A/N: This is a for funsies fic. Toying with an idea in my head and hoping I'll find the motivation to finish. Or to give somebody a good laugh. Or something. This is with an OC protagonist so please bear with me.

Also this is my third re-write. Yeah. I've rewritten this three times already. Or was it four? Five? I don't know anymore. I hope you enjoy this thing...whatever it is.

"It's time to wake up." He opened his eyes, lifting his head to look at the speaker. A severe looking woman with sharp eyes loomed over him. "There were no problems I assume in your neuromemory downloads?" It wasn't necessarily a question.

The ten year old boy nodded as the woman pulled him forward, removing the cords connected to the base of his neck and skull. The nanometer needles easily slid out of his skin, although it did leave a fairly uncomfortable prickling sensation. The tubes fell to the floor and the woman led him out of the room, a single hand comfortingly set upon his shoulder. "It's study time for now, and then you'll be able to play with the other children."

The boy followed and as he did, they went past multiple rooms. All of them set in grey. People bent over desks and microscopes and standing in front of multiple tubes with strangely colored lights. A few, kinder people waved at him. Others turned away quickly. Eventually she led him to a room, far cozier than the other, which had been nothing but wires and cold tile.

Crimson carpet and wood paneling. Fireplace at one wall, an impressive collection of books on the other. And a grand piano sitting in the center of the room. There were no windows. But that was okay, he didn't much like when people looked in. His room had lots of windows.

She sat down at the piano, pulling up the cover. She sat patiently, waiting for him to pick a book. When he finally chose one, he sat down on the floor near her and traced the patterns on the carpet. "What did you choose today?" she asked, preparing her hands to play.

He lifted up the cover. "The Vongola's history?" She stood up, primly and elegantly, to tower over him. "A long and bloody history…perhaps not yet - not for a child…" Something in her tone made him wonder if she was unsure. But how could that be? She was always so sure. About everything really.

Curious, he opened the book. He was met by a portrait of several people, six men and one woman, each unique in appearance. All of them stood around a man sitting in the center. He wore eyes of gold.

He read the caption aloud, "Vongola Primo and his Famiglia." He looked back up at the woman biologically labeled as mother. "Is this man my father?" he asked, pointing at the man in the center.

His mother's own contribution to his features may have dulled the resemblance, but the fact that they were strikingly similar could not be ignored. "Sirica?" She did not respond. Her eyes were cloudy and she clutched at her abdomen. Then her expression cleared.

"Nothing but distant relative," she said dismissively. She ruffled his hair, trying to distract him with some attempt at physical affection. "Go read another book," she ordered, standing up and taking the book from his little hands.

For the next hour, Sirica thought he had been reading the Origin of Species, but in reality he had gone back to reading the records. Vongola Primo… He touched the portrait, then touched his own face. He looked at his mother, then examined his appearance in the reflective surface of the piano. Dark hair, pale yellow eyes with the white complexion of a corpse. All from his mother. But the messy hair, his figure and the remaining contours of his face were left to take Primo's mould.

He wondered what his father was like. And…and if perhaps he could be smiling so brightly, like the people in the picture.

…

…

Reine opened his eyes, jolting a bit and smacking his head against the ceiling. He clenched his jaw and exhaled slowly. He had been sitting in one place for too long. What would Reborn say for falling asleep on duty? He returned to his vigil, steadying his rifle and looking through the scope. He spied two men hiding in the trees.

It was fairly easy to read their conversation. They gestured to two children, one of which was his young ward who was currently dueling to the death with the Smoking Bomb, Gokudera Hayato. One removed a blowdart from his pocket. Poisoned, no doubt.

If Reine had his way, Gokudera Hayato's body would join the unnamed assassins hiding in the trees. He could prevent the duel altogether. But Reborn said this duel would be a fair test of Tsunayoshi's charisma.

"A good boss must have a particular strength of character to sway men to fight for his causes."

