When news of the deaths of Loki's daughters got out only weeks after the fall of Maria, everyone was certain she would throw in the towel, both in her career and lie itself. That was what a lot of other survivors ended up doing. They obviously didn't know her like Erwin did. Despite all their whispers, she rode through the streets of Trost with her head held high and a dull glaze over her eyes, the only hint anything was wrong with her. No one said anything, of course. The air around her newly formed team was even more solemn than usual.

The deaths of his and her daughters—yes, he claimed them both as his own—was felt by everyone. Many of the older soldiers had watched them grow up from wide eyed babies to reckless, loving children. They had made the Corps childish cards, cheered them on as they returned from missions and reminded them of why they even ventured outside the walls at all. Bright eyed children like them made each sacrifice meaningful just because it meant that just maybe someday they would be able to play out on the other side of the wall, that they could be safe.

It had been the worst during the days just after the fall. Loki had been an inconsolable mess, tearing at her hair and skin like a madwoman as she screamed and cried. It was the first time he had to use tranquilizers on her since she joined the military. After that, she started trying to rationalize and place blame—most of which she placed solely on her own shoulders. For weeks, she refused to leave their shared room. She hardly even moved when Erwin got into bed with her. Most days, it was a struggle to get her to eat and or even roll over so he could clean her skin with a rag.

For Erwin, the struggle to face the fact that two of his most beloved people in this sick world were gone was just as daunting. However, unlike Loki, he couldn't allow himself to take leave to mourn. He was Commander now, and he had a job to do. During the day, he pushed all thoughts of his family aside to focus on his goals. He went to meetings and inquiries, observed trainees and pushed paper like a madman. Then at night, when Loki would start to cry as he held her, he'd finally let himself mourn too. It came in increments, but after a month they both seemed to be semi-adjusted. Neither of them would ever be "okay", that was certain.

Loki's change was more abrupt. One day, Erwin woke up alone. At first, he panicked, afraid she tried to commit suicide again, but instead he found her doing sit ups a few feet away. She had a hellish fire in her eyes, and that's when he knew she was ready to go back to service. He wasn't wrong.

Great. Just fucking great.

Why did they always have to get in at least one winter mission per year? It was like those fat asses back in Sina wanted them to die outside the walls. Except...they weren't outside the walls this time. They were taking a herd of civilians into Titan territory to try and thin out the population so they wouldn't run out of food. The higher ups claimed they were ground troops in the effort to reclaim the wall. What utter bullshit. Loki looked at the long line of citizens walking single file, like sheep to the slaughter. They had no warm clothes, no gear, no horses, nothing. They all knew it too. She recalled one older man and a younger couple giving tearful goodbyes to a feminine looking blonde boy and two oddballs, likely orphans.

Loki shivered as an icy gust of wind found its way under her winter cloak to make her muscles constrict and goosebumps litter her flesh. Despite the sunny skies, the air was frigid. Her nipples could tear through a Titan's neck at this point. The worst part was that flurries were starting to lazily drift to the rapidly cooling ground. The soldiers were riding in alongside the long line of civilian appetizers in various positions. All of them were keeping an eye out, wanting to salvage as many civilian lives as possible despite the true purpose of their mission. None of them actually wanted to go on this murder mission. They did this shit to save lives not throw them away carelessly.

Loki had her squad stay close by in case of an emergency. As usual, Hanji was acting as her right hand, even riding right beside her as she ran her mouth about a new research idea she had. On the other side of the line, Levi was riding his mare with his usual grumpy expression. For some reason, Erwin chose to assign Levi to her squad. Usually he kept the bitchy germaphobe with him or handed him off to Zacharias. Apparently Erwin felt he'd be of better use in the furthest squad back. Idiot. He knew they didn't get along well when they were around each other for too long. Then he dumped two new trainees on her. One was a tan boy riddled with pox scars and freckles named Mansur. The other was a tall but oddly scrawny looking kid with a goofy grin and shocking white hair named Gabil.

"Oh my Godesses!" an older woman screamed up ahead.

As soon as Loki felt her horse tense under her, she knew what it was. Loki spotted them to the right: five ten meter Titans, and they were headed their way. As one, the civilians turned and stared in shock and horror before scattering like mice from a burning building. Loki's mount reared up as people started trying to pull her off of him and started bumping him as they ran by. So much for saving their pathetic, civilian lives. This same sort of chaos was going on up ahead too. Loki actually noticed a civilian trying to pull off someone's gear.

As a man gripped her thigh, Loki snarled and drew her blade, lashing out and striking at the neck. His head hit the ground long before his body, his eyes wide in surprise while his body writhed as it collapsed. For a while, Loki just stared at it in shock. She just...killed someone. Damn it, she was supposed to be saving these people not slaughtering them. The other civilians were gone now though. Apparently killing someone did wonders in that department. Go figure. Already, the commotion was starting to draw in more Titans. The ground trembled beneath the heavy footfalls as they got closer.

