Silver Linings

Pacifica breathed deep and tried to calm the jackhammer beat of her heart and the twisting churning of her gut. It was dark behind the stage compared to the searing heat of the blue-white floodlights, and it had taken her eyes a long time to adjust to the relative dimness once she had disappeared behind the curtain after finishing her song.

Pacifica had been the first go up and that was fine by her – she preferred being able to sing distraction-free without letting any self-conscious comparisons to the other contestants affect her performance. The other girls who had followed after her on the stage hadn't been half bad, if she was pressed Pacifica might even grudgingly admit that they were good, but not good enough to shake her confidence. That was then though, and this was now.

When the last contestant had taken the stage and began to sing, the pure notes of her voice had echoed with beautiful clarity even through the muffling barrier of the thick stage curtain and Pacifica had felt her icy calm start to melt into a sickly puddle of stress. The young woman's voice was like honey and wine transformed into pure sound, and her song was sung with such soulful passion that the audience had gone totally silent so as not to miss a single note.

Pacifica felt like she was going to be sick.

The singing eventually died away and after a moment of silence she could hear the thunder of the audiences' applause shake the air, a tumult of loud cheers and clapping that echoed even in the high ceilings of the performance hall. Pacifica felt her heart cram its way into her throat... they loved her. They all loved her.

In the midst of the applause Pacifica's ears perked up as she heard a distinctive voice that cut through the noise.

"Boo! Boo! Bring back the blonde bombshell! NorthWEST is the BEST! NorthWEST is the BEST!"

Pacifica felt her face redden and burn, half from complete and utter embarrassment and the other half from an uncontrollable flood of happiness that swept over her.

Mabel. Of course it was Mabel.

Ridiculous gestures of support aside the only real reason that had given Pacifica pause about asking Mabel to come along was that today, unlike any of the other performances that had lead up to the final judging, her parents were also out there somewhere in the darkness of the audience watching her. Her mother and father had almost never come to any of her events in the past – sports tournaments, talent shows, school plays… they just took it for granted that she was going to succeed without bothering to watch, but they had made a special point to call her and let her know that they were attending her performance this evening.

Pacifica had been worried at first about inviting Mabel along to the final performance of the contest since they were here, but she knew that there was no way to keep the crafty brunette out if she wanted to come. Mabel would probably have found some way in even if she had to use that ridiculous grappling hook of hers to sneak in through the ceiling and watch from the rafters. Truthfully, Pacifica wouldn't have felt right singing up on the stage without seeing Mabel in the audience waving that huge ridiculous pink silk pennant that she'd made, which had a surprisingly accurate portrait of Pacifica's face embroidered on it. Emotional support wasn't really something that had been a regular feature for much of Pacifica's life and now that she'd gotten a taste of it she was afraid she might be getting addicted.

As far as Mr. and Mrs. Northwest knew Mabel Pines was Pacifica's "good friend". If her parents had ever wondered why the quirky brunette that Pacifica shared an apartment with was always tagging along with her to any of the tedious social functions that were thrown at the Northwest manor, they had done what they always did with inconvenient questions: ignored it. Mabel sometimes joked that their relationship was like an invisibility cloak to Pacifica's family, but she never said it accusingly which Pacifica was secretly grateful for.

I wonder how oblivious they're going to stay if either of them have spotted Mabel waving that ridiculous flag of hers in the stands, Pacifica wondered to herself.

The giant red felt hearts spattered across its surface might be enough of a visual clue to make even the selectively dense Northwest's realize why Pacifica tended to spend more Thanksgivings and Christmases at the Pines household than back in Gravity Falls.

That'll be a fun conversation, she thought darkly, her mind briefly distracted from her stress over the contest.

The distraction didn't last long however, and when the curtains parted slightly and the girl with the golden voice strode past Pacifica with her head held high she felt her stomach re-knot itself.

She blew out a shaky breath and tried to calm herself down. She was still Pacifica-goddamned-Northwest and she couldn't start doubting herself now. Pacifica was good. She knew she was good. She'd been training with the best vocal coach that money could buy and had practiced till her throat had gone raw from singing time and again. Pacifica had sung her piece so many times that she could practically do it in her sleep, something which Mabel had claimed that she had actually done once after an especially exhausting night of practice.

