Chapter 5 - Kanji: Standby

OK, let's be serious here. I love my friends as much as the next guy. But there's just some things I ain't putting up with, y'know?

Having about four days of work destroyed is definitely one of them.

So, I was standing right in front of the door to Yosuke-senpai's house and didn't need to ring the doorbell twice before he was already opening up for me. That's the one thing Senpai's good at, getting to places quickly. He's also pretty good at making faces, but I'm not sure if my own face was looking that much better than whatever his mug was doing when he saw me. I guess we probably looked about the same anyway. It's really no surprise. After all, I did come there carrying Teddie wrapped up in about a 100 meter of thread and string under my left arm. Was quite a hassle, I'm telling you, because Ted just wouldn't stop wriggling around in his 10.000 Yen cocoon and whining all the way long. Why'd that have to happen to me, dammit...?

"...Teddie, what the hell?"

Well, at least Yosuke-senpai's with me on that one.

"Y-Yosuke, save me!" Teddie's whining continued just as annoying as it'd been the whole past hour. "I'm a-all ensnared in this b-bear-trap!"

Senpai didn't look very impressed by Teddie's begging and pretty much just ignored what he had said. Instead, he turned to me.

"Kanji. What did he do?" he asked me dully, and there were some pretty deep wrinkles under his eyes. He looked like he really wanted to groan. I did my best to not yell when I replied, but that was pretty hard to do.

"This idiot here suddenly came in and made Ma show him the way to my room. Said he was coming to 'help me out', whatever the hell that means. Next thing I know, he's gotten his dirty paw-prints all over a scarf I dyed just the other day and completely torn open the high-quality yarn that was supposed to become that plush I'd been working on, then he went and got himself completely tangled in it, too..."

I pushed Teddie to Senpai and showed him what I meant. He took a closer look at the little guy. There was a kind of glare in Yosuke-senpai's eyes.

"I see..." he sighed.

"Oh, y'do? Well, that's great, but that won't bring back my yarn!"

Even if it was probably kinda mean of me, I really wasn't in the mood to take an 'I see' or crap like that from anyone, so I dropped the bear right on the stairs, to Yosuke-senpai's feet. There was a funny squeaking sound when Ted hit the ground, but that didn't really lighten the mood of either, me or my Senpai a whole lot.

"'Helping out' my ass! He wouldn't even listen to a thing I said! Hey, Senpai! Aren't you supposed to be, like, that guys' big brother or something now? Maybe you could start by teaching him not to just burst in and screw up other people's business!"

"Hey, just cause we're family, it doesn't mean you need to blame it on me!" Yosuke-senpai snarled back at once, but then he stopped and took a deep breath in. Now that I looked again, he seemed pretty pale. "...Listen, I'm sorry about that yarn. Um, and that scarf, too. I'm gonna try and replace it all from my paycheck, OK? Just... Please gimme a little space. It's bad enough I let Teddie just run off. I guess I really shouldn't have asked about the damage he caused..."

"Yosuke, I'm sorry..."

It already surprised me how apologetic Yosuke-senpai was getting so quickly, but Teddie's voice interrupting him took me completely off-guard too. Teddie was still too tangled in his yarn-mess to get up onto his stubble-feet, but he had stopped flailing around now and was looking up at my Senpai. The look on his face was actually pretty sad. Nothing like his usual moaning at all. But Yosuke-senpai only glanced at him for a moment, let his forehead wrinkle like he was angry, but then looked away and sighed again. I thought it was weird, seeing how Yosuke-senpai was usually always stubbornly on the defensive about stuff like this, and how Teddie didn't usually jump to apologize like this a whole lot. Somehow, they were both acting pretty off today...

"Hey, Senpai..." I tried not to think about my projects that Ted had screwed up for a bit and spoke as calmly as I could "What's that about you 'letting Teddie run off'? Is he... Grounded or stuff?"

And then I remembered something. Right, didn't the two of them get in some kinda incident just the other day? Was that related somehow? At first thought, it didn't think like that'd make a whole lot of sense, but, on the other hand, what else did make sense? Even if I had no clue how Teddie passing out had anything to do with him suddenly deciding to check out my room out of the blue.

