Don't own Naruto or DGM.

Don't own the Cover Art.

Warning: Complete and Utter Crack.

Now What?

Allen groaned and rubbed the back of his head. "What happened? Where am I?" As he looked around his eyes fell on a familiar form, and he scowled a little. "Oi, Neah, what are you doing out? And not possessing my body to do so?"

The now teenaged Noah in question looked around at the greenery surrounding them, and shrugged. "No idea. But it's probably for the best; I didn't really want to take over you, but it was the only thing that came to mind."

Allen snorted then shrugged. "Whatever. Still isn't as bad as some of the stuff Cross did to me." Neah looked mildly surprised by that, but shrugged it off and soon the two were exploring their new surroundings. Neah then tried to call the Ark, only to realize that his Noah powers were gone, only his physical appearance giving any hint that they had been there in the first place. He turned to tell Allen such, then screamed like a little girl.

Allen jumped and stared at him. "What the hell, man?!" He demanded, hiding his arm from view.

Neah was faster and grabbed the arm in question. "What happened to your arm?!" he asked shrilly. Indeed, his arm seemed be stuck in its claw form but otherwise looked like a normal tan arm, his nails pitch black. He then looked up, and screamed again. "What happened to the curse?!"

"I don't know!" Allen snapped back defensively, tugging his hand out of the other's grasp. "The Ark sent us here, right?! Maybe it didn't know how to use Crown Clown's power and converted it to be more integrated into my body!" He then paused, and his eyes grew wide. "Wait, something happened to my curse?!"

Indeed, the pentacle that powered the curse placed above his left eye was gone, the scar below his eye still there. Neah shrugged. "That was Akuma-made, so it doesn't surprise me that the Ark used it to help power…whatever it did to us."

In his confused distress, Allen barely heard him, but tensed as he felt something respond within him. "What was that?"

Neah frowned, having felt it as well, and tried to do replicate what Allen had done. He was surprised when a similar feeling rose up in him. "No idea, but let's try to use it."

Whatever it was looked like blue fire and escaped their hands in fits and bursts. Both rather quick studies in the fighting arts, it didn't take them long to control it, and they soon found a use for it, like walking up trees and even atop of water. Learning to control it even got Allen's claws to retract and showed that both hands' nails were retractable and as sharp and indestructible as his Innocence's claw form.

Shrugging it off for now, the two jumped into the trees and began jumping from limb to limb as they headed towards the nearest city with a casino. After all, they needed money for whatever world they were in, and Allen had a rather unnerving look in his eyes.

"Happy Birthday Neah!" Allen chirped gleefully, throwing a bag and a scroll at the reclining teen, who caught the first but wasn't expecting the second and so got hit in the head.

"Ouch! Little brat…" he muttered sourly to himself and twitched as Allen cheerfully shook his finger at him.

"Now, now Nii-san, we do look about the same age now." He was fairly glowing as he rifled through his own bag, counting the coins over and over with the fervor of someone not used to having money on hand.

"My, you're cheerful after stripping every last penny from a man's name," his now older brother snorted, but he did appear rather amused by the other boy's good cheer following taking advantage of so many suckers. He then eyed the scroll given to him and opened it a little. "So what's this?"

"Supposedly the Slug Summoning Scroll," Allen confided, chewing on a stick of dango as he paged through a book he'd swiped that had the basic history of the land they were in. "I won it off a lady at the casino. Didn't even need to cheat to get it either." He giggled darkly at the memory. "After I won it, I had her tell me how to use it and how to summon stuff from it. Apparently they use the blue fire, they call it chakra, in conjunction with hand seals to do stuff like summon creatures and manipulate the elements."

"Interesting," Neah muttered. "And Slugs…yes, yes this will be perfect!" He began to cackle madly and Allen gave him a look.

"Perfect for what?"

"Why for taking over the world of course!"

Allen silently questioned Neah sanity as he finished his stick of dango. "…How so?"

