Chapter 1: Vanilla

ghostlywhitedirewolf

AN: I have around 30 one-shots mapped out so far, but some of them are kinda samey, so please, please submit some to my tumblr so that I can add them to the list
Just a pretty vanilla one to start us off. This came out a little more schmoopy than I intended, but oh well. I kinda like it :)

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\/\/\/

Bucky slammed the door to their apartment closed as he entered, hands full of shopping bags that appeared to be filled with ice cream and other items of comfort food.

"We having a slumber party in here, Buck?" Steve asked warily, eyeing the other man as he dumped the food bags onto the kitchen counter and began to unload them.

Bucky glared at him and shook his head. "Lucy told me that I had to do things that I wanted to, purely because I wanted to, rather than through necessity. I still have one of Stark's credit cards, so I did."

Standing up, Steve moved from the couch to the kitchen island, watching as Bucky unloaded his purchases, his best friend's face portraying a steely determination mixed with some grim satisfaction.

"So you bought literally everything in Wal-Mart?"

Bucky let out a bark of laughter and examined the bags before him.

"Not quite; I didn't buy any Spam," he replied and Steve laughed too, relaxing as he realised that Bucky wasn't upset.

Even now he didn't think he could face up to the thought of eating spam after the war. That had been the chosen 'meat' for the soldiers throughout and Steve wasn't sure that he could stomach it again.

"So, what are we going to do with all this food?"

Bucky smirked and reached into the satchel that Steve was pretty sure Sam had talked him into buying– along with the skinny jeans and long sleeved Henley that he was currently sporting –and pulled out a selection of DVDs. "We are having a movie night with all the stuff that is still on both of our lists."

\/\/\/

It took Steve a good few minutes longer than he'd like to admit to realise that Bucky was no longer watching the movie, the man instead choosing to stare at him, hands wringing nervously in his lap. Steve waited, knowing that interrupting Bucky was the last thing the other man would want, especially when he appeared to be carefully trying to arrange his thoughts.

"Steve?" Bucky started, voice hesitant as his metal hand worried at his hair, pushing it back out of his face as his eyes flicked from Steve's own, down to his lips and back upwards again.

Steve shifted, curling his legs under himself so that his back was resting against the arm of the chair as he faced Bucky, giving his friend his full attention as he struggled with his words. "Yeah, Buck?"

"You know, what I– what I told you before? About what Lucy said?"

"Yeah." Steve watched as Bucky fidgeted uncomfortably.

"I know that we– well, I –the last few times we've tried to, um, God why can't I just say this out loud?" Bucky paused with a frustrated, humourless laugh.

"Take your time, it's okay, we've got as much time as you need."

Bucky took a deep breath and tried again, his words leaving him in a rush this time. "I want to have sex with you. Not like what we've been doing with hand jobs and other things, I want to have actual sex, with you. I want you to, um, fuck me. If you want to, that is. I know that the last time we tried, I threw you against a wall, but I've been, well, thinking about it a lot and I spoke to Lucy about it and I think I'm ready to try again. If you'd like that?"

"Would you like that, Buck?" Steve asked, needing to make sure before he said anything else.

Bucky nodded quickly. "Yes, I really want to. Or at least try again. I've been thinking about it for a while and I really want to try. I think it was too much too soon for me last time. I feel ready this time and I know that I sound like some blushing virgin, but I kinda feel like after everything that I'm ready. This feels more personal y'know? Lucy thinks it might have been because my body wasn't my own with HYDRA and this felt like losing control again."

"Buck, we don't have to do it this way if it makes you uncomfortable. I can bottom, that's fine, you don't ever have to do anything that you don't…" Steve stopped as Bucky shook his head.

"I want this. I want you to do this as long as you want to. If you don't, I just want you to know that I'm ready whenever, if ever, you are." Bucky reached out for Steve's hand, smoothing his fingers through Steve's own and running his thumbs over the blond man's knuckles, the gesture appearing to comfort him more than Steve.

"Okay," Steve said softly, nodding his head and clasping his free hand over Bucky's hand where it entwined with his, pulling it up to kiss the other man's knuckles.