"I... Kinda don't..." Yosuke-senpai stopped himself mid-sentence again. His eyes had been on Teddie when he started talking, but now he was looking away again. Another sigh. That guy was really having a rough day, huh? "...Actually, nevermind. It'd probably really be better to try to talk about it. Let me just try and get Teddie back to bed first, OK?"

"Yosuke, I..."

Teddie again, but he wasn't really talking in full sentences here either. That 'I' never went anywhere. He just fell back silent as soon as my Senpai turned back to look at him. And then, it was a just the two of them being awkward, like they didn't know whether to look at each other or not. Usually, Yosuke-senpai and Teddie were always arguing about pointless stuff, trying to make themselves 'right' and make the other one 'wrong', but right now, they looked like they weren't even sure about who was right and who was wrong themselves.

Finally, Yosuke-senpai said something.

"Teddie. You scared us all to death. I hope you know that. And I also hope you also know that there's absolutely nothing funny about that. There's a reason Mom told you to stay in bed. But you go and just leave without telling anyone... What were you even thinking?"

"..."

Teddie stayed quiet. No moaning, no yelling back... Nothing. For the first time since I'd come here, Senpai now kept looking straight at him without taking his eyes off.

"...Go back to bed. We're gonna talk about this later, once Mom is back."

"...Yes..."

Teddie said that 'Yes', but it was really only a tiny bit of a sound. Mostly, he was just nodding his head and cowering. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have said he looked almost like he was ashamed of something.

What happened next was that Yosuke-senpai tried to get Ted upstairs, but since he was still tangled of what was left of my plush and carrying the bear all the way upstairs didn't really work, we ended up cutting open just enough of the string to get to his zipper and get him out. Yosuke-senpai then led him up to their room by his hand. Meanwhile, I stayed down in their living room and tried to pick whatever yarn I could still save off Teddie's bear-suit and roll it up as neatly as I could. I wasn't gonna make a whole plush from this anymore, but at least some knit-dolls should be in it, I thought. It was a good thing I had my glasses on, otherwise I would have had trouble telling the strings from the fur in a lot of places, since the color was pretty similar. Ah, right, by 'glasses', I mean my everyday glasses, not the shades Teddie gave me two years back. As cool as those look, they wouldn't do much for my bad eyesight. I used to wear contacts, but they're really not that good when you want to do a lot of precise work. So once I decided to stop bleaching my hair, I switched to wearing normal glasses too. Thanks to all that fighting in the TV world, I already had gotten pretty used to the feeling of it, so the switch wasn't that big a deal.

Yosuke-senpai came back downstairs while I was in the middle of working on the yarn. He didn't bother me with it, just asked me if I wanted anything to drink, a tea or a coffee. He said his parents had a pretty good coffee maker. I told him tea would be fine. A few minutes later, he came back from the kitchen with a cup of green tea for me and a large mug of black coffee for himself.

"Kinda got a taste for it lately," Yosuke-senpai laughed at the surprised face I made when I saw his drink, but he sounded pretty tired even then. "It helped me with staying up late, studying for the entrance exams. Yu sent me the recipe so I wouldn't keep buying cheap coffee in Okina after cram school. Though, I guess if he knew how much I'm drinking of this now, he wouldn't be happy either. Heh..."

"If you got the recipe from Yu-senpai, then it's probably the same stuff Dojima-san likes, right?" I replied, still way more focused on rolling up yarn than on what I was actually saying. I hadn't touched my own cup yet, either. "I mean, I don't think I ever saw Yu-senpai drink coffee anywhere except when we were over at their place. And even then, it was always Dojima-san making it."

"Huh? You mean... I'm drinking Police-Detective Coffee right now?"

Yosuke-senpai sounded so confused, he made it sound like it were special or something. I just shrugged. I didn't think it was that important. Coffee's coffee, right? I just mentioned it because it came to my mind. I was just surprised he was drinking that stuff to begin with. I guess it wasn't that important to Senpai either, because right after my shrug, he put the mug away and sat down next to me.

"That's kinda funny, actually," he finally said something again. Even though I was still busy salvaging yarn, I listened up. "I mean, my deduction skills aren't exactly all that great. Especially not right now..."

"Hm? What'cha talking about?"

Another sigh from Senpai.

"I just can't figure out Teddie..."

"So? Neither can anyone else. That a problem now?"

"That's not what I mean. It's just... Lately, I can figure him out even less than before."

