You ever feel like you might screw up at any minute; like when you study hard for a test but you just know you're going to fail? And then you do! Huh, funny how it all works out like that huh? I always get that feeling right before I fight a monster. To be honest, I'm scared that one of these days, I'm gonna die! But I don't. Luckily. Another thing I'm scared of is the day I have to take the ultimate lesson. What'll happen to Howard? Will I have to bring him with me? Will he have to remain with those Bruce' memories while I try and figure out why he's talking about me being the ninja?

I hate those thoughts! They suck! I can't stand it when I think like this; I can't focus when I'm like this! Also, I start feeling depressed. I feel small. Helpless. Lost. Stupid! Dumb! Idiotic!

Worthless. But I can't! I'm not supposed to feel like this! I'm not allowed to! I'm the ninja! The ninja's not supposed to have these feelings toward himself!

I crouch down in the corner of my room and try to control my anger and fear. "It's not fair. Why me? Why, out of all the other freshmen, why was I chosen? I'm the worst ninja there ever was!" Sometimes I'd wish I was never chosen to be the ninja. I hate being the ninja. Suddenly I hear the Nomicon go off. I lift my head up to see it glowing across the room. 'Not now," I say in my mind. It buzzes even louder. "Ugh!" I get up and walk across the room and pick up the Nomicon. I'm mad. No! I'm angry! No! Furious! "Why me! Huh!? What did I do to deserve all this!? I didn't ask to be the ninja!" My parents were out so I could scream as much as I wanted to. "Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?" I could feel my face turning red and tears swelling up in my eyes. "I wish-I wish I had never become the ninja! I wish I had never walked into my room that summer day when I found you and the suit! I wish-" I pause. All my tears over flow and come out all at once. "I wish I was dead already!" Then it went black.

I wake up with my eyes still closed. As I tried to open them bright light blinded me for a few seconds. I slowly open them. I hear crying. Someone's crying. I have to help them! I try to sit up but I feel a heavy weight on my left arm. The crying stops. I open my eyes all the way. I-I'm in the hospital. I'm in a hospital bed with an IV in my right arm. I look to the left of me and see Howard, Debby, and Theresa sitting there shocked. They're staring at me. I shake my head and look at the weight on my arm. I have a cast on it. But why? I look at my friends. "What happened?" I ask them. Theresa and Debby look at each other with shock then look at Howard. He comes up to me slowly and says so quietly that I can almost barley hear him.

"Randy, you tried to commit suicide." He says. What? When? How?

I'm shocked there's no way I did that! "B-but how?" I asked.

He lowered his head to avoid looking at me. "I was walking to your house. I was across the street when I saw you on top of your roof. You had your arms spread out as if you were gonna try to fly-" he pauses. "I tried to stop you but- I just- you were too quick!" I ran toward you and you were unconscious. I called 911 and they came to get you. They said you just broke your arm. They knew you were trying to commit suicide Randy. They've seen similar people go out that way. But why did you do it?" He asked. I didn't know why I did it. Yeah I felt like dying but, I didn't want to go that far. Would I?

I lowered my head. "Hey guys could you leave me and Randy alone for a bit please." Howard said. I heard footsteps heading to the door. I saw the door open and then shut. Silence filled the room. Then he spoke, "Why dude? Why'd you do that? You know you can always come to me if something's bothering y-"

"No I can't!" I yelled. His eyes widen. "You wouldn't understand Howard; it's complicated. It's- it's ninja stuff. I always feel like I'm gonna screw up at any minute! Like if I slip up just once Howard I'm done! Norrisville will be doomed! Not only do I have to worry about ninja stuff I have to worry about school too! It's just so much pressure is one me that I don't know how to deal with it!"

He suddenly grabs a hold of the collar of my hospital gown. "Shut up! What makes you think that you killing yourself is gonna solve anything!? If you die then yeah Norrisville is doomed! You're such an idiot for thinking this was the only way out of it." He let's go of my collar and turns his back toward me. "Why didn't you think what would have happened to me if you died? Or Theresa? I can't believe you were gonna give your life up just like that! And so easily too!" Shit that really hurt.

"I'm sorry." I say. He says nothing.

Then. "Don't apologize to me. I'm never gonna forgive you for this Randy; but I am gonna support you as much as I can with what you got going on. Just promise me you won't do something that stupid ever again."

I hesitate. "I-I promise."

Hey guys it's be what a few years! Anyways yeah here's a new story I'm working on I'm sorry if it seems a little depressing I've been needing to write to get my mind of some things so yeah. I'm sorry if I also take forever to update too.