Author's Note: None. Enjoy the story, guys.

"Wow, they're so.. strange and beautiful."

"After a while, all you see is the beauty." - Elisa Maza, Gargoyles

Raphael knelt.

For a long time, the only noise in the dojo was the soft hiss of a match being lit, the occasional crackle given by the candles. His head bowed and his hands in front of him, Raphael felt strangely helpless and young.

He raked a hand over his head and chuckled. The noise sounded off, but somehow the rumble of it in his chest calmed him a little.

"Damn it, Donnie. You know I'm not good at this."

Raphael sucked in a deep breath and finally lifted his head, a hand reaching out to touch the small monument. His fingers brushed the bo staff and the texture of the wrapped leather made his face contort with the effort to keep calm.

He dropped his hand.

"I just wanted to say... I just wanted to let you know - "

He paused, his eyes clenching shut for a moment before he continued. "I just wanted .. to remind you.. because... I know you already know this, but I have to say it to you now because if I don't, I may lose my mind." A long, shuddering inhale.

"I miss you." Raphael's voice cracked, but a great deal of effort kept it steady. "And .. I hope you know - I hope you always knew - that I cared about you. That I gave you a hard time because of the way I am, not because of the way you are." Raphael turned his blurred vision to the dojo ceiling.

"But that's not an excuse. That didn't give me any right to treat you.. the way I did." He swallowed tightly and another hoarse chuckle escaped him. "Though, ya know, if you were still alive and none of this had happened, I'd still be treatin' you the same way. But I'd still feel the same way, too, ya know? And that's the part I never said. It's always been there, with all the teasin', but that's the part I hid and I'm really, truly sorry for that because what I appreciated about you was so much stronger than anything I held against you," his words tumbled out in a rush.

He dropped his head.

"So, like the sorry piece that I am, I have to say it now... like this... " His tone briefly hardened, a teary edge clipping his tone. "To a god damn photograph, because you're not here anymore." Raphael sighed.

"I am sorry, Donatello," his voice quivered. "And not just for the way I treated you or the things I said, even though all that's bad enough on its own." Raphael lifted his head to the small monument.

"I'm sorry because I let myself... feel this way.. about April," he whispered. His words became more urgent, rushing to explain himself, to ward off a backlash that would never come.

"I swear I didn't feel this way before," he choked out desperately. "I mean, I cared about her, like Leo and Mikey do. I could see why you liked her so much, why it was so easy for her to be around and be part of our family. I knew that! But - " Raphael heard an unfamiliar noise in the back of his throat and realized it was his body's efforts to stave off a sob. His eyes filled with tears that had waited patiently for more than a year.

Raphael gripped his both of his upper-arms in a self embrace. His body trembled.

"... Donnie, she needed you so much after you were gone. She needed you to be here," Raphael sputtered, tears pouring down his cheeks. "And I was the best she could have. I had to help her, I had to try."

A hand reached up and fisted at his eyes.

"And then it was changing and I couldn't see it, I could only feel it. And I'm not good at that stuff, you know I'm not! Damn it, Donnie. You know I can't handle that kind of stuff. I thought I couldn't even handle helping her recover, because damn it, I wasn't even there myself yet. I wasn't okay. None of us were okay," he rushed out, one hand slamming into the ground.

"But she needed someone. She needed you. And so I tried."

Raphael exhaled and almost laughed again, even though his sobs threatened to choke him.

"You should have seen her, Don. She was so, so strong. I mean, she was scared in the beginning, but I think you found the most amazing woman in the world because she has done so damn much." Raphael's fist dropped to the floor and the tight grip unfurled. "She was so brave, she made me feel brave, too. And when I felt like that, I felt happy, too. Like... like maybe it was okay, because we were in sync together, and everything I did, I felt like she was there too, even when she wasn't."

Raphael looked up at the photograph and stifled a whimper.

"And I knew then, I knew it was bad. I knew it was bad when I felt like I had less to say when she wasn't there, because she's just like you in a way, Donnie. She's so smart, she knows what I'm trying to say or do even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else, includin' me."

His entire body leaned forward in a full bow, his forehead on the dojo floor and his eyes shut.

"It didn't matter if I was screamin' or throwin' something, didn't matter if I was mad for no reason or just upset. She's like you, Donnie. She's sharp." Tears dropped to the floor and puddled. "She finds all the sense behind my shit and works it out so that it's not just me spoutin' nonsense. It means something to her."