"…I'm not sure yet," Neah admitted. "But it will involve slime! Lots of slime!" Neah gave the younger boy a bright grin. "Thanks, Allen; I love my birthday gift!"

"…You're welcome Neah." Allen had been a good guy the last time around. He was rather curious to see how things played out on the other side of the "taking over the world" coin.

Neah became very good at summoning the slugs, who were wary at first but took to Allen's polite demeanor and Neah's multi-purpose use of them with vigor. This was the most they'd been used in a long time! Neah usually kept at least one out at all times, perched on his and sometimes Allen's shoulders. The slugs got to see the world, and Allen and Neah had lookouts and healers on them at all times.

It was a win-win for everybody!

A few weeks later, as the two were wandering from place to place, their sentry slugs tightened their grip on them and two ninja appeared, staring at Neah and kneeling to the floor. "Orochimaru-sama! You've come back!" The two looked close to tears in their relief, but Neah just looked confused.

The former Noah crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "Sorry guys, I'm not this "Orochimaru" person you're looking for." A gust of wind moved his white coat back in accidentally dramatic fashion, and Allen grinned, a horrible, hilarious idea occurring to him.

"But he does get that a lot," the white-haired teen hedged, and Neah grunted in annoyed agreement. "And we don't know that much about our parents," another agreeing sound, though more confused than before. It was true, after all. "So…who knows? Maybe Orochimaru is Neah's father?"

Again, hypothetically this could be true. It would require much bending of the mind and time-space continuum, but still possible. So Allen, and the two ninja, ignored Neah's disbelieving scoff as the latter two ate up the former's words like it was the gospel itself.

"Yes! That must be the case! Neah-sama, please accompany us back to your father's village! You as well…uh…"

"Allen Walker, and this in my older brother figure, Neah Walker."

"Allen-sama then!"

"Wait," Neah spoke up, and interest burned intensely in his eyes. "'My father's village' you said. As in, he started the village?"

"Indeed, Neah-sama! Orochimaru-sama began and ran Otogakure some years ago! Unfortunately it appears that he was killed by his apprentice, as we've yet to find his body or the new body he might've possessed."

"In that case, yes," Neah's eyes glowed with the force of his excitement. "Let's go see my…father's village."

Somewhere in the afterlife, Orochimaru shuddered.

The ninja of the village of Otogakure seemed quite happy to have their leader's son safely in their grasp, while the few civilians that were there were discomfited but soon warmed up to him, mostly because Allen had taken to being the one that interacted with them and he was just so polite that the civilians were happy to have him, and so tolerated Neah's presence.

Neah just twitched as one of the older civilians told him that to his face, and gave Allen complete control of the civilian sector.

Yep, the two ran the village now, the ninja following Neah's commands to the death and Allen charming all of the civilians into opening up shops and selling goods for travelers that warily made their way through the village. The only people that didn't hesitate to enter were the traveling circuses, whom Allen always welcomed enthusiastically into the village when they passed by.

When Allen showed them a few of his own techniques, the circuses welcomed his opinion happily and some genin began asking him to teach them tricks. With a smile not unlike a plotting kitsune's, the teen civilian ruler told them that he would only train them if they traveled with a circus for a month. They agreed, not believing he would follow through with the other half of the deal.

They realized he would when Neah assigned the team that had asked to learn how to juggle knives to the circus that was leaving the village that day. Some of the ninja protested, but were soon silenced as Allen cheerfully gave them his reasoning.

"This will be a month long mission. This will get them used to long-term missions and body guard detail. This will teach them to work under cover; they'll learn to make money for themselves with their own skills; they'll get a firmer grasp of the land; they'll have a better understanding of the politics of different villages as they go from place to place; they'll learn to work well both individually and together. This is overall perfect for them, and the circus only has to pay for hiring them, which is something they can do on a regular basis with us." The teen smiled. "We'll be getting money and training our genin at the same time."

