FAGE 007

Title: "It Takes One To Know The Other"

Written for: Silver Spoon

Written By: Little Angry Kitten

Rating: T

Prompt used: It was the first time she had ever seen him drunk.

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A/N: I decided that this time around I'll be quick with my note. First of all, to the lovely and amazing lady I happen to write for, I hope this makes up for everything you didn't get before. You can see know that the only reason I got not one but two stories done, was you. So I hope I didn't disappoint you!

To CrazySue05 thank you for the amazing work you did by betaing both of the stories. You know how much I love you for it.

To AshesAtMidnight and her fabulous talent in graphics, I don't think there are enough words to praise that beautiful banner or how in love I'm with it.

And finally to LPlover93, thank you for posting this for me and for everything you've done for me so far. You have no idea how much I love you.

The title was taken by the song 'Life Is Wonderful' by Jason Mraz.

I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades.

- The Special Two by Missy Higgins

He stands guard over her all the way to the closest Shield base. The team comes and goes to check on him and to make sure she is still breathing but he stays put. Standing at the corner of the room, he prays to a God he doesn't believe exists, to help her hold on just a moment longer.

He doesn't deserve to be granted a wish like that, he's a bad man, he has done terrible, vile things, yet he prays. Because he's so in love with her he can't even think about spending a second without her. He thought he could, he kept her at arm's length, he even went as far as sleeping with May, but it all came crashing back. That torturing fire never went away, it was nothing like he ever felt before. Pain, rage, hate, those he knew; they burned inside him strong. But love? Love was new, strange, an alien concept to him.

He prided himself to be a man of no vices, John had beat all those out of him. Turned him into a machine that could never be compromised, always focused on his mission and only that. Grant knew that she was trouble the very first moment he laid eyes on her, he knew she was going to be the end of him. She proved to be just that, every day with her was something different. It could be filled with joy or it could be filled with frustration, she was a drug and he was an addict more than willing to give his life to be in her presence.

Yet he kept himself in control, it wasn't until the whole Miles incident that he realised how much he cared about her and what she was doing. Or whom she was doing to be honest. He never thought that there would be a day his whole world would revolve around a woman. One woman that could crash him with just a single word.

Until Skye came around. It wasn't just the attraction he felt for her, she was always so full of life and ready to fight for what she believed in. He loved that fire burning within her even after what she'd been through. The fire that was beaten out of him by his by his father, and then by his older brother and by John after that.

But now it was all gone, or close to it anyway. Because he knew there was no way they could save her no matter how much Simmons and the rest of the team wanted to believe otherwise. And Grant just regretted not telling her sooner how much she meant to him. May's voice brought him out of his thoughts as she called his attention.

~oOo~

They took her away as soon as they landed and he'd spend the better part of the last ten hours stationed in the waiting room with the rest of team. They were all exhausted but no one could find it in them to rest, not until the doctors came out.

Simmons was assuring Fitz that everything would be alright, rubbing circles against the back of his hand, her voice soft and soothing. May stood by the door lost in her own thoughts, refusing to acknowledge the situation at hand.

As for Coulson, he kept calling Fury demanding to speak to him but Grant knew the truth. The Director would never answer, that was how Shield worked. Agents were tools to be disposed of when they weren't needed anymore, much less someone like Skye that wasn't one of their own.

~oOo~

He once told her about defining moments and what they meant for each agent. He explained to her that one single moment could make you or break you, give you a reason to fight or abandon ship.

He thought he had his moment years ago when John offered him a way out, when he 'saved' him so to speak. For a while it felt like it, until she came around. Until Skye marched into his life and demanded from him all his attention, to give her everything he had.

He tried to show her that he wasn't a good man, that he didn't deserve to have her or her love but she wouldn't listen. Skye kept going on and on about how brave and honest he was when in fact Grant belonged in the deepest pits of hell, burning to eternity for all he'd done.

Somehow, because he worked with 'the good guys' all the killing and the maiming was excused. It was for the greater good they had said, sacrifice one life to save millions. He wasn't willing to do this now though, he wasn't willing to sacrifice Skye's life for anything.