Raphael's fingers gripped his head, his entire body hunched over on on the mat.

"I didn't feel this way before, Donnie. I swear to you on my life."

The turtle straightened slowly, his face streaked. His hand reached out again and touched the stand. He scooted closer on his knees, his expression imploring.

"But if I learned anything from losin' you, Donnie..." he gripped the edge of the monument and tucked his head. " ... it's that you can have the most amazing ... wonderful... loving things standin' right in front of you... " his body rocked with a convulsive gasp. " ... and never see them until it's too late."

His words gave way to sobs, the sort that wracked his shoulders and brought him back down to the floor.

Roosevelt High School - Class of 2015

cordially invites you to the graduation of

April O'Neil

Saturday, the twelfth of May

two thousand and fifteen

seven o'clock in the evening

Roosevelt High School Auditorium

April heard the rumble of the motorcycle long before it came into view.

Few buildings existed out here to buffet any sort of noise, and every natural syllable in the nearby woods echoed and rolled off the landscape like the wind.

She remained on her blanket, fingertips brushing the cool blades of grass nearby. Even when the single light of the bike rolled up nearby and the engine died with a whir, she didn't turn her head or sit up until she heard her name.

"April!" Raphael called, and even in the blue-washed moonlight, she could see his panic as he ripped off his helmet. He was fully dressed, probably because he'd been driving on the highway, in a pair of black track pants and a long motorcycle jacket. April pushed herself into a seated position and watched him scan the front porch of the abandoned farmhouse. She stood before his search became too frantic.

"I'm right here, Raph," she called out.

Raphael's gaze instantly found her silhouette. He exhaled visibly and marched over, helmet balanced under one arm. "Damn it, April," he said as soon as he reached her, and a strangely amused part of her wondered how many times he's said those same exasperated words to her.

"You disappear all day and I gotta find out from Casey's punk ass that you're all the way out here?" he growled, glancing back at the farmhouse remains. April's lips quirked a bit, a curious sort of haze clouding her vision. She glanced up at the sky again, one of her hands gripping the opposite arm idly.

"Sorry," she murmured, tilting her head at the stars. "I just... needed to get away."

Raphael blinked and then glanced away, shrugging his shoulders underneath the coat. "Well, hell, April. You coulda' just told me. I would have left you alone."

The redhead snapped her gaze back to Raphael and reached up to curl her fingers on his arm. "No," she said, taking another step towards him. Her tone grew dreamy once more. "I'm glad you're here." Raphael raised a brow at her, but he allowed himself to relax just a bit, knowing she was safe. April drew him away and took the helmet out of his hands, tenderly dropping it to the side of the blanket. Without the racket of Raph's motorcycle, the distance of the farmhouse cloaked them in soft, natural sounds and nothing more.

They both eased down onto the blanket and April wound an arm around Raphael's. He glanced down at her and, despite his unfamiliar surroundings, some of the tension melted away. He reached over and nudged her chin gently where it sat near his shoulder.

"You shouldn't be all the way out here, ya know. You do graduate tomorrow, after all."

April laughed a bit and looked skyward once more.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I do, don't I?"

"How'd you even get out here?" he asked, glancing around for a vehicle. He saw it before April even answered. Casey's beat-up truck, modified in the most ridiculous ways possible, sat empty near the back of the dirt driveway. "He let me borrow it," April explained. Raphael nodded and fell silent. When he glanced down, he noticed their hands were joined. He didn't remember it happening, but he wasn't surprised.

Not anymore.

It was a warm evening, though not overly so. Wind wound its way through the trees that blanketed the area around the farmhouse and rolled over them in comforting waves, occasionally stirring the edges of the blanket. They stayed like that for a long time, with only the intermittent cries of nearby animals breaking the calm.

"What're you gonna do after you graduate?" Raphael asked finally. The question sounded conversational, but an underlying hint of apprehension tainted it. April slowly shifted her head until her eyes met his. She smiled, as if she could sense his uncertainty and appreciated it, for whatever reason.

"I've decided to go to NYU," she maneuvered herself in front of him and settled on her folded legs. Her knees brushed his, their hands still joined between them. Raphael stared. "You - You mean in the city?" April nodded, her head tilting and her untied hair falling to the side.

"Yeah," she murmured. The string of words left unsaid was heavy.

"I, uh." Raphael dropped his gaze. ".. I thought you liked some of the other schools better. You know, outside of New York." April pulled her eyes away from his face and turned their joined hands. Her fingertips curled further into his palms.