He saw more than heard Bucky's release of breath and then Bucky surged towards him, crushing their mouths together in a bruising kiss. Bucky moved closer, walking on his knees to straddle Steve's thighs as his hands came up to Steve's face, one cupping his cheek and the other threading into his hair, angling Steve's head and giving Bucky better access to deepen the kiss.

Normally Steve would have made a smart assed comment about Bucky being eager, but he could feel the tension in the muscles under his hands. Bucky was nervous and Steve didn't want to make him feel stupid, especially after the last time they had tried this.

Especially since the last time had ended with Steve picking himself out of a dent in the wall and Bucky having a panic attack whilst hysterically repeating apologies. Bucky wasn't sure what about Steve pushing the tip of his finger into Bucky's hole had triggered him into the flashback, but the suddenness and severity of it had caused him to lash out, throwing Steve backwards into the wall; the Captain caught off guard by the attack but unwilling to fight back unless Bucky had retreated into the violence of the Winter Soldier.

So instead, he met Bucky's mouth with the same vigour, hands creeping under Bucky's shirt to stroke gently at the skin there but not moving any further, letting Bucky know that he was on board with this but that Bucky would be the one setting the pace.

"Bedroom." Bucky mumbled against Steve's mouth, pulling him to his feet without breaking the kiss and dragging him backwards.

Steve allowed himself to be manoeuvred, willing to let Bucky place him wherever he wanted, needed, him to be. This was about them both, but it had to be at Bucky's pace. Bucky was never quiet or passive when they were having sex, but he had always been happy for Steve to take charge. Now Steve wanted it to be the other way around, wanted Bucky to tell him where, what, he wanted from him.

Bucky tugged at the buttons of Steve's shirt blindly as they walked into their bedroom, quickly becoming frustrated and tearing at the buttons. Steve heard the little pops as they flew off of the shirt and bounced onto the floor.

"I liked this shirt," Steve grumbled good naturedly.

"I like it better off." Bucky smirked, some of the natural sarcasm returning to him despite his nervousness.

Steve smiled, glad for small things. The small things that even seventy years of torture and conditioning hadn't been able to wipe away. They had attempted to scrub every bit of Bucky away from the inside out and in some ways they had succeeded, the man before him was in many ways different; but in many ways he was just the same. Stubborn, strong, smart assed. He was a different Bucky, but he was still the same, still perfect.

Bucky pushed him down onto the bed, allowing Steve to shuck off his shirt before he pulled Bucky's over his head too, throwing them off to one side before running his hands down Bucky's marred chest in a gesture that would have once had Bucky cringing and trying to hide himself, but now sent rivulets of desire shooting down towards his crotch as he shuddered.

"You can say stop at any time, Buck. Any time. It doesn't matter how far we are, what you think I want. If you feel uncomfortable, say the word and I'll stop straight away." Steve promised, leaning up to press feather light kisses to Bucky's collarbone, his hands stroking circles into Bucky's abdomen.

Bucky nodded, "can we do– I know I'm talking about Lucy in bed and I'm sorry –but she mentioned the red, amber, green things instead of just stop? Sometimes I might not want you to stop, just wait for a minute."

"God, Bucky. Of course. Let me just get it straight so I know that we're on the same page. Red is stop right now, amber is slow down and green is everything is fine to keep going?" Steve questioned, smiling up at Bucky, the other man watching him with an intense, unreadable expression.

Eventually Bucky nodded again. "Yeah. That's it."

"Okay. We can definitely do that. Anything you want. We can do safe words, colours. If it makes you feel better then we can do whatever." Steve cupped Bucky's face, watching as a small smile appeared, half relieved and half adoring, as though a part of Bucky had believed that Steve wouldn't want to do that.

It wasn't surprising really, given that HYDRA had taken all control away from him.

"Steve, can I ask you something? Just so I'm prepared?"

"Of course."

"Does it hurt?" Bucky asked, blushing and looking away from Steve's face, instead focusing on stroking his hand up Steve's side.

