As they arrived back at their apartment after closing shift Gabby and Matt breathed a sigh of relief. They had a long day and were both exhausted. They both took off their coats and then headed to the couch for much needed time together. Lately it seemed that they were apart more than together. Neither wanted to address what had happened at the fire today. Matt was upset still that Gabby had removed her mask to give it to the woman in the fire. As soon as he saw Gabby's respirator on the woman something in his gut twisted with a mixture of fear and anger. Sure they all put their lives at risk every time they went into a burning building but removing your mask was against every protocol that they were taught as fire fighters. Not only did she risk her life but the others that would have gone back in the building after her. In the end she had come out of the building fine but for the rest of shift the different scenarios played back through his mind if things had turned out differently. Matt kept his mouth shut but the worry and anger for being in this situation sat in his stomach like a rock.

All Casey wanted was to be planning a wedding but instead he was faced with trying to balance a tight rope between work and home life. Since he and Gabby started dating it always seemed like they were trying to avert the next crisis going from one crisis to the nest. First it was the issue of her becoming a firefighter, then his injury and him hiding it from her and then the death of Shay since they had become a couple it seemed to him there was no time to just be with no pressure. Now Severide and his wife being in the apartment added to the bleed over from the work to home. Matt wanted to support Kelly but part of him hated the reminder of someone starting a life together, while he had to wait a year on Gabby to be done with being a candidate before he could even consider that option. He wanted to tell himself everything was fine, but deep down he knew that Gabby and he were not ok. At least under the surface there was more tension between he and Gabby than even Matt wanted to admit.

This rough patch with Gabby made him think of his failed relationship with Halle. They had been on again off again several times before she had died. He had loved her but it had always been a struggle to keep things together for more than a few months at a time. He would never dare to confide to Gabby that he was comparing their relationship to his and Halle's time together. So instead he sat and kept quiet about things while the pressure grew inside him. Matt was not ready to give up on what they had but he just wanted things to be easier for them.

Gabby watched Matt as he was a million miles away. She thought about asking him what he was thinking about but hesitated. In all honesty she was afraid of what Matt would tell her. Today she when she exited the building she had been aware of Matt being pissed at her. After exiting the building she had seen the look of fear and anger mingled together on his face. Instead of reprimanding her all Matt did was to congratulate her on the save. Gabby knew Matt well enough to know that he was avoiding the issues that they were facing. But then again, Gabby was avoiding things herself like thinking about the death of Leslie and Rebecca, She felt like she carried the ghosts of their expectations with her daily. Gabby did not want to disappoint their memory, especially Shays memory. Leslie Shay had been her best friend and partner-in-crime. The fact that they had traded place still did not feel like dumb luck to Gabby but more like a heavy weight of guilt. Her counselor had told her that it was normal and called survival guilt. Gabby didn't know what it was called she just knew it hurt like hell. She was determined to make Shay proud of her.

The added pressure of Kelly prancing around the apartment with his new wife did not help. Gabby was pissed that he was here married when she could not be. She viewed it as a reminder to Matt of what he couldn't have. The other day Matt had even admitted being envious. The worst part was that Matt had extended a hand of friendship to Kelly by asking him to stay, which was fine . But when the subject of the new wife came up Matt had invited her to stay too without even asking Gabby. So she had put it back in his lap to deal with, partly to avoid dealing with why Kelly was really married. Gabby knew it was a reaction to his loss of Shay. But when she had tried to talk to Kelly about it he had accused her of being scared to take the next step with Matt. Gabby started thinking about how fast they had moved in together and then Matt's proposal had followed. She had said yes without reservation but then doubted the timing of everything. Gabby had not even talked to Antonio since he was going through his own marriage troubles. Damn it Shay why can't you be here. You would know what to say to me to make everything make sense. Tears welled up in Gabby's eyes as she turned her back so that Matt could not see her and quickly wiped the tears away. Gabby told herself to just keep moving forward and everything would be fine.

Matt came up behind Gabby and ran his hands around her waist and he felt her stiffen a little bit. He let his hands slack off a little bit as he asked, "Everything ok?"

Gabby replied and regretted not responding to him, "Sorry baby, I am just really tired, Kelly has been keeping me up lately.

"Yeah, I will talk to him soon." Matt withdrew and went over to the couch, grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. He stared at the TV trying to disguise the hurt he felt.

Gabby went over and tried to sit beside him but found that he was focused on the game, "Well I guess I will just go to bed and get some sleep since Kelly and whats her face aren't here. Care to join me?"

Matt glanced up from the television and felt the distance between he and Gabby to be a gulf and answered, " Nah I have been looking forward to this game I recorded on DVR. I would kind of like to watch it before I get some sleep."

OK, See you when I wake up" Gabby tried to answer cheerily.

"Actually I have a construction job so we won't see each other until later." Matt answered back not returning Gabby's gaze.

Gabby walked over to Matt and kissed him and asked, "Are we ok?"

Matt nodded and said , "Sure"

But they both knew they were far from ok. They felt like they were a million miles apart and neither was sure how to get bridge the gap between them.

Gabby, "I want to be a firefighter but I want him. Do I have to make a choice between the two?"

Matt, " I want her but if I asked her to not be a firefighter. Would she choose me? I am not so sure."