A pillar of black signal smoke shot up through the air from behind. Only Erwin had the authority give that signal on this mission. They were already in full retreat, and Loki's team was too far behind. The Titans were blocking their way back which meant they'd have to push forward. "Fuck," Loki hissed. They were all grouped together like sitting ducks in the middle of a frost covered road. The only kind of cover for miles was a small village. It was probably half a mile's ride away, if not more.

"Head for the village!" Loki snapped. "We'll mount a counter-offensive and take cover there!" She spurred her horse into a full gallop and heard the sounds of her squad doing the same.

"Sir!" Mansur called from behind her. "What about the rest of the Corps? We're going the opposite direction," he yelled.

"Keep your fucking mouth shut and don't worry about it!" Levi snapped.

Loki looked around and noticed several black flares shooting up all over the place. They were scattered. Loki put her reigns in her teeth and pulled out her flare gun. She shoved in a black signal flare and fired it in the direction of the village. They were almost there now, just a little more than halfway. The horses were panting and sweating and slowing down, and the ground was getting slick. One of the Titans was practically close enough to grab one of them right off of their horses. She could feel the heat coming off of them they were so close.

An aberrant class suddenly lunged out from their right from behind a lone farm. It missed by several yards, but it still managed to knock up a great heap of dirt which caused Gabil's horse to stumble and fall with a high-pitched scream. The frail looking boy was instantly pitched from the saddle and sent tumbling and skidding through the snow to land a short distance away from a small Titan. The monster only had to take a few more steps and it would crush him. The kid's eyes were fixed on his impending death as he gaped like a fish out of water.

"Move, idiot!" Loki snarled as she fired off her wires into the shoulder of the one nearest to him. She swung out from the back of her saddle, shooting through the air towards the trainee. She grunted as she grabbed him about the waist just as the thing stepped where his body had laid. She grimaced as gravity pulled on him as they swung up in a wide arc to land on a Titan's shoulders. Her arms were screaming at her to drop him despite the fact that he was fairly frail.

Gabil seemed to snap out of it then. "Brigadier, what the-"

Loki punched him, keeping him steady by gripping his collar. "Use your fucking gear, dumbass! Do you-"

She was cut off by a deafening screech from the Titan they were currently on. It raised one of its hands just as Loki drew her blades. She dodged a swatting hand and cut through the thing's neck, but something went wrong. She felt an unusual tension in her blade as it bent, and then it shattered. Shards were sent flying all over the place, one of which embedded in Loki's right eye. Loki screamed in pain and accidentally let go of Gabil, and he went toppling off. Then Loki's wires came loose while she clutched her bloody eye.

This was unlike any pain she'd ever experienced. It was like someone had taken a hot poker and shoved it through the center of her eye and started twisting it around like they were trying to mash it up. She could feel at least two large shards protruding from her eye. Each felt like a blunt knife tearing through her nerves in an attempt to burrow through her skull. Blood was gushing from the injury, filling her mouth and coating her front with sticky red fluid. She gagged and tried to see as she began to topple back. She could see nothing out of the injured eye…could barely keep it open through the pain. She did, however, manage to spot the lifeless trainee a few feet back. He landed on his head, crushing the skull as blood and brain oozed out his ears.

"Levi! Dodge!" she heard Hanji snap from somewhere to the left.

"Get Smith, I'll take this one!"

Loki managed to fire her wires off into the thing's thigh, slowing her fall. She landed on the ground with a dull thud, knocking the air from her lungs. She tried to retract her hooks, but they were stuck in the thick leg muscle. She struggled to get loose, but she was only rewarded with more rough jostling until her head hit a rock with a sickening crunch. She felt intense pain bloom in the back of her skull before she blacked out.

Loki watched from her mother's arms as the people of the village began to gather. There, a massive portable stage had been placed. It was shaped like an open box, with the opening facing the villagers. It was encircled in heavy black velvet and ornate red drapes with gold embellishments depicting different stories of their gods, the Titans. In the center sat a white marble altar with grooves in the top and carvings on the sides. On all four corners, there were scary-faced statues depicting their massive deities with startling precision.

The children were the ones assembled first. Next, the adults began to gather, wearing their finest black clothes they had. Even Loki and her mother, the head priestess, were dressed in thick, itchy black clothes. Soon the mothers began to call to their children so they could start the ritual at a decent time.

"Loki, go sit with your papa. Momma has to start."

