Author's Note:
Contains domestic violence/corporal punishment. Mild AU society in which probation violations (like running away, breaking curfew, etc) are handled through judicial corporal punishment. Which does not go over well with Lena and Stef. Protective, caring Lena & Stef, emotionally fragile/hurt Callie. Lots of hurt/comfort. Also: for the record, spanking kids is gross, imo. It's interesting to think about how Lena and Stef would handle being caught between wanting to protