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Prologue

Belle Meade, Tennessee
1996

In a strange room, in a strange house, in a strange city, a little girl lay in the dark staring at the ceiling with concentration. Her daddy had always told her eyes adjust in the dark, so she knew she just had to wait a little while until she could see better – she was supposed to be sleeping, like Grandmother Abigail said, but she couldn't.

The bed was too big, and it had a huge, fancy canopy. It looked like a fairytale princess's bed, but it felt like sleeping in the fairytale villain's bed, because she hadn't ever slept here before, and it was all so frilly and pink and sparkly – not like her small bed at home.

She missed that bed. She missed Daddy, too, because she didn't think he would have made her leave her day time summer camp to drive a million miles away from home – well, it was twelve hours in grown-up time, but it felt like one million miles to a six-year-old.

Jenny Shepard sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes hard, widening them – there, now she could see! She could see a shadowy, extravagant dollhouse, and frilly curtains, and a fancy chair, and all kinds of things – Grandmother Abigail had said this was Jenny's Mother's old room. Jenny wondered where Mommy was going to sleep if her bed was taken.

She frowned a moment – she wasn't sure if she was supposed to call Mommy – Mommy anymore. Her mother had been frustrated and sharp and mean in the car, and when she bought Jenny a Happy Meal she said –

"Do you have to call me that?"

-in a wary voice when Jenny had said 'thank you, Mommy.'

She didn't know what else to call her, though. Her name was Kimberly, but kids weren't supposed to call their parents by their real person names. It would be silly if she called her dad Jasper – and Dad called Kimberly 'Kimmy,' but Jenny definitely didn't want to say that.

She sighed and looked around – there weren't any stuffed animals, and Mommy hadn't packed her favorite one, the Panda Daddy had brought back from his last deployment. She narrowed her eyes, pouting to herself – Daddy never would have forgotten Peeps the Panda.

She decided she wanted a glass of water. She hoped Grandmother Abigail was up, or Grandfather – they would be nice to her and maybe give her a hug or a cookie with the water. Mommy would just be annoyed, and Jenny didn't like to annoy her – but her mother was always irritated, so Jenny just tried to be quiet and stay away from her.

It was much harder when Daddy was deployed.

The six-year-old hopped out of bed, smiling a little at the big drop and wiggling her bare feet in the plush carpet. She shivered, and darted towards the door, opening it a crack. She blinked in the harsh hallway light, and tiptoed towards the stairs. She got a few steps down, listening sneakily, when she heard voices.

"—out of the question!"

"I'm not asking, Mother," snapped a tight, brittle voice. "I'm telling you what I'm doing – "

That was definitely Mommy – she always sounded like that, unless she was with her friends or in a rare good mood around her daughter. Jenny sat down on the steps, waiting – she wanted to hear Mommy go away before she found her grandmother.

Her grandfather chimed in –

"Kimberly, you're upset – you're stressed, stop talking nonsense – "

"It's not nonsense, and I am upset! I am stressed! I didn't want this!"

"You certainly made no responsible efforts to prevent it," snapped Grandmother in a terrible hiss. "You have a duty. You have a daughter, and she needs you –"

"Why are you trying to make me stay?" sneered Mommy. "You constantly tell me what a shit mother I am; both of you prefer Jasper to me – and she'd be better off without me – she drives me insane, she always wants something – "

"She's a child, she needs to be cared for! She needs – "

"Jasper can do it. Jasper's the one who didn't want to – "

"Kimberly Bernadette Shepard, you will not utter another word of that sentence!"

There was some huffy silence, and Jenny hugged herself, sucking in her breath. She felt very small – smaller than she was, and she wanted to run away, but she was afraid they would hear her. She didn't want them to know she was there, either – Mommy – Kim-ber-ly – would just get twice as mad if she knew.

"I'm barely twenty-five – I don't want the rest of my life to be – "

"Jennifer is your life," Grandmother snapped boldly. "Twenty-five is not at all that terrible young - women used to have babies at your age-"

"I don't even like the name Jennifer!" Kimberly shouted. "And - they started when they were twenty-five; my kid's fucking six!"

"You sound like nothing more than a spoiled child, you, a grown woman with a young daughter – "

"I can't do it," Mommy said, loud and sharp, like always. "I don't want to, and I can't. Jasper is the only one who might stop me, and he's not here," she said nastily. "He's always off; he leaves me alone with her, and I have to do all the work – "

"For God's sake, Kimberly, he's deployed! The man is in a war zone – "

"He could have quit the military for me!" Kimberly whined.

