Gintama doesn't belong to me.

I'm still not used to write in English so excuse the awkwardness. I tried to express Tsukuyo's feelings. I wrote this while listening to a sad song and I felt depressed, knowing Gintoki and Tsukuyo will never happen.. Yeah ~sigh. I rushed this but- yeah.. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it anyway !

She felt stupid. Of course she knew that was bound to happen.

He is leaning to kiss the woman in front of him.

Tsukuyo had known this from the start, Gintoki would never love her as she loved him. Impressive as it might be, she fell hard. The shinigami of Yoshiwara acknowledged this fact long ago when she accepted the feeling she had toward him. It was hard enough she had to admit it but to havethe evidenceshe was actually right all this time, what happened in front of her hurt. She felt like drowning from the sight before her, her heart had stopped beating. She realized she would never been able to love anyone this hard. She had never been in this state of mind. Get a grip of yourself Tsukuyo!, she thought as she tried to resist the thoughts flowing in her brain as if she about to drop on the ground at any second. Was there a cure for this?

She sighed, she wasn't sure the Yorozuya saw her but didn't care, she turned back. The blonde hoped she didn't give any sign of her true state of mind, that her body hadn't betrayed her will.

As she was walking back to her house she was trying to forget what she saw a minute ago. Why was she so upset if she already knew ? Why was her heart aching ? She realized as her hand gripped the clothe up her left breast.

Tsukuyo had prepared herself for this since day 1 she accepted her feelings. But it still hurt so much that she found it hard to breath. I am an idiot.

The woman has always been strong. She was indeed a strong and a proud woman in every terms, He, only was her weakness.

She hated that fact and it would always angered her at the simple thought. He was that someone who brings back the actual desire of her being a real woman again. She wanted him to see her as a woman. This desire she always wanted to deny and proclaimed to have buried long ago.

Gintoki was a stupid and lazy, perm-silver-haired man. She really hated the guy, or at least she tried with all her might and eventually failed. He was not the type of guy one should fall in love with. He would never return feelings to anyone, love wasn't a part of his life. He just was not the type of man to stay with one woman.

That she knew, he told her that one day even so influenced by the "love incense".

He was a troublesome man, the best when it came to only bring bad luck and really bad situations. And yet he was the type of person everyone rotated around, people deeply loved him for his actions and loyal acts. Deep inside he cared for people even though he would never admit it. Gintoki was strong. He would do everything in his power to save his friends and his family. He really cared.

That she loved.

More than once, Tsukuyo was one to see him cry. She was there when he talked about his past, even though she did not know everything, she would listen to him silently as her fingers filled his hair gently. They understood each other. She was one he shared nights with. Although she pretended not to care about it, declaring it was "her job", the woman kept these moments in a special part of her heart. She would smile, then cry thinking about them.

She entered her home without a noise, heading to her room. She closed the door and let herself sit on the cold ground, her forehead pressed on her knees as her back touched the door behind her.

Tsukuyo knew when he would feel lonely he would come to her. That was the extent of their relationship. They were friends as he would occasionally talk to her and sometime they would do more.

She was naïve enough to think that the feelings she had for him would not change if they shared a night together, she was so wrong. Gintoki wasn't the person one would think he really is in these moment. He gave her the sensation that he really cared for her. She would almost think he loved her as he moaned her name. He was kind, gentle as he could be rough and made her burn from within.

The blond-haired woman let herself lay on the ground, her side first as she chuckled without happiness in her voice.

"He will never love me" she said with a low voice, her eyes closed for a moment. She opened them a second later to watch the moon through the window which was high in the sky.