Romance. Romance in a world of pain and fear. It was the last thing that Kurt had expected. Since breaking off from the X-Men and getting a one way plane ticket to Germany before the airlines were shut down, Kurt thought that he had left a personable life behind. He knew what he was signing up for.

Kurt didn't like being alone. He had never been alone before, and he hated the idea of isolation in current or future life. Yet, for the good of the world, he singlehandedly chose a sequestered life. It slowly killed him inside. Oft times, a small part of Kurt almost yearned for the Nation to make a move simply so that Kurt could jump in and play the hero. Kurt reveled in attention.

Maybe Kurt should have expected things to go the way that they did once he found Leonie. He should have known that he wouldn't easily give Leonie up to be alone again. Someone recognized him, spoke his mother tongue, and he wasn't lonesome any longer.

Then her personality came to light. Once she was no longer scared for her life, once she was no longer at the stoop of death's door, once she was no longer afraid of Kurt's near-celebrity status, Leonie let herself be Leonie. She was sassy, she was strong, and she was very determined.

He didn't stand a chance. It didn't matter the setting: the place, the situation, nor the age gap. Kurt didn't stand a chance against himself. Against his nature. He should have treated Leonie akin to Kitty –

Kurt couldn't think about Kitty. Since his drunken blackout night after freeing the slaves, Kurt did his best to keep those feelings out. Another time, he kept telling himself. He mourned the one night, and then shut it off. Every time a passing thought of Kitty did come up, a part of Kurt's mind more toward the surface would flag and tell him that what he was doing was wrong, but he suppressed it all. The Nation gave no time for mourning. Especially the type of mourning Kitty deserved.

While a rational part of Kurt knew that he was doing himself and Kitty an injustice by ignoring his grief, Kurt expected that same rational part to scold his more impulsive tendencies in his relationship with Leonie. But it didn't.

Kurt fought so long and hard with himself about developing any feelings more than friendship with Leonie. He denied not only himself, but Leonie's wishes. He figured that, with the great moral dilemma, he'd feel guilty for finally surrendering. But there was no guilt.

In fact, Kurt couldn't have been happier. He almost felt like he were living a real, human life with Leonie in the middle of the great Canadian winter.

He even gave her a way out at first. A part of it was that he was concerned that, due to his spinal injury, he was impotent. It wasn't exactly something he wanted to learn. He felt that if he whispered her promises of a good night, and couldn't get it up, he'd be disappointing her almost as much as he would himself. He also wanted to make sure that, despite her pleading, she truly wasn't making a mistake.

So for the first night, he kissed her to sleep. The girl was exhausted after the shoveling and the day of working out anyway.

The days following, however, weren't so innocent. The pair had endless time on their hands and a whole new level of their relationship to explore.

Kurt was the first to awake after Leonie's busy day. It didn't happen often. Leonie liked to be up and moving, usually having left the cabin before Kurt started stirring. To do whatever it was that she did all day. Sometimes she would talk about it. Other times, she left him guessing.

Leonie used the side of Kurt's stomach as a pillow, her closest arm draped across his hips. From there, Kurt didn't have the line of sight nor the proper sensation to make out exactly how she slept. Having gotten used to the slower life without much movement, Kurt contented himself with gently petting Leonie's hair to pass the time. Her hair was gnarled and knotty, so he couldn't dig his fingers into the strands, but that didn't bother him. Leonie tried her best to keep her hair tamed, and even took the scissors she used on Kurt's hair to chop it to a shorter length, but she didn't have any tools to help her out. Her method of brushing was simply running her fingers through the knots until they dissipated.

It didn't take long for her to stir to Kurt's touch. She stretched her limbs long before twisting to groggily look at his face. „Kurt."

„Guten Morgen meine Liebling."

She nestled more snuggly against his side, rubbing her cheek into his skin. „Last night – it actually happened, right?" she mumbled sleepily. „I wasn't dreaming?"

Kurt couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. „Hmm? You getting me to admit that I'm too much of a flirt for my own good?"

Leonie giggled and shifted again, pulling herself a little closer to his face. „For you to admit that you're a tease." She poked him in the side with the hand trapped underneath her body. „You still are."

„Doch. You were too tired for anything last night." He switched his free hand to her shoulder, petting it up and down in soft touches.

„I believe that's up for me to decide."

„You fell asleep!"