Was she good enough though? Good enough to win?

She hoped so.

The MC was back on the stage now, showering praise on the contestants and building up the audience's anticipation with practiced skill. Pacifica's hands clenched together hard on her knee's, waiting for the announcement. Three names were called – Aubrey Garcia, Janet Sherman & Pacifica Northwest, and told to come back onstage. She hadn't realized that she'd been holding her breath until she gave a sigh of relief at hearing her name.

She shot a quick glance at herself in the mirror, panicking like crazy that she'd dissolved into a gross sweaty mess from all the stress, but even her overly critical eye couldn't spot any major flaws. She rose up on trembling legs and walked forward in a daze, trying hard not to be blinded in the light of the stage.

The cheering had long since died down and Pacifica was making her way dully down the aisle of the auditorium, her steps slow and shuffling. A silver medal dangled from a ribbon around her neck and she felt like it was dragging at her like a brick of lead.

"Paz!" a voice called out excitedly above the murmur of the audience filing their way out of the building now that the performance was over.

Pacifica glanced up with dead eyes just in time to catch sight of Mabel diving at her with a joyful squeal. Slim arms wrapped almost crushingly tight around Pacifica's waist and lifting her slightly off the floor in one of Mabel's typically enthusiastic hugs.

"I can't believe it! You made it all the way up to 2nd place in the whole state! Jeez, I hope you'll let me have your autograph!" Mabel chattered, nearly breathless with excitement.

The dark cloud that had settled over Pacifica's brow began to lift slightly in the face of Mabel's overwhelming positivity and she felt a small smile start to tug at the corners of her lips. When her eyes glanced up from Mabel's broad white grin she felt her newborn smile disintegrate. Her parents were standing near the exit, her father's mouth a hard line and her mother's arms crossed over her chest.

Pacifica half-heartedly returned Mabel's hug and blew her breath out from puffed cheeks as she walked up slowly to greet them, each step feeling harder than the last.

"Mom, Dad," Pacfica said, giving a quick nod of greeting to each, "thanks for coming."

"Well, how could we have stayed away when we heard that our lovely daughter was going to be singing in a televised competition?" her mother said in an overly sweet tone, a sharp undercurrent in her voice like a razor buried inside a slice of cake.

"It was just a state-wide contest, I'm sure not too many people were really watching," Pacifica replied, trying to sound indifferent.

"Are you kidding? It's totally a huge deal! You're like, semi-famous now!" Mabel said excitedly, grabbing Pacifica by the shoulders and shaking her about.

Pacifica winced internally – her girlfriend was, as usual, completely oblivious to the uncomfortable atmosphere in the air between Pacifica and her parents.

"You're little friend Melissa is right," her father said, "It's actually a very big deal. I had to cancel some very important meetings with the board of directors to fly down here with your mother because we both wanted to see you win."

"I put off an appointment with the doctor myself," her mother chimed in reprovingly.

Getting even more work done mom? I think most of you is probably younger than me by now, Pacifica thought snidely.

"Well I'm sorry that I wasted your time then," Pacifica said trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. Her eyes were hot, her stomach was churning and right now she felt like she was five years old all over again.

"Why's everybody acting like someone just died?" Mabel asked incredulously as she glanced back and forth between the faces of Pacifica and her parents, "Paz just won second place! Do you know what that means?"

"That she didn't win first." Mr. Northwest replied, his words clipped and his mouth a taught line.

Mabel recoiled like she'd just been slapped and her eyes suddenly took on a hard look that Pacifica had never seen in them before.

"No! It means that she was freaking incredible up there! There were like, a bazillion other people in this contest and the girl in first place only was ahead by like, 2 points in the end!" Mabel said angrily, stepping forward and planting her fists firmly on her hips as she glared up at him.

"A bazillion isn't a real number," Mr. Northwest said, seeming at a loss for words when confronted by the small furious brunette.

"Yeah, well with that crappy attitude you don't seem like a real dad," Mabel shot back loudly, stepping in and jabbing her finger into his chest with a sharp jerk to punctuate her sentence.

