"Just how on earth am I going to get in touch with Santa Claus?" Mabel grumbled, burying her face in her pillow and letting it sink in. "Blargh."

"Mabel, come on," Dipper started, walking over towards his distressed sister, "you can't honestly be thinking there's a way you're going to speak to Santa."

"Why are you always such a downer, Dipper?"

"I'm not a downer, I just have a bit more reality then the rest of you."

Dipper sighed, realizing that it was finally time to present something to Mabel he had been working on for a while now. He pulled out an unmarked journal from his backpack, and flipping through a bunch of pages of notes and scribbles, he finally reached a page of notes labeled Santa Evidence - AGAINST.

Mabel peered up from her pillow at what her brother was showing to her and gasped in horror.

The fastest reported moving automobile is 267 mph/hour. Even at this speed, there is no way one vehicle, with the added weight of presents and reindeer giving the possibility of severely weighing it down, could travel to every house on Earth in one night.

No known species of reindeer has been reported to fly.

It is impossible for one man to travel to the estimated 822.6 houses a second (source: Scientific Progress Magazine, p. 32) it would take for every good child to get their gifts on Christmas.

The amount of force on the back of a 250-pound man from the load of presents would likely end up killing him in seconds.

Parents seem to act very suspicious around this time, further proving to my hypothesis that Santa is simply a legend spread on by parents.

That year we forgot to mail our letters - "Santa" somehow still knew what we wanted exactly.

"No..." Mabel whispered in a low, upset tone.

"I'm sorry, Mabel, but I think this whole Santa thing could be just a myth." Dipper stated. He tried to place his hand on his sister's shoulder, but she pushed him away. "It just simply doesn't add up scientifically that-"

Mabel cut Dipper off by grabbing the notebook from his hands and fiercely ripping the page out of it. She shoved the page into her mouth and, much to Dipper's disgust, swallowed it whole. "POOP YOUR SCIENCE!"

Dipper sighed. "Mabel, there's actual evidence to this. You can't just ignore it all by saying-"

"POOP YOUR SCIENCE!" Mabel shouted again, kicking Dipper's journal out of his hands. She ran out of the room and slammed the door. Dipper tried to follow behind her and calm her down, but saw that she had locked herself in the bathroom.

"I never wanna see you again, Dipper Pines!"

"Mabel!" Dipper shouted in protest, pounding on the door once even though he knew it'd be no help. He let out a deep sigh and sat down in front of the door. "Why is it that she can't just listen to me?"

After sitting quietly with his thoughts for a while, Dipper finally heard a door open from a distance and the voices of his old friends Soos and Wendy enter the Mystery Shack.

"Mabel, Soos and Wendy are here!" Dipper exclaimed, with fake enthusiasm in his voice. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see them, he just...ugh, it was complicated. "You gotta come out for them."

"Do not." Mabel hissed from the other side of the door. Man, she was really in a funk about this. Dipper decided to give up on Mabel for now and headed towards the front door where Soos and Wendy were.

"Hey!" Wendy greeted, waving at Dipper with a smile.

"Sup, dude?" Soos asked, holding his fist out to Dipper. "Bones it!"

After the two of them "bones'd it", Dipper noticed Soos and Wendy looking around curiously for the other twin.

"She's locked herself in the bathroom." Dipper explained. "It's a long story."

"Anything we can do to help?" Wendy asked, peering towards the bathroom. "What's she locked herself in for?"

Dipper sighed. "Well, I presented her with scientific evidence that Santa Claus wasn't real, considering how he never comes to Gravity Falls among other things, and Mabel won't even listen to my hypothesis long enough to decide if it's reasonable or not. But you guys know, right? Hehe."

It was silent for an awkward second or two.

"You mean...Santa's not real?" Soos questioned, with a hurt expression on his face. "Then who..."

"Uh, Dipper, don't joke around like that." Wendy stated flatly.

"What?!" Dipper exclaimed in shock. "But it all doesn't add up! Don't tell me the two of you-"

Wendy placed a finger over Dipper's mouth and shushed him, before whispering an order to him. "Follow me."

The two of them went back into the twins' room, leaving Soos behind to calm down later. Wendy closed the door behind them and began to speak again.

"Look, Soos still doesn't know that Santa Claus doesn't come to Gravity Falls." Wendy explained in a whisper. "His grandmother always labels some of his gifts To: Santa every year, and it'd break his heart at this point to-"

"What?" Dipper interrupted, whispering in the most shocked tone possible. "You mean we're still keeping this up? Why will no one just admit that there's no Santa?"

Wendy frowned. "But...why wouldn't there be a Santa, Dipper?"

"It doesn't make sense! Gosh, am I the only person around him with some common sense?"

"Dipper..."

"No, just go." Dipper said, placing his hand up at Wendy. "I need some time to think. Something about all of this is screwy, and I don't know what, but with the grave of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle as my witness, I will find out what!"

Wendy left the room without another word.

Three hours had passed. Mabel still hadn't come out of the bathroom - perhaps the longest refusal-to-associate-with-people strike that she'd ever been on in her life. Wendy and Soos tried to get her out a few times, but with no luck.

Dipper knew she had to come out at some point. Meanwhile, he was reviewing his notes over and over again, trying to find some sort of logical explanation for there being a Santa with all the contradictory evidence. Nothing.

Man, why did he always have to be the one to notice these things? Why couldn't he just accept things for what they are like everyone else without making a big mystery out of everything like a big weirdo?

No, everyone else were the weirdos. All the adults were simply in on an act together to keep Dipper and Mabel kids for as long as they could with all this 'Santa Claus' stuff.

Well, maybe Soos still honestly believed in Santa. Dipper sometimes wasn't sure if his mental age added up to his physical age.

At the last minute, Dipper found himself turning to a book he hadn't opened in a while: journal number three. He didn't really expect to find anything, but it was worth a shot.

As Dipper flipped and skimmed the pages, he didn't see anything catch his eye.

Zoom!

Dipper suddenly felt a sensation he had never felt before come across him as he zoomed through more pages. He quickly turned back. Something in his gut was telling him that he was missing something.

Finally, Dipper stopped on the "Gnomes" page. His eyes scrolled over it for a while, before looking down and noticing pen markings he had never noticed before.

Friends w/Santa Claus

Dipper did a double take. No matter how many times he blinked and pinched himself, the words on the page still appeared the same. He let out a pained groan.

"At least I know how to help Mabel now." Dipper muttered to himself. "But...how?"

A/N: Seems like Dipper has learned to know better then to be a Scrooge now that he's found out the truth. How exactly is Santa Claus real? Why doesn't he come to Gravity Falls? Why am I asking you all these questions? Stay hooked for more!

As usual, R&R highly requested. It'd really make my day! See you all next time!