NOTHING TO REPORT, SER

This is dedicated to your favorite character and mine in Dragon Age: Inquisition, the Requisitions Officer. This little tale is spoiler free except that it does take place in the Hinterlands and the characters' levels are about level 8 and 7 and it does involve a dragon. Oh…and while this actually (more or less) did happen to my character in game, the story is being played for laughs.

Selena, the Dalish former hunter, now unwilling Herald of Andraste, brushed back a lock of blonde hair as she turned to her companions. "Ok boys…and Viv…"

"Vivienne or better…First Enchanter Vivienne, if you please." A frosty voice interrupted.

"Whatever." Selena huffed, "Anyway, let's go do that thing we gotta do so I get that Inquisition perk I need."

"Sounds good to me, boss." The giant qunari, Iron Bull laughed.

"Let us be on our way." Cassandra urged as Selena turned to the approaching Requisitions Officer.

"Anything to report?"

"Nothing to report, Ser."

"Ok…let's go." Selena ordered as she and her companions began to make their way out of the camp, immediately rounding a rocky outcropping. Everyone paused as they heard the sound of wings beating in the air.

"Tell me that's not what I think it is." Selena sighed.

"Dragon!" Cassandra yelled as the beast let loose a roar and a fireball.

"My ass…my ass!" Selena cried out. "The dragon's trying to roast my ass!"

"Attack!" Cassandra screamed as Selena shouted out.

"No! We're getting the flark outta here! Fire hurt! Fire on ass really hurt! Ouch…ouch…ouch…OUCH!"

As the group limped the ten meters back to camp, Selena glared at the Requisitions Officer as the dragon let out a roar that sounded an awful lot like a laugh.

"Why didn't you tell us about that Mythal-damned dragon?"

"Nothing to report, Ser."

"There's a freakin' dragon outside the camp!"

"Nothing to report, Ser."

"There's a mother-freakin' dragon that nearly roasted my ass outside the camp!"

"Nothing to report, Ser."

"Bull…gimme that flarken' hammer of yours!"

"Sure thing, Boss."

Taking the hammer, Selena approached the Requisitions officer, "Anything to report?"

"Nothing…"

WHOMP!

"…to…"

WHOMP! WHOMP!

"….report…"

"…Ser…"

WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!

Handing the hammer back to Bull, Selena looked down on the poor Requisitions Officer around whose head circled pretty stars and birdies.

"Now, do you have anything to report?"

"Nothing to report, Ser."