Hey there, everybody! I just want to thank you for the reviews I've gotten. I've had trouble with this chapter because this part of the movie doesn't have that much going on in it. There's another reason, but I don't want to put a dour feeling on you that could hinder your enjoyment of this chapter, so I'll tell you after. Also, I hope you read my Amazing Spider-Man 2 rewrite. It's just a basic plotline rewrite, but never the less I want to know what you'd guy/gals would think about it, so if you could read it and give me a review, I'd really appreciate it. So, please enjoy this chapter!

Peter goes through montage of ridiculous shenanigans.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE.

Peter stops a robbery while buying like ten bottles of cold medicine, because HA HA, colds.

CLERK: Hey, did you just put your costume on in my store?! How come my cameras didn't catch your face?!

PETER: Probably the same reason I'm buying cold medicine even though my spider blood is supposed to cure diseases!

CLERK: Because nobody involved with this movie thought anything through?

PETER: BINGO!

CLERK: Thanks for saving me man.

PETER: Well, bask in it because it doesn't happen often in these movies!

EXT. ROOFTOP-DAY.

Peter stands on a rooftop, staring at Gwen walking up to a restaurant. Peter hears sirens and swings off, as Gwen looks back to where he was, because she sensed his presence? Maybe?

GWEN (VOICE OVER): That was the first night that I dreampt of Edward Cullen. Wait... This is the wrong script... Eh, close enough.

INT. MAY'S HOUSE-MORNING.

Aunt May knocks on Peter's door.

MAY: Peter, can I come in?

Peter jerks awake, still in his costume, with his mask half on his face, for some reason.

PETER: NO! JUST LET ME CRAWL AROUND THE WALLS AND CEILING FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, THEN YOU CAN COME IN!

Peter proceeds to do just that. And he somehow manages to do it without getting off any clothing at all because at this moment his suit is apparently unable to be removed for some reason, except his boot, which conveniently falls on his door remote, which unlocks the door.

MAY: Peter, the final is at nine! And I need you to pretend like I didn't tell you about that, because I'm keeping me going to school a secret from you for some reason!

May opens the door. But Peter manages to drop to his bed and cover himself up, just in time for May to come in.

PETER: Why didn't I just do this in the first place!?

MAY: What happened to your face?

PETER (Actual line): I was just cleaning the chimney!

May stares at Peter, stupefied, before snapping out of it.

MAY: What are you, high? We don't have a chimney!

PETER (Actual line): Whhaaat?

MAY: Seriously, are you high? And why am I not freaking out over your clear stoner attitude when I yelled at you for staying out late in the last movie?

PETER: Maybe because you know I'm Spider-Man!

MAY: Whether or not I know you're Spider-Man will change depending on which scene I'm in and probably if that scene was reshot so Sony could coerce this into a Sinister Six set-up movie. And besides, If I knew you were Spider-Man, wouldn't I act differently and not be so confused in this scene about your excuse?

PETER: Of course not! That would require this movie to make actual sense! Which would strip it of any of its contrived comedy and nonsensical drama!

MAY: And why is your face dirty when you wear a mask?

PETER: Weren't you listening? This movie makes no sense!

May leaves the room and Peter uncovers himself. Peter stands up and sees his Dad's briefcase. He picks it up.

PETER: How the heck did this get out of my closet? Oh right. It got out by way of contrived drama.

Peter has a flashback of taking a picture with his parents where he takes off his father's glasses and puts them on that is meant play on the nostalgia of Peter doing the same thing in The Amazing Spider-Man 1, but instead just dilutes even more.

INT. MAX DILLON'S APARTMENT OF CRAZINESS.

Max's apartment is WALLPAPERED with images of Spider-Man. Max begins shaving in front of a cardboard cutout of Spider-Man that he apparently posed for.

MAX: It's good to see you Spidey, my bestest friend in the whole wide world!

Max begins speaking in a deep voice, pretending(?) to be Spider-Man, FOR REAL.

MAX!SPIDER-MAN: It's good to see you too Max. I made you a birthday cake!

MAX: WOW! You're Amazing!(wink wink) They should call you The Amazing Spider-Man!(wink wink, nudge nudge)

MARC WEBB, ALEX KURTZMAN & ROBERTO ORCI (yelling at the audience): GET IT, PEOPLE?!

MAX!SPIDER-MAN: Wait a second... So, are you crazy, or just pathetic? You do know that Spider-Man didn't really make that cake for you, right? Seriously, how far does this delusion go?

MAX: It doesn't matter! No one involved in this film cared enough to try to define my characterization as anything other than obsessive and crazy.

INT. PETER'S HOME.

MAY: Can you get that deleted character to pick up for me at the diner? I just don't want to worry Peter by telling him the truth that I'm getting my nursing degree, so instead I'm gonna tell him I'm working long arduous hours at a diner, even though he already knows, because I just told him about it this morning. Why am I keeping this a secret from him, you ask? Because every ounce of conflict in this movie is based off of nonsense.

Peter walks in and Aunt May hangs up to avoid him hearing her phone call even though he already knows, but will pretend like he doesn't for some reason.

PETER: What was that about? Was it about something I already know about but will pretend like I don't for no reason at all?

MAY: Yes. It was me asking my boss for more time at work.

PETER: I don't like you working so hard.

MAY: Well, I do. I like the deleted scene girls, especially that one deleted scene girl.

PETER: Who are you talking about?

MAY: It doesn't matter. She's a divergent. Anyway, it also gives me more money for the cookie jar.