The older ninja stopped questioning the teen at that and Neah happily put Allen in charge of the genin, both their placement on teams and missions. Less work for him!

After a while, Allen also required that the genin have traveled in a circus and worked in the rice fields for a fortnight before they were allowed to participate in the Chuunin Exams. There was some grumbling among the ninja forces, but the wait this forced the genin to go through until they could compete lowered their chance of being injured, and so the complaints dried up quickly.

At some other point, a shinobi presented the Snake Summon Scroll to Neah. "Neah-sama, this was your father's summon animal. We wanted to give it to you, for you to further carry his legacy!"

"Okay…" Neah drew out from his spot lounging on the couch in his shiny office, Allen reading through paperwork and signing it at his desk. He grabbed the scroll and eyed it lazily, before scoffing. "Snakes are boring. And so cliché as the evil animal; slugs are much better." He then craned his neck over the armrest to look at his little brother. "Allen~! Present for you~!"

Allen caught the tossed scroll easily and looked through it himself. "Thanks, Neah!"

The ninja sputtered, but couldn't say anything for fear of offending either teen.

"Hey," Allen spoke up, grabbing his Aniki's attention. "That Sasuke kid is on here."

"Oh? You mean the one that blonde brat was yelling about when he saw you and asked why you bleached your hair?"

"I think so. This is too ironic to be a coincidence." Allen grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "That was also why I decided to grow my hair out again."

The snakes, when summoned, absolutely adored Allen and many of them swore themselves to only him.

Neah was unsurprised.

Allen just smiled.

The first person to complain about Sound nin working in a traveling circus was, to no one's surprise, Konoha. What was surprising was that the other troupers came to the team's defense.

"We are perfectly aware that they are Oto nin," the head of the circus said irritably, scowling and hiding the genin in question further behind him. "We were aware when we hired them, we are aware now. If you keep harassing them like you have been I will not hesitate to have you removed from the premises."

The Konoha nin looked completely flabbergasted, not sure how to react to someone actually defending a Sound ninja, even a genin. "How can you hire them?! They attacked our village!"

"I'm a traveler, sonny," The ringleader retorted, beyond caring for the delicate sensibilities of the man in front of him. "I've seen much worse than that invasion. Not to mention that they came out of that much worse than you did. Plus, they're under new management." He shrugged. "Even if I did care about your village being attacked, I won't blame their current Kage on the actions of the previous."

The Leaf nin hissed, but held his tongue at the older man's shrewd logic.

While other villages also voiced their protests of a Sound shinobi being in their land, they learned do so quietly when a lion tamer decked another Leaf ninja in the face for what he was saying to the female of the genin team.

Only two-three genin teams were allowed on to be on "circus-duty" at one time, and so had a snake summon on hand in case of emergency, as they weren't allowed to even have their jounin sensei with them during "circus-duty" to promote independent thinking, while the jounin got to release some stress and earn more money with higher-ranking missions. When the genin reported the harassment they were facing, Allen recommended a younger jounin to the circuses as well for added protection and to train them to possibly become jounin sensei in the future. Both sides happily agreed to the change in the contract.

"EHHH?!" The sound echoed throughout the village, but most of the villagers shook their head or laughed, giving amused glances to the tower at the center of the drab grey village.

Inside the grey building with a bright yellow and purple roof, Neah was glaring at the cowering ninja in front of him. He took a deep breath, and hissed again. "What do you mean Sound doesn't have formal Kage robes?! This is an outrage!" In the corner, Allen was laughing at the pout Neah so clearly wore.

"Aniki, the village was originally made for Orochimaru to have a war machine; of course it won't have formal robes."

Neah wilted at his fellow leader's words and turned to him. "But Allen!" he whined, earning an indulgent smile from the other, "I want formal robes!"