"No. If it hurts you need to tell me because I'm doing something wrong. If it hurts I'm going too fast or not using enough lubrication. You need to tell me straight away. My first time was more discomfort. It feels a little strange at first, but it's more of a weird, uncomfortable feeling than pain. If that makes sense?" Steve ducked his head, forcing Bucky to look at him. "If you feel pain, you need to tell me."

Bucky nodded. "Okay."

He leaned down to capture Steve's lips, the urgency from before returning, albeit at a less fevered pace. Bucky's hands roamed down Steve's body, one finger hooking under the waistband of Steve's jeans and sliding across in a teasing touch causing Steve to moan slightly, hips moving upwards as a silent invitation.

Bucky laughed slightly, kissing down Steve's neck, moving his flesh hand down to palm at Steve through his jeans as his metal hand made quick work of the clasp, enabling him to rid Steve of both his jeans and underwear in one quick practised motion, freeing Steve's hardening cock.

"Fuck, Bucky." Steve hissed as Bucky's flesh hand ran along his shaft once before beginning to stroke him to full hardness.

Steve could feel Bucky, already hard and straining against his own skinny jeans as he lifted his hands to rid Bucky of his remaining clothes, smirking when the brunet's hips stuttered as Steve's hand grazed his now free cock.

This was familiar. This they both knew.

Bucky closed his eyes as Steve flipped him onto his back, mouth hovering over Bucky's cock in a silent question.

"Green."

Steve felt Bucky's fingers card though his hair as he lowered his mouth, licking along Bucky's shaft before sucking him in, enjoying the strangled sound that Bucky made at the sensation and placing his hands on Bucky's hips to hold him gently in place.

Bucky groaned, always the vocal one, as though years of silence when faced with different sensations were coming out through sex. Steve didn't mind one little bit.

"Please, fuck." Bucky begged as Steve continued his ministrations, pulling off quickly when he felt the muscles under his hand tighten, not wanting to send Bucky over the edge too soon.

Bucky let out a choked moan, which ended as a whimper at the loss of friction, and he brought his head up to glance at Steve, one eyebrow raised in a question.

"Lube." Steve breathed, moving across the bed to his nightstand and pulling out a bottle of lube before he turned back towards Bucky. "Condom?"

Bucky shook his head. "You can't get sick right, so you're good? Bruce ran every test under the sun when I got here. I'm totally clean."

Steve nodded, moving back over to him and holding the lube up. "Colour?"

Bucky let out a breath, hands fisted in the sheets below him. "Green, but go slow?"

"Of course," Steve told him gently, one hand stroking down Bucky's cheek as he pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth.

He leaned back, popping the top off the lube and spreading it over his fingers, eyes roaming over Bucky's body where he lay across the bed, cock hard against his stomach, legs lying open. "C'mere, Buck."

Bucky complied, moving towards him and allowing Steve to manoeuvre him into his lap so that his legs were either side of Steve's, allowing the blond man easy access to all parts of him.

"Say stop Bucky and I swear I will." Steve repeated, eyes tracing the other man's face as the hand slick with lube brushed Bucky's hole, tracing his entrance gently and making Bucky shudder. "Is this okay? Do you want me to continue?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah. God, yeah, this is fine."

Steve continued to stroke his rim softly, his other hand stroking Bucky's cock as his eyes captured the man's gaze, ready to stop if Bucky started to react badly. Eventually, Bucky pushed back against Steve's hand slightly, wanting to move things forward and Steve obliged, pressing the tip of one finger into Bucky's hole, pausing when he heard the intake of breath from the other man. Bucky's forehead came to rest on Steve's shoulder as his metal hand gripped the captain's upper arms.

"Okay?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, you were right, just.. weird." Bucky agreed. "Can you move, maybe?"

Steve complied, pushing his finger further into Bucky slowly, feeling the tight muscles contracting around him as Bucky's body adjusted to the intrusion.

