So...I think is the shortest time I have ever taken between fanfics! This storyline has been floating around in my brain for a while, so I just went with it. I hope you enjoy it. I'm not sure how long this will be, but I'm guessing it will be one of my longer stories. So for those who were sad Lost and Found ended at 25 chapters, you are in luck this time. Those who hated Changes being 100 chapters...well you may want to stay away from this one. Either way, I hope people like this.

If you hate it, blame my friend CCL13 who encouraged me to write this because she really wanted to read it. (just kidding, you can blame me)

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor...so my medical research comes from Google. Sorry if it is inaccurate.

Also, I do not own Law & Order SVU or any of its characters.

December 17, 2014 4:30 PM

Sitting at her desk, watching the words on the screen blur into nothing more than a dark blob, Olivia Benson rubbed her temples and took a deep breath, trying to ease the persistent nausea she'd been fighting for the last few hours. She couldn't remember that last time she'd felt so off…so sick…so tired, and even though the medication she'd been taking for weeks had caused similar side effects, this was so much worse. She closed her eyes, hoping the small gesture would provoke huge results, but the attempt was unsuccessful. The doctor told her the odds of getting through this without feeling like hell were slim, but she'd held onto the hope the past several weeks, feeling her chance was promising when the medication effects were simple enough to manage. She'd been to the doctor's office every other day for over a week, and each time the lab tech. taking her blood made small talk by asking the same question, "Are you feeling okay?" and she'd answered that she was fine…it was nothing she couldn't handle. She'd believed it until today. Today, she wasn't sure she was fine, and she was afraid she couldn't handle this.

The phone rang, pulling her away from the focus on her misery and she picked it up, "Benson…" she said, hearing her voice quiver as she swallowed the lump she hadn't realized had formed in the back of her throat. She listened to the caller on the other end of the line, her heart sinking with realization that the case was going to be a tough one. All the cases were hard, but some were more difficult than others, and maybe she was just overly emotional lately, but hearing this story was making her tear up. "I'll get someone over there as soon as possible," she said, clearing her throat. Then she hung up the phone and headed out to the squad room, praying she'd start feeling better before going out on this case. The last thing this victim needed was a cop who couldn't focus on her needs because she was trying not to throw up.

"Hey…" she said, grabbing the attention of the detectives under her command. "We have a case. Nine year old girl…raped after school this afternoon. She told her grandmother about it when she got home, and she took her to the hospital. We need to get over there."

"Oh no," Amanda Rollins stood from her desk, grabbing her jacket, "I'll go…"

Olivia nodded, "I want to go too," she looked at Fin who had grabbed his keys, planning to join his partner. "Rollins and I will go. She's in Queens…we'll be gone a while."

"Queens?" Amanda asked. "Why are they throwing the case our way? Shouldn't Queens SVU be handling this?"

"Normally, yes," Olivia answered. "But the girl is claiming the rape happened at her school, behind the dumpsters. She goes to school here in our jurisdiction," she scribbled down the name of the Manhattan private school on a piece of paper and handed it to Fin, "Get a team out there…look for anything that can help us catch this guy."

"I'm on it," Fin said, rushing out of the room.

Three hours later, Amanda and Olivia emerged from nine-year old Tatum Granbury's hospital room. The little girl was bright and eager, in spite of what had happened to her, but she had been unable to give them more than a few details of her attack. Her grandmother had been even less willing to talk, but Olivia assumed it was because she was in shock. She thought about her own child, and she couldn't imagine him going through something so traumatic. "I need to get home," she said, looking at her phone and reading a text from her sitter. "Noah's already in bed." She shook her head, "I hate nights when I don't get to tuck him in."

"I bet," Amanda said with a smile. "He's a lucky kid though. He knows you love him and you're busy with work."

"He's barely a year old," Olivia reminded her. "All he knows is his mommy isn't always home when she should be." She sighed, thinking about how things were probably going to get worse now that she was about to turn their lives upside down. Poor Noah, she wished she had thought more seriously about how all of this would affect him. She only wanted the best for him, and now she wasn't sure he'd get it. "I need to go…"

"Yeah, me too," Amanda said. "I'll drop you off at home and then go back and update the case file…see if Fin found anything out at the school…you want me to call you later with the details or wait until morning?"

"Call me," Olivia said with a sigh. "We have to find this guy."