Yosuke-senpai let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling. He looked really exhausted.

"He's been acting weird... Just yesterday, he was still chipper and cheery, but ever since that Shadow Attack happened, he's just been acting off. First he talks about hearing voices, then he keeps asking way too many questions, then he totally ignores it when we're telling him he can stay in bed all day - you don't understand, he usually always wants to stay in bed - and then he suddenly runs off, just to show up first with Yukiko-san, then with you? Teddie may be random, but this isn't ... It somehow doesn't feel like him, y'know?"

"I dunno. Doesn't being random kinda mean that you really won't know how he's going to act next?" I was making good progress. At this rate, 2-3 more rolls and I'd have recovered all the yarn that I could still use. "Sure, Teddie's never just come by my place like that before either. But maybe that's just, like... A thing a bear does? Once a year or so? There's stuff like that, right?"

"Hm... Yeah, maybe..."

"Then again, maybe it's not. I thought he was acting off, too. Maybe it's a phase or something? Like, bear puberty?"

"...Yeah... Could be..."

"So bears really do go through puberty too, huh..."

"...You're really getting hung up on that 'bear' thing, aren't you?"

Senpai threw me an odd look that kind of caught from the corner of my eye. I didn't understand why, but somehow, it let me know I probably said something stupid, huh? ...I got flustered.

"I-I'm just sayin', OK!? At least I've got some ideas, don't I?"

"Yeah, but your ideas all sound like you want me to call the vet on Teddie!" he continued to give me the odd look for a while longer. "...Still, you've got a point. At least you've got an idea. Meanwhile, I'm just... Like..."

That's another sentence that never really got finished. Senpai gave his deepest sigh yet. I finished rolling up the third-to-last roll of yarn, just when he continued explaining.

"...Oh man. I already really suck at this 'Big Brother' thing, don't I? I mean, it's not like Teddie's only my responsibility, but... Mom and Dad don't know the whole truth about him. If there's anything wrong with him that he can't tell them about, he's only really got me to rely on. So I figure I should be doing a better job at being his family. But right now, I somehow don't even really know how to ask him what's wrong... Ahh. I wish I knew what Yu would do."

"Senpai'd probably... Go and talk to Teddie? I mean, that's what he always does when someone's got a problem, right?"

"But that's just it! I can't do that! ...I mean, I can... But somehow, it just feels like I won't get anywhere... y'know?"

"You won't know until you try, though."

"...Yeah... I guess that's right..."

He said that, but he sounded so much more frustrated than actually relieved. I could hear him take another gulp of that coffee of his. It was pretty sad actually, how much he was beating himself up over this. After all, I seriously didn't see any actual proof he was really doing as badly as he said he did.

"Y'know, you really shouldn't do what I think is best or what Yu-senpai thinks is best, though. You should do your own thing."

"...My own thing?"

"Yeah. Like... Wanting to be a good brother or something like it to Teddie. That's kinda already your thing, right? It's a goal, isn't it?" I carefully kept wrapping string into a roll in my hand. "Everyone's got something they're decided on doing, not because it's the only thing they can do, but because they want to do it. Like, Rise's thing is her idol business, my thing's working to take over Ma's shop... Stuff like that. And I guess you can have more than one thing, too. So, trying to do the best for everyone... I guess that's sorta your thing?"

Yosuke-senpai stayed quiet for a moment.

"I dunno. Isn't that more Yu's thing?"

"What'dya mean 'more'? It can be both your thing, can't it?"

"...Actually, yeah. I guess you're right."

And somehow right there, we had some sort of... Breakthrough or something, I guess. And I'm not talking about me finishing up that second-to-last roll of yarn. What I mean is that Yosuke-senpai started smiling at me at this point. And it was an actual smile, not another forced one, like before. I guess somehow I did manage to make him perk up a bit. Good. I let myself smile a bit too. Kinda funny that my Senpai could be cheered up the same way as the daycare kids in my H.E. courses, but, hey, I wasn't gonna complain about that. Well, maybe it was still a bit more difficult. Because even though Yosuke-senpai was smiling now, he kept talking about the problem.

"But you know, even if wanting to do my best for everyone... And if wanting to be reliable to my family and friends is really my 'thing'... I guess that might just be why it's so difficult right now."

"Hm?"

