I enter my apartment, lifeless besides the sleeping, greatly aged cat on my couch. Yokozawa brought him over a couple days ago since he was visiting him family for a couple days. Which reminds me... I should probably call him today and wish him a Merry Christmas.

I decide to push it off until later, grab a beer, and lay across the couch, pushing the cat out of the way with my feet. He decided to get up and slowly walk to my room. Geez… you would think such a small thing wouldn't require so much space.

I take a sip of my beer and lay my head down, closing my eyes. Ritsu and I got up pretty early this morning. I wanted to stay in until at least noon. I smile to myself at the thought. In reality he barely agrees to sleep with me at all! It would be so nice to stare into his peaceful, unconscious face for just a couple hours, while I stroke his hair and give him faint kisses on his forehead. It'd be much better than waking up to him screaming at me.

Oh Ritsu… it seems like he'll never open up enough to see how much I love him. Not just his body to use as some sex toy, but him. He doesn't truly understand how much I want to wake up with him pressed against my chest every morning, or be able to give him kisses whenever I want without him pushing me away, or spend the rest of my life with him. He doesn't understand that I've been impatient up to now because I'm tired of counting the seconds until he confesses his love to me. But he can deny it as long as he likes, I've waited this long to have my one true love back in my life, and there's no way in hell I'm giving up now.

And he has been opening up much more lately. I almost ran over to his house and kissed him to death when I got that text this morning. Although it did make me very discouraged to see that he was drunk by the time I did get there… I guess I should have ran over there when I had the chance. How much of the day today was he drunk, exactly? I'm not turning him into an alcoholic, am I? Maybe we had a rough night… but I think he was really touched by the gift I gave him. It didn't take me long to remember what book it was that I had helped him reach that day. I remember almost everything about Ritsu in high school. I guess I was a little obsessed with him even before he told me he was obsessed with me.

I drink some more and hear my phone buzzing on the table. I pick it up, looking at the screen displaying a text from Ritsu- You left some of your clothes here. I'll return them before I leave in about ten minutes.

I smile at seeing Ritsu being concerned with returning my clothes. I wonder how much courage it took him to send that text. Then I frown, thinking about how I probably won't be able to see him until tomorrow.

I guess I've been impatient with that too… even if he does confess to me and we start living together as a married couple, I can't expect to be able to keep him within my eyesight all the time. As much as I just want to hold him right next to me forever, he has a life just as well as I do. Before I saw him at Marukawa, he had been living next to me for a whole year and I didn't even notice! And that was only because of our work schedules!

But I just wouldn't be able to handle it if one day he walked out of his apartment and abandoned me. I'd be completely lost and confused… he's been my entire world since high school. He's my motivation for getting out of bed and going to work every morning, just so I can see him. So I can see him safe and secure right next to me, not trying to leave. But as they say… what is a relationship without trust? I have to trust that he won't run away from me again, because if I don't then he definitely will.

"Meow." I look down at Sorata seeming perturbed at me for stealing his spot. I chuckle and scratch behind his ear, "Sorry Sorata, the only one allowed to share this couch with me is Ritsu."

I've kissed Ritsu a few times on this couch, haven't I? We've even done some dirty stuff on here too…

I look away from my cat, not really wanting to look at him when I think about doing dirty stuff with Ritsu. How I love the look of his closed eyes and his blushing face, his tousled hair against the pillows as I made sweet love to him. Just one hand on his bare chest was all it took for Ritsu to transform from my defiant, ignorant love to my vulnerable, powerless lover. It's just so sexy, it takes every drop of self-control I can possibly conjure up to keep me from fucking him into oblivion. Even then Ritsu says I'm rough, but I don't see him actually complaining about it, so I can just assume he enjoys it.

I've always wanted to ask him what exactly about me turns him on so much, but like he'd ever tell me that! Maybe one day I'll ask him in that vulnerable state… that's the only time he ever has enough courage to talk about his feelings for me. He still doesn't say he loves me, but he leaves me hints that give me hope that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, he'll outright confess his love to me. I see it in the girl books I edit all the time, the inferior girl looks up her superior significant other and, despite her obvious embarrassment, shown through her blush and sweat drops, outright says "I love you." When I see it at work I daydream about the inferior one being Ritsu and the superior one being me, and sometimes other coworkers even end up noticing (but I've never told Ritsu… I'm keeping it a secret to tell on our future honeymoon).

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear knocking on my door. I get up, almost stepping on the cat that was in my way, and head to the door. Onodera is at the door with a plastic bag with my clothes in it. I could see that he was well practiced in cleaning himself up from a hungover mess. Looking down from me he hands over the bag "I would have washed them if I had the chance but I kind of have to hurry so... here…" he seems confused for a moment, and tries to leave without so much as a 'goodbye'. Like I'll have that, I thought. I drop the bag on the floor and pull him back into a tight hug. I cup the back of his head and gently press it against my chest, leaning down a little so I can inhale his fresh scent. I can see him embarrassed, balling up his hands and blushing like crazy. How cute, I thought with a smile.

"Oi… I really have to go or I'll miss the train…". He pushes back a little and I take the chance to give him a non-to-rough kiss. He doesn't really resist, and I could even hear a faint sound of him moaning. I pull back and ask "A little drowsy, huh?"

He still doesn't look at me "Y-yeah… and also kind of tired."

"Alright, I'll let you go then." Doing the exact opposite, I cup his chin and bring my face closer to him, smiling, "I'll miss you."

He blushes more and I let him go. "O-okay… bye…" He hesitates, but dashes down the hall and almost runs straight into the wall with the elevator button. I chuckle and wait at the door to see him get in safe. I keep the same smile and he keeps the same blush, and we make eye contact again just before the elevator closes.

I close my door and walk back to my couch, seeing Sorata has taken over again. Feeling in a good mood I say, "Okay but only for a couple hours until I start missing Ritsu again."

I sit on the floor, leaning my back against the couch and pick up my drink, "Merry Christmas to me…"