"It can wait until morning," Amanda reminded her. "You don't look so good today…maybe you need some sleep."

"I don't feel so great today," Olivia reluctantly admitted. "But it's nothing I can't handle," she insisted, even though in her heart it felt like a lie.

Olivia turned her key in the lock, pushing open the door and finding the babysitter watching TV with the volume muted while Noah slept soundly in his crib, "I'm sorry Lucy," she said in a whisper. "I never meant to be this late."

"It's okay," she smiled, grabbing her bag and moving toward the door. "He was good today. He ate all of his lunch and dinner…went to sleep right on time…I didn't give him a bath because you were late and I thought you might want to do it in the morning."

"Thanks," Olivia nodded. "I appreciate that." She locked the door and walked over to Noah's crib, watching the little boy sleep, his chest rising and falling beneath the blue and white pattern of his plush sleeper. "I love you…" she whispered, kissing him softly on the cheek. Then she walked into the bathroom, pulled down her slacks and grabbed an alcohol swab from the medicine cabinet, looking in the mirror and cleaning her usual injection site. Then she grabbed the syringe, filling it with the medication, something that had become her new nightly routine, and injected it into her backside, cringing at the familiar sting. "Just a couple more weeks," she said to herself and she cleaned up the trash and carefully threw away the needle and vials in a plastic container so Noah wouldn't get access to them. She put her hand softly on her stomach, "You okay in there?" she asked with a slight chuckle. "I love you too little one…you and your big brother are everything to me."

She leaned back on the couch, not wanting to go to bed in case Amanda called with information about the case, but she was tired. She knew she should eat something, but she still felt sick and couldn't stomach the thought of food. She let her hands rest on her stomach, wondering how long it would be before she'd have to let everyone in on her secret. Having a baby was supposed to be a good thing, and maybe if she were ten years younger, or in a relationship, or hadn't just started proceedings to adopt her son this pregnancy would be met with the usual joy and excitement as well. Instead, she fully expected her friends to stare at her in disbelief, to pity her for getting into the mess…and the sad thing was that she'd done this on purpose. She'd spent a small fortune on the fertility treatments and the IVF procedure, and now she was questioning everything about her decision. Maybe it was because in her heart, she never believed it would really work…or maybe it was that she felt guilty for doing this now. Either way, this baby was about to throw a wrench into her life that she wasn't sure how to face, no matter how deeply she loved her child.

Three Months Earlier…

"Benson," she answered her phone, as she quickly filed her latest report, relieved that the case had come to a close. She'd been worried they'd never find the rapist, and when they finally did the amount of pressure that was lifted from her had been a tremendous relief. She could breathe again, and that was a good feeling.

"Yes, Ms. Benson," the caller's voice was unfamiliar, "I'm calling from Hudson Cryobank…"

She sighed, "Yes…of course, is it time for me to pay my storage fees again?" she glanced at the calendar and realized there was no way they were calling about her bill. She'd had embryos stored there for over six years, and once a year she paid their storage fee. Whenever it was time, they'd call and ask if she wanted to keep them in storage or donate them or possibly use them, and each year she'd cough up the money to keep them frozen a while longer. She wasn't sure why she bothered anymore, except that she didn't have the heart to give them up. She could donate them to an infertile couple, or to science, but she wouldn't do that. She had no intention of using them now, and still she paid the fees every year to keep them…just in case.

"No ma'am…" the woman's voice was solemn. "I have some bad news. Our facility will be closing in six months, and we are trying to give all of our clients a heads up."

"Closing?" Olivia asked. "Why?"

"We are consolidating with another clinic, but the storage facility at the new clinic will not have room for all of our tanks. We're calling some of our clients who've had embryos in storage for a while, and asking you to consider your options."

"Options?" she asked. "What options?"

"Well, we can try to find another facility to store your embryos," the woman suggested, "But the cost would be extensive. Or we could donate them…"

"I don't want to do that," Olivia heard herself say without thinking. "How much would it cost to store them somewhere else?"

"I can mail you a price list, ma'am…" the woman offered. "Or you can choose to use them at this time."

