Chapter Four

Allen woke in thick darkness; it clung to him, wrapped around him like a blanket, sending him into dizzying waves of claustrophia. He blinked his heavy eyelids rapidly, sleep sticking to his pale lashes. He rubbed the sleep away, his arm brushing against something soft and warm. He turned his head into the pillow, his eyes falling onto the sleeping figure beside him. The shape was dark but familiar, and the claustrophia and wariness immediately dissipated in a relieved, shaky breath as he recognised his sleeping partner.

A rush of memories filled Allen's mind; he remembered Lavi, both of them in Lenalee's house. The party. Waves of people. Alcohol. Krory. Miranda. Then there was Lavi again, his hips in-between Road's thighs as he kissed her; and the fist clenching tight in Allen's gut as he watched from the steps. He remembered Lavi's drunken ramblings and them falling into bed together - Allen, too weak to say no to the roommate he cherished.

Allen rolled onto his side to face the redhead, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. Lavi was snoring softly, his cheeks red from the alcohol he'd consumed earlier. His hair was untempered, tussled over the white pillow. He almost looked innocent. Almost. Allen scoffed quietly at the thought.

He lifted his hand, brushing it against Lavi's burning cheek affectionately. Allen felt his heart skip, a painful reminder of the awkward encounters over the last weekends. His hand faltered, falling back to rest on his own bare chest. He clenched his fist, his fingertips still burning from Lavi's hot cheek.

We should forget it, Allen had said, earlier that day. Stupid. He didn't want to forget everything that had happened. He didn't want to forget the events in the bathroom, Lavi's lips on his neck, even if he was only teasing. He didn't want to forget the kiss that he initiated. He didn't want to forget the dumb ice pool; he didn't want to let Lavi Bookman out of his weak grasp. But he was scared. His stomach churned with anxiety, replaying Lavi's kiss with Road over and over again in his mind.

Lavi could and would kiss anyone. Even Allen. Even Road. Neither of the kisses were special to Lavi. Lavi Bookman would have sex with anyone that offered and wouldn't bat an eyelid. Allen didn't want them to be like that at all. Most of all, he didn't want to ruin what little friendship the two had left, and Lavi felt the same. They'd both agreed to forget it all.

But would it really be the simple? Allen wondered.

He let out a sigh, rising up from the bed. He slid out from under the sheets, away from Lavi's heat reluctantly. Lavi tossed and grumbled at the shift, and Allen cracked a smile. He pulled the sheet back up his roommate's torso, his fingers lingering a little too long when they brushed his shoulder.

Allen pulled his clothes and gloves back on from the previous night, folding up Lavi's discarded clothes on the end of the bed out of habit. As Lavi's roommate, he was often picking up after him. Just because their location had temporarily changed didn't mean he was going to let Lavi be a slob.

He slipped out of Komui's guest bedroom quietly. The hallway was pitch-black. The party had long since ended, leaving an unbearable silence in its wake. Allen figured it was roughly five in the morning; the sun would rise soon.

He stepped softly through the house, making his way downstairs, cringing every time the steps creaked. He passed through the living room, where a few people crashed on the couches, snoring and grumbling to themselves. Most seemed to have left when the party ended.

He collected bottles on the way, intending to clean up a bit so that Lenalee didn't have to. After all, the party was never her intention. It was Lavi's, and because Lavi failed at taking responsibility for himself, the matter often fell to Allen.

He stepped into the kitchen, hands full of bottles and cans, fiddling with the wall for a light. He found it, jerked it on with his elbow, and let out a half-muffled shriek.

Road was lounging on one of the kitchen counters. Her tired, dark expression immediately pressed into a wide smile as her eyes locked onto his.

"Allen, you've returned from your talk with Bookman Junior? Quick chat. It only lasted, what? Four-five hours?"

