Harry Potter and FMA are not mine.

I accidentally deleted the other story, titled "The Philosopher's Stone". Now I think that is for the better. I have revised and edited to story. So this is the superior version. Hopefully.

There were many things wrong with Edward Elric's current situation. Number one being: there was a spider hanging right over his head. It balanced precariously on its silk string, its tiny black legs rubbing together. And, number two: he was in a very small cupboard. His bed was cramped into the tiny space, surrounded by a few tattered books and belongings.

This was going to be a very, very long day.

Edward sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead with his one arm.. His one… He looked down at his arms, or rather, his only arm. The other simply wasn't there. A light bandage covered his shoulder, bound tightly and hiding the fact that he was essentially armless. He felt naked without his automail. Something obviously had gone wrong. He shoved the covers off his bad and found that, instead of two legs, he had one real leg and one rudimentary prosthetic stick for another. At least he could walk, he thought, trying not to launch into a fit. He had to take things one step at a time.

He swung his legs over the bed, hearing loud tapping applied to his thin cardboard door. Edward glowered at the door.

"What the hel—" he began to say, but was overrun by a high-pitched female voice.

"Up! Get up now!"

Edward froze. What kind of horrible creature could produce such a sound? A name drifted to his mind. Aunt Petunia. Ah, a pretentious name to match a pretentious-sounding woman. Edward stood and pushed open the door with his good hand. Having only woken up several moments before, his mind was still groggy and could not fathom everything at once. It hadn't yet occurred to him even why this lady spoke with a strange accent.

Thankfully, he heard her steps retreat down what he assumed was a hallway. Having not ever seen the house before. He had a distinct feeling that he was trapped in a small, metal box. Regardless, it must be morning. Edward stood and stretched in the cramped space. Or, rather, a space that would be cramped to a normal-sized person.

Did he really just think that?

Edward was prepared to slam his forehead into the door just then, when Aunt Petunia returned with a new, fearsome wave of knocking.

"Are you up yet?"

"Yes I am." Edward called back, unsure how to act.

He pushed the door open and stepped into the hallway. He was greeted by a tart face with flushed cheeks. "Today is Dudley's birthday and it will be perfect. Go watch the bacon and don't you dare let it burn." She chastised him harshly. Edward wordlessly went to the kitchen. He may as well conform to the rules of this world, for now. He went to the pan and watched as it simmer. Bubbles of grease popped next to the strips of meat.

Who was Dudley? What a horrible name. Edward nudged the bacon, working on pure instinct.

A large man that resembled an inflated plum entered the kitchen, shooting Edward a foul look. Another name fell into his head: Uncle Vernon. Edward wanted to smile, but he already didn't like this man. The man, still scowling, commanded him gruffly. "Cut your hair. It's too long for a boy."

Edward tried to look at his reflection in the window, noticing that his hair was still as long and as golden as it ever was, tied back in a braid. At least he didn't look any different. It was still his body. He breathed an inward sigh of relief.

The last thing he remembered was It. He remembered the towering, dark gates too horrible to imagine. And now he was getting the feeling that he was quite a bit younger now than when he had walked through those gates. Where was his brother? Where was Winry? Edward nearly let the bacon burn as a wave of fear and sorrow crashed over him. He went quickly to the plate and slid the bacon on to Dudley's plate. The boy named so walked towards the chair. Or, rather, shuffled like a very fat, soft, pink rock that had somehow gained stubby legs.

Edward knew better than to laugh. He ended up pretending that he had choked on air. Dudley gave him a funny look, but that was all he thought Edward was worthy of before going to his meal.

After completing breakfast, Edward sat down. He started eating. He tried his very best to ignore the soon-to-be temper tantrum over a deficiency of two birthday present. But his efforts were futile. Edward was getting mad. His temper was barely controlled. Sure he had one arm and a one and a third legs. Sure he probably couldn't use any alchemy in this world. And maybe Dudley could crush him by simply sitting on him. That didn't give that pig any right to complain over getting presents. Why, if he had experienced even half of what Edward had gone through, if he even knew what sorrow was. If he knew what it was like to lose his arm and leg. The boy was going to grow up to be a scum of earth. He would be a slimy con man, just like his father. Edward's blood boiled. He wanted to throttle that little piece of—

"Bed news, Vernon." Petunia said, holding the phone up to her ear. She looked as if someone had announced the end of the world.

Edward turned to her, holding the fork in one hand and chewing quickly. Was he going to get kicked out? Frankly, a rat-infested street seemed better than this environment. And he had hardly been here for an hour.

"Mrs. Figg's broken her leg." Her eyes darted towards Edward. Was it his fault? Whose place did he take, anyway? Edward had a feeling he was being a replacement. What poor, poor soul had to go through this. And now he had to live Edward's life. What a ride. "She can't take care of him." She nodded at Edward.

Edward's cheeks turned dark red.

"I have ears you know." He muttered.

Vernon shot him a look that silenced him instantly, but fueled his rage further.