"Then request for some from Orimono-chan, Neah!" He told his brother amusedly, making the black snake resting on his shoulders hiss softly.

"Honestly," she sighed, scooching closer to Allen for warmth. "How does he remember to breath?" Allen laughed quietly at that, but didn't answer.

He did just that, and they were fabulous. It was the same as the traditional Kage robes, with the unique coloring being purple. It also had black crosses all across the rim of the hat, to Neah and Allen's delight. Neah also requested another one, with bright, healthy green of growing rice for its unique coloring, and white crosses across its brim. He presented them to Allen, who happily took them.

And thus they fully became the Otokage and Takage, the two Kage of Ta no Kuni and Otogakure.

The village had a festival in celebration.

With their full induction into their positions of power, the two added few things here and there to their outfits. Allen requested a metal mask that resembled the one Crown Clown had, and a handheld fan with a razor-sharp edge and metal blades which were painted the green of his Kage robes. He used both to hide his face from new comers, and the mask itself was seen as a symbol of his cunning and sense of humor by many of the villagers.

Neah in turn got a mask that cover his neck, nose and mouth but kept everything above it visible, bringing more attention to the seven stigmata across his brow. It was the purple of his own Kage robes, and it made many of the village think of his secrecy and light-hearted way of dealing with serious things.

As for the changes that came to the village following their complete rise to power, Allen was actually the one of the two of them who created the Anbu. He tested several of the more skilled jounin, until they were on the verge of collapse, and selected ten of them. They were sworn to secrecy and complete loyalty to their two Kage, and outfitted with typical anbu gear and the masks which Allen designed for them: blank with the exception of two black circles for eyes and a black crescent-shaped smile.

It unnerved everyone in the room with the exception of Allen himself.

Needless to say, what little crime that was taking place in the village dropped once these shinobi began patrolling the village.

"Why did they only invite me to this meeting?" Neah grumbled, eyeing the scroll in his hand as Allen cooed and stroked the hawk on his arm, which affectionately ran its beak through Allen's white hair in return.

"Maybe they just want to talk about shinobi affairs, and you're the real head of our ninja forces, so they only invited you? I'm not quite sure." Allen didn't mind too much, though he kind of wished that they would at least acknowledge that they were snubbing him from attending.

Neah sulked a little. "Whatever. While I'm doing that, you can get started on our pet project."

"Oh? Ah, you mean that ruined village, correct?"

"Got it in one, my adorable little brother." He wrote his agreement to attend, with the stipulation of having two guards with him, and gave it back to the hawk, which looked reluctant but left all the same. "Set up the foundations while we're all at this meeting; less people to bitch at us."

Allen gave him a thumb's up. "You got it!"

Tsunade rubbed her forehead; she was not looking forward to the Kage meeting taking place. For one thing, it would be only with the major village Kage but it was still the first meeting of Kage in a long while.

For another, the Otokage would be attending.

When she heard that Otogakure had remained steady in the wake of Orochimaru's death, she'd been understandably skeptical on the matter. After all, the place had been made to be the Snake-Sannin's war machine, and nothing more. So to receive an agreement to attend the Kage meeting from the Otokage had been quite the unpleasant shock.

Nonetheless; they extended the invitation, they would pay for it.

The other leaders tensed when they felt the approach of three chakra signatures, though Tsunade relaxed a little to know that he only brought two guards rather than the regiment she feared. And then they entered, the white and purple robes of the Otokage flaring behind him and his guards on either side.

Those empty, smiling masks made many in the room shiver as they looked blankly at them.

Though the Otokage's face was mostly covered, they could feel his grin as he looked at them. "Yo! Name's Neah, I'm the Nidaime Otokage. Pleasure to meet you!"

When will this day end already?

"Alright people," Allen rubbed his hands together as he took in the rubble around him, his demolitions team looking a second away from swearing eternal loyalty to him. He took a deep breath. "Let's BLOW SHIT UP!"

The answering roar was deafening.