Loki kissed her momma as she sat her down and toddled to where her daddy was waiting for her with open arms and a big grin. She giggled as she reached him and he spun her around and pretended to almost drop her. She squealed when he rubbed his scratchy cheek against hers. "How's my favorite girl?"

She smiled. "Goo'."

"Good. Let's watch the dancers."

"'Kay."

Her daddy carried her to an empty spot in the haphazard ring the villagers had formed and turned her in his arms so she could see. She watched in awe as the music started up and eight girls in the center of the ring of onlookers came to life. They were all in pretty white dresses and wore flowers in their hair as they danced. All of them danced differently, using different styles and moves as the scary drums pounded out their song. Loki watched the swirling dresses in awe as they twisted around their ankles with her thumb in her mouth.

When the music stopped, all the girls knelt facing the stage where her mother stood with a big book. She also had a flaming black bowl beside her as well. The flames were such a pretty shade of blue that the four year old hardly heard what her mother was saying. "My brethren! The gods have chosen a worthy maiden to join them in the outer world! They have chosen young Gunhildr!"

A tall girl with red and yellow roses in her hair stood and smiled. There were tears in her eyes as she walked up the stairs of the stage to meet Loki's mother. Her mother hugged the girl and tucked back a strand of hair. She then helped her up onto the marble altar and handed her the bowl with fire in it. The girl raised it to the sky and then drank it all. She lay down on the altar and then several of momma's temple oracles walked on stage naked wearing Titan masks. Then they put their boy thingies in the girl, and she screamed. All of them did it, and when it was over, the girl smiled goofily and reached out her arms.

"I-I see them! They're smiling at me, welcoming me into their holy throng! I will be beautiful and terrible like them and will want for nothing!"

Then Loki's momma stepped forward and slit her throat. The girl gasped and her arms fell to her sides. She continued staring up at the sky as foamy blood oozed from the cut and the corner of her mouth. Then, all of a sudden, her head fell over to face Loki. She had tears in her eyes and an eerie smile on her face. Loki watched with mild interest as her white dress slowly turned red. The curves in the altar soon turned red too, depicting a mural of the Titans feasting on almost all the people while salvaging and protecting some off to the right of the stone carving. Then the temple oracles started cutting into her and passing out chunks of mushy red stuff to the villagers.

Once everyone had a piece, Loki's momma stepped forward again. "Let us consume the mortal shell of Gunhildr so her holy, righteous body shall recognize and protect us during our hour of judgement!" Then she ate her piece.

Loki's daddy cut his piece in two with a knife and put a bloody chunk to Loki's lips. She obediently opened her mouth and accepted the food. This one tasted better than the last time she ate an offering.

"...fucking wake up!"

Loki groaned as her eyes slowly slid open. The world around her was a blurry mess. She blinked a few times, and after a minute or so her vision in her left eye came into focus. Her other eye just ached and throbbed. Moving her eye and blinking made it worse. She couldn't see anything out of it. She reached up to touch her head, but Levi quickly stopped her. She frowned and jerked her hand away but didn't reach up again. Instead she tried to take in her surroundings.

It was cold, and her back was wet. They were in some sort of house or barn. She suspected it was the former since she couldn't really smell hay or animals or shit. The roof was made of dark, almost black wood, and she was laying on something soft like a blanket or sheet. She looked outside and noticed how low the sun was. The rest of the Corps would've reached the Wall by now. She winced as the memories of how she ended up like this rushed in all at once. The Titans chasing them, the new recruit, falling. That was the last thing she remembered. That sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Then she had the weird dream.

Loki sat up slowly. As soon as she was upright, everything began to hurt worse. Her back felt like as if a cat had torn the skin away. Her head was throbbing like someone was still playing those drums from her dreams, and her eye felt like someone was trying to fist it. Every muscle was stiff and in protest, especially her chest.

"Easy," Levi said, gripping Loki's shoulder to focus her. "I don't need you passing out on me after I finally managed to get you awake. Shitty glasses would kill me."

"Where are we?" she mumbled. She managed to reach back to touch her scalp, hissing as she drew back a sticky, gooey mess of coagulated blood.

"That village we were headed to," Levi grunted. "Shitty glasses and I carried you here."

Loki looked around the room. There was no sign of her aforementioned subordinate. That was hardly something new though. This was probably a dream come true for Hanji, being stuck out here with Titans in such close proximity. She was probably out there having a nerd-gasm. "Where is she?"

"Getting firewood and anything else she can scavenge. It'll get colder once the sun's down, and this place is hardly first class.

"Dangerous," she mumbled as she gingerly lay back down.

Levi snorted. "Please, this is the happiest I've seen her in fucking weeks. She was practically drooling when I let her go out about two hours ago and promised to play goddamn babysitter."