Olivia gave a nervous laugh, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"If you don't mind me asking, are you planning on using the embryos?" the woman asked sincerely. "They've been stored for quite some time…six years…"

"I know," Olivia sighed. "I planned to use them…but now…I'm probably too old…"

"You do know that a woman's age doesn't affect the chance of conception if the embryos are frozen when she was younger?" the caller asked. "You were barely forty when the embryos were frozen…there is a good chance they would lead to a viable pregnancy now."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, "I'll donate them…" she said. "To science…" she couldn't bear the thought of another couple having her baby, no matter how selfish it seemed.

"Okay," the woman said gently. "We'll need you to come in and sign some paperwork so we can donate them…and of course we'll refund the remainder of your storage fees for this year."

"Thanks," Olivia sighed as she hung up the phone. Then she put her head in her hands and cried.

That night she walked into her apartment, smiling as her son reached for her from his highchair, "Hey little man," she whispered. "Mommy missed you today."

"He missed you," Lucy said as she packed up her things and headed toward the door.

"Thanks Lucy," Olivia waved as the young woman walked out the door. Then she picked up her son and carried him into the bathroom where she ran warm bath water for him and sat him in the tub. She watched him laugh and play, and her blouse was drenched with water as he splashed at her. "You're a silly boy," she teased, leaning forward and washing him gently. Then she picked him up, drying him off and dressing him in his pajamas, and the baby was practically asleep before she put him down in his crib. She stood and watched him sleep, "I can't imagine ever loving someone as much as I love you, Noah…" she whispered.

The next day she walked into Hudson Cryobank, prepared to sign the embryos over to scientific research. She spoke with the secretary, who referred her to the doctor who would explain how the embryos would be used in research. She sat in the room, looking at the baby pictures that adorned the walls and thought back to the day she'd decided freezing embryos was her only chance at becoming a mother. She'd been working a case at Hudson Cryobank, a tank of embryos had been stolen and she'd been determined to find it before the embryos lost viability…but she'd been too late. The case had been hard, thinking about all the women who would never have the children they longed for because she'd failed to find their embryos on time, but Elliot was sure the real reason she was so upset was that she had been questioning her own chance of motherhood. For the first time, he'd asked her about it…suggested she think about having a baby of her own, and she'd shut him down immediately, begging him not to say anymore. Later she confessed to him that she'd applied for adoption, but had been turned down, and he seemed as crushed as she was. It was a few days later that he'd come to her, after another similarly painful case, and offered to donate sperm if she wanted a baby of her own.

She'd thought he was joking, or out of his mind…something, but he insisted he was serious. She asked him to think about what he was saying…what his wife would think…what their child would think someday, but he insisted he would only be a donor, that he didn't want to be a father again and the baby would be hers and hers alone. He said Kathy didn't mind, because she'd felt indebted to Olivia since Eli's traumatic birth and wanted her to be happy, and while Olivia wasn't sure she fully believed that, the idea of having her own child made her heart melt. It wasn't the right time though, so after looking into the science behind it, she decided freezing embryos was her best option. Then she could use them when she was ready and Elliot agreed to help her. The only stipulation he had was that he wanted her to tell him when she was ready to use them…so he wouldn't be shocked to find out she was pregnant. So she agreed, and after a few months of harsh fertility treatments for her, and one easy donation from Elliot, the embryos were safely stored at the Cryobank.

"Ms. Benson," the doctor said, and Olivia stood to shake his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

She forced a smile, "What do I need to sign?" she asked.

He pulled out a file and went over everything with her. "We use embryos for several reasons, so we always appreciate donations." She gave a sad nod, reaching for the pen and the doctor looked seriously at her, "Are you sure you want to donate them?" he asked. "You've never tried an IVF procedure."

"I meant to," she explained. "I really did…but it was never the right time. My job is pretty demanding…and I have a baby now. I'm adopting the sweetest baby boy…the reason I did this in the first place was because I was turned down for adoption, but my son kind of fell into my lap and I love him so much…"

"That doesn't mean you don't want another baby, does it?" he asked knowingly. "A brother or sister for your son?"

She gave a weak smile, "I'm not getting any younger…I'm forty-six…I don't think…"

"We perform IVF on women up to fifty-two years of age if the embryo quality is good," he offered. "Just so you know." He looked through her file, "I see you used donor sperm…so this is completely up to you…no father to consider…"

She nodded, "I'm not sure I could do it now," she insisted. "And your facility is closing…"

"In six months," he reminded her. "So if you want to wait a while to decide…"

"I'm going to donate them," she said, picking up the pen and reading over the papers. Then she put the tip of the pen on the signature line, taking a deep breath as she felt unexpected tears clouding her eyes. "Uhm…"

"It's okay," the doctor said gently. "You don't have to."