Her father's eyes widened in shocked surprise and to Pacifica's surprise he actually ended up taking a small step backward away from Mabel. Pacifica was briefly reminded of a video she had seen online of an angry house-cat chasing a startled bear up tree. Her dad wasn't really used to anyone, anyone, talking to him like that and he seemed to have no clue what to do about it.

Her mother's smile was even more frozen than it usually was, her eyes darting around at the people who were starting to turn toward the commotion.

"Pacifica, your friend Mindy is making a scene. Are you going to let her talk to us like this?" she asked in a quietly cold tone of voice.

Pacifica turned to Mabel and saw the heat flashing in her eyes, and she felt her sinking spirits start to rise.

"It's a free country," Pacifica said, "and Mabel can say whatever she likes,"

"Yeah! Freedom of speech means I can say that you guys are being total butts!" Mabel said triumphantly. She shot Pacifica a grateful smile for backing her up.

Mr. Northwest's face began to turn purple with anger and he turned a sharp glare toward Mabel.

"Now listen here you-", he began, his voice a furious whisper as he noticed the small crowd that had turned their way.

"She doesn't have to listen to anything actually," Pacifica said to cut him off, grabbing Mabel by the wrist and marching out toward the door to leave her stunned parents behind in the darkened auditorium.

The sunset looked gorgeous as it shimmered on the rippling waters of the park pond, but Pacifica wasn't in much of a mood to admire the scenery. She and Mabel had driven their way around the unfamiliar city that was hosting the contest for a while after they had exited the theater, staying mostly silent. Mabel had enough experience with Pacifica's moods to know when to try and cheer her up and when to just let her work things out in her head, and she'd stayed quiet during most of the ride until the loud gurgle of her stomach had broken the silence in the vehicle.

The girls had stopped for burgers and at Mabel's insistence they had gotten the food to-go so that they could eat at a large park they'd passed by about three or four times as Pacifica had driven around the city while trying to decompress. Pacifcia had taken a few half-hearted bites of her dinner, but the food hadn't tasted like much to write home about and she was still too queasy from the fight to have much of an appetite. Mabel sat beside her on the bench of the park, tossing out small pieces of hamburger bun to the ducks in the pond who had begun to cluster near her as the flock sensed that they had an easy mark to get food out of.

Pacifica reached into the pocket of the windbreaker that she wore over the ridiculously expensive dress that she'd bought to wear for the contest and pulled out the silver medal that she'd been presented with on stage. She could still hear the faint echoes of the polite applause that audiences always reserved for runners up and her fingers squeezed tightly against the metal disc, its edge biting slightly against the flesh of her palm.

Her blue eyes glanced up at the lake, now mostly empty of ducks as they had all began to crowd around an increasingly worried Mabel, and she felt like drawing her arm back and tossing the stupid medal as far into the water as she could. Maybe she'd feel better after watching it sink to the bottom... maybe she could just forget about this whole stupid thing.

"Gah! Fine - take it you filthy buzzards!" Mabel screamed, derailing Pacifica's gloomy train of thought as she hurled the remaining half of her burger out into the lake with a splash.

A stream of quacking ducks stampeded after the waterlogged sandwich, leaving the two girls to each others company once more. Mabel turned to Pacifica with a slightly sheepish expression on her face, her hair disheveled and small feathers stuck here and there to her sweater.

"Sorry about that," Mabel said, "It turns out that ducks are kind of greedy jerks even if they are cute."

Despite her mood Pacifica couldn't help but let out a small giggle at the sight of Mabel's condition, and she reached out a slim hand to tuck a stray curl of chestnut brown hair back into place. Her fingers traced an affectionate line down Mabel's soft cheek and the brunette seemed to melt at her touch.

"Thanks," Pacifica said, her voice quiet. Her eyes dropped back to the hateful medal in her hand and she gave another sigh.

"Thanks for what?" Mabel asked, a note of concern in her voice at the look in Pacifica's face.

"For being there for me. Supporting me. I was worried that... I don't know, that I'd let you down," Pacifica said.

"What in the ever-loving fiery heck are you talking about Paz?" Mabel said.

"Well I lost..." Pacifica said.

"You got 2nd place! Geez, does your family not understand how numbers work or something?" Mabel said incredulously.