Leonie snickered and lifted herself off of his chest just enough to shift her leg over his body, straddling him. Kurt felt the pressure of her weight on his thighs. He could feel specifically where she touched him. She leaned down, propping her elbows on either side of his body so that their faces were inches apart. The weight lifted slightly off the top of his thighs, but he could still feel the pressure of her legs against his on the sides. It was such a dramatic improvement, but so far from okay.

For the most part, Kurt felt exceedingly useless. His left arm was still wrapped up in a sling so that he didn't forget to keep it still. Leonie gingerly avoided putting any pressure on it, even half asleep. His legs could feel pressure and most touch, all the way down to his toes, but he still couldn't move anything. His tail had minimal sensation. His ribs still protested larger movements and heavier pressures, but were definitely more tolerable than when he was fighting every breath. He had his right arm at his disposal, and that was about it. How could Leonie want anything from him when he couldn't actually do anything?

Dark thoughts. Leonie pushed them aside. Kurt could have succumbed to them. Yet Leonie's attentions pulled his thoughts in a different direction.

„I get the feeling you're still scared."

„Me? No, not at the idea. Scared I'll disappoint you? Absolutely."

„How could you disappoint me, Nightcrawler?"

„Nightcrawler?" He perked an eyebrow. Leonie hadn't used his hero name in ages. Kurt found it odd for her to bring it up now.

She shrugged. „You're my hero. My, um, only friend. And even if you're too uncomfortable to be my lover, those won't change."

„Again. Not uncomfortable. Not scared of the idea."

Leonie leaned closer. „Then what is it?"

„I hardly have feeling down there, dear. I don't know if I'm even capable of what you want…."

She smiled. „So? There are other ways to be intimate."

„Is that so?" Kurt asked her cheekily.

„I read a lot of … stories before the internet fell," Leonie snickered.

„My God. You were a sex slave and you have no experience in intimacy?"

„That about sums it up."

„Then I apologize ahead of time for what will be a very lackluster performance."

„A really lackluster performance if all you'll do is talk."

Kurt's eyes widened for a moment. He was certain that until Leonie was more comfortable in her new role, she wouldn't make the first move. She was conditioned against it. Especially if the only experience she had in this field was a totalitarian man that bought her existence into his life. Her taunting behavior the night before and immediately upon waking up was the furthest she would go. Until he initiated the interaction.

„Remember what I said about insulting me?" Kurt asked. A toothy grin leaked across his face, wide enough to show his fangs.

„And then you kissed me."

Kurt didn't want to hold any power over her. That wasn't his goal. Technically, by softly threatening her about her jabbing insults to provoke him into action, he took away some of her power. So of course, he couldn't actually carry through.

„That time." His grin didn't fade.

Especially in this moment, Kurt hated his body. He hated that he felt trapped within it. While Kurt didn't have the extreme claustrophobia that his friend Ororo had, he had a severe problem with personal physical handicaps. He was an incredibly tactile man, with a goal to give Leonie a pleasurable experience, and he wasn't entirely sure how to make those ends meet. His mind wandered, playing fears, concerns, and limitations.

„Kurt?" Leonie's voice brought him back.

„Huh?"

„What happened? Where did you mind go?"

Kurt winced. He'd dropped his smile in his mulling and stopped paying attention to anything outside of his thoughts. Something like the episodes he'd have to pull Leonie out of after a particularly trying event.

„You are second guessing yourself!" she exclaimed, pulling back into a sitting position.

„Shut up," Kurt muttered. „Those are your insecurities. We're going in circles. Quit it." She was still taken aback. Possibly more so than before. He sighed. „Listen. I respect you and will not lie to you, but I am physically broken … and I've never been this broken before. It's difficult to handle, even though I've had over a month to come to terms."

„You've never shut down like this before," Leonie argued meekly. „Since the crash."

Kurt winced again at the thought of her unspoken before: the night of Kitty's death. He must move on. „Don't go there," he whispered. „Please."

Leonie cast her eyes downward. She didn't mean to open festering wounds. It wasn't her fault that Kurt hadn't started the healing process in that particular aspect of his life. „I'm sorry," she apologized, just as quietly as Kurt's plea.