Loki tried to blink away the fogginess that threatened to creep in. Her eyelids felt like they had weights tied to them. Each blink was becoming a greater struggle. She couldn't go back to sleep though. Judging by Hanji's instructions for Levi, she might have a concussion. If she went to sleep with a bad enough concussion, it was a likely possibility that she wouldn't ever wake up. She was just so fucking tired though.

"Hey, dumbass, no sleeping! Hanji said keep your lazy ass awake."

"Then talk to me. Don't just sit and stare like a creepy old pervert."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Like if be interested in your scarred up ass anyway. Who carves their brother's name into their thigh? What idiot marries someone like that?"

That was hardly tactful, but at least he wasn't bringing up her daughters. She had an easier time excepting Lovino's death than that of…change the topic. "What I do to my own body isn't your concern. Now, in regard to the second question, I really have no idea how I bullshitted my way through that one," she chuckled.

"Still, it's fucked up. You're fucked up."

"Ditto, dickless bastard."

"Psycho bitch."

For a while, they sat in comfortable silence. The banter had helped relieve some of the tension surrounding them. For a while, Loki could almost forget that the walls had ever fallen at all. Almost. It was nice to smile again with one of her fellow soldiers that wasn't Erwin too. Hanji was too all over the place for that kind of stuff, and Zacharias just got on her nerves. Levi was…somewhere in between an Erwin and a Zacharias.

"What about the cadets?" she asked with a huff.

There was a pause. Loki glanced at Levi and saw a familiar emotion in his eyes and the curl of his lips. It was the same emotion she'd been wearing since after the fall. He didn't really have to say a word when she saw that look, but he answered her anyway. "Dead. One suicide, one death by fall."

Loki sighed. "Fucking shit."

"Not to mention all the poor suckers we had to drag out here against their will."

"Don't remind me. How far are we from Trost?"

"I'd say about 4 klicks," he said as he got comfortable, propping himself up against the wall nearby.

That was too far to go on foot. "Did the horses make it?"

"All but the two cadet horses. Weren't fit for duty anyway. Their grooming was shit and they were skinny as fuck."

The last few rays of sun were quickly disappearing behind the sill of the window, shadowing them in dim light. It was getting difficult to see, and Loki was beginning to feel a few stirrings of anxiety. Even Hanji would be vulnerable out in the dark. There was a harsh thud and a high pitched yawp from outside the window. Then wires embedded in the roof and in came Hanji at seventy miles an hour. Loki swore as she dodged a falling jug and wooden box that tumbled from her subordinate's grasp. The jolt of movement made her vision swim and her stomach turn.

"Shit, Hanji, watch where you drop things!" she barked.

"Sorry, boss, got a little excited."

"A little?" Levi deadpanned. "I could hear you a mile away screeching like a cat in heat."

"You just don't know how to have fun, Levi. How ya feelin' boss?"

Loki glared at her before laying back down. "How do think? I feel like shit. What are my injuries?"

"Well, your eye still has those metal shards in it, so you'll probably be blind in that one. I counted four of them, but I was able to get the two smaller pieces without too much trouble. The bigger ones will need surgery when we get back."

"If we get back," Levi grumbled.

"Be positive! Of course we'll make it. Other than that, boss, you have a concussion, two bruised ribs and what looks like a fractured leg."

"Fucking great," Loki groaned as she closed her eyes. At least it wasn't as bad as it could've been. She could be dead. She wasn't lucky enough to die though. She had the shittiest luck out of everyone in the entire corps.

It was quiet as Hanji set out medical supplies beside her. Levi went to start a small fire while Hanji cleaned Loki up as best she could, sometimes receiving half-conscious direction. Loki was struggling to keep herself awake. Now that warmth was radiating across her skin, she could feel sleep crying out to her.

"Levi, we need to sleep on either side of her to make sure she doesn't move around and hurt herself," Hanji commanded as she fed Loki some sort of bitter herb. It tasted like the ones used to reduce pain and fever.

"I don't wanna fucking touch her! Look at her! She's filthy!"

"You think I wanna touch you either asshole?!" Loki snapped.

"C'mon, Levi, it's just one night."

"Tch, fine."

Despite the fact that she was currently delirious, Loki had to admit that it felt nice to have warm bodies around her once her two subordinates had settled beside her. She could've done without Levi's grumbling and Hanji's hand around her waist, but other than that, it seemed out of place. It reminded her of camp nights she and Lovino would have when they let the girls sleep with them. She fell asleep with that memory and the overwhelming, all-consuming grief that came along with it.

The reference to the feminine boy and two odd balls was talking about Armin, Mikasa and Eren. They were saying goodbye to Armin's parents and grandfather.

A klick is a military term used for kilometer.