"If I try the IVF…" she sniffled, "How long does that take?"

"It can be a long process…or it can take a couple of months," he said honestly. "We'd start you on progesterone shots to thicken the lining of your uterus. You'd need to come in for frequent checks, and when the hormone levels look good, we would transfer a few embryos and see if they implant."

"A few?" she asked.

He nodded, "Usually we do three…but we can do one or two. The more we transfer the greater chance of pregnancy. Even with three, we usually only get one baby."

She shook her head, "I would never do three…that seems too risky." She sighed, "What if it doesn't work?"

You have enough embryos for two cycles," he said, looking at her chart. "We could try again."

She shook her head, "I didn't even plan on this," she cried. "If I do this…I'm only doing it once. Either it works or not…the rest of the embryos can be donated to science."

He nodded, "Make an appointment with the receptionist…and we'll decide where to start."

The next couple of months were a blur and before she knew it, she was in the hospital and the doctor was transferring two healthy embryos into her. She had to keep up the injections until the eighth week of pregnancy, so a pregnancy test wasn't possible…and waiting two weeks for the blood test had been brutal. She knew she wasn't pregnant. Things didn't come that easily to her, and the odds were completely against it anyway. Yet on December 3rd she sat in the office and the doctor told her the test was positive. She was going to have a baby…and all she could think about was Elliot…his stipulation that she tell him before she used the embryos…and how she'd done this without saying a word. She didn't even know how to reach him now anyway. He'd left her and refused to talk to her…so he didn't deserve to know anyway. This was her baby…hers alone…and he was the one who'd said that in the first place.

December 17, 2014 11:45 PM

Her phone was buzzing and she could barely open her eyes. She finally forced them open and sat up on the couch, seeing Amanda's number and answering. "We need you at the hospital," her voice was urgent. "Nick's on his way over to your place to watch Noah."

"Why?" she asked, suddenly more awake than she'd been all day. "What's wrong?"

"Tatum Granbury's grandmother," Amanda explained. "She called…says she knows who attacked her granddaughter, but she only wants to talk to you."

"Okay," she sighed. "I'll head out as soon as Nick gets here."

The knock on the door was soft, and she opened it to see a tired Nick Amaro standing before her. "Thanks for coming," she said. "I know it's late."

"Whatever it takes," he said, walking over to the crib to peek at the baby. "He's out like a light."

"He should sleep all night," she said, buttoning her jacket and swallowing in an attempt to control her nausea. "I hope I won't be gone long."

"You doing okay?" he asked worried. "You haven't looked good for a while…"

"Gee thanks," she snickered. "I'm fine…"

"Really?" he said, staring at her pale face. "If you're sick…"

"I just have a bug," she insisted. "I'll be good as new in a day or so." She glanced at the baby, "If I'm not back in the morning, his cereal is in the cabinet above the fridge."

Amanda met her in the entryway of the hospital and filled her in on the way to the children's wing. The grandmother felt she knew the attacker and wanted to give specifics…but only to a commanding officer. Olivia opened the door to the little girl's room and smiled as she saw her sleeping soundly under the pink hospital blanket. "Mrs. Granbury," she whispered. "You wanted to see me."

"Yes," the woman motioned her into the hall and Olivia and Amanda followed. "Tonight, after you left…my granddaughter told me the man had red hair and a beard. I know this man."

"Ma'am…a lot of men have red hair and beards," Olivia said as calmly as she could. "I'm glad we have a better description…but why do you think you know him?"

"I've seen him," she insisted. "He stands outside the park across from where I work and watches the children…and I've seen him at the school. He is always there at recess time."

"Do you know his name?" Amanda asked. "Anything about him?"

The women shook her head, "No…but he wears a uniform…from a sanitation company. It's green and blue…Pure Earth Sanitation…"

"That's an environmentally friendly sanitation company in Manhattan," Amanda added, knowingly. "I've seen their trucks."

Olivia's eyes widened, "Okay…that's a big help." She turned toward Amanda, "Check out the sanitation company and all their employees."

Amanda nodded, "I'll see you at the station tomorrow...and I'll have the info," she promised as she walked toward the door.