Apparently, the test included Tsunayoshi running in his boxers screaming, "Defuse dynamites with my dying will!". The premise looked more like an excuse for Reborn to test the Dying Will bullets rather Tsunayoshi.

But who was he to question orders?

Tsunayoshi continued yelling, "Extinguish the fires with my dying will!" as he put out the bombs on the ground faster than they could go off.

"Damn it…Then take this — Triple bombs!" Gokudera Hayato yelled, pulling out a bundle of dynamite. Instead of throwing them at Tsunayoshi however, the dynamites fell into a pile at his feet. He cursed as he struggled to clean up the mess.

The Decimo ran forward to save the Smoking Bomb from his own attack. At that moment, the assassins hiding in the trees steadied the blowdart.

The perfect window.

Two bullets. Two bodies. Two young men safe. For now.

What with the commotion in the duel, the two boys didn't notice two bodies falling from the tree and into the bushes. He turned on his microphone. "I'm done."

The Arcobaleno below smirked, "Excellent, I'm expecting the bodies to disappear-?"

"Already taken care of." A few local cleaners, slipped over the gate, dressed as custodians. They pulled the caps low on their faces and threw the bodies into trashcans. Soon, they quietly rolled away the remains.

He hardly noticed the disdain in Reborn's voice. "These idiots actually know what they're doing? Color me impressed."

"Thank you. I…" He paused. Then replayed the phrase in his mind. "Was that sarcasm?"

"What do you think?"

"…Are you asking me a trick question, Reborn?" The hit man snorted.

"You're a complete simpleton, Baka-Rei. How am I supposed to have any fun if you don't catch onto anything I say?" He sounded so upset that Reine felt strangely guilty. "I suppose my no-good student will have to do."

"…Should I apologize for not being affronted?"

This time Reborn smacked his hand against his forehead. "Just go clean up already. Honestly, you're just as hopeless as Dame-Tsuna." And with that, the baby turned away to speak to his student.

Reine was trying. Truly. He had always been rather…slow when it came to these things. Much to his own embarrassment. He sighed, turning his attention to his half-naked ward on the ground. He was trying to stop Gokudera Hayato from killing their upperclassmen.

Sawada Tsunayoshi, Reine quickly found, was a strange one. He opened his journal to record the latest development.

Today, the Decimo saved the Smoking Bomb from serious injury. How strange that instead of trying to defeat Gokudera Hayato, his purpose was to protect them both. It could be a ploy to induct the assassin into his ranks by incurring a life debt.

Or it could be that Sawada Tsunayoshi genuinely wanted to help him. Whatever the reason, it seems effective. But how did he know sparing his assailant's life would lead to loyalty?

Tsunayoshi was weak, clumsy and his mental acuity, if being measured by his grades, was feeble at best. But he always turned his head to the places Reine always hid, his eyes suspicious as if he knew someone was there. But how could someone as inexperienced as Tsunayoshi sense him? Reine wished he could meet his ward and ask.

But because Reborn was in charge, Reine was ordered to conduct perimeter checks and safety measures only, no contact with the subject. He wanted Reine to be his trump card for assassins. He was to stay out of sight and await orders.

So he stayed out of sight, watching and following the children back to school by crawling back through the vents. As he moved towards Tsunayoshi's classroom, he happened to see a strange commotion below.

"I-It's H-Hibari-san!"

"Shhh, don't speak so loudly!"

"Don't look him in the eyes…don't look him in the eyes…"

Despite the thick crowd in the corridors, students stepped aside for someone to pass. Some even crawled outside to hang on the windows to make room. Hibari Kyoya. The Disciplinary Chair of Namimori Middle and the single most feared individual in the entire prefecture.

"You herbivores are crowding." The atmosphere around the prefect darkened considerably. Even Reine felt slightly intimidated. His eyes flashed and he pulled out (from nowhere) a pair of tonfas. "I'll bite you all to death."

And the screaming started.