He and Petunia debated where Edward should go. Edward had a feeling they considered him no more than a lousy piece of furniture. As they talked, growing anxious, and speaking of brand new cars and reputations to protect, Dudley's face contorted into a look of sheer horror.

"But he's disabled! He doesn't even have two legs! He CAN'T come with us!" Dudley whined, pretending to cry. He contorted his features painfully, wailing.

"No, no, popkins, of course he won't come with us." Petunia reassured.

Edward watched the exchange. It would be funny if it wasn't happening to him. He felt smaller than usual.

"Probably can't see the displays at the zoo anyway." Vernon muttered gruffly.

Before they could reach a conclusion and before Edward could have suggested staying home (it would give him time to think and hopefully find a way back home), the doorbell rang. Petunia's face fell. Dudley stopped crying. His friend had arrived. The party started and Edward was reluctantly dragged along.

Vernon muttered something or other about a free pass for the legless.

Edward crossed his arms. Or he tried to, at the very least. All he managed was a one-armed hug around his body. He stopped doing that on the account that it looked just plain silly. Edward was squished in the brand new car between rat-face and Dudley. Maybe they were chimeras, Edward thought, humans mixed with a pig and rodent. It gave him something to think about while this universe's time flow moved on.

For an alternate reality, it had a way of making him very, very mad. Just a moment before he had crawled into the car, which was far fancier than any car he had seen in his entire life, Vernon had gruffly pulled him by the scruff and began scolding him.

"No funny business," he ordered. His face crimsoned. "If you even dare try something funny—"

"I will be severely punished?" Edward asked. Nothing this man could do scared him. Nothing anyone could do in this world could scare him. He only thought this because he knew so very little about the world he was about to enter.

Vernon yelled at him some more for that jab and foisted him into the car.

Now, as they road to the zoo, Edward finally had time to think. Vernon was complaining, which he had a feeling was a habitual action. Piers and Dudley were mocking whatever suited their fancy. Petunia listened on complacently.

Edward shifted his uncomfortable prosthetic leg, trying to get it out of Dudley's wave. He wasn't particular to having it crushed yet. Until he could find a better prosthetic he wanted to keep this one in working order.

At the zoo, Edward was treated to ice cream simply because the kind woman there had offered one. Vernon and Petunia had hastily bought the cheapest kind and Edward was dragged along.

This was a very good day.

The thought fell into his head. He felt a spike of pity for whoever lived in this realm.

They walked around the zoo. Edward began to wish he could fight on a scrawny stilt. Or that he had something resembling another arm to at least make an attempt at alchemy. But, for now, he had only his thoughts and a steadily melting bar of ice-cream. For now, he decided to organize the most recent events into something comprehensible. He couldn't exactly get a formula as he was used to, but this should suffice.

In order to get his brother's body back, he had gone through the gates and he had ended up here. Now he was in a country called "Britain" and he was living with an aunt and uncle who treated him like garbage. Or rather, who he was now replacing. Or acting as. Or being. It made less and less sense as he went on. Why would he replace someone? Shouldn't he have ended up as a new person? Or someone who he was in this world?

And on top of that, why in the world was he younger? What laws did this world run on? Sadly, there was no one to ask. At least, not yet.

They had lunch, Dudley complained some more, Edward considered thirty-one ways on how to ram him into a wall, and then they went to the reptile house.

Nothing interesting happened there.

Well, that is, save for the case of the vanishing glass.

Dudley and Piers had located a new target. They honed in on the sleeping snake, begging it to move or wrap around something's neck. They were annoying it, that much was obvious. And that was all Edward could handle. He marched up to the boys, as best as he could without stumbling over the false leg. He placed his hand on the glass.

"Would you just SHUT UP?" He shouted. Then he resorted to a deadly calm. "This is a living being, just like you and me. It deserves some peace and quiet, don't you think?"

Dudley and Piers only laughed at him.

Edward grew infuriated. The glass began to shimmer under his palm. He didn't notice.

Dudley pointed a stubby finger. "Mum! Dad! Look at him, he's trying to look grown-up."

Piers was shaking with laughter.

The light grew more intense.

Edward's expression stiffened.

"I am defending this poor snake. It's helpless from brutes like you."

Shou Tucker…

Edward's throat became dry at the thought. He held his ground. He had to stop Dudley from becoming another abuser. He doubted he could make a chimera. But he could hurt the world and it's balance in other ways.

Nina…

"No, look at what's he doing to the glass!" Piers shouted, pointing.

No, daddy…

"What glass?" Dudley said, suddenly becoming pale.

Edward stopped, his rage stopping short. He looked at the exhibit. The glass was gone. The snake crept out of the cage, slithering away and hissing. Dudley and Piers avoided it like it may suddenly become pugnacious and bite them.

Vernon grabbed Edward and pulled him away. Shrieks filled the reptile house. Petunia followed shortly. And Edward had a feeling that getting along in this world was going to be difficult.