I wasn't sure what Yosuke-senpai was talking about, so I perked my ears, trying to get ahold on the next string of yarn - except that I couldn't find it. Surprised, I kept leading my hand up and down the fluffy, fluffy fur, but didn't find anything in it that didn't belong there. That was odd. I was sure that there had been one more piece of string...

...I looked up. Yosuke-senpai had gotten out of his chair and was standing right in front of me, bent over.

"I try my hardest to be reliable for everyone, you know. But there are some things I just can't do. Like... Read minds or... Be in two places at once that are far away from each other. I can't lead a life for someone else and abandon what I wanted to do for myself just for that. But if that means disappointing someone, it becomes a headache as well...I guess, I just don't like the idea of people having expectations in me that I can't fulfill."

Senpai had a hand stretched out to me. There was a roll of yarn in it. My yarn. The missing, last string. Had he been rolling up one on his own without me realizing?

"Much rather, I'd exceed the expectations that people have in me. That makes me feel like I accomplished something. I know, that probably sounds cocky, but it's true."

"..."

I took the roll of yarn Yosuke-senpai had rolled up for me and took a closer look at it. It was about the same size as the ones I had rolled up... But the yarn was all over the place, not neatly wrapped around the center in a system, but chaotic, tangled almost as badly as it had been around Teddie's fur.

"...Seriously, Senpai... You suck at this."

At once, Yosuke-senpai's smile dropped, and so did his shoulders and his head. Yet another sigh,

"Yeah, yeah, just go and rub it in... At least I tried to help, OK? Isn't that worth some appreciation!?"

Yeah, it was. But that was something he had to figure for himself. It was the same with the kids at the daycare. If you didn't let them figure these things for themselves, they'd always be clinging to the other kids and the adults and never learn to appreciate themselves.

That's just how it is.

Chapter 5 - Advection

All his belongings were in boxes by now, or at least that's what it felt like. The bits that he still kept in drawers and shelves were only the most necessary. He found himself wondering if these would even be things he would be taking with him either way. He didn't need much. Traveling with light baggage always felt more comfortable to him and, in fact the sight of his possessions enclosed in cardboard right now was one that he found surprisingly comforting. This was really going to be it, wasn't it? The start of another journey. In a way, he felt very excited, but also calm and at ease with the thought of where his way might take him from here. It may be because this time, just this once, he wouldn't be entering this new part of his life entirely empty-handed. There was one thing he was allowed to take with him into the new, strange lands he was entering. One bond...

It may have been an overly poetic way of thinking, but Yu Narukami couldn't help but feel about it that way. The fact that Yosuke, against the so-called "Prince of Disappointments' "own expectations, had managed to pass the infamously devilish entrance exams of Meiji U on his first try had already been elating news to Yu. Yosuke's subsequent decision to become Yu's roommate had turned this treat of a development into an overly delicious cake to the point that even right now, Yu still found himself occasionally searching out the e-mail Yosuke had sent him a few weeks ago and smiling at it. They were going to be living together. Him and his best friend and partner. He would have someone to say 'I'm home' to when he came through the door... An actual home again. It was a thought that didn't fail to improve his mood whenever he just as much as remembered it.

And yet...

An idea entered Yu's mind as he was still looking over the boxes and he found his smile falling a little. He couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Before he knew it, he held his cellphone in his hand and was browsing through his mail history... There it was.

[2/20/13 - Yosuke Hanamura] hey any chance of u comin over next week? i kno its unlikely, but were gonna be having a party cause teddies adotion. Would be more fun w/ u.

[2/20/13 - You] I'm really sorry, but I can't. Even with all exams passed, there is a lot I still need to take care of before moving to the campus. I wish I could come.

[2/20/13 - Yosuke Hanamura] no prob, rly, i knew u probably wouldnt be able to. c u next semester then?

[2/27/13 -You] Yosuke, I wanted to ask about the time your train is gonna arrive in Chiyoda next month. I want to make sure I won't miss you.

[2/27/13 - You] Also, I am sorry again that I wasn't able to come to the party. I was thinking I could make up for it next Golden Week, though. I was thinking we could go and pick out a present for Teddie together? You probably know his tastes best.

[2/27/13 - Yosuke Hanamura] dude i already told u no picking me up from the station! :-I i can handle that! u focus on movinin urself.