"Second isn't the same as winning... and silver's not the same as gold." Pacifica replied, wincing slightly to herself as she heard the echo of her father in those words.

"So what if silver isn't gold? Silver is way prettier anyway!" Mabel said, "plus its tons more useful since you can use it to keep werewolves away,"

"What do werewolves have to do with anything?" Pacifica asked, confusion battling with her gloom.

"Not much I guess," Mabel admitted, "though when you grow up living with Dipper this kind of stuff comes up more often than you'd think. Heck, you may have just saved our lives in the future if some blood crazy monster decides to burst into our apartment during a full moon."

Pacifica stared at the look of complete seriousness on Mabel's face and all at once she just burst out laughing, a long hard belly laugh that made her ribs ache and left her gasping for air. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd laughed this hard, and she felt the stress pour out of her with each wracking spasm until she was left as short of breath as if she had just run a marathon.

"Okay," Pacifica said as she began to regain control of her breathing, "when you put it like that I guess I won't pitch this stupid thing into the lake."

"Of course you won't!" Mabel said, "We are gonna display this baby! I can build a nice frame for it with glitter and everything."

"I'd rather just keep it out of sight in a drawer or something, you know - for the werewolves," Pacifica said.

"Not to be super rude or anything but... why is this such a huge deal? I mean, I get that not getting first place can be disappointing but second isn't bad." Mabel said.

Pacifica stared hard at Mabel for a brief moment and then realized that she was being 100% serious. There wasn't a hint of mockery in her voice.

"Well," Pacifica began, feeling somewhat hesitant, "when I was a kid... look, my folks weren't bad to me, you know? Like they didn't hit me or yell at me or anything like that. Actually they really didn't do much of anything with me... pretty much the only time they really paid attention to me at all was when I won something. Coming back from a mini-golf tournament or a talent show or whatever with a trophy was pretty much the only time they acted really happy to see me. We're Northwest's - so we don't lose."

"Paz, I love you and don't take this the wrong way - but your folks seem like real dicks," Mabel said, laying her hand gently over Pacifica's and giving it a small squeeze.

Pacifica stiffened, but after a brittle instant she felt her muscles relax.

"I... yeah, I know you're right. I mean, I know they aren't really nice people, but they're still my parents. I didn't want to disappoint them. Even if I know the whole 'Northwests are the best' thing is bull now, I still just feel awful when I lose at something." Pacifica said.

"I can kind of relate to that a little bit," Mabel said.

"Really?" Pacifica replied, skepticism in her voice.

"Well, there was one contest that I really hated losing. The memory of it still haunts me to this day," Mabel said.

"What was that?" Pacifica asked warily.

"It was a pie-eating contest that I'd gotten into as a kid. I made it all the way up to the finals but got disqualified for barfing." Mabel said solemnly, her eyes staring far off into the distance as a convenient gust of wind blew her hair dramatically out behind her.

Pacifica gave another snort of laughter.

"Hey, I'm being totally serious here!" Mabel said, "I still have nightmares about blasting out blueberry pie-chunks like some bad crossover between the Exorcist and Willy Wonka!"

Pacifica's hand shot out and gripped Mabel's shoulder tightly while she clutched at her aching ribs.

"Please stop, if I laugh any harder today I'm pretty sure that I will literally die," she said.

"Alright, I'll knock off the jokes for now. Not sure what's so funny about me projectile vomiting like, four gallons of pie-filling anyway." Mabel said, sounding slightly miffed.

Pacifica looked up and saw the first few dim stars coming out in the sky as the sun sank lower over the horizon. She snuggled herself in closer to Mabel and wrapped an arm around her girlfriends waist, giving her a tight squeeze. Mabel leaned her own face into the side of Pacifica's head, planting a quick kiss on her cheek.

"I really love you Mabel," Pacifica said quietly, "even if you are apparently a failure at competitive pie eating."

"Paz," Mabel said, "you could come in dead last in every contest you enter for the rest of your life and it wouldn't make me love you even a tiny smidgen less,"

Their lips met and Pacifica felt all of the days stress melt away in the kiss and the weight dragging in her pocket reminded her of one of her optimistic girlfriends favorite sayings about clouds and silver linings.