"We'll try to keep her comfortable." The doctor's voice sounds like he's underwater. Nothing they can do, the damage is too extent to save her. He feels the floor falling from under his feet, like the air leaves the room and he's back at his family's house feeling helpless under Christian's hands.

When Coulson looks at them, things can't be more clear. They'll burn Shield to the ground if it means they'll bring Skye back.

He'll do it with his bare hands if he needs to.

~oOo~

John Garrett joining them is like a slap to the face for Grant. An ice cold bucket of reality falling over his head, reminding him what he was, what he'd done. Something inside him has changed though, he was loyal to John since he was just a kid but something inside him seems to have shifted. His world used to be a continuous shade of grey, only clouds and storms, but Skye had changed it all.

Someone once told him that people are loyal to people not organisations. That he was in this because of Garret and that was enough for a while. John had laughed and told him instead that he was just like a dog, unable to think for himself, a mere animal that could only follow orders and nothing more. Because he didn't deserve more, who could love someone like him anyway. Grant accepted it and for years he lied and killed in the service if liars and killers, pulling the trigger without even thinking. He was a machine, programmed to feel nothing but emptiness.

Shield. Hydra. Shield. Hydra. They were one and the same.

Until Skye came along and turned his world upside down, cancelling everything he was taught to believe. He was grey and she was colour, and somehow she forced her way inside his fucked up life. There was only so much fight he could put up.

~oOo~

John makes sure to remind him of his mission before he leaves, throwing a punch or two just for the heck of it.

Never forget, boy! You owe me...

The words ring inside his ear for hours but Grant knows what the right thing to do is. He knows that this is his defining moment, he's not too far gone, he can be saved. He can tell the truth and be the man Skye deserves to have by her side.

So as soon as they reach the Hub again he does the only thing he can think off. He calls the only person that will be able to understand where he comes from and possible help him.

~oOo~

Romanoff agrees to meet him at the Avengers Tower. She gave him instructions and told him to follow them carefully, because if she guessed right, and she was never wrong, he had something very serious to tell her.

He agrees and asks a day off from Coulson to tend to some family matters and after his boss excuses him he leaves without a second word. He had made sure to avoid Skye as much as possible but his will was weakening with each passing day.

She had been asking for him, Fitz told him and so did Simmons. Even May dropped a hint or two but he refused to visit the pod Skye was staying in. He takes a cab to the meeting and is even half an hour early.

Surprisingly enough so is Romanoff as she waits for him in the tower's lobby. She leads them through hallways, twists, and turns until they reach the lowest levels where she assures him they'll be uninterrupted.

Barton is waiting for them inside something that looks a lot like a conference room only darker. Between the two assassins Grant could be easily dead before he even had the chance to say a word but he'll take the risk.

He'll do anything if it means keeping Skye out of harm's way because Grant knows, it's only a matter of time before John tries to kill her again. He can't let that happen, he just can't. Not again. So he sits down and starts from the beginning, laying everything out for the people in front of him to know.

~oOo~

Halfway through his story Romanoff calls the rest of the Avengers to join them. She has the courtesy to let him finish the part about his family because she knows how hard it can be. Been there, done that. She dismisses lightly but Grant can see past it, past the facade he's been wearing for too long too. They get back to it as soon as Stark graces them with his presence, the Captain and Banner following closely behind.

Captain asks for evidence, something to make sure that he's not lying or worse, leading them to a trap. Grant lays it out for them, names, locations, sleeper agents, everything. Garret was stupid enough to trust him with everything, Grant was his loyal dog after all, and he would never betray his master.

Romanoff orders him to get his ass back to the Bus and say nothing. She'll call him when she needs him again. He takes a look around the room searching their faces for something, anything, but finds nothing.

Until his gaze meets Romanoff's again and he knows, he just knows that she understands. She knows what it's like to be misled and lied to, what it's like trying to hold on to something when everything else seems to fall apart. What it's like to fight your way out of one hell only to fall into another.