Reine wondered if he should intervene. After a second of thought, he decided that it was in his best interest to remain hidden. He instead, chose flip to a section in his journal titled, Analyses of Sociological Behaviors of Humans and Experimental Applications, and wrote.

Despite only walking through the hall, students appear to be frightened by his presence alone. Certainly the so-called, Demon of Namimori does exude a particular aura that indeed scares away any potential rivals to power. But how this aura works has yet to be determined. Perhaps it is his killing intent, which somehow makes itself known to the rather ignorant population. Combined with a history of violence and conveying his irritation through body language and facial expressions, they are repelled by his presence.

Perhaps - if replicable - this would be a viable repellent against Sawada Iemitsu.

It wasn't long before Hibari Kyoya finished 'biting herbivores to death' (strange phrase) and left. He used this moment to escape. Nothing new to be found, he decided to continue his daily routine of observing 'normal' people walk in their natural habitat — the park.

…

…

"How are you, my darling little son?" the CEDEF leader cooed, leaning in far closer than necessary to the camera.

Reine needed to remove Iemitsu from the camera so he could report his progress to someone else - preferably Basil. He straightened in his seat, looked down at the man, and scowled. "Get off the camera or I'll bite you to death."

"W-what?" The man looked shocked. Then he stretched his lips into that 'no-good' smile. "Did you meet a girl over there? Are you...experimenting?" Well, he had met many women here when he conducted surveys amongst the population. "Aw, my man is finally growing up! My little boy is now a big man! Who is she? Is she cute? Does she look like Maman? Who's going to be attached to my little duck?"

"What was that boss?" A bespectacled woman with pinkish tinted hair interrupted him and appeared on screen. "Is this true Reine? You've got a girlfriend?" He supposed that was true. Oregano was both female and his acquaintance.

Another man, Turmeric, peered into the camera as well, "Girlfriend? What's this I hear? Really?" Soon enough, there was small crowd forming around the computer. Why they were here and not carrying out their duties was beyond him.

The CEDEF boss appeared very smug. "That's right, my cute older son's gotten a girlfriend. She's so beautiful (not as beautiful as my Nana) but wonderful! And Rei-chan's introducing me to her next week - isn't that right Rei-?"

He slammed his laptop shut. Pulling out his notebook in his pocket and added another entry.

While the Hibari Maneuver has a 95% success rate here amongst the inhabitants of Namimori, it proves ineffective against Sawada Iemitsu. Trial #128 was an abysmal failure.

Iemitsu along with other members of CEDEF asked whether I have had a 'girlfriend'. Whilst I explained that I do have acquaintances of the opposite sex, they argue that a 'girlfriend' isn't the same. I suspect they want me to find a sexual partner rather than a friend.

Vongola Ninth once told me that it was because I was of marriageable age that Iemitsu wishes for me to find a partner. When I am contact with Vongola Ninth once more, I shall ask if I can register for marriage ineligibility.

…

…

Tsunayoshi did something strange again today.

Reine had been hiding in the vents of the boxing club's room. Today was the day Tsunayoshi and Ryohei were set to duel in the boxing ring. Reborn wanted to induct Sasegawa Ryohei into his ranks and he told Reine that the best way to do it was to have Tsunayoshi defeat the boxer in a duel.

Reine wondered if this was an excuse to shoot both teenagers with Dying Will bullets. That and Reborn seemed to enjoy wearing that boxer costume.

Ryohei, ever oblivious, immediately exclaimed, "Hey there, Sawada! You're so popular that even an elder of Thai Boxing came all the way from Thai to see you. Meet Master Pao Pao!" Reine came up with that name.

Reine was not very good at making names.

It seemed that no one (other than Tsunayoshi) had been able to tell that it was Reborn in a boxing outfit. Even though it was painfully obvious. Strange.

Again, Tsunayoshi tried to protest from fighting. Again, he was shot by the Dying Will bullet. And again, Reine would have to replace another uniform. "REFUSE TO JOIN THE BOXING CLUB WITH MY DYING WILL!"

