, you won't fall." Her physical therapist had Callie's wheelchair with her. "I'll stand right behind you, if you feel like you're going to fall, you just sit down, okay?" Callie nodded once. She was terrified but determined. "When you're ready, we'll let go." Callie took a couple deep breaths and nodded slightly. The aides let go of her arms and Callie trembled a little, I felt a smile creep onto my face.

"I haven't done anything yet." Callie muttered, looking at me.

"You're doing great though." Lena stood there beside her and we waited. Callie picked up her right foot and it dragged across the ground a little. She tested putting pressure on her right leg, then took a quick step as if she was afraid to truly put all her weight on it. "That's awesome, Callie. You're doing it." Lena said brightly.

"C'mon, baby. You've got this." I whispered. I knew Callie couldn't hear me, but I just wanted her to make the five extra steps to me. I bounced from foot to foot as I resisted running to her. I wanted to cheer her on, but she needed to do this herself and I couldn't stand it. So much of this she needed to do herself. She took a few more awkward steps before she tried putting more weight on her right foot. The pressure caused her knee to begin to shake but Callie didn't seem concerned.

"Great job, keep going." Her therapist encouraged. Callie was a few steps away from me and tears began to well up in my eyes. She looked up and a shaky smile crossed her face. The next few minutes seemed to last forever as she took each step forward with a calculated effort, and shuffled the walker along.

When she finally made it to me I hugged her tightly and felt how proud she was radiating towards me. Lena wrapped her arms around the two of us and I heard Callie let out a small sob. "Hey, hey. You did it." I said quickly, drying her face. "I'm so proud of you. So proud." Her physical therapist came up and helped Callie sit in a chair as she started crying freely.

"You're amazing, Callie." Lena said squatting down in front of her. "What do you need? What's going on?"

"I'm, I'm." She struggled. "I'm happy, but I'm not."

"Yeah, that's okay." Lena assured her. "It's normal to have a lot of feelings, Mommy and I feel happy too. I cried." Lena squeezed Callie's hands together. "Should we get some ice cream to celebrate?"

"I don't know?" Callie wiped tears off her face quickly. The two of them continued talking and trying to work through Callie's feelings.

"If she doesn't calm down we can end the session a little early, just be prepared to give her some pain meds and ice later on today." I nodded to acknowledge what she said. "She can walk with the walker on the first floor of the house, with shoes on, but she's not ready to use it outside the house. If you guys decide to take a walk or something pick a place with pretty flat sidewalks, have at least two people there, and the chair just in case."

"Right, of course." I glanced back at Lena and Callie and saw them trying to work through a set of breathing exercises.

"With her standing and walking we need to be warry of seizures. Obviously her falling could be dangerous, but most importantly we don't want her to hit her head." I nodded and instantly thought of all the things that could go wrong if Callie hit her head. "Have you been able to identify some precursors to her seizures?"

"I think so, not all of them. Sometimes Callie notices a feeling, but other times she starts to act different before the seizure starts."

"Good, just have her lay down somewhere safe before it starts to minimize injury. But she's been doing really well on this current medication, so hopefully we continue to see improvements."

"Right, how long until you think she could do stairs? Her old bedroom was on the second floor, our bedroom is on the second floor. I just think she's going to be disappointed." I tried to explain. None of these people knew Callie before she got hurt, none of these people knew that after two days of being home Callie was going to be upset that she couldn't do anything on her own. "It would just mean the world to Callie if she had her old room back."

"I understand, but we still won't know. It'll depend on how quickly she can keep improving her strength. We'll keep working on it for sure." I nodded. Callie had seemed to pull herself together and the therapist excused herself. "Okay, Cal. Let me see you stand up again."

Callie pushed herself into a standing position, she stood for a minute then sat back down. Her therapist showed me and Lena how to hold the walker in place so Callie could stand up and it wouldn't move away from her. The therapist watched Callie walk on her own again but gave more instructions. She reminded Callie to bend her knee or lean on the walker. They did a few more exercises and the exhaustion was starting to become apparent in Callie's movements. She wasn't able to pick her feet up anymore and if she sat down right now I doubt she would have the strength to get back to a standing position.

"Great job." Her therapist congratulated. "Let's get you back to your room with some ice. Yeah?" Callie nodded and sank down into her wheelchair. Lena helped her get in bed as I helped the therapist cover her arms and legs with ice packs.