Kurt didn't acknowledge her apology, but he did accept it readily. She didn't know how deep of a wound that was. In fact, she hardly knew anything about the depths of Kurt's experiences. Sure, she knew a lot of his public history, but Kurt didn't touch on the more emotional pieces of his past. He talked about the circus and his role as an acrobat in his childhood, but not of when the circus was sold and he was shifted into becoming the circus's centerpiece in the freak show. He talked about his role in Excalibur and the X-Men, but not his relations with his teammates nor of the adventures he faced outside of the public eye. He talked about how he watched over the streets in Germany after the rise of the Nation, but he failed to mention how he broke ties with the X-Men in order to do so. He didn't touch on the death and destruction that he couldn't prevent between the lives he thought he was saving. On the surface, Kurt appeared to be an open book, but he never touched at the insurmountable words between the lines.

Leonie was beginning to catch on to Kurt's ability to talk without actually saying anything. She was going to start asking questions, and Kurt found himself wanting to start sharing. But not now. Now, he was ruining a moment.

„Will you come back to me?" Kurt asked. He reached up with his good hand, but didn't have the strength to stretch far enough to her face. Leonie obliged slowly, resuming her position over top his torso, her forearms holding her weight beside his arms.

„Kurt?"

A flicker of confusion across his face. Her voice was saddened.

„Why don't you tell me things?"

„What do you mean?" Kurt asked. He knew exactly what she meant. He knew that she was beginning to read him so well, he couldn't hide anything anymore, even if it was for her own good. Why did he have so much to hide? To make her happy in a dystopian world? It was a charade.

„You're fearful. You don't even deny it. So you're not afraid of us. I don't think you ever were. You were afraid of what you would do to me? Am I right? And now, you're afraid that if you let me know everything, you'll push me away or something? You'll scare me? Kurt, I still love the idea of having sex with a man I trust. But do you trust me at all?"

The words stung, despite their intention. Leonie only wished to understand. „With my life," he told her. Not too quickly, but very earnestly.

„So why do you keep secrets?"

Kurt couldn't get away from her questions. Her face was inches from his and his only method of getting away would be to teleport away. His mutant power wasn't the answer to this situation. His pouting effectively ruined the moment.

„Don't you dare say that you keep things from me to protect me. Like you wouldn't contemplate sex to protect me," Leonie continued after his hesitation. „I don't need protection from you."

„Believe it or not, this is kind of new territory for me," he said. „I can't be the swashbuckling hero I used to be, even if I wanted to. Maybe a lot of the heroing from my younger years was only for attention. But that's not my relationship with you, darling. I've always covered things up – the darker things even I didn't want to acknowledge – with flamboyance and pranks. That's actually not new. Just the method of how it's done."

„You know, a part of intimacy is sharing those secrets," she said.

„Oh? And I know everything about you?"

„Pretty much." She grinned, a glint of devilishness in her eye. „Besides, I have a lot less history than you, old man."

„Forgive me! What did you just call me?"

„I guess your days of pranks and jokes are over, sir. You're just an old man."

„Oh no!" Kurt mustered as much strength as he could in his core to push his back off the bed and twist, pushing her over on to her side. While he couldn't enlist the full help of his left arm, he broke a rule just enough to continue rolling so that he was the one on top. He had to hold himself off of her with only the strength of his right arm, and he couldn't be entirely sure how much dead weight his legs presented to her, especially since he couldn't arrange them to benefit his balance, but he was more than satisfied in his pin. „You don't get to go calling me an old man!"

Leonie's expression was pure surprise. At his mock outrage, however, she burst into giggles.

„You planned this, you little pain in the ass," Kurt griped in good nature. She couldn't have accounted for his determination in holding her down, but she wanted to bring back a happier Kurt.

„No! You're heavy." She pushed lightly on his chest, even though he'd left plenty of room for her to breathe.

„Good." With both hands available, he would have resorted to tickling. It was an old pastime of his. She was lucky that, even though he could use that arm to roll, his hand was too wrapped up for the subtler deed of tickling.

„Are you happy up there?"

Kurt grinned. The same grin from before his thoughts wandered to somewhere more ominous. „Yes."

Leonie grunted and pushed a little harder on his chest. „You're crushing me," she complained.

„Doch," he replied cheerfully. Most of his weight wasn't even on her. He held up the majority of his upper torso with his good arm, and his hips being unable to follow the rest of his body for lack of strength were still to her side. For the most part, she had to worry about half of his lower torso crushing her. Not enough to actually cause her pain. But he'd let her worry.

She wiggled, but was unable to get out from under him. „Why?" she whined. She didn't actually sound too worried.

„The insults!" Kurt said. „You not only called me an old man this morning, you also implied I'm boring."