"You're alright Buck. Just try to relax okay? I've got you." Steve soothed, the hand that had been cupping Bucky's ass moving upwards to stroke the other man's back, feeling the tension in the muscles there from both arousal and nervousness. Steve had hoped to relax him a little more by bringing him so close to his release, but he knew that this was a big step for Bucky.

Bucky nodded against Steve's shoulder, another small gasp escaping him when Steve crooked his finger.

Steve moved his finger, pulling it out before immediately pushing back in, feeling the tight ring of muscle accepting the intrusion more easily this time and after a minute he added another finger. He twisted and scissored his fingers, causing Bucky to jerk and groan as his finger found the sweet spot inside of him.

"Fuck." Bucky hissed, looking up at the blond man, pupils blown wide with desire and intensity.

"You okay?" Steve asked, hand still moving inside of him as he spoke.

"God, yes." Bucky moved forward to press their mouths together, one hand coming down to grasp Steve's cock, stroking him in a rhythm which only stuttered at the other man's introduction of a third finger. "Shit, Steve."

The blond man chuckled softly at Bucky's pleasured ramblings, running his fingers over his prostate and enjoying the broken sound that drew from the other man.

"Please, Steve, I need you. Now, I'm not going to last much longer. Want you inside me." Bucky murmured and Steve was only to happy to oblige, pulling out of Bucky to reach for the lube bottle, pouring more over his hand and using it to slick up his cock before positioning himself at Bucky's entrance.

"Colour?"

"Green. Please Steve." Bucky replied, grinding down as Steve pressed the head of his cock into his hole, pausing when Bucky screwed his eyes together, mouth falling open into a silent oh.

"Okay?"

"Wait, wait, amber." Bucky shook his head and Steve tensed with worry and started to pull out, only to be stopped by a wave of Bucky's hand. "I'm okay, sorry. I just need a minute. It's a lot. In both ways."

Steve smiled gently, running one hand over Bucky's cheekbones and kissing him lightly. "We can stop if you want to. Try again another time."

"No, no, god I want it. I just need a minute." Bucky's eyes stared into Steve's own; a mixture of uncertainty mixed with pleasure. "HYDRA used to just take my control away. It feels strange to be able to give it to someone. Amazing, but strange."

"You're still in control here, Bucky. Always remember that." Steve told him, a small gasp escaping him as Bucky pushed down, forcing Steve's cock more deeply inside of him.

"I know. I know you'd never take that from me, but I want to give it to you. There's no one else I trust more with me than you. I just want you to know that, okay?" Bucky said, taking hold of Steve's chin and tilting it up so that the other man was looking at him.

"Thank you, Buck." Steve said, meeting Bucky's mouth as he thrust up, swallowing the gasp of pleasure that the movement elicited from both of them, Bucky's flesh hand moving to palm at his own cock.

"M'not gonna last long. God, fuck. I didn't expect it to be anything like this." Bucky gasped, matching Steve's pace with the hand wrapped around his cock.

Steve shifted, pushing Bucky onto his back so that he could get a better angle, feeling Bucky tighten and squirm around him as he began to hit his prostate, the pace and rhythm drawing them both closer to their climax.

It didn't take long before Bucky came, eyes closing as he cried out Steve's name, spilling all over his own chest, his body contracting around Steve's cock as the blond man rode him through it. The sudden tightening of Bucky's muscles sending bursts of pleasure through Steve's body and forcing him over the edge, coming inside of Bucky as his orgasm hit.

Steve collapsed onto the man beneath him, careful not to crush him but not pulling out as they came down, both gasping, not caring that their skin was sticky with sweat and Bucky's come.

"Fuck, Bucky." Steve mumbled, recovering first and rolling onto his side, both men cringing as he pulled out.

"Shit, that was amazing." Bucky breathed, turning to press his face into Steve's neck, running his metal arm up and down the other man's forearm. "Thank you."

"Thank you Bucky. Are you okay?" Steve checked, needing clarification.

"I am so okay it's not even funny." Bucky replied with a small laugh. "God, Steve, I love you."

Steve smiled slightly, leaning down to capture Bucky's lips in a sweet kiss.

"I love you too, Bucky Barnes."

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