"How are you feeling, baby?" I asked as Callie's eyes rolled around lazily.

"Just, hurts." She muttered. "I want to go home."

"Hey, when you wake up tomorrow Momma and I will be here to take you home. For good." Callie nodded lazily and flinched. "Should I go get some medicine?" She made a short noise of confirmation and I kissed the top of her head before going out into the hall to get a nurse.

"Excuse me." I said walking up to the nurses' station.

"Hey, Stef. Crazy, Callie's going home tomorrow." The nurse said brightly, typing into the computer and filling out someone else's notes.

"Yeah, it's amazing, we'll have to get a picture tomorrow before Callie leaves." She nodded. "Callie just finished physical therapy, and she's hurting really bad. Can we get some muscle relaxers and maybe a mid-grade pain killer?"

"Of course, I'll get there in five minutes okay? Is it bad? I can get someone else to do it now if it's bad."

"I think she'll be okay for five more minutes." I went back to Callie's room and Callie hadn't moved yet. Lena was packing up the last of her things and had set up a movie on the TV mounted on the wall. Callie's eyes were mostly closed but she looked up when I walked back in. "Five minutes, let me know if it hurts too bad and I'll get someone in here faster." Callie just looked back at the TV.

"When's Callie's next ortho appointment?" Lena asked going through the shelves and trying to find things that belonged to Callie and not the rehab center.

"Two weeks. They'll remove the cast, start feedback therapy. Her next upcoming appointment is the eye doctor, I think." There was a knock on the door and a nurse walked in with a cup of pills.

"Moms this is a muscle relaxer, this is high milligram anti-inflammatory." I walked over to the cart she was standing at. She showed me the pills and confirmed what they were. I signed off on what she was about to give Callie and watched as she carefully crushed the pills and mixed them into half a container of applesauce. "Here you go, if she's still in a lot of pain in thirty minutes then come find someone." I nodded and walked over to Callie covered in ice.

"Can you sit up, baby?" Cal shook her head a little. I put the applesauce down and Lena came over to help pull Callie up into a seated position so she wouldn't choke. Callie groaned loudly and squeezed her eyes shut for a few moments. "Sorry, sorry. Deep breaths." Lena sat behind Callie so she had some support to lean on. Once Callie opened her eyes I put half the applesauce medicine mixture on a spoon. "It's going to taste gross, it's medicine." I warned her. She just opened her mouth and swallowed it quickly. She ate the last of the applesauce in a small handful of bites and Lena eased her back down into a laying position.

"Five more minutes with the ice." Lena let her know, checking to see how long she had been laying down for. We started working again and when Lena went to get the ice off her arms and legs five minutes later, Callie was sound asleep.

Jude –

A new school, for some reason this new school felt different. I had been to eight new schools if you counted the ones I hadn't even been in for more than a week. But maybe it was the tension we felt throughout the whole house. I put on the sports jacket that was part of the uniform moms bought for us last week, there was a stupid clip on tie that went with it and I combed through my hair

Jesus walked into the bedroom from the bathroom with his hair still dripping wet. He threw on the uniform without adding a belt and tucking the shirt in. The tie hung haphazardly off his neck but it was one of those things only Jesus would have been able to pull off. He still looked cool even though we were wearing the exact same clothes.

"Boys, downstairs, you have to eat now before we drop you off." I checked myself over one last time before taking a deep breath and jogging down the stairs. "You look so handsome." Lena kissed my forehead and placed a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of me. "And you, have the whole uniform on. Thank you for getting dressed." She said with a chuckle as Jesus slid next to me.

"New backpacks, Jesus I expect you to use the planner." Stef said, placing them beside each of us. "Where's Brandon?" Lena gestured upstairs and Stef went up there with his backpack in hand.

"Why can't I get my old backpack?"

"It's still in evidence, I don't know if you'll ever get it back buddy." Lena said softly, this was obviously not something that she wanted to talk about today. Today needed to go perfectly. I finished my breakfast before everyone else so that I could go through my backpack and make sure all my things I needed were inside.

"Alright, boys, in the car. Mariana are you sure you're okay being home alone? Momma can take the day off work."

