I remember looking into her eyes. I remember not knowing if i heard correctly. I can't remember my reaction.

I failed her

I couldn't stop this

I am a monster

I remember waking up next to her, like i always do. I remember having looking at her like she was the only person to exist.

She is the person that only exist

I am a cop and I couldn't believe I did this. I stumble inside some shitty bar in some town. It's not to crowded and I am happy for that fact. I spot a stool by the bar and i sit down to drown my sorrows. I tell the bartender that I want bourbon.

"Here you go… and if you need to talk…" the bartender says as he hands me my drink. The bartender didn't know anything else to say. He looked awkward and uncomfortable around me. The bartender is a young man, looks like he is straight out of college type of man. I watch him as he walks away to other customers.

I drowned the first drink so fast that I almost threw up. I usually can hold my liquor without having any problems. For fuck sake I am a cop, I have to keep my shit together. I have to in my personal life and my professional.

You couldn't keep your shit together with her.

You selfish bastard

You failed her

You make me sick

I try to drown out the voices that are consuming my mind. I keep asking the bartender for more drinks over and over again.

11:00 P.M

The bar is almost empty, but there is still stragglers inside the bar. A pair of arms wrap themselves around me. I tense up immediately, ready to take down the asshole who decided it would be funny to mess with me but when that person starts to speak, I relax.

Its korsak, Vince Korsak, my old partner.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

I am too drunk to argue, Vince literally carries me to the car and drives to me home. My wife is looking at me when we arrive at my house and I can tell she has been crying and it just makes me more disgusted with myself about me. I glance at her, only once. I feel ashamed to even have the privileged to even look at her. I have the feeling I'm going to throw up.

You failed her

You're disgusting.

You don't deserve her

You should have let Hoyt kill you.

Vince helps me out of the car and I stumble in my house drunk and land on the couch. Korsak left me with my wife. All alone, just me and her.

I didn't keep my guard up. I'm supposed to be Jane Rizzoli, the cop who took down infamous serial killer Charles Hoyt. I'm supposed to be this person of unquantifiable prowess as a cop. What I did was unforgivable. What I did, what I did was just unforgivable.

You are a monster

You deserve nothing

I hit my wife and I don't even know how or when it happened.