"They didn't have what I was looking for."

When Raphael glanced up at her and saw she'd averted her gaze, he found he couldn't stand it. He brought a hand to her jaw and tenderly lifted it until her eyes lifted to his once more.

"And what's that?"

A touch of a smile and April closed her eyes briefly. She bit her lip, just once, looking for all the world like a woman preparing for battle. Raphael let his hand fall away and drop between them.

"Raphael," April said, and now her tone lost its sleepy, dreamlike quality from before. Instead, it trembled, and even though she didn't look sad - because he knew what that looked like all too well - tears slipped down her cheeks. She ducked her head and batted at her eye in an attempt to hide it. When she spoke again, she looked over Raphael's shoulder, at the farmhouse.

"You know," she started again. "After I lost my mom, I hated being away from home..." a soft, bitter laugh escaped her. "... I never wanted to go to summer camp or sleep over at a friend's house. I didn't want to visit relatives or go to the park. Everything just made me so nervous and I felt so suffocated." April's tone fell away and cracks broke up her syllables. "But being at home... having that familiarity and comfort around me... it was like that was the only place in the entire world I could really just... breathe."

Raphael listened wordlessly, his expression unfathomable.

When April turned her gaze to his once more, she was smiling again in that curious way.

"And you know what?" she asked, and now she shifted on top of her folded legs so she could meet his gaze directly. "I've realized that's how you make me feel, too." Her tone grew tiny, her fingers a mass of trembles in his.

"No matter where we are... or what we're doing... you make me feel like I'm at home."

She peered at him, her lips caught between her teeth as the weight of the admission took her breath away. Raphael remained silent, and for the life of her, she could not take anything away from his expression, not a single hint. A long moment passed between them, neither moving nor speaking until April pulled away and stood. She turned her back to him and grimaced, heat dancing up her neck.

"You can tell me 'no', Raph. You can turn me away," she told him over her shoulder, her arms crossed and her chest tight. She swiped at traitorous tears on her face. "I'm a big girl," she continued forcefully. "I can handle it."

She hadn't heard Raphael stand, but now he was right behind her. When he spoke, his tone was quiet and full of wonder.

"Really?" he murmured. "Because I couldn't."

April turned slowly, blue eyes growing wide. Her hands dropped away. Raphael stepped closer, his green eyes dark and focused. With a careful hand, he reached up and pressed a palm against her cheek. His fingers slipped into her hair.

Blue eyes disappeared behind closed lids as April felt herself take a step closer, and the two of them stood flush against one another. "Guess that means you're stronger than me," his voice went on in a low rumble. "But I think I already knew that."

Her eyes fluttered but didn't open, not when Raphael's lips met hers for the first time of many. A noise escaped her, something between a cry and a laugh, but it fell away when she wound her arms around his neck and pressed into him with all her might. Raphael responded with a desperate cry of his own, his arms encircling with a sort of wild vehemence that could never do justice to the burst of sensations pulsating through every limb.

He turned April in his arms, his mouth sliding over hers as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and their legs crossed and looped to pull their bodies tighter, closer, urgent to make up for lost time. April felt her own hands jump up of their own accord and rake twin paths up Raphael's plastron. When they met the fabric of his coat, she made a soft noise of disapproval. Fingers slipped under the fabric and pushed it off of his shoulders, down the length of his hard arms and to the ground. Raphael's hands dropped away from her for just a moment before returning to her hips and gripping her close.

Every pleasurable sensation from their embrace on the couch, among others, returned with startling force and it was the most brilliant, illuminating experience April had ever known. Raphael's mouth teased out noises from hers that she'd never heard before and it made her want to cry and laugh at the same time.

Strong hands caught the backs of her legs and April found herself back against her blanket, this time with Raphael just above her, his knee falling between each of hers. When their lips parted, she felt a heat that traveled from the nape of her neck to the tips of her toes. It was dizzying.

Raphael lingered over her, his own body a mosaic of desire battling self control.

April's expression shifted into a full smile, one without the heaviness of lingering doubts or sadness troubling its edges. She reached up a hand and curled it at the back of Raphael's neck. Their foreheads touched briefly and Raphael relaxed, a quiet chuckle escaping him. His hand rubbed circles at her hip, just the barest hint of his weight on her.

"I know," she whispered, her own body straining to feel more of him. The words traced a barely audible path over Raphael's as their faces hovered close. "I know you do," he murmured in reply. His own face moved into a rare smile. "That's the crazy part."