"I'm fine, have a good day!" She called from upstairs.

"Jude, here's your lunch." Lena handed me a brown paper bag that had a heart drawn on it in sharpie. I stuffed it into my backpack and followed Jesus out to the car. Momma kissed each of us and got into her own car to drive to work.

"Okay, Jesus, where's your backpack?" Stef asked looking back into the backseat at all of us.

"Shit." He shouted, jumping out of the car and running back into the house.

"Language!" Stef called out after him.

"Are we going to be late?" I asked as Stef looked at her watch anxiously.

"No, I just have to get to the station after this. You guys are fine though." Jesus ran back into the car and we pulled out of the driveway. I was suddenly struck with how odd it was to be going to a different school without Callie, or just to be going back to school after everything that has happened. The car was silent, no music was playing and a word hadn't been said since we pulled out of the driveway.

Mom pulled the car over a block away from the school, we could see the hoard of students in jackets and ties with shiny shoes. A line of cars much nicer than ours wound around the corner. I ran my hands through newly cut hair and tried to straighten my tie. My heart pounded in my chest and Stef cleared her throat.

"Are you guys okay?" She asked turning in her seat. "If you're not ready for this, I understand." Her eyes locked with each of ours for a brief moment.

"We're ready mom." Jesus said with a strength I wished I had.

"Okay?" I nodded and glanced out the window at kids laughing and smiling. "Well, you guys know Callie gets home today. She'll be home when you get in from school, Momma's picking you guys up from school."

"We'll be okay, I promise." Brandon said, reaching across and holding mom's hand.

"I know, I know. I love you, I love all of you. Call me if you need me, or call Momma." Stef was worried, she was so worried that something terrible would happen to us. "Callie will probably be tired when she gets home, remember her bedroom is on the first floor right now so keep your voices down. We're all just going to take it a step at a time, right?"

"Mommy, we're going to be late." I said softly.

"You're right, you're right." Stef took a deep breath and began to move the car again. She pulled up to the front of the school and Brandon leaned across and hugged mom before getting out of the car. I kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her before climbing out of the car. Jesus was in there the longest and seemed to be hugging mom tightly before getting out.

"Okay, everyone's got their schedules?" Brandon asked looking down at his. I checked mine even though I had memorized the layout of the building and where my classes were. This was my first school without Callie, I had to handle this.

"See you at lunch, right Brandon?" Jesus asked, walking into the building without checking his schedule. We followed Jesus and my feet took me where I was supposed to go. I waved at Brandon as he walked past my classroom. I stepped inside and looked around, only half the seats were filled and students were still pouring into the room.

"Jude?" A kind voice popped up behind me. I jumped and turned around and saw a kind woman about the same age at moms. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. This seat over here is going to be yours. And I'll show you your locker, okay?" I nodded and she went and pulled out a long list of lockers and combinations with names beside them. There were only a few lockers at the end of the list without names on them and she gestured for me to follow her back out to the hallway.

"Thanks." I tried to say brightly, but my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and placed most of my things in my locker.

"Are you nervous?" She asked softly and I could tell she knew that I was from Anchor Beach.

"Just a little, but I've been to lots of new schools before." I cracked her a smile and closed my locker.

"Okay, well you can always talk to me if you need something." We went back into the classroom where everyone was now sitting in their seats chatting with each other. I sank into my seat and tried to be invisible.

Being invisible was something I was pretty good at, and other than the teacher for first period, no other teachers seemed to care much about me. They showed me an empty seat and I focused on the lesson, Lena had worked hard to try and catch me up to the material that they were working on in class and she had done really well. But it was one of those times that I hated how hard learning was for me. All the other kids were quick to answer questions as I was still writing them down in my notebook. I glided through the school day without talking to anyone and tried to understand as much of the class work as I could so Lena wouldn't have to stay awake with me all night and work on homework.

I had a notebook full of notes, handouts, and worksheets. I tried to not get overwhelmed by it as I walked towards the cafeteria. So much work needed to be done, the real world had continued without me, school had continued without me. Everything that had happened at Anchor Beach and with Callie seemed to happen in another world. These people had no idea who we are or that we were from Anchor Beach and they didn't care.