For a moment he thought she'd been waiting for him to return since he and Lavi had abandoned her downstairs. But then he spotted a glass of water in her hand and figured she'd merely woken and wanted a drink. Didn't explain the creepy sitting in the darkness, still. But who was he to question? To each their own.

"Ah, Road. You gave me a bit of a fright. Didn't think anyone would be up this early," he chuckled, but it felt forced to even his own ears. He deposited the bottles and cans in the bin, looking over at the short girl apologetically. "I'm sorry that I didn't come back. Lavi was, ah, a bit sick. I couldn't leave him in that state. I tried, but you know how he can be."

"I suppose," her tone had a touch of bitterness to it. She brought the glass to her lips, downing the water in one big gulp. She put the glass in the sink. "Or you just didn't want to come back?"

Allen gulped. There was always something about Road that was odd to him. He didn't think she was a bad girl. He did, however, think that she was used to getting what she wanted. She came from a rich family. It was common for her to be spoiled. When she didn't get what she wanted, tantrums usually ensued.

"Road, I honestly wanted to come back and check on you. But I was very worried about Lavi. I hope you can understand."

She rolled her eyes, hopping off the counter soundlessly. "I understand perfectly well, Allen," she swayed over to him. She was much shorter than him, but he still found himself backing up against the wall. She moved up close to him, her large eyes peering into his own. "You have always, always picked Lavi."

He sucked in a breath. "I- what?"

Road fingered his shirt, playing with the buttons absently. Her gaze never left his. "You've been glued to his side since the day you met him. Like two peas in a pod, Allen. I tried so hard, and you never looked my way. It was always him. You've been fawning over him for so long, haven't you, Allen?"

His mouth was dry. He gulped again, trying to recreate the saliva to form actual words, to tell her that was incorrect. It was only recently that Lavi had started to appear in his mind so often. Before that, it was always Lenalee. Wasn't it?

"Like a lovesick puppy." She lifted her hand, cupping his chin. "Your eyes always followed him. Oh, how you chased after Lenalee, with her beautiful, long hair and darling smile - but so did everyone. Such a pretty persona. God, she made me sick." Her fingers scraped his jaw, digging into his flesh slightly. "But at the end of the day, it was Lavi you went back to. You were with him, always. I couldn't talk to you without that redheaded idiot beside you. You never looked at me. Only him."

"Road, I- I don't think that is the case. You're wrong-"

She frowned, her dark blue eyes glimmering with anger. "I am not wrong. I've been watching you for years, like you watched him. It's sad, isn't it? Ironic, even. He never looked at you. You never looked at me. He'll never want you. But I always will. I'll always love you." She raised herself on her toes, her mouth ghosting Allen's. "Are you looking at me now, Allen?"

She closed the distance, her lips on his. He jerked his head away, gasping, ripping from her grip. She stumbled back, hurt washing over her face.

"I'm sorry, Road." He said, his voice shaking with each word. "I- I don't..."

"You don't want me like that. I know." Her voice was back to being bitter. "I found that out last night, when you saw Lavi and myself. I was trying to make you jealous, and jealous you were. Not because you wanted me. But because you want him, and I took him away from you, even for that brief moment. You were sick at the sight of my disgusting hands on him, I could see it in your face "

Her eyes, the deep, swirling blue of them now looked crazed. Desperate. Allen stepped forward, placing a gloved hand on her shoulder, trying so hard not to let her words affect him, to not let the fear and anxiety slip into his voice.

"Road, please," He pleaded softly, searching her eyes for a sign that she would listen. "Sit down and we can discuss this further. I'm worried about you."

"That's sweet, but there's really nothing to discuss. I know how you feel about me and how you feel about him. Crystal clear. But it's okay. Really. It's enough satisfaction to know that every time you desire to kiss him, to touch him, you'll think of me, touching him instead."

He stared at the woman before him, both worried and repulsed at the words from her lips.

"If I can't have you, then you can't have him."

She shrugged his hand from her shoulder, gliding out of the kitchen. Allen stood perfectly still until he heard the front door open and close quietly.