The discussions were going fairly well, ignoring the fact that the Otokage refused to answer questions about his genin and civilian matters, what few times they were brought up, when some anbu appeared with an ash-covered teen between them, his arms bound and a rope connecting his ankles so that he wouldn't run.

The Otokage took one look at the completely grey-colored boy, and doubled over laughing. "Oh my god, you look like a Noah!" he crowed, pointing at the teen and cackling full-heartedly.

The teen scowled. "Fuck you Neah, at least I got to blow stuff up!"

That shut the Otokage up quickly. "Don't remind me," he said, and Tsunade could swear that the man was sulking from what little she could see of his face.

"Ma'am," the anbu said, and Tsunade looked at him curiously. "We found this boy blowing up debris at the ruins of Uzushiogakure."

Tsunade tensed. "Are you certain?"

"Yes ma'am."

The blonde turned slowly to look at the Otokage, rage burning within her. "Explain yourself, before I rip your throat out for desecrating that city."

The Otokage looked confused but it was the teen who answered. "Well how do you expect us to rebuild the place if the unsalvageable stuff is in the way?" The boy looked like he was questioning their intelligence. "Honestly."

The Otokage clearly agreed with the teen. "What he said." The man shrugged. "I mean, all of the Uzumaki clan we have in our village have shown an interest in our plan to rebuild Uzu, and Allen here is the head of our demolition and seal groups, so he finds the stuff that can be reused and scraps the rest. I don't see what the problem is."

In the face of their logic and honest bemusement Tsunade felt her rage slip away, replaced with confusion and distrust. "And who will lead it? You?"

The teen actually laughed at that, while the Otokage answered in a horrified tone. "Gods no, I'm busy enough as it is, and I only run half of my village. I couldn't handle taking care of another and staying in shape on top of that. I'll probably just force one of the Uzumaki to do it."

The other Kage calmed at that admission, but Tsunade only focused on one thing. "Wait, you only run half of your village?"

"Well yeah, I'm the Otokage, so I keep track of the chuunin and jounin, and all variations of that. My other, the Takage, deals with the genin and civilian side of things. It makes it easier to keep track of everything and ensures that neither side feels neglected." The Otokage said all of this like it was obvious and Tsunade felt a headache coming on while the other Kage looked embarrassed.

"So that's why he won't talk about the civilians or genin," one muttered, while another mourned, "Why hasn't anyone else thought about that?"

The teen being held by the anbu answered helpfully, "Probably the same reason that no one thinks to use clones to do their paperwork." There was an awkward silence, and then the sound of multiple hands hitting their foreheads rang out through the room.

"Right," Tsunade muttered, sorely wishing for some of the sake the Otokage had brought as a sign of good faith. "Just put him next to his Kage." Before his anbu kill us all, she added silently, eyeing the blankly smiling masks that were locked onto the teen and clearly tense.

As they escorted the teen over there, he misjudged the slack of the rope on his ankles and trip. Gaara, the Kazekage, looked down to help him up while the teen looked up to struggle back to his feet, and their lips locked.

Silence blanketed the room as everyone stared at the accidental kiss before the white-haired boy broke it off. He licked his lips in thought before simply smiling at the shocked redhead. "You have sand on your lips," he told him conversationally, and a faint blush bloomed on the usually stoic Kazekage's cheeks.

Now the Sound anbu looked completely ready for murder, Tsunade noted, and then did a double take. One of the previously smiling masks was now frowning, and it made a shiver go up the blonde's spine in confused horror.

The Otokage just lifted a cup of sake he didn't have previously in a toast and cheered. "Yay! New alliance!"

How was this Tsunade's life?

The next time there was a Kage meeting, the other nations knew to invite both the Otokage and the Takage to the event, but added a new condition: everyone would remove their hats and anything that blocked their faces if they weren't covering disfiguring scars.