"Mrs. Granbury," Olivia asked. "Is it okay for me to come back in the morning to talk to Tatum again? I want to see if there are any other details she can give me." The older woman nodded and Olivia smiled gently, "Thank you," she squeezed the woman's hand and headed down the hall. She pulled out her phone, checking on a text from Nick. He'd sent her a picture of Noah sleeping and she smiled at it. Then another woman rushed around the corner, bumping into her and sending her phone flying across the hall.

"I'm so sorry," the woman said as Olivia raised her head to look at her, the shock apparent on her face. "Olivia…" the woman said and Olivia took a deep breath.

"Kathy?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

Kathy rushed to the other side of the hall, picking up Olivia's phone and handing it to her, "I'm sorry…I was in a hurry…"

"I wasn't watching," Olivia admitted, and she saw the panic on Kathy's face. She looked tired, her face pale and drawn and he long blonde hair had graying roots, and was pulled back into a greasy ponytail that looked like it hadn't been washed in days. "Are you okay?" Olivia asked.

Kathy shook her head, "I'm fine…it's Eli…he's been here almost a month, but he should be home by Christmas…we're hoping…"

"Oh God…Kathy, I'm sorry…what's wrong?" she asked nervously.

"He has leukemia," she said sadly. "This is his second time…the first time was three years ago…right after Elliot and I got divorced. They did chemo and he reacted well to it…went into remission…but now it's back and he's not responding as well this time."

"He had cancer three years ago?" Olivia asked. "You and Elliot are divorced?"

Kathy nodded, "After Elliot left the force, he moved to DC…took a job there…but then Eli got sick and he came back to help. We thought he was better, so he moved back a couple years ago…and now this…"

"Is Elliot here now?" Olivia asked.

"He's at the house…" she explained. "He took a leave of absence from work. We've been taking turns staying up here and then going home to rest."

"What are the treatment options for Eli?" Olivia asked. "Is he going to be okay?"

Kathy shrugged, tears filling her eyes, "A bone marrow transplant is the best option, but none of the kids match. The doctor tested them all the first time around, because with five kids the odds were good that we'd have a match…but they don't. Elliot and I don't match either, so they put his name on a list to match with an unrelated donor, but the odds for that are slim. The other option is cord blood…it doesn't have to be an exact match, as long as the markers are similar…so it's easier to find a match that way. The doctor said a half-sibling or a niece or nephew can match…so Maureen and her husband are going to try to have a baby and see what happens, but so far they haven't had any luck. The doctor says Maureen may have trouble conceiving because of an issue with her ovaries. They can fix it, but it'll take time."

"Oh my God," Olivia sighed, "Will he be okay until then?"

Kathy nodded, "I hope so. There's still the chance of being matched with donor cord blood from an unrelated donor too…but the doctor said he's not sick enough to qualify for that yet." She brushed away her tears, "I have to get back to him," she said.

"Okay," Olivia said sadly. "Is Elliot going to be here later?" she asked.

Kathy nodded, "He comes over around eight and I go home for a few hours." She forced a smile, "He'd like to see you…I'm sure. He always felt bad about the way things ended at SVU."

"Me too," Olivia admitted.

"Come back and see him," Kathy said. "He needs that…this has been hard on him." She pushed open the door and Olivia watched her disappear into Eli's room. She walked to the door, looking through the square window at the small boy in the bed, sleeping with tubes and monitors attached to him…and she couldn't stop her tears from falling.

The doctor said a half-sibling or a niece or nephew can match… Kathy's words echoed in her brain. She put her hand to her stomach, and exhaled slowly. A half-sibling…

"I'm home," she said, tapping Nick on the shoulder and he sat up from the couch, startled.

"What time is it?" he asked with a yawn.

"Almost three," she said. "You wanna go home or sleep on my couch?"

He stood up, "I should get home." He walked to the door, turning to look at her, "Did things go okay at the hospital? You look upset…"

"We got some good info. I'm going back first thing in the morning," she said with a forced smile and waved him out the door. Then she grabbed her laptop and propped it on her knees, trying to find any information she could about childhood leukemia and cord-blood donation. If her baby could save Eli's life…she'd tell Elliot about the baby and face whatever wrath he felt toward her, but first, she had to make sure it was safe. No matter how much she wanted to save Eli, she couldn't put her own child at risk.

More soon...if people seem to want it :)