He gripped the counter, sagging against it, his frame shaking. He knew he should go after her. It was still dark out, and she was just a girl. But her words dug underneath his skin, chilling him to the core, freezing him in place. He didn't want to go after her, he realised. He didn't think he ever wanted to see her again.

He didn't know how long he remained in the kitchen. He cleaned the benches, washed the dishes and took the garbage out. When he finally left the kitchen, the horizon had started to lighten. The house wasn't as dark, but long shadows still lingered.

Allen crept back up the stairs, not looking forward to returning to Lavi's side. He was worried how he would act, after everything Road had said.

It was obvious to her that Allen was into Lavi. Allen hadn't honestly been sure of his feelings for Lavi, other than that he cared for him a lot. But there was a pain in his chest, a deep, striking pain in his heart when he thought of Road, staring at him with dull, bitter eyes, telling him that Lavi would never ever care for him in that way - and it was the truth.

Lavi, on the outside, was a ray of sunshine, a bubble of emotions. In reality, on the inside, he didn't form attachments easily. He was distant, apathetic, a husk of a person, feeding on intelligence and containing every remnant of it forever.

Allen knew all this. Why? Because Road was right. He had always been watching Lavi. Always been with him. Allen knew Lavi better than anyone, all because he wanted to know, because he'd been watching, waiting, listening, paying attention to Lavi only, for years, subconsciously.

He rubbed his drooping eyes as he walked back towards the guest bedroom. The sound of a door opening down the end of the hall made him stop and instinctively back into a dark corner. Voices emerged from the room, soft whispers travelling down towards Allen.

Allen recognised Lenalee's soft, lilted voice immediately, but couldn't understand the words, nor who she was talking to. She moved closer, heading towards the stairs. Allen moved to greet her, but quickly shrunk back into his dark corner when he recognised the other person walking alongside her, hand in hand.

"...see why you have to go?" Lenalee's voice reached Allen's perk ears. "I mean, I know why you want to, but you really don't have to."

Kanda said nothing. He didn't look at her as they walked towards the top of the stairs, completely bypassing Allen. Allen held his breath, not entirely sure why he was hiding, and not entirely sure what he was witnessing.

"Kanda," Lenalee called with a sharp tone. "Talk to me." She tugged at his hand, and he finally set his dark gaze down upon her.

"They would find out if I stayed." He said to her curtly.

"That doesn't bother me. Why does it bother you?" Even in the darkness, Allen could see Lenalee move her hand from his, instead resting her hand on his chest, digging her fingers into the fabric of his leather jacket.

Kanda stared at her for a long while. He breathed through his nose, jerking his head to the side to avoid looking at her.

She sighed, a pout replacing the annoyed expression. She moved closer, locking her arms around his neck. A risky move. One that would have been suicide for anyone else. But Lenalee was special, had always been special to Kanda. The gears started to move in Allen's head, shifting and locking into place as the scene before him revealed itself.

"I want them to know about us. You're surprisingly self conscious, you know?" She giggled, bringing her lips up to kiss his cheek.

Kanda turned back to her, frowning. "You could do better," he said gruffly. "They know it."

Lenalee rolled her eyes. "Lavi and Allen don't care. I know you don't care what they think either. You're just trying to protect me for some silly, selfless reason. I would rather you didn't. I would rather you stay, curl up with me until noon. Forget everyone else."

Kanda looked tempted by the thought, for someone who showed minimal expression. Instead, he shook his head. "No. I'm leaving."

"We could continue where we left off before," she said playfully, a sly smile appearing. Allen swore he saw Kanda's ears turn red, but it was difficult to see in such dim lighting.

"Next time," he growled huskily into her ear, the promise for future sexual escapades thick between the two. It made Allen rather queasy, to think of Kanda, the big, dumb brute, doing anything even remotely romantic to innocent Lenalee. Allen didn't even know it was humanely possible for Kanda to think with his diddly-bits. Apparently Allen had been misled about a lot of things.