[2/27/13 - Yosuke Hanamura] oh bout that party. nevermind that yeah. getting a present for golden week seems leik a plan. u dont wanna kno his taste tho _. lets just get candy or a game 4 him.

He kept reading over the message again and again. As unusual at it seemed, he couldn't help but feel worried by it. "Nevermind that"? What did that mean? It was a subtle difference, but Yu felt that if this had just been Yosuke trying to tell Yu to not worry about it again, he would have said something else, like "It's no problem" or "Not like you had a choice". A "Nevermind" gave him more of the impression that Yosuke just didn't want to talk about it anymore. Why? Did something happen at the party? Of course, it was very possible that Yu was just over-interpreting here, but he still had to wonder how his friends were doing. There was a tiny fear in his chest that he couldn't really explain... Just a faint feeling that something that he had no idea about was happening and he was in no way able to influence it.

Yu's thoughts drifted off, far away. Despite their separation, he had always kept contact with his friends. At least one short mail exchange per month had always taken place and so he had stayed somewhat informed of what had been going on with everyone. But even retaining the contact with his friends didn't replace his actual physical presence in Inaba. He was unable to see how their lives were going and to experience the things they wouldn't tell him about, even if the feeling of being connected remained. In a way, this made him feel lonelier than ever, though he didn't hold any regrets. It wasn't a kind of loneliness that made him feel truly 'alone'. Much more, it was a feeling of helplessness, he supposed. His friends were part of his life. Not knowing how exactly they were doing made him uneasy. Being only able to ask questions and hope for sincere answers, regardless of his own feelings... Was a position that made him feel a little weaker than he'd have liked to be.

Dwelling on these thoughts wouldn't change anything, however. Yu knew that all too well. It was just much easier said than done to actually let go of them, he supposed. With a deep sigh on his lips, Yu was just about to slip his cellphone back into his pocket when a sensation shook him. The phone was vibrating in his hand. A call...?

The chipper, bouncy ringtone - one of the many ones Yu had handpicked to represent every single of his more important phone contacts - let him know who exactly it was that was trying to reach him, and a glimpse on the screen confirmed it further. The western letters "MARIE" were flashing at him brightly in tact with the music. Yu's finger wandered to the green phone symbol and pushed. He put the device to his ear.

"Narukami speaking. Hello?"

"Hey."

The flat response came in a very unmistakable tone and voice. Yu smiled a little.

"Marie. I haven't heard from you in a while. Nice to speak to you."

"Yeah... I'm glad to talk to you too. It's really been a while, huh?" Marie's voice, which had started out rather monotonous, gradually became warmer as she continued to speak. "You know, you could really visit more. There's a lot of trains. And there's weekends. It's unfair staying away for god-knows-how-long. Tsk..."

Yu laughed a little hearing the complaints, "I'm sorry. It's really not that easy. If I could, I'd be coming all the time. But I'm going to be over in May. You can wait that long, right?"

"I-It's not because of me!" Marie's voice retorted with a sense of shock. "There's the others too, you know! All those weirdos... I go to check on them, but all we ever end up talking about is you. It gets kind of old after a while..."

"Ah, is that so?" The longer this conversation carried on, the more Yu found himself compelled to grin brighter and brighter. Marie was the brand of friend that tended to make him feel like a parent trying to take care of an awkward child... It was really a good feeling to hear her familiar voice. "Are you sure they're always talking about me? Maybe that's just the only thing that you can think of right now, off the top of your head, because you are speaking to me, after so long?"

"Yeah... Maybe you're right," there was a sigh from Marie's end. "But it'd still be better if you came over more..."

Marie both letting off and staying insistent at the same time made Yu feel a little wistful. He could feel her sincerity. Yes, of course the others missed him. He felt the same. But in life, it was impossible to just stay in one place, often even if that place was the home of the people you love. That was one of the many things he had learned over the past couple of years. Of course, he also understood that this was probably a little harder to digest for someone like Marie. He had to remember that she was technically barely two years old...

"Hey... Are you getting out enough?" Yu asked. "I know you, you're not the type to go out a lot on your own. But Inaba is really a nice place. There's a lot of kind people aside from us eight there. You should go out and strike up a conversation with someone at Junes or in the Shopping District. Or you could go out with your colleagues at the newscasting studio..."

