Prompt: Auntie Nora and Uncle Ren are babysitting their god child, they decide, much to Nora's pleading, to go to ihop. (rest of the prompt omitted due to minor spoilers)

Pairing: Lie Ren/Nora Valkyrie

"Reeeeeeeen."

No response.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen."

Still nothing but running water and the scratching of sponge against ceramic.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen…"

"Nora, I can hear you," the man gently informed the head resting on his shoulder. Nora's hair tickled his neck as she slowly ground her chin into his shoulder. He ignored both sensations, instead continuing to wash the cake-batter-encrusted bowl in his hands.

"We're hungry, Ren!" his wife moaned, arms wrapped like a vice around his ribs.

"No, you're hungry. We just ate dinner an hour ago."

"I'm hungry too, Uncle Ren!" called a smaller voice from his other side. A little hand patted at Ren's right leg, hoping to get his attention too.

Ren was no fool. He was well aware that the boy was lying, though not with cruel intentions. Little Septimus was always easily persuaded to go along with his godmother's antics. She wasn't trying to be manipulative, either, the pair simply fed off their combined childish energy. A passing idea could easily become an obsession, and Ren had the unfortunate task of keeping the pair from committing felonies. Sep would get off pretty easily, but Nora didn't need any more arrests.

However… it was just going out to dinner. The pair had certainly come up with more dangerous ideas in the past, and in comparison this was incredibly tame. At this point, his resistance was simply a formality. And Nora knew it.

With a slow and heavy sigh, Ren shook his head. "Alright, what do you want to eat, th—"

"IHOP!"

Well, that answered that question.

Sep eagerly claimed an entire side of the booth to himself, arms and legs sprawled out to keep anyone from sitting beside him with a cheerful cry of "my side!" Nora dropped into the opposing bench, bouncing on the cusioned seat in excitement.

"Well, this is our side!" she proclaimed, pulling Ren down beside her. "No babies allowed! Right, Ren?"

"Something like that."

A young man in a blue apron made his way over to their table. He looked exhausted from a long day, but kept up a surprisingly genuine smile.

"Anything I can get you all to drink?"

"Chocolate milk," Sep stated decisively, barely letting the man finish his words.

"Same," quipped Nora as the man fumbled with his pen, his smile slipping a bit. "And Ren wants lemonade with no ice."

The employee glanced at Ren, who simply nodded. There was little worse than watered-down lemonade.

"R-right, that was, two chocolate milks and one lemonade with no ice?" The employee scribbled the order down. "Anything else I can get you?"

"Why yes, I think there is something you can get us," Nora said slyly. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table and tenting her fingers as she looked up at the bewildered employee. Across from them, Septimus stifled a giggle.

"Ah, yes, what would that be?"

"Pancakes. And lots of them."

"Pancakes! All pancakes!" Sep cried, unable to contain his hyperactive glee. Nora gave him a thumbs up for the idea.

"What he said! Bring us all the pancakes you have!"

"Well, um…"

The employee looked distinctly uncomfortable, and looked at Ren beseechingly. The dark-haired man sighed and decided to take pity on him.

"Two pick-your-pancake combos. First combo is double blueberry with bacon, the second is original buttermilk with bacon. We'll also have a Silver 5, from the kid's menu."

After the employee wrote down the order and scurried off, Nora kicked Ren in the leg.

"Spoilsport!" she grumbled.

"Yeah, spoilsport!" Sep agreed, simply for the sake of agreeing.

"If you ate all of the pancakes here," Ren warned the boy, "you might explode."

"No I won't!"

"I've seen it before. In this very restaurant, in fact…"

By the time the employee returned with their food, Ren had both Nora and Sep wide-eyed and hanging onto his every word.

"What color were his guts?" Sep asked, both horrified and fascinated by the story.

"The most disgusting red and purple you can imagine," Ren informed him matter-of-factly, holding a hand up to refuse a stack of pancakes. "Those are for him, the Silver 5 are mine. Thank you."

"Ewww…" Nora moaned, grabbing her plate eagerly from the man. Apparently the mental image wasn't enough to spoil her appetite, at least.

However, by the look on her face, the first bite did it for her. Nora spat the pancake out immediately, dropping her fork on the table with a startling clatter.

"What's wrong?" Ren was quite concerned. Not much could make Nora turn her nose up at a pancake with the first bite, so it had to be serious.

He was even more alarmed when Sep made a face as well. Their godson didn't spit his out, but the boy certainly didn't look happy.

"It's not cooked all the way!" Nora whined, staring at her plate as though it had personally insulted her.

Ren prodded his smaller pancakes with his fork. They seemed fine, but he knew from experience that a smaller pancake would cook faster than full-sized ones.

Before he knew how to react, Nora had scrambled up onto the table and leapt off, making a beeline for the kitchen.

"C'mon, Sep, let's teach them how to cook right!"

"Nora, no!"

Ren rested his head on the steering wheel as he listened to the wail of the smoke detectors and the distant siren of the fire truck. Beside him, Nora was laughing hysterically, and Sep couldn't stop giggling.

"Syrup for the pancakes!"
"Syrup for the pancake gods!"

"…Sep, you know the rules, right?" Ren asked the boy, still not lifting his head from the steering wheel.

"Yeah, don't tell Mommy and Dad what we do!"

"That goes double for today."

full prompt: Auntie Nora and Uncle Ren are babysitting their god child, they decide, much to Nora's pleading, to go to ihop. It ends (how it happens is up to you) with the ihop on fire and nora and god child chanting "Syrup for the Pancake gods!".

is that not the best fucking prompt you have ever read

also, Jaune and Pyrrha (Sep's parents) hear about a fire at the local IHOP. They get suspicious.
Sep acts shifty and refuses to answer questions.
They try to call Nora, but she starts laughing the moment they mention IHOP.
They try to call Ren, but he declines their calls.