Leonardo glanced at his phone again.

"This is definitely not good," he muttered to Mikey, who was leaning against a railing and trying not let Master Splinter overhear him. "Yeah, the ceremony's starting in like, ten minutes, dude! What if - Oh, hey, look!" Michelangelo jumped up excitedly and pointed. "There they are!"

Raphael's motorcycle darted around the corner and down the allyway, slowing to a stop near the back entrance of the auditorium, right next to where his brothers and father waited. April jumped off the back of the bike and Leonardo slapped a palm to his face.

"Hey guys! Bye guys!" she rushed out, tossing her helmet to Raphael and snatching a bag-covered dress off the seat. She hurried up the concrete steps and disappeared into the double doors of the auditorium before Raphael had even let down his kickstand.

He chuckled and slipped off the bike, parking it carefully against the concrete wall and taking his time getting it situated. When he turned to face his family's stares, he tried to look contrite and failed miserably. Instead, he raised both brows and poorly hid a grin. Even under Master Splinter's withering glare, the pleased expression refused to fade.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Where were you guys?" Leonardo snapped, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "We've been looking for you everywhere!"

Raphael put his helmet on the handle of his bike. "We went to go get somethin' to eat," he said easily. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, his smile remained. Mikey screwed up his face in thought.

"Yeah, but... you guys have been gone since like... " A long pause. ".. yesterday."

"And one of your knee pads is missing," Leonardo finished flatly.

Raphael's green eyes widened momentarily - and this time Master Splinter's glare might have turned him to ash - but music started playing inside and Raphael took that as his cue. "Come on, guys, the ceremony's about to start!"

He rushed inside and left his family to follow, all shaking their heads. Except for Mikey, of course. He was smiling.

The auditorium was dark, which thankfully made it even easier for the Hamato family to sit high in the rafters. Raphael jumped into a place between Leo and Mikey, and when they were all comfortable, he looped both arms briefly around their shoulders.

Both of the brothers stared at him incredulously. Leo looked like he wanted to be annoyed, but finally he just laughed. He patted Raphael's knee and glanced slyly at Master Splinter, whose whiskers twitched with the effort not to smile. Then he, too, gave up the effort and touched his son's shoulder.

Down below, people filed into the wide range of seats in front of the stage. The microphone whirred and shrieked before coming into full functionality. A balding man took his place behind it and welcomed the crowd as it settled. After a few moments, a group of some two hundred students filed in, all dressed in the horridly uncomfortable graduation robes and caps.

Raphael's smile grew when he saw April, hair hurriedly curled and dress in place under her gown, as she stepped out onto the stage in a long line. He noticed her friend Melanie off to the side, and further down from there, Casey Jones. The stage lights shifted and fell on the students, all of whom sat excitedly next to one another with grins and giggles. People in the audience called out and took pictures, and every so often, a flash lit up the otherwise dim room.

The balding man took to the mic once more.

"Thank you all for attending this commencement ceremony," his voice echoed and the crowd grew quiet. "I know that each and every one of our students here at Roosevelt High appreciates your continued love and support. Today, they begin their journeys anew."

He glanced down at a card in his hand.

"We have many things to celebrate tonight. Each of these wonderful young people has accomplished something great. And yet we must recognize those who went above and beyond, who took the craft of academia and reached new heights." The man gestured behind him.

"May I present to you, the Roosevelt High School Class Valedictorian of 2015, Miss April O'Neil - "

"BOOYA-KA-SHA!"

"SHUT UP, MIKEY!" all three of the chorused.

The valedictorian in question barely managed to contain her laughter as she stepped up to the mic, watching as some people continued to look for the source of the mysterious shout. A few giggles escaped her and she took a moment to pause and catch her breath. The blinding light of the stage threatened to overwhelm her, but she found her strength. She didn't need to see them to know they were there.

April O'Neil drew in a deep breath and faced the crowd.

"I want to thank you all for being here," she started, and when she found her voice was steady, her smile grew. "I know that's something the principal already said," she continued conversationally. "But I really want to impress upon each of you just how much it means to have you here. No matter if you're friend or family... you're here because you're important to someone. And they're important to you. So thank you, again, for meaning enough to someone in this group..." she gestured behind her. " ... to be here for them."

Her hands curled in front of her and she paused before continuing.