Jiraiya and Naruto tagged along, curious despite themselves to see what the two leaders of Otogakure looked like. Naruto also wanted to see if the guy who stole Gaara's first kiss would be there.

Gaara was accompanied by Temari and Kankurou, who probably had similar intentions, but other than that there were few additions to the guard detail for each Kage.

The Otokage appeared once more in a sweep of white and purple, the man whom many assumed to be the Takage a few steps behind him in a swirl of bright green and white. Which made the black snake that was coiled on his shoulders stand out even more.

Jiraiya and Naruto tensed, while the Takage just sighed and began removing his hat and grey metal mask. When his face became bare to the world, Tsunade and Naruto let out shrill screams.

The teen sighed. "What is it with people and screaming at the sight of my face?" he asked rhetorically, not looking offended in the slightest as Tsunade and Naruto whipped their faces back and forth between the boy and the nonplussed Jiraiya beside them.

The Otokage caught on quickly and laughed. "Look, Allen, we finally found your father!" he exclaimed happily, and Tsunade paled at the thought and the name.

"Allen. You don't mean the kid who was dragged in for the explosions?"

"Indeed I do," the Otokage grinned, which they could clearly see as he had lowered his mask, while Allen smiled blandly and waved his fan in a lazy fashion. He locked eyes with Gaara and winked, which set the redhead off, blushing very slightly again and looking away in embarrassment. Then the Otokage took off his hat, which had Jiraiya screaming girlishly.

Neah's golden eyes stared Jiraiya down in confusion, before Allen piped up, "He probably knows your dad or something."

"Know him?" Jiraiya shrieked. "That Oro-teme –"

"Whoa, whoa," Neah put his hand up. "I was wondering if you knew him, I didn't want the details." Jiraiya gaped shamelessly at the teen, his face rapidly paling.

The Toad Sannin then spun around and pointed at his supposed son, accusing. "And why do you have the Snake summon?!"

Allen blinked back blandly. "Because Neah has Slugs of course."

Tsunade felt some of her sanity slipping away as she interacted with these two nutjobs. And then something horrifying clicked for her. "Fuck! You're the brat who won the Slug Summoning Scroll off of me in poker!" The teen's smile gained a darker edge as he nodded at her. "So Orochimaru's kid got the Slug scroll off of Jiraiya's kid; what the hell is this?!"

"It's alright Tsunade-sama," the previously unnoticed slug on Neah's shoulder chimed up. "We like him, and he's helped us reach our full potential."

"Indeed," Neah agreed, grinning with a madness not even Orochimaru could reach. He spun in a dramatic fashion and raised his arms up. "It is only a matter of time. We've been working tirelessly, the slugs and I, perfecting the plan and rallying the forces." He didn't notice the worried and fearful looks his rant was garnering.

"But we'll be ready soon," he continued blithely. "And all will know when we will be ready, because on that day, on that day…" some people were leaning closer to hear him, others were so drawing their weapons as Neah was forced to take a breath to continue, "EVIL TRAILS OF SLIME SHALL COVER TEH WORLD!" He waved his hands in the air with the force of his enthusiasm, smacking one of his anbu in the face. It took the abuse stoically, used to its Otokage's habit of casually abusing them.

There was an awkward silence that followed his declaration, as the various Kage stared at the clearly fucked up teen while he stared off in the distance, lost to his own imagination. Allen looked like he had been subject to this rant too often to try and save them, under the vindictive belief that misery loves company.

Tsunade and Jiraiya stared at their former friend and teammate's psycho son, while Naruto started laughing. "All you need now is for Tsunade to have a kid with the Toad summon and it would be perfect!"

The teens looked at each other, then turned to stare at Naruto. Allen smiled; Tsunade shivered. "You'll do," he chirped, with Neah adding, "Would you like to be Uzukage?"

...I'm not nearly as sorry about this as I probably should be.

It you liked, feel free to leave suggestions on how I can improve.