"Oh, I like that extreme spirt! JOIN THE BOXING CLUB, SAWADA!" Ryohei bellowed back. Reine pulled out his headset, his ears ringing. Why had he bothered wearing it?

The fight dragged on. Before long, the young Decimo punched the boxer out of the ring. The moment he did however, Sasegawa Ryohei became even more excited. Such resilience. It was amazing what the human body could withstand. Or Ryohei was just unique. He would have to look into it later.

Soon enough, the one named Kurokawa Hana ran in, proclaiming that Sasegawa Kyoko was in danger. In a few minutes, a number of men and teenaged boys appeared, carrying a flag that said 'Namimori Karate Club.' They wanted recruit Miss Sasegawa because of something about delicate flowers and gorilla men. He didn't really care to remember.

What Reine cared about, was testing the new paint bullets he received in his latest care package.

From the ensuing assault (if such a sloppy formation could be called that): red caused rashes, blue acted like tear gas, green was paralysis, yellow was simply a rubber bullet. Useful enough, he supposed. Overall, there was nothing particularly abnormal about the assault. What was abnormal today, was Tsunayoshi.

Despite having little to no combat training, Tsunayoshi managed to knock down the karate club's captain. The captain was a black belt with several regional medals to his name. He was twice as heavy as Tsunayoshi and several centimeters taller. It should have been impossible for someone as inexperienced as the Vongola Decimo to knock him down.

But somehow, he managed to hit his opponent directly on the jaw, striking a critical nerve, and hit with enough force to snap the captain's head to the side, causing a blackout.

Intuition? Luck? Reborn's training? But they didn't start combat training yet… He stared at Tsunayoshi, who was speaking shyly to Sasegawa Kyoko. "A-are you okay, K-Kyoko-san?"

She blushed. "Ah…yes. Thanks a lot, Tsuna-kun."

Then Sasegawa Ryohei cut into the conversation, slapping Tsunayoshi on the back, "That was an extreme punch, Sawada! Good job!"

His young ward's smile deflated slightly, "Oh um…th-thanks Sasegawa-san—"

"Go ahead and call me onii-san! You extremely saved Kyoko-chan, you might as well be family!"

Tsunayoshi seemed surprised, but took it in stride. "O-okay then, Sase—, onii-san."

"That's the spirit!"

Maybe…Reine could see why everyone put such faith in Tsunayoshi.

"Decimo's extreme punch…" he muttered aloud thoughtfully. Then an idea formed in his head.

…

…

This time, Reine mailed his report. Today, he received a reply as well as a care package. He hoped Lal Mirch sent it. Or Basil. Or anyone rational.

His expectations dropped the moment he opened it. The box opened with a loud pop and burst with confetti. He knelt down, pulling out a small black suitcase placed carefully inside the package and opened it. It was filled with small square packages.

Condoms.

A small screen set on the back of the suitcase flickered on. It showed the external advisor smiling on the screen. Reine noted with satisfaction that he had a black eye.

"Now, now Papa knows that as a young adult you're very irritable! So I took the courtesy of providing all the necessary material." He took out an ice pack, rubbing his face, "I know all you young men are all shy about your love lives, but Papa understands, he really does!"

No, he did not understand.

"But remember, you can always talk to me when you're worried! You and Tsuna both!"

The words would have more impact if they were true.

"So have fun making lots love! I want to hear about your engagement by the end of the-" He slammed the briefcase shut. He searched the package for more, thoroughly checking its contents. He only found the automated punching glove he packed with his report - broken beyond repair.

He took out his notebook, and recorded the results once more.

The 'Decimo Extreme Punch' method has failed. Despite the report containing an explicit warning for Iemitsu to pass my report to someone else, Iemitsu tried opening it. He then filled the return package with fornicating devices I have no interest in using. Sexual reproduction has already been covered in my formal education - yet Iemitsu continues to discuss it with appalling persistence.

The fist appears to have made contact with Iemitsu's face but, failed in stunning the man with the sedative laced in the material. The next trial may require a stronger concentration.