"A year ago, I didn't think I would be here today. I didn't think I'd be graduating at all, in fact." Her eyes raked over the crowd and she found her aunt there, smiling tearfully. She returned it. "I lost some people very important to me over the past few years. People I thought I could never do without."

Raphael watched from a distance as April reached up and touched a hand to her heart.

"But if there's one thing I've realized.. in my admittedly brief life.. it's that we can let tragedies take something away from us," she looked out over the crowd, to the darkness of where she knew the Hamato clan sat. " ... or we can let them give us something instead."

Her eyes turned back to the crowd.

"I only stand in front of you today because I had the amazing fortune of being a part of something extraordinary. It's something you all have the chance to be a part of, too, if you want." She turned to address her fellow graduates. Casey Jones flashed her a genuine smile from his seat.

"I didn't get to where I am just by studying or doing reports. I got here because someone, somewhere along the way, let me know that my life was worth too much to throw away."

She looked away from the students.

"I'm here because, even though it still burns my heart every time I think about those I've lost," her voice wavered just a bit. The distant jingle of charms sounded through the mic in the otherwise silent, captivated gym. "I know now that the sum of what they gave me is too precious to waste."

April touched the edge of the mic.

"So when this ceremony is over, and you all find your graduates, hug them close," she exhaled shakily. "Tell them you love them. Give them everything you can, all of you. You never know when they might need it. You never know.. what it might mean to them some day." A single tear escaped, but April smiled, stronger this time. "Thank you." She stepped away from the mic as applause bounced and echoed off the walls.

Instrumental music, a soft peppy beat, picked up as April returned to her seat. Melanie jumped up in the aisle behind her and hugged her neck, and from that moment on, the auditorium was a cacophony of laughter. Each student received his or her diploma with a wide grin or a happy shout, including Casey Jones, who dropped down to one knee and thrust his diploma in the air like a guitar.

Raphael and the others carefully sneaked out the back doors again and waited in the dark alley, though it wasn't long before April rushed out of the door behind them, diploma in hand. She positively leapt off the top step and straight into Raphael's arms, laughing wildly as he twirled her in a circle. He dropped her to her feet and barely, barely contained the urge to kiss her in front of his brothers.

"Whoo!" Mikey shouted, snatching April up in a tight hug. "Congrats!"

Leonardo laughed, and he and Spinter each captured April in tight, appreciative hugs. "We are so proud of you, April," Master Splinter told her warmly, touching a clawed hand to her head. The girl beamed up at him, though she did jump and gasp when the back door opened with a slam.

"HELL YEAH, I'M OUT OF THIS BITCH!" Casey Jones jumped over the landing and crashed straight into Mikey, who countered by locking him in a headlock. "You did it, you goon!" April laughed again, the boundless joy bubbling in her chest pleasantly.

A pair of strong arms slipped around her from behind and she glanced over her shoulder with a wide smile. This time, neither of them could resist a brief kiss, April's hand poised at the back of Raphael's head. It struck her in that moment that she had the best family in the entire world. The two of them rocked side to side, their gazes close.

Mikey finally straightened from his tussle with Casey. "Come on bros and lady-bro's, let's go get some celebratory piz - " He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes wide.

"Uh, oh."

April and Raphael both turned, as did the others, just as shadows formed out of concrete auditorium walls.

"Foot clan," Leonardo snarled. Down the street, sirens sounded. People began screaming at the front of the building. In front of the Hamato clan, Shredder's ninjas dropped into view and twirled their weapons threateningly.

April glanced up at Raphael and smirked. With a single hand, she reached up and unsnapped the top of her graduation gown. She dropped it to the side carelessly and - clink - her metal fan appeared in her hands.

"Well," she said to the others coyly. "It was nice while it lasted."

The others smirked and, each in turn, fell into their defensive crouches, weapons in hand. Beside April, Raphael whipped out his sai and gripped them tight. He tossed her an appreciative wink.

"'Atta girl," he grinned.

"BOO-YA-KASHA!"

Author's Note: Fin!

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who read this fic, whether you reviewed or not. This is the first story I've written in a long while, and it really gave me back the sense of growth I'd lost before. It's not the longest story on the site by far, but it will stay with me for a long time.

I may be writing a Donnie-centric fic after this. I haven't decided. Either way, I hope you all continue to read - anything, anywhere - and fill your hearts and minds with inspiration from it. Don't ever let anyone make you feel silly for loving the things you do, or drawing comfort from something like a make-believe story or an animated show. I have learned more in places I've never been than anywhere else in the world.

Thank you again.