This fic is for Hugh Takinimee, also known as *redacted* for Secret Santa! I couldn't really do your first option, so hope you like this one!

Ah, love. The most futile human emotion. So fleeting, so...stupid. How incredibly moronic. And yet it was all the rage. Couples, ships, breakups, all poured from that ratings giant known as Total Drama.

Even years later the sting of love still...stung. Like a bee. Or something. Old wounds would never really heal, old feelings would never really go away. Love triangles would turn into love decagons, a complicated mess of teenage emotions and hormones.

Courtney and Scott. Scott and Courtney. Scourtney. Scottney.

Duncan and Gwen. Gwen and Duncan. Gwuncan. Dungwen. I dunno.

Two couples that supposedly broke up during All-Stars but in reality only broke up because of the script they were being forced to follow. At least, that was one of the many theories considering that after All-Stars had ended both couples were still seen together and both seemed to be quite happy.

Courtney held Scott's hand comfortably as the two walked into the hall. Chris had invited all the contestants to a party. He promised that there would be no strings attached whatsoever. Not like anyone believed him, but their contracts came into play once again. And, of course, Courtney noticed the cameras hidden in the decorations.

"Looks like Chris is up to his old tricks," she muttered to her boyfriend, who snickered.

"Yeah, let's keep an exit in our plans, kay?"

Courtney chuckled. "Let's do that."

The former contestants began to congregate, talking in groups. Owen, Noah, Izzy, Eva, and Cody were chatting away. Cody kept nervously looking around, likely for Sierra.

Finally, the tall purple-haired girl arrived and nearly suffocated the poor kid in excitement. "OMG CODY IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!"

Cody seemed to be trying to get her off, calmer than usual, to general laughter. Courtney smiled. "Some things never change, it seems."

"Some things do, though," Scott said.

"Looks like we've got a pair of philosophers over here. Wow." Noah smirked and folded his arms as Owen rushed towards Scott and Courtney excitedly, engulfing them in a bear hug.

"WOO HOO! YOU GUYS ARE HERE! THIS IS AWESOME!"

"Please put me down," Courtney said weakly, although she was smiling.

Owen obliged. "This is so awesome! It's been forever since all of us have been in the same room! THIS IS SO AWESOME!"

"Yeah, we get it, it's awesome," Noah deadpanned as Owen hugged him, lifting him into the air in the process.

"We're...gonna go see who else is here," Scott said as Owen continued to make a fool of himself. The two slipped away, slightly grateful.

"I'll go ahead and get you a drink," Scott said with a smile.

Courtney smiled back as Scott left.

Her eyes turned to another couple heading inside, and of course her stomach did somersaults involuntarily. That was what happened whenever Duncan the teenage heartthrob walked into a room, because even his ex-girlfriends were still attracted to him. Just look at that pile of redeeming qualities and long-term boyfriend material. No, wait, just the abs. That's the only important thing here. Never mind the stubby legs.

Gwen walked in next to him, chatting away and laughing. The two locked eyes and scowled. Their supposed "friendship" in All-Stars had merely been for the cameras. No love was lost between them.

"Yo, Princess," Duncan yawned, shoving past her. Gwen moved past as well.

He touched me! Ohmygodohmygod he touched me!

As you can see, Courtney was being perfectly rational right now. Really did an amazing job controlling her hormones. And wow, way to be a douche to Scott, honey.

Two sides of Courtney struggled that day, battled for supremacy. The side that wanted to be a genuinely kind boyfriend to Scott and ignore whatever urges she may have been feeling for her ex-boyfriend.

And the side that wanted the D.

Guess which side won out?

Taking a deep breath, Courtney walked towards Duncan. Gwen had gone to piss. Clearing her throat, she made her presence known to Duncan. He turned to face her. "Can I help you?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

Courtney sighed. "I guess...I just kinda wanted to know...well..."

Duncan raised part of his monobrow. "Is this attraction I'm seeing?"

"W-well..." Courtney struggled. "I suppose...I just wanted to know if you'd ever take me back."

"Look, Princess," Duncan said. "I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. But do you realize how much of a hypocrite you're being right now? MONTHS, you hold a grudge against me and Gwen for hooking up behind your back, and then you turn to me and leave poor Scott behind in the dust?"

"Well..." Courtney began, but Duncan interrupted.

"You always played the high and mighty, Princess. So now you're telling me you'd like to get back together? Did you even consider the fact that that would make us not so different?"

Courtney backed up a bit. "I...well..."

Duncan walked away. "The answer is no. And will always be no. I should never have gotten back with you in the first place. Stuffing dirty diapers down peoples' mouths isn't exactly going to make them like you, Courtney. Goodbye."

"Wait!" Courtney began, but Duncan was gone.

A pang of guilt. A twinge of regret.

Scott would never forgive her, would he?

Ah, not like it would have mattered. But those in "love" seem to be the stupidest of all.

Courtney wandered back over observing a shouting match between Heather and Alejandro, undoubtedly to become a makeout session sooner or later.

She sighed.

Scott came up behind her and put his arm around her. "Hey, is something wrong?"

Courtney sighed. So many unaired feelings, so many stupid as hell hormonal issues, so many shitty cliche plot points, so many stupid decisions she made. Her eyes started to tear up, and Scott turned to look, concerned.

"Seriously, if there's something wrong, you can just tell me."

Courtney opened her mouth, ready to spill out all her feelings, ready to hug him tight and ready to beg for forgiveness for everything she'd done. Because if there was one thing she didn't want to be, it was Duncan.

BOOM.

An alarm went off and a loud cackling could be heard that distinctly belonged to Izzy.

"OH SHIT SHE SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE!" Scott screamed, running for his life and dragging Courtney along with him as people screamed and fled. Max started laughing maniacally claiming that he had been the one to set the house on fire only to be yanked aside by Ella before he suffocated to death.

The contestants funneled out through any exit they could find. Plenty were screaming hysterically, such as Lindsay, Katie, Sadie, and Shawn, any undertone of romance or angst forgotten. Scott and Courtney ran outside as the house burned to the ground.

"I think Chris was still in there," Geoff noted, scratching his head in slight confusion as the contestants gathered on the lawn. Jasmine was performing a headcount.

Courtney clung to Scott tightly, shivering. "That...was close."

Scott sighed. "Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

Courtney turned to look at Duncan standing near the fire, laughing maniacally for no apparent reason and realized why she'd hated Duncan in the first place.

"Nope."

Ya know, I'm not entirely sure if this is what you meant when you asked for this, but I still hope you got a kick out of it. If not, ah well. It's hard for me to write romance. It's hard and no one understands. But anyway, Merry Christmas dude!

Chris Death Count: 6