"I'm fine. And it's not like I don't have any friends! Geez, you sound like Margaret already," there was an irritated undertone in Marie's voice, making Yu feel worried that he overdid it a bit. "I told you, didn't I? I can take care of myself. And also..."

For a moment, Marie fell silent. The ensuing pause was long enough for Yu to sharpen his ears just in time to hear the words she whispered next clearly.

"...Right now, I wouldn't want to go out anyway, even if I were lonely..."

"Hm?"

This surprised Yu. What did she mean by that? Did he miss something? In fact, he probably did... Yu was well aware that given how far he was away, there was no way for him to know how Marie had really been feeling recently. It was the same as with Yosuke's recent mail.

"Not like it matters," Marie''s voice cut off Yu's flow of thoughts. "That's not why I called you anyway. Actually, there was something I had to ask you."

There it was again. The same, flat tone of voice Marie had greeted Yu with at the beginning of this call. Only now Yu noticed that actually, speaking in this manner, Marie sounded as if she were worried about something.

"This is getting too long, so I'll get right to the point. Can you tell me... How many people do you think know that I'm Izanami? And who are they?"

Yu held his breath for a moment. This strangely out-of-left-field question that Marie asked so casually took him entirely aback. Izanami? How many people knew? Where did that come from so suddenly?

"...Only the eight of us," Yu replied carefully, making sure not to forget anything. "Us, and the people from the Velvet Room. Nobody else should know. We didn't tell anybody else."

"Are you... Really sure?" Marie's repeat of the question seemed to be pushing Yu.

"I am sure." Though she couldn't see it, he nodded, feeling a little stumped. Why was she so convinced there had to be someone else?

"I see..."

Marie's voice fell silent for another bit, and this time, it was a silence that conveyed her worry to Yu strong and clear. He could feel it, the fearful shaking of her heart. There was something that was troubling her, no doubt about it. Something must have happened.

"Marie... Marie, what's wrong? Can you tell me?"

"No... It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

She was lying. This couldn't be 'nothing'. Not when he could so clearly tell that she was scared of something. Yu's uneasy feeling returned, more intense than ever. What in the world was going on in Inaba?

"Oh... And, one more thing," Again, Marie's voice took Yu out of his thoughts. "Do you have a weapon on you? Like, if you go out?"

Yu gulped. A weapon, of all things? What was the meaning of this now?

"I don't. Carrying swords in public is... A bit problematic, to say the least." He didn't feel the need to mention that he had gotten arrested for this deed before.

Marie, however, apparently didn't consider Yu's unarmed state good news. "Get yourself a weapon. It doesn't have to be a sword. Just... Something to defend yourself with. Aside from your Persona. You need to carry that around."

Yu paused for a few seconds.

"...I'll get myself a bottle of pepper-spray," he replied.

"Can you set that on fire?" Marie asked.

"With a match, maybe," Yu answered again. "Actually, I don't really know. I think it depends on the brand."

"Get the brand that burns," Marie's voice sounded downright commanding. "Carry that on you. And matches too."

As Yu was still wondering how exactly this conversation had ended up at the point of a contemplation of how to best engage in self-defense by turning pepper spray into a makeshift flame-thrower, Marie was already talking again.

"...Alright. That would be all. I'll be hanging up now."

"Marie. Are you really alright?"

Yu spoke quickly, before Marie could cut him off. He knew that she wouldn't have given him the chance to say another few words willingly. His words prompted yet more silence from her end, followed by the textbook example of a non-response.

"There's nothing you got to worry about, OK? Just... Take care of yourself. And come over soon."

"Marie..."

"I'm hanging up now. See you."

The slight static and sound of Marie's voice changed into the bleeping tones of phone provider's signals. Marie had ended the call. What was left were Yu and his thoughts. He lowered the phone from his head and gazed at the floor. His heart was pounding. The feeling of unease had returned to him and was now changing into outright dread.

This wasn't just his 'hunch' anymore. This was more than enough for him to consider solid proof. Something had happened in Inaba. Inaba, where his friends were. Faraway from where he was. If he wanted to know what it was, he would have to ask and risk receiving untrue answers. If he wanted to know how his friends were, it would be the same. And most of all, there was absolutely nothing he could do to take effect on whatever might be happening.

There was no way he could help... Was there?