(What's the proper etiquette for this stuff, anyway? Well, start at the top, I guess). Oh, hey, hi! Glad you came. Welcome! This idea came to me when playing the game, or, more specifically, when recruiting different Shepherds. I mean, you as the player know that they're good guys, but Chrom talking to some of them and then being all "you look alright, welcome to the Shepherds!" no questions asked was a bit funny. You'd think the guy would take some precautions or something. So that's where this came from.

Enjoy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The times weren't so desperate yet, but they were getting there. Bandit raids were increasing and the Plegian king was clearly planning something. Hell, he was sending his bandits to raid Ylisse just for shits and giggles! In such troubling times, the state would usually put its army on high alert. However, Ylisse's pacifist Exalt demobilized the country's army save for a small group called the Shepherds. Tough as they were, they were still outnumbered by the Plegians. The Shepherds needed more recruits to help defend the country and keep the peace. Yet despite the coming storm on the horizon, no one in Ylisse thought that it was important to maybe start looking for recruits to increase the Shepherds' manpower and vet said recruits to ensure no spies got into their ranks.

That is, until now.

Robin wasn't entirely sure what happened or how he got where he was. There was Chrom. Robin was grateful to his newfound friend, he really was, but he thought that Chrom was too trusting for his own good. Robin was just a man who happened to have some tactical skill lying face down in the middle of some field. Clearly, the only right answer was to make him the head tactician of your country's only fighting force. Robin was also apparently the only one qualified and capable of scouting for, and vetting, potential new Shepherds. It's just a good thing that Robin was who he said he was and not a spy, or an assassin, or some sort of ancient malevolent entity hell-bent on destroying the world…or something.

All of these thoughts raced through Robin's head…then promptly left once he was led into his office. His. Office. He had his own office! It came with books, a desk and everything! Robin couldn't remember being this excited in his entire life (that wasn't really saying much, but hey. New office). So, after settling in (read: sitting at the desk), Robin decided that he would get to work interviewing the Shepherds. And the first one up was…

"So, Frederick, was it?"

The knight glared. "Robin, I know you know very well who I am."

"Yes, I know who you are. And I know that you know that I know who you are. The name check is just a formality."

Frederick sighed. "Why did you call me down here?"

"A good question! As you know, Chrom made me the official tactician of the Shepherds. He has also charged me with interviewing and recruiting new members. While I'm at it, I figured that I'd also interview existing Shepherds and see if there are any spies amongst our ranks. It's also a great way to get to know everyone, don't you think?"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The mere thought of there being spies among the Shepherds is–"

"See, you know that, but I don't know that. For all I know, they could be very dedicated spies and actors. Maybe even you could be a spy!"

Frederick didn't dignify the accusation with a response.

"Aw, don't be like that, Fredericson! Think of this as a...a job interview and a team building exercise all in one. It'll give me the chance to assess the abilities of the Shepherds as well as getting to know them better. And you're the first one that I called! Doesn't that make you feel special?" Robin smiled cheerfully. "Now let's get started. Convince me that you're not a spy and that I shouldn't fire you."

"Firstly, please do not call me by that ridiculous name. Secondly, milord Chrom may have made you our tactician, but that doesn't give you the authority of firing anyone. And third–"

"Oh, but I think it does," Robin said as he reached into his coat and pulled out a piece of paper. "BEHOLD!"

Frederick blinked. "…A shopping list?"

"That's right! A–wait, what?" Robin looked at the piece of paper in his hand. "Oh. Huh. How did that get here? Hold on..." He then proceeded to rummage through his coat pockets, taking out various pieces of paper, tomes, daggers, and other assorted trinkets.

All the while, Frederick sat in a chair in front of the desk, watching the pile of things growing larger and wondering how the tactician managed to fit everything in his coat.

After a few minutes of fumbling, Robin finally found what he was looking for. "Ah ha! Found you! Read it and weep, Frederick!"

The knight read the document shoved in front of his face.

"This is…a decree by lord Chrom. It officially appoints you as our tactician."

"Yes. It is and it does. It's all official, too, with the royal seal and everything. See it? See it? It's right there. Anyway, as your official tactician, this decree gives me the authority to 'take any and all actions to ensure the integrity and combat readiness of the Shepherds.' That, and a bunch of other things."

Frederick paled. "I…suppose it does."

"So! I guess that gives me the authority to do preeeetty much whatever I want, including firing you! But only for the greater good of the Shepherds. Now come on Freds, convince me not to fire you. What makes you an essential part of the Shepherds? Tell me all about yourself and your skills." Robin put on a bright, innocent smile and stared expectantly at Frederick.

The knight sighed. He never doubted his lord's decisions, but appointing Robin as the official tactician and giving him free reign over the Shepherds was highly questionable…as was Robin's state of mind. However, as a knight, it wasn't his duty to question Chrom's judgment.

"Very well. As you know, I am an experienced knight of Ylisse and have been with the Shepherds for many years."