„You know, most people think words like 'asshole' and 'weakling' are insults. And you're trying for that asshole description!"

„Oh, my unfortunate lady," Kurt said with no sort of sincerity, „you have no idea."

„No idea of what?" Alarm sparked across her face.

„What I'm capable of, when I have the means." He leaned in a little closer, bringing his face inches from hers. Now he'd have to pay attention to her breathing to make sure he wasn't actually crushing her. Even though both were thin, he still outweighed her by a few dozen pounds.

„Wh-what?" Finally, the worry Kurt wished to incite.

Kurt relieved the pressure of his weight from her, rolling on to his side again. His legs were in a better position to keep him propped up like this. Even so, he kept his good arm wrapped across her middle. Whether he kept his hand close to pull her closer or to further prove that he could be an asshole was up in the air. „You have known me most of your life, is that so?" Leonie nodded, now confused. „And you have only known me personally for a couple months." He poked her gently in the side with his two fingertips. „You don't know everything. I am, in fact, very proud that I am not a boring old man."

Leonie twisted under his arm to her side, so that they were forehead to forehead. „I want to get to know you more," she said.

Kurt slowly stroked up and down her side, petting her softly. „Tell me, when you followed my adventures with Excalibur in your … preteens? My God," he added in a whisper to himself, struck again by their age gap. „Why choose me? Why is that the most exciting thing a young girl could do? Follow a demonic superhero's career?"

„You were cool," she said with a shrug.

„Really? I was cool?"

She shrugged again, squirming a little to his touch. Toward his touch. „We didn't have a whole lot of European superheroes. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted super powers so that I could fight bad guys, too."

„Wouldn't Captain Britain be a better choice of idol?" Leonie mentioned that personalities weren't included in their descriptions, which was to be expected. No one stuck around for interviews. Captain Britain had a nasty temper to him … but he was a strong, muscled hot shot.

Leonie poked Kurt softly in the breastbone. „I don't know. My friends and I, we'd pretend we were like you guys in the schoolyard. Not specifically you guys. Just superheroes, you know? But I really followed your group. You, Captain Britain, Meggan, Phoenix, Shadowcat…." Kurt couldn't help his twitch at Kitty's codename, but Leonie didn't seem to notice. „My friends outgrew it as we got older. But I didn't. And like I said, you really stuck out with your … skin."

„Fur."

„I know that now." She continued to brush her fingers against his chest. Her eyes followed her hand as it moved over his fuzzy muscles, dodging the sling's supports. „So yeah. I read about your group when you were in Europe. I knew who you were because you're a little difficult to forget. Not to hurt your pride or whatever, but I watch Excalibur more than I watched you specifically. Because I wanted to make the team when I got older."

„You know, Excalibur didn't start out on the best of terms."

„What do you mean?"

„We thought the other X-Men were dead. This was right after the massacre in the Morlock Tunnels. Piotr, Kitty, and I were gravely injured; I couldn't teleport right forever. We linked up with Brian – Captain Britain – and Meggan when we were better. At least, Kitty and I did. We were helping Rachel fight her demons and decided to make a team."

„So Kitty … you knew her a long time."

Kurt grimaced more than smiled. „A very long time. Please, sweetheart. That's an unhealed wound yet."

„Sorry. Sometimes it seems weird to me that you're so … vulnerable."

„Thanks," Kurt said flatly.

„Besides the legs thing," Leonie added quickly.

„Many thanks," Kurt said, just as deadpan.

„No, listen! It's refreshing when you are so vulnerable. It makes you less toxic male, more human."

„Are you sure you're making me feel better, dear?"

A mild panic, mixed with a dose of confusion, mixed across Leonie's face. „I swear, these are compliments."

„I know," Kurt sighed. „Just not entirely comforting with how useless I am beyond an emotional bounce board."

„You're not useless," Leonie said firmly. „Buuut I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be happy if you did get complete use of your legs back and you could do some of the work."

„Believe me, you're not the only one," Kurt muttered. „I'm going stir crazy!" He continued petting her side, his eyes unfocused and his thoughts wandering. „What other things did you do before this whole mess?" he asked her.

„I don't know. Not a whole lot. I was pretty boring, as far as teenagers are."

„Really? No clubs or sports?"