I found an empty table in the cafeteria and sat down so I could see the entire lunch room. I pulled out my lunch and felt a little better when I saw the heart drawn on it. There was a post-it note on my sandwich that said, 'We love you, have a great day. Moms' I smiled a little and watched as groups of kids sat together.

This had never happened before, I had been the weird kid, but never the weird kid without Callie. I took a bite of my sandwich and accidentally locked eyes with a kid staring at me, I dropped my gaze back to my note and focused on that as I made my way through my lunch. I ate as slowly as I could trying to work my way through the lunch hour so there was no time left for me to be bored.

A hand reached across the table and snatched the note from under my gaze. I jumped up and reached for it instinctively, but someone held the note further away. He had white blonde hair and an honors pin gleamed brightly on his chest. He obviously was on some sort of sports team, he had a slightly arrogant stance to him and the friend that stood behind him laughed.

"Moms?" He asked reading the note in a baby voice. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Kid is a faggot." His friend doubled over in laughter and my ears burned red. "He's got two moms."

"So what?" I muttered, I tried to find some strength to put behind the words but there was none.

"He doesn't even deny it." They roared in laughter. "Are your moms hot?" I felt my face contort in disgust as the thought crossed my mind.

"What, are you gay too?"

"So what if I am? You want to go on a date or something?" I snapped. Two hands hit me in the middle of my chest, pushing me back over the bench attached to the table. I flipped over it and landed hard on the tile floor. My lunch scattered onto the floor around me. The blonde one pinned me onto the floor and poured water over me before stuffing the note from moms into his pocket.

"Don't ever look at me or talk to me again or I'll fucking kill you." He growled pushing hard on my chest. I didn't answer, but that seemed fine for him. He walked away as a teacher neared the table.

"What's happening over here?"

"The new kid fell over and I tried to help him, but he doesn't want it." The blonde kid lied so smoothly I couldn't believe it. The teacher nodded and looked down at me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I picked up my ruined lunch and threw everything away. I walked out of the lunch room and went into a bathroom as far away from the lunch room as I could possibly get. I huge mustard stain was on my shirt and the collar of my dress shirt was drenched. I took my shirt off and tried to wash the mustard stain in the sink, but that only made the rest of my shirt wet and the mustard stain a faint yellow.

I put my shirt back on as the bell rang and buttoned up my blazer trying to hide the damage but it was pointless. I smoothed my hair out of my face and took a deep breath as I walked out into the hall and towards my next classroom. I held my books in front of my stained shirt until I walked into my next classroom and looked around for a seat.

"Young man?" A harsh voice called out as I searched for a seat.

"Yes?" I looked towards a man in a stiff grey suit at the front of the class.

"You must be Jude." I nodded, he raised an eyebrow and looked me up and down. "You have a lot to learn here. We keep our appearances neat and clean, I'm going to give you detention, tonight."

"Okay." He glared at me.

"Yes, sir." I tried again. He pursed his lips together and I knew he didn't like me.

"You can sit there." He pointed to a desk directly in front of his own and I took it without complaint. I pulled out my notebook and pen and was as attentive as I could possibly be without trying to draw more attention to myself.

"Where do I need to go for detention, sir?" I asked as everyone else filed out of the classroom.

"You'll go to the library. I want you to finish a report on the materials we went over today, and if you can't go to lunch without being a slob maybe bring clean clothes to school."

"Yes, sir." I responded automatically and nodded in agreement with his suggestion. He turned away from me and I took it as a cue to continue on to my next class, I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. I wanted to go home.

Callie was coming home today and I was going to be late. Moms were going to be mad that I got detention, they would be mad I got detention because a kid poured water on me. If I told them a kid poured water on me then I would have to tell them what he called me. I'll just tell them I was late to a class because I got lost, I didn't want them to worry.

"What happened to you?" Jesus' voice called across the hall with a bit of a chuckle.

"I got detention, I was late to class." I rolled my eyes and tried to play it off. Jesus stared at the stains on my shirt, but seemed to decide not to ask any questions. "I'm going to tell moms, please don't tell them about the shirt, okay?"

"Yeah, I've got you." I started to walk towards my locker. "Jude." I turned. "You okay?" I smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jesus hesitated again, but just gave a little nod and I continued towards my locker.

It's crazy to think about how far this story has gotten, thanks so much for reading! I'll keep working on it! Please review if you have time!

Kodi