PETER: Did you just... rub your fingers together to signify making money? My God, aren't you an Oscar winning actress or something?

MAY: Who cares? My character and her sub-plot have little to no purpose in this movie, despite the fact that our relationship is supposed to be very important.

PETER: Good point. Well, speaking of things that are supposed to be important to Spider-Man, but are for some reason shrugged off, I sold another picture to the Daily Bugle, because nothing says staying true to the source material like almost completely ignoring a vital character from it and relegating them to an unimportant pointless reference or plot device.

MAY: Like your Uncle Ben.

PETER: Who?

MAY: Exactly.

Peter walks up to the washer with a bag that has his costume in it. May stops him.

MAY: What are you doing?

PETER: I was just about to do my laundry.

MAY: Let me do it.

PETER: I'm in college now. You don't have to do my laundry anymore.

MAY: Are you in college? I thought this was still the summer? Does that count as being "in college"?

PETER: Who knows? This movie has no concept of time.

MAY: The last time you did the laundry you made everything blue and red! And because this is one of the scenes where I apparently don't know you're Spider-Man I am baffled by this!

MARC WEBB, ALEX KURTZMAN & ROBERTO ORCI, AND THE SONY BOARD OF DIRECTORS: HAHA, GET IT? WHY USE FUN VISUALS TO DISPLAY COMEDY WHEN WE CAN JUST USE THE AUDIENCE'S MEMORY OF SOMETHING FROM THE RAIMI TRILOGY AND PLAY ON THAT INSTEAD OF CREATING OUR OWN JOKES?

PETER (Actual line): That's because I was washing the America flag. My flag.

MAY: Okay, seriously, what are you on? Because even with the Spider-Man excuse, these lies are still monumentally stupid.

PETER: Fine. Now I'm going to call you Laundry Sheriff, because this movie is written by eight year olds. And I know I'm not supposed to know, even though I do, because you already told me, but what's the point of this nurse sub-plot you have? Does this pay off somehow? Like, do you reveal that you know I'm Spider-Man in one of the scenes that you actually know, and give me some kind of medical attention because I'm injured or something?

MAY: Nope.

PETER: Well, do you tell me about it or I find out, and we have some heart to heart where I learn some form of a lesson?

May bursts out laughing, before reigning it in, and gives Peter a comforting pat on the shoulder.

MAY: Not in this movie series, pal.

PETER: Do I find out at all?

MAY: Not even in the slightest.

PETER: So, what you're saying is: This sub plot is completely superfluous?

MAY: Yes.

PETER: Okay then.

MAY: Aren't you surprised?

PETER: In these movies? Not at all.

EXT. EVIL OSCORP IS EVIL.

Nerdy Max Dillion goes to his job at Oscorp, because of course.

INT. HOUSE OF DOUCHEBAGS AKA OSCORP.

EXPOSITION HOLOGRAM: BLAH BLAH BLAH POWER GRID.

Max enters and is passed by his boss, Ryan Howard.

RYAN: Dillion, seeing as how I am playing basically the same character I play on The Office, because this movie only knows how to use the barest minimum in it's adaption, I am going to berate you for being late even though I guess I, your boss, am also late. For you see, every representative head of Oscorp is a bullying, manipulative, corrupt douchebag. Just like in the American government! I am also going to remind you for no one's benefit but the audience that we are now responsible for the city's power supply, because apparently the government will just totally hand that responsibility over to a company who breed highly dangerous genetically enhanced animals whose scientist tried to turn the entire city into genetically enhanced animal/human hybrids and allow them to use one of said animals to do so and not have 24 hour maintenance for this. Man, Oscorp is so irresponsible, am I right? Just like the the American government!

MAX: But Mr. Ryan Howard, I feel compelled to tell you right now for no particular reason that I designed that power grid, as I am also a genius who is pushed around and works at Oscorp who has his work stolen by them and becomes a creature because of said work, because the makers of this movie are basically just recycling the beats of the first film, only with less sense and characterization and more contrived unnecessary connections between characters.

RYAN: Even though I am your boss and therefore should know that you turned in the designs for the grid, I am now going to mock you because I am a douchebag, you see. Sure you did. And I 'm Spider-Man.

Max then has a fantasy about grabbing Ryan Howard and yelling at him.

MAX: Wait. Is this supposed to be proof of my burgeoning villainy? But don't people think about yelling at their bosses all time?

RYAN: Yes. But you're also not physically attractive traditionally, and in these movies, if you're that and/or dying or deformed in some way, you are likely to become a villain because no one involved in these movies understands what nerd empowerment really is.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review.

The reason I've had a bit of a rough time with this story is because my Father passed away on December 9, 2014. He'd been sick for a few years, so it wasn't really a shock, but at the same time it kinda was, because I just expected it to not happen for a while. I finished the previous chapter of the story while I was still kinda trying to process it. And then in January my Uncle on my Mom's side passed away as well. He was my Mother's sister's husband, so I wasn't that hugely close to him, but still, it was a little rough. If you could maybe pray for my Aunt and her kids and grand-kids and my Mother, I would really love that. It's been pretty hard for them. Anyway, so I wasn't really sure if I could get into the comedy of it, with everything. But I managed to. And I think it's good for me. It allows a nice outlet creatively and emotionally. It brings a bit of needed fun as well with me.

So, again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And please don't forget to review, if you'd be so kind!

And please don't feel inclined to go soft on me. Lol.