Jenny put her hands near her ears, still waiting for it to stop. She hoped they'd stop yelling soon – she knew, she always had a bad feeling in her stomach, she knew that Mommy didn't like her very much, and she knew Daddy was better at taking care of her, but she was still scared.

What if Mommy gave her away to a different family and she never saw her dad again?

"I won't be here in the morning," Mommy growled stubbornly. "You can't stop me – I'll sign my rights over, but I'm gone – just take her, okay, Mother? Dad? You can have a do-over, maybe she'll turn out better!"

"Don't do this," Grandfather said tiredly. "You can get a divorce, Kim, you can hand over custody, but don't run out of her life – "

"I don't want to be in her life!"

Jenny got up quickly and took a huge, deep breath, deciding to come down the stairs. It had gotten to another quiet moment, and she hopped down them, turning a corner and running into Grandfather's legs.

He turned, startled. Grandmother made a gasping noise and – Mommy groaned. She sounded as annoyed as always.

Jenny clutched at her shirt and sidled up to her grandfather, putting her head against his knee.

"Can I have a cup of water?" she asked politely, keeping her voice soft. She winced a little, rubbing her head. "I don't feel good," she added.

She had a hollow, mean feeling in her stomach. It didn't feel sick-bad, but it didn't feel good.

The next thing she knew, her grandmother was turning away with her mouth covered, and Grandfather was sweeping Jenny up into strong arms, smiling at her as if everything was well, and nodding.

He turned, and Jenny shifted, turning her head. She looked at her mother – they had the same colour eyes, and Jenny smiled at her a little, her eyes wide.

"Are we going back to Georgetown?" she asked hopefully.

Her mother rubbed her forehead, staring at Jenny. She looked away, and then pulled at her hair – it was a bright red now, dyed, and cut shorter – edgy, she'd heard her mother call it. She had dyed it in a bathroom sink in the Georgetown house after Daddy left, while she and her friend smoked something smelly.

She came forward and patted Jenny's arm awkwardly.

"You're going to stay here," she said, with almost no effort at sweetness or obfuscation. "You stay with Grammy. Mommy needs a break from you," she said softly – and her teeth were set funny, so it sounded tight, and forced.

Grandmother grabbed Mommy – no, Kimberly. It was probably good to call her Kimberly. She didn't like being Mommy. Grandmother grabbed Kimberly hard and shoved her back, her face dark.

"What did you just say to that precious child you insolent, filthy – "

Grandfather whisked Jenny away before she heard any bad words. He got her a cup of water – and a cookie! – and took her upstairs. He tucked her into bed and sat down next to her, stretching out.

"Well, Red Riding Hood," he began affectionately, patting her red hair. "Shall we read another book?"

Jenny curled up next to him, not saying anything.

"Grandfather?" she asked finally, in a small voice. "I want my Daddy."

Her grandfather gave her a sympathetic look, and bent to kiss her. He started to read to her in his deep, firm, calm voice, and she felt sleepy, but her stomach still felt bad. She held onto his hand while he read, hoping he stayed.

She was half-asleep when he got up and stood at the door. He spoke in whispered voices, and Jenny heard Grandmother Abigayle crying – but it sounded like angry tears, not sad ones. Then, the door shut, and Grandfather sat down in a fancy chair in the room and put his feet up, and Grandmother sat down on the bed next to Jenny.

"Gabby," Jenny murmured sleepily – Grandmother Abigayle liked being called that – she yawned.

Her grandmother bent to kiss her, and stroked her hair, murmuring softly.

"We love you very much, Jennifer," Grandmother Abigayle said softly, sincerely. "We'll take care of you, baby," she soothed.

Jenny fell asleep, thinking about that – her grandparents loved her, loved her so much, just like Daddy did; and her grandparents would take care of her, even if she had to stay here, in this place someone called Belle Meade, Tennessee, and wait for Daddy to come rescue her – so it didn't matter too much that Mo – Kim-ber-ly didn't like her, and didn't want her.

"We'll take care of you, Jennifer," Grandmother Abigayle kept saying. "You're our whole world, you know."

In a strange room, in a strange house, in a strange city, six-year-old Jenny Shepard fell asleep with a hollow, worried feeling in the pit of her small stomach; she somehow knew she'd wake up and Kim-ber-ly would be gone, and she hoped that Daddy didn't get hurt, that he came back from that strange place in Bos-nee-uh, because he was the one who wanted her.

Belle Meade, Tennessee
1996

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