„Nope. You know how it was just me and my mom, right? I think I told you that. I never knew my dad. Well, it was hardly me and my mom. She was almost never home. I really could have done whatever I wanted, because no one was around to tell me that I couldn't. I just didn't. Partying didn't sound fun. Following superheroes so close, I knew the streets were dangerous. So I kind of just stayed home all the time. Learned how to cook because of it," she added with a snort. „And I was really good at finding what I wanted on the internet. That's kind of moot, now."

Kurt found himself wearing a frown. No parental figures. It was a wonder that Leonie was as good natured as she was. Even Kurt had Margoli to set him straight when he got too rambunctious. „How could she just leave you alone like that?" he asked.

Leonie shrugged with her exposed shoulder. „I dunno. Didn't really matter to me, you know? It's how I grew up. I learned how to clean up after myself really early, or I'd actually get yelled at when my mom was home. I learned how to cook or I'd starve some days. At least my mom kept food in the house. She didn't actually pay for internet. I don't even remember how I got a hold of that anymore."

Kurt's fingers migrated to Leonie's face, his thumb softly stroking his cheek. „Dear, even I didn't have to grow up that fast. My foster mother found me in the river as a baby, and I don't think my childhood can compare to the loneliness of yours."

„You feed off of attention, though," Leonie reminded him. „I don't. I'm perfectly fine by myself." She blinked, as if what Kurt said finally processed. „You were found in the river as a baby?" she repeated, flabbergasted.

„Ja."

„Oh. My. How - ?"

Kurt traced her jaw with his thumb. His entire mind wasn't on the conversation; it still wandered. „From what I've learned upon meeting my biological mother, mostly because it was a convenient means to an end."

„You know your biological mom after getting thrown into a river?"

„Ja."

„How …? How does this not enrage you?"

„Maybe it did years ago. Considering who she is, I can probably never truly forgive her, but what's done is done. I had a good childhood, despite it all. Well, until my circus was bought out. But that," Kurt said, his voice finally lending emotion to his words, „is not a topic for the day."

„You're going to just drop that on me and move on?"

„Ja," Kurt said.

„But I want to know these things," Leonie whined.

„Tough. I have a lot of history to recap and I don't have the patience to unload it now. It's not something I usually bring up."

„You say you're from a circus all the time."

„Well, that's the happy bit."

„What do you mean you don't have patience?" she asked suspiciously.

„I mean exactly what I say." His fingers teased from the side of her neck into the nape of her neck. „No patience for reiterating my life."

Leonie squirmed, clearly torn. She knew where Kurt's mind was leading, but she so desperately wanted to know how he'd gotten to where he was now. She wanted to know what made him become the superhero he was. Her life dream was to become one. Failing that, she wished to meet one. Now, she was shacked up with someone she'd followed for at least seven years of her life. He was no longer just an idol. Now, he was so close to becoming her lover. Which led again to the fact that she knew where Kurt was heading with his current actions.

„Eventually?" she prompted hopefully.

„No promises."

While that response disappointed Leonie, Kurt in the present did not. He pulled her into a kiss to which she happily reciprocated. Her body pressed tighter against him and her arm free of her weight slid around his arm. Kurt smiled into the kiss, pleased with his distraction. Her reaction.

Today, this would be about her. Today, he wouldn't worry about his incomplete lack of feeling from his naval down. There were other ways to please a lady, after all.

His hand once again pet her down her side. Slowly, teasingly, erratically. She whined as his touch reached the more sensitive parts of her body. When he pleased her, she pulled his arm tighter, her fingers digging into his flesh. It made for an easy way to gauge his effectiveness. If something he did elicited less of a response, he'd move on.

Leonie couldn't get enough. She'd never had such focused treatment before. The man that bought her in Germany didn't care about how she felt. So long as she carried out her duties, he couldn't much care for her. He certainly wouldn't try to please her like Kurt. Whenever Leonie tried to reciprocate, to learn Kurt's body or even reach where she wasn't sure he'd feel, he'd stop her. He'd instantly grab her hand or her wrist and guide her hand elsewhere.

She didn't stop to ask him why. He'd already explained his fears. But he wasn't as open about his guilt. And guilt he felt. He felt guilt for leading her on and denying her, without even realizing he was doing it. He felt guilt for bringing her to Canada and dumping all the responsibilities on to her. He felt guilty for things he didn't even do: that she was a sex toy for a Nation man because he was affluent and she was not. For that guilt, he'd make sure he'd do everything he physically could for her. And Leonie didn't seem to mind in the least.