"Get home safe, Kanda." Lenalee finally relented, her arms dropping reluctantly from Kanda's neck. "Text me when you're there. Okay?"

He nodded, and she turned to leave. Kanda was too quick. His hand locked around her bicep, tugging her back to him. He swooped in, planting a kiss on her lips. It was far from graceful and Allen cringed at the sight of it, but Lenalee didn't seem to mind. She kissed him back eagerly.

He parted, squeezed her hand (more for Lenalee's sake than his own, Allen supposed) and disappeared down the stairs, like he'd never been there in the first place. Allen flicked the bastard off from the shadows, snickering quietly.

Lenalee smiled, touched her lips, and turned her head in Allen's direction. "Put that finger away, Allen, or so help me."

Allen tripped over his own feet, stumbling out into the hallway, mumbling a vague swear that sounded remarkably like 'oh, shit-crumpets'.

"Uh, um, Lena- I didn't mean to-"

"I don't mind. Our little secret, 'kay?" She laughed giddily, waving him off. "Now head on back to bed. I bet Lavi is missing you."

Allen gave her a bashful thumbs up, mumbled a "goodnight" and darted back down the hall and into the room. He pressed his back into the door, closing his eyes in relief, sighing and thanking his blessings that it wasn't Kanda who had seen him. God damn, was that woman equally perceptive and terrifying. He didn't even want to know how she knew he'd been bunking with Lavi.

His mind whirled with thoughts as he waited for his breathing to slow before climbing back into bed. The dilemma with Road had been one thing. Now Kanda and Lenalee were doing the hanky-panky, and he was expected to keep the news from Lavi? That would never work. He was a terrible liar, and Lavi loved it when he tried to lie - it gave him ample opportunity to torture Allen until he spilled the beans.

"How long you gonna stand there, breathing like you just ran a mile, Al? Not that it's not funny. But you've been there for a while and I'm getting kinda worried."

Allen snapped his head to Lavi, his eyes opening wide. "You're awake."

Lavi shifted in the bed, propping his head up on his hand to gaze at Allen. "Have been for a while. You gonna get back in here, beansprout, or am I gonna keep sleeping alone?"

Allen folded his arms across his chest, feeling his old wit seeping back into him. It only appeared when Lavi and Kanda were around (but with Kanda it was a touch more venemous).

"You've been doing just fine without me so far, wouldn't you agree? You didn't even notice that I left." Allen walked over, trying to avoid Road's words in the back of his mind, lest they plague him for the rest of his life. He sat on the bed, poised, looking over his shoulder at Lavi.

Keep a safe distance, think things through, just breathe. Forget about Road. You can do this, Allen Walker.

Lavi frowned, plopping back down onto his back. "I wouldn't say that. I definitely felt a disturbance in the force when you left. I've been awake for a while in this cold, lonely bed."

Allen snorted, deciding wisely to ignore the lame Star Wars reference. Man, Lavi was a nerd. "Cold my ass. It's the middle of summer."

Lavi mock-gasped. "Manners, Mr. Walker. I'll have no swears in this dignified household. What happened to your poise and elegance?"

"It gets offended by your bad body odour and wanders off when you're around. Sorry to disappoint." Allen grinned, laying back down. It was still early. He could manage another few hours of sleep.

"I'll have you know that my sweat smells like sunflowers and my breath like honey. There is no finer man than me." There was a spark of amusement in Lavi's eye. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced with unbridled curiosity and interest. "Anyway, you've been rather secretive this morning. Where were you off to at such an early hour?"

Allen closed his eyes, snapping them open again when he saw Road and Lavi against the pool table. He pressed his gloved fingers into his eyes, trying to will away the image. "Just the kitchen. Wanted to clean up your mess before Lenalee woke."