Closing the book, his eyes returned to the black case. Such an inordinate amount was unnecessary. And disturbing. He pulled out his phone, "Reborn, do you have any spare explosives?"

He felt slightly guilty for using Gokudera's dynamite, but he was far more satisfied watching the package burn.

…

…

Reine didn't understand people.

"Don't ever come back, you freak!" the manager hissed as he pushed Reine out onto the street. Dusting off his jacket, he turned around to see the man who had been inappropriately touching the waitress be pampered by the manager.

From his observations, as far back as in the mafia, a woman is justified in using aggressive force when someone touches her in a manner she deems inappropriate. When she is unable to remove the offender, anyone in the vicinity is obligated to aid her. The woman had many blunt instruments at her disposal. She did nothing. She complained to her manager and co-workers. They did nothing. She cried out in distress when the man pulled her into his lap and groped her. No one did anything.

Lal Mirch had always said that he was supposed to help people in trouble. Not stand and watch like an idiot. Following her words, he stood up and poured his tea over the offender. Then he lifted the man to his feet and slapped him. Thirteen times consecutively, just as she taught him.

He was on the tenth slap when the manager removed him from the premises. The waitress refused to look at him. Everyone whispered to each other and shot him fearful glances.

So now he was outside, sitting on a bench and writing furiously.

Despite following normal protocol to it seems that I have still 'failed'. As indicated by a previous encounter, a direct confrontation in a 'social' situation produces unfavorable results ranging from gossip to removal from the premises.

So far in my studies, I have noted that in Namimori particularly, the policy of 'watching and waiting' is paramount. People who see such disturbances tend to walk away and overlook it or simply watch and record it. Unlike the mafia world, this appears to be completely acceptable.

His therapists said that writing was a healthy form of stress relief. Yet he remained wholly irritated.

It was strange. People tended to praise those who intervened on someone else's behalf. Did he do something wrong? Maybe if he observed something similar in the park he'd understand.

He got up to leave for the park when an arm pulled him into an alley. Out of reflex, he put his hand on his gun and pulled it out of its holster. He was about to break the arm that grabbed him when he realized who it was. He immediately dropped the gun back into its case.

The waitress apparently hadn't noticed the gun or the danger she just put herself in. She looking around them, suspicious and almost fearful. Then she relaxed and smiled at him. "Sorry for pulling you away like this…But I'm really grateful. For you helping me back there— thank you."

"I only did what I was taught to do," he said dismissively. Then he narrowed his eyes at her. "Why did you do nothing?"

"W-what?"

"You don't seem sick. Your grip is strong. You're not weak, so why didn't you fight back?"

"Fight back…?" she echoed faintly.

"When someone is hurting you, it only makes sense to defend yourself. Why didn't you call the authorities if you could not fight for yourself?"

She flinched at his words and said in a low voice, "D-Didn't you know who that man was?"

"He's the man who hurt you."

"If it were that simple…" Her expression turned sad. "You see, fighting back isn't an option for me. That man is stronger and scarier than me. He could have…done something a lot worse to me if I did resist."

He frowned. "So why not get rid of him?"

She blinked at him. "You're not suggesting…?" She shook her head furiously, "That's—! N-no, I can't! When it comes to dealing with bad people like them, I just try to stay out of it. Yakuza men are dangerous and you should stay away from them too. Don't you know what they could do to you? They could really hurt you if you interfere like that."

"I'm won't get hurt. I'm stronger than them." And he said that not out of arrogance but pure, plain fact.

But she kept shaking her head. "Well, if you're strong, what about everyone else? Please, don't be so rash again. Especially when you're dealing with yakuza. Just…keep your head down, okay?"

"…So if someone is doing something wrong I should do nothing?"

"No…no that's not what I meant I just…Just be careful when you do these things, okay?" She ran a hand through her hair and groaned. "Great, I was supposed to be thanking you and now I'm acting all mean towards you instead…I appreciate the help. Really." She shuffled her feet awkwardly. "I have to go back to work now. Bye and…thanks again." She waved goodbye and walked away.