He gives a curt nod and makes a quick exit. What's done, is done and he can't do a thing about it. He can only try to save what little is left.

~oOo~

By the time he gets back it's late in the evening and he'd missed dinner so he goes straight to the bar. Alcohol numbs you he had learned through the years, makes everything go away even if it's just for a few hours. He's drunk half the bottle by the time Skye finds him and he's pretty much wasted. But not even close to his goal! He wants to get hammered, to the point where he can't feel anything. To the point where he forgets the miserable thing he calls his life.

"I've been asking all over for you." She says as she grabs a bottle of water from under the bar. Simmons has banned her from liqueur until she recovers. Not even a bottle of beer is allowed.

"I was busy." He offers half-heartedly. He doesn't want her here, he can't deal with her now, not when he can tell her things she's not ready to hear. Like how much she means to him, how his heart beats only for her, how he just betrayed everything he ever knew in hope that she'll forgive him and give him a chance.

"I knew that." She nods turning to face him fully. "Now, wanna tell me why you've been avoiding me?" Her tone is light, it could even pass as teasing if it wasn't for her eyes. Her beautiful caramel brown eyes that mirror her soul. She's hurt, she thinks she's done something and Grant wants to laugh. Because there's nothing in this world that could be worse than what he'd did all these years.

"I...had my reasons." He says slowly, trying to find the right words. "Things to work out, put them into their right place, deal with feelings I didn't want to." There, he thinks this should be enough to satisfy her curiosity and leave it be.

"That sounds fun." She hums and takes another sip from her water. "How 'bout you tell me the real reason now?" The laugh escaping him is bitter because he wants to tell her the truth but he can't. Not yet.

"I'm not a good man, Skye." He finally confesses rubbing a hand over his face. "I've done bad things." So many bad things, he thinks.

"Haven't we all?" Her small hand laying over his bigger one feels warm, comforting, and he doesn't deserve it. Grant doesn't deserve her, but he needs Skye like he needs air to breath. "Have a little faith." He can't take his eyes off of her, the way she smiles, her beautiful eyes shining with love and it finally gets him. She loves him too, maybe even as much as he loves her.

"There will be a day where you're going to hate me." She tries to deny it but he puts a finger over her plump lips. "Promise me that you'll try to understand before you do."

"Understand what?"

"Promise me?" He begs and pulls her closer, forehead resting against hers. "Will you promise me?" He asks again and she nods as their lips meet in a sweet, almost innocent kiss.

"I promise." She assures him as they pull apart. "I promise."

~oOo~

The days go by and it's not until two weeks later that he sees Romanoff again with Captain and Barton hot on her heels. There's a heated debate about Coulson and his recovery and Grant catches something along the lines of 'we'll talk about this later' then the subject is dropped.

He's counting the minutes until Romanoff orders him to follow her back to base and to the Fridge because that's where he belongs. Locked up with everything evil in this world, because he is, Grant Ward is evil. John Garret molded him that way all those years ago. He prays for a bullet between his eyes to end this torture, to free him but it's not coming.

Instead Coulson calls him into his office with a look that says everything Grant needs to know. It's not disgusted, disappointed maybe but at least not pitiful. Grant can't handle pitiful looks, they remind him too much of his stained past.

Coulson tells him that he's no longer a member of his team and that his orders are to follow the Avengers back to the Hub. He wants to shout and beg them to let him stay here, with Skye, because he can't live without her, but he keeps his mouth shut. He's a good soldier after all, trained to obey orders like any good dog does.

~oOo~

Romanoff -Natasha, she corrects him- does not take him back to the Hub as he was told. He opted out of goodbyes because he sucks at them and made a run for it when Coulson gathered the team to let them know about the changes. Fury is waiting for them back at the Tower and gives him an ultimatum, he either joins them and helps take down Hydra from the inside or they can lock him up in the Fridge and let him rot to hell.