"Uh-huh."

"I have served in the Ylissean army and seen much action in the previous war against Plegia."

"Uh-huh."

"I have also taken it upon myself to pass on my experiences to the next generation of knights and Shepherds. I constantly train them to be in top physical and mental condition to maximize their combat readiness."

"Uh-huh."

"You don't seem very interested."

"Hm? Oh, no. I'm listening and stuff. It's just…what makes you so special?"

Frederick blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"See, I figure that if I'm going to be conducting interviews for all current and potential Shepherds, I'm going to be hearing a lot of impressive portfolios. I mean, we need the best of the best, right? So everyone who we'll encounter is going to have some kind of awesome long list of accomplishments. In order to distinguish between all of these people, I need some kind of distinguishing factor. Something that makes a person stand out, be it a specific skill, a random quirk or something to set them apart from the crowd. So Frederick, what's yours?"

"…You want me to tell you about my quirks?" the knight asked incredulously.

"Or specific skills! Something specific to you or something that only you can do," Robin replied brightly.

Before Frederick could say anything, Robin's stomach growled.

"Oh hey, sorry about that. Feels like I haven't eaten in forever! Let me just find something to eat here…" Robin reached into his pocket and fished out a fistful of jerky. "Okay, back to the topic at hand: what are your unique traits? What do you do in your spare time? Wait, don't you collect pebbles or something?"

"No. I don't know where you got that ridiculous idea. I simply march ahead and clear a path. In my spare time, I inspect our weapons, train, patrol clean the premises and start fires."

Robin quirked an eyebrow. "You start fires? Have to say, didn't think you had an arsonist under that stern, gruff exterior."

"You misunderstand Robin, I meant campfires. I find them most relaxing."

Robin sighed. "Oh. That's way less fun. But I suppose it's something. You know what else is something? This bear jerky. It's really, really good and chewy! You've got to try it." Robin offered Frederick a few pieces of jerky.

"I…think I'll decline," said the knight as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"What? Come on. Don't worry about supplies, I got more where these came from. Now try some! The power of jerky compels you…" Robin waved the jerky in front of Frederick's face.

"No, thank you."

"Come on."

"No."

"Come oooon."

"No."

"Aw, why not? You allergic to jerky or something?"

"…"

Robin's eyes widened in realization. "Really? Allergic to jerky?"

"Well, not exactly allergic. It's just I've rarely been able to choke down wild game, and bear least of all. For some reason it upsets my stomach."

"I see…"

"Yes, if there is nothing el–"

"I now believe more than ever that you have to eat this jerky."

For the second time in as many minutes, Frederick wondered whether Robin was truly sane.

"I…don't understand."

"It's simple, really," said Robin matter-of-factly. "The way I see it, there's something big on the horizon. Storm clouds gathering, etc, etc. I predict a war. And you know what happens during times of war? Shortages. Shortages of everything imaginable, including meat. So what happens when we're in the middle of a campaign, short on every kind of meat imaginable and the only thing on the menu is bear. Are you going to be all 'oh, but I can't eat bear because of my condition wah wah wah'? You know what happens to a soldier when he fights and doesn't eat? He dies, that's what! Are you going to be that soldier Frederick? The one that dies not by enemy action, but because he didn't' man up and change his diet?"

"Robin, while your reasoning is sound, I don't think tha–"

"FREDERICK! Are you a knight of Ylisse?"

"Yes." The answer was immediate.

"Are you willing to do anything and everything to fulfill your duty as a knight of Ylisse?"

"Yes."

"Are you willing to lay down your life in the name of Ylisse and the Exalt?!"

"Yes!"

"ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY TO YOUR EXALT AND YOUR COUNTRY BY EATING THIS JERKY?"

Frederick stood up, grabbed the jerky strips from Robin's hand and stared at them with a fiery expression in his eyes.

"For the Exalt! FOR YLISSE!" He then proceeded to stuff the jerky into his mouth and chew it with frightening abandon.

"…"

"…"

Robin cleared his throat. "So...how do you feel?"

"I…I…" Frederick looked uncertain before suddenly covering his mouth with his hand and running out of Robin's office. After a few moments, loud vomiting noises could be heard all along the hallway, punctuated by groans.

"Huh. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said that bear meat upsets his stomach. Well, at least he isn't a spy! Eating bear meat knowing it provokes such a violent reaction. That's what I call dedication!"

Robin sat down and made some notes on his roster. "Hmm, guess I should tell him he's not fired."

More groans and vomiting noises.

"…Eventually."

(Do people even read these?) Well, there you have it. I plan to do these for all the Shepherds. Length will probably vary widely.

Side note: I've read a few stories here and there, noticed a few things and came to a conclusion. While I like cool, down to earth Robin and love jerkbag Robin, I think my favorite Robin is when he's weird and somewhat crazy. Very much fun.

So, yes. Thanks for reading. Reviews would be appreciated.