He watched her go. He still didn't understand what she meant. But whatever he could understand from their conversation was dropped when he heard her scream.

He didn't think, simply running towards the sound. He stopped just short of the area where he heard the waitress…He peered around the corner to see the same man from the restaurant. He was hovering over her with several other men. She was crying, while the man pulled at her hair and kicked her.

"Stop, please!" she screamed, but he laughed at her as she cried.

"So, bitch, who was that - your boyfriend?" he sneered, before snapping his fingers. One of the men took out a camera, "Guess he'll really love it if I evidence of all the things I'm going to do to you…" he trailed off and the woman whimpered and pleaded as the man advanced towards her.

Reine stepped forward. "I don't appreciate receiving vulgar material in my mail. I will decline your offer of evidence." He walked out from his spot behind the wall and aimed his pistol at the yakuza's head. The man stopped attempting to unbutton the woman's blouse to look at him.

"Oh-ho, so it's the man of the hour himself!" the man said, sneering at him.

Reine repeated himself, ignoring the others circling him. "I don't wish to fight. Please leave the woman be and leave."

The man didn't listen, only lighting a cigarette and puffing smoke in his direction. Reine crinkled his nose. His eyes drifted to the man's shirt, which still had tea leaves on it. As if noticing his gaze, the man pulled aside his coat, showcasing the stain as well as the gun underneath. "Well, well, sweetheart, I can't exactly do that. Look at the big ol' stain you made on my shirt? And somebody's gotta pay for it."

"Then I will. Allow her to leave." No one listened. The men made a circle around him, removing knives and cracking their knuckles.

The leader jeered at him, "And how are you going to make me, boy?" He stepped forward, pulling out his pistol and coming close. "Look at you, completely surrounded. You think you're in a position to bargain with me?" He gestured for the men to grab Reine. "'Sides I have a much more interesting plan in mind. How about—I beat the shit out of you for disgracing me and then I drag your corpse through the streets? I'll make sure the lovely lady sees it too." He snickered as the woman pleaded and begged for the leader to make the men stop.

"Run!" she screamed at Reine, "Just go while you still can—-ah!" The leader stepped on her chest and she wheezed.

Reine didn't run but closed his eyes. The men jeered. "Giving up already?"

"Booring, I was looking forward to seeing him try. Would have been a good laugh."

"A fight with those scrawny little arms? I bet he wouldn't even lay a scratch on us-!" He stopped, choking on his words. The first man didn't know he had died until he touched his throat.

One.

They were all surprised. One of them cursed. "What the fuck—" He shot that man along with his neighbors.

Two, three, four.

He punched one man in the throat, taking his knife as he was stunned. Reine then shoved the knife into the man's jugular.

Five.

The other two tried to run away. He shot them both before they could.

Six. Seven.

"W-who…Who the fuck are you?!" All that was left was the leader. He was shaking. For each step Reine took, he stepped back. "S-Stay the fuck away from me!" He tried to shoot. Too slow. The shot went wide as Reine came in close, slapping the gun away from his face as it went off. Then he twisted the man's arm, shoving the barrel under the man's jaw. "N-no…stop—!"

Reine didn't hesitate. The shot echoed through the alley.

Eight.

He should have released the body .05 seconds after applying pressure to the trigger. Some of the blood ended up splattering on his cheek and shirt. Utterly disgusting.

After wiping away the blood, he looked for the woman who had been in danger. He saw her struggling to pull herself up. He walked over, wanting to help, but she shoved him away. "G-get away, d-don't touch me!" she screamed, tears in her eyes. She was scared of him.

Reine just stood there, watching in confusion, as she ran away. He only started moving again when he heard sirens in the distance.

Reine just didn't understand people.

A/N: So...Hate/Love/Continue/Burn it with fire and hope it never sees the light of day ever again? Leave a review to let me know if you don't mind.