~oOo~

Natasha finds him hours later drinking by himself. She's dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. She reminds him nothing of the deadly assassin everyone seems to be afraid of. "Did no one teach you that you shouldn't be drinking by yourself?" Grant had to give it to Stark, he had the good stuff. It gets you drunk fast and good, so good he won't be able to remember his name in a few hours.

"Company was never an option." He watches as she moves around, getting a glass and then bringing a bottle of Russian vodka with her.

"Bummer." Her voice sounds almost teasing. Key word? Almost. Natasha Romanoff doesn't do teasing. "What's on your mind, soldier?" Her question hangs between them and he wants to answer it, to tell the truth but he can't.

"Nothing." He offers instead.

"Look, kid." She says and it's weird coming from her because they are barely five years apart. "I've been where you are, felt just as helpless, destroyed even, but I had someone to help me through." She explains taking a swing from her drink. "Don't shut the girl out, she's your only anchor to this hell you live. Trust me!"

"I don't deserve her, she's too good." He admits and it's the first time he's ever said it. "She's the sunshine, everything good in this world and I've done too many bad things to want to be with her. My ledger is red, dripping blood." Her melodic laugh bounces off of the walls and makes him shiver. It's nothing like he'd ever heard before, it's cold and sinister and just a tiny bit twisted.

"You are so cute!" She coos pinching his cheek. "You think you've done bad things? Took lives? You think that your ledger is dripping with blood?" She's almost snarling and he has to take a step away from her. "If I had a penny for every life I took." She shakes her head, eyes locked on the bottom of her glass. "If I turned my life around kid, so can you." Grant doesn't believe her but he knows better than to argue with Black Widow.

Sleep comes easy that night but not as dreamless as he'd like. Images of Skye telling him how much she hates him and how she wishes she'd never met him, haunt him.

~oOo~

He keeps in touch with Garret per Natasha's request. Playing dumb, saying that Coulson had sent him undercover. By the time Hydra decides to rise again they are prepared. They've been cleaning the lower levels of Shield little by little leaving only the high ranking Sleeper Agents untouched. Early on Natasha had suggested that in order to do this without creating havoc they needed to be smart. So they worked with what they had and started removing traitors one by one.

When the big reveal finally came, Hydra was left with nothing but a bunch of scumbags thinking they were going to start a revolution.

Hand, Sitwell, Garret, Pierce...

Every single one of them thought they were so smart. They had played the people around them, they were going to be something big! Grant laughed at their naivety. Lesson number one, there's always going to be a Romeo in every great scheme willing to bring it down for a Juliette.

One person that will sacrifice it all for love.

~oOo~

"All I'm saying is that you need to talk to someone." Natasha insisted as they sat at the bar together once more. Fury had let him go under her surveillance, he was to report to Romanoff once a week at a precise time. "Look kid, I like you and I know where you come from. I didn't have an easy life just like you and I did way worse than taking a few targets out. I took innocent lives, I destroyed families, burned them to the ground. Clint brought me here and Fury saw something in me that I couldn't. You wouldn't be here if that didn't apply to you too. Everyone needs a second chance." She said finishing up her drink and hopping down of her stool.

"Nat?" Clint's voice carried down to them from the doorway where he stood. "Coming?"

"Right behind you!" She yells back and turns to face Grant again. "Just talk to someone." She almost sounds as if she's begging. "I'm here if you don't want to see a doctor." Her green eyes soften for a moment and Grant smiled. They had come to an understanding between the two of them, reached a point where he was starting to open up and Natasha was the right person to do so with. The Red Room had screwed her up just as much as Garret had screwed him.

"I'll try." He offered and the next second she was out of the room. He knew she was right, hell, even the rest of the Avengers had butted into this. Not one of them were saints like other people wanted to believe. Everyone could be saved if they really wanted to be.

Coulson made no move to contact him after the Hydra mess was sorted out and Grant didn't expect him to. Fury had said something about him going back to the field but Grant didn't feel like it. He had done enough killing and lying to keep him for three lifetimes. The Captain had suggested desk duty and even Tony offered to take him in as one of his bodyguards.