Lavi sniffed in disdain. "Rude," then his fingers reached over, grasping the end of Allen's pointer finger, plucking off one glove with a quick tug. "You really shouldn't sleep in those. You need to let your hands breathe."

"Hey!" Allen quickly sat up, reaching for the glove. Unfortunately Lavi was all long limbs, and Allen was sadly lacking in such an area. "Give me the glove and maybe I'll let you back in the flat when we go home."

Lavi tsked, waving the glove just out of his reach. "Or - wait, just hear me out - or, you could give me the other glove, then we could go back to bed, maybe spoon a little - I'm obviously the big spoon and you're the little one - can you not glare at me like that, it's very rude - and then we can go home to our hopefully fixed and water-free flat. Sound dandy? Sounds damn fine to me."

"I'm not the little spoon," Allen argued, deeply offended.

"Well you certainly ain't the big spoon. I mean, look at you. You look like you're ten."

Allen glowered. "I don't like you. Give me my glove back now."

Lavi sat up in the bed, the morning light filtering in through the window and shining on his face. Even with a sleepy expression on his face and tussled bed-head, he looked cute. It annoyed Allen immensely.

"Here's the deal. I'll give you the glove back if you tell me what happened this morning."

Allen groaned. "I already told you, you moron. I went to the kitchen and cleaned up."

"And I believe you," Lavi flopped an arm around Allen's shoulders, nudging him closer. Allen went still, but Lavi pressed on. "But even amongst all the banter, you've had this hurt, wounded puppy-dog look on your face. So obviously something happened. Tell me."

Allen brought his legs up to his chest, trying to lean further away from Lavi, which was rather impossible. "Nothing. Quit it."

Lavi leaned closer. Allen could feel his breath hitting his neck. "I know you. I know when something's wrong. I know we've had our ups and downs lately, but you can still talk to me."

Allen turned his head to look to Lavi.

They were close. He should have grown accustomed to their proximity by now. So often they found each other without space between them, yet Allen always reacted. Lavi was the opposite. He didn't react at all when Allen stared at him, chewing the inside of his lip, debating what to tell him.

Allen peered at him through his lashes, Road's words nagging at him, feasting on his anxiety little by little. He didn't notice Lavi's eye soften just a slither.

Lavi leaned in, pressing his forehead to Allen's, running a hand through the soft, stark white hair.

"Normally I would nag the shit out of you until you told me. But I'll give you a bit of time. When we've settled back into the flat, I want you to talk to me. I've had enough of secrets and hiding behind hands. We're best friends. You and me against the world, Al. Yeah?"

"Ugh, you're a pain." With flushed cheeks, Allen dipped his head to stare at the bed. "But yes. Thank you."

Lavi ruffled his hair, a certain amount of affection going into the simple action. "Anytime, bud." He scooted back down into the bed. "Also, by the way, I lied. I'm not giving your glove back."

Road was wrong. Had to be wrong. There was no way he was in love with such an insufferable, egotistical, glorified dolt like Lavi Bookman. Just a simple conversation with the man left him with a piercing headache. Each word Lavi said physically pained Allen.

"Fine, whatever. Keep it. Idiot."

Allen just wanted to grab him, shake him, stare into that curious green eye, an eye that betrayed an abundance of knowledge and power, and kiss him until he could speak no longer - kiss him until every single sarcastic retort was ripped from his brain, until he was left with nothing to say, just once. He wanted to render Lavi speechless. He wanted to be the only thing left in Lavi's overworked mind, the one single thought in Lavi's photographic memory.

Allen really wished he wasn't in love with the selfless, caring, funny and beautiful Lavi Bookman.

With Road haunting him, whispering insecurities in his ear, it really hurt too much.

All aboard the feels trains. Toot toot.

Will try to keep the updates regular from now on. Sorry for the long hiatus.

This chapter concludes the party at Lenalee's house. Next chapter will be the guys back at their apartment. Hopefully it won't be flooded next time.