But for now? He just wanted to go to sleep and for once to close his eyes without worrying about someone hurting him.

~oOo~

~Three months later~

The bell chimed over the door but Grant didn't bother with it. Anne could deal with the customer, he was going to stay back here to take care of things. The psychologist that looked after him had suggested that maybe volunteering at an animal shelter would be good for him. Something about animals being able to help people through traumas, he wasn't sure. What he was sure about though was the fact that he felt better. He was finding himself little by little, he was working out who Grant Ward really was without someone else defining him. The few weeks away from the agency were doing him good and if he was honest, he wasn't sure he'd go back.

He had a trust fund that was growing bigger every day and after almost ten years of not touching it he could easily quit everything and do something else with his life. Open a bookstore maybe, he'd always loved books; they were a good company for someone that didn't seek the warmth of another human being. For someone as damaged as him.

Oscar, an alley cat they had saved a few days ago, barely two months old, rubbed himself all over the bars of his cage mewing. It was feeding time and they both knew that Grant was going to put a little more tuna on his plate than necessary. He had a soft spot for the stray cat, it was no secret. Oscar reminded him a lot of himself, they had found him bloodied and battered at the brink of death but he was a survivor. Just like Grant...

Crouching down he scratched the little rascal behind the ear and the cat gave him a contented purr. "Making new friends I see." The female voice behind him took Grant by surprise and he fell on his bum. Skye plopped herself beside him and pulled the cage gate open taking Oscar in her arms. "What's his name?" She asked as the cat settled comfortably in her arms purring away.

"Oscar." He offered as he took her in. Every feeling he'd kept locked up for the past three months came rushing back, flooding his senses and almost suffocating him. She looked just as beautiful as he remembered her, breathtaking even. "What are you doing here?" The question came out so quietly she wouldn't have be able to hear it if she wasn't sitting so close to him.

"Fitz really wants a pet for his birthday." She teased smiling. "He's really bummed you won't answer his calls or texts by the way." At that her eyes met his, he could die a happy man just looking at her face. "Why are you avoiding us?" Her words brought him out of his daydream and made him focus back at her.

"I'm not avoiding anyone." He shot back quickly, too quickly actually. He was actually waiting for Coulson to ask him to come back but Grant wasn't going to pressure anyone into anything. He had betrayed them and their trust, he didn't expect that Coulson would be jumping up and down from joy to see him.

"Sure you're not."Oscar moved around in her arms and laid with his belly up so she could scratch him. It was the first time in a week that the small cat was going to someone other than Grant willingly. Was there any creature, human or animal, that she didn't make fall in love with her? "How about you tell me the truth now?" He felt something like déjà vu washing over him.

"Coulson didn't tell you?" He asked slowly, afraid of the answer. Grant wasn't betting on the team forgiving him. Not after what he did, no matter what Natasha said.

"Only what we needed to know." She offered kindly and if it had a texture it would be silk like. "He said the rest was a story only you should tell. I waited and waited for you to come but you never did." Her voice laced with sadness and pain and he cursed himself for causing this to her.

"I thought Coulson wouldn't want me back on the team." He explained. "I was hoping he would ask me to-"

"Agent Romanoff didn't let him." Skye cut in a little harshly. "She said that you needed a break from Shield to work some things out. AC values her advices and let you be for a while."

"I did need that." He reached over to pet a sleeping Oscar and the kitty stretched lazily.

"I couldn't wait anymore, though." She scooted over closer to him, their arms touching. "I'm ready to hear that story if you are ready to tell it." He couldn't help but smile at her gentle tone. Was he? Was he ready to lay his heart at her feet in hopes she won't crush it?

"Wanna get a cup of coffee?" Her face lit up as he spoke and he took a moment to think about it. Yes, he was ready if it meant he would have her in his life.

"I'd love to."

They left the shelter a few minutes later with a neat bow around Oscar's neck. He wasn't exactly a monkey like Fitz wanted but he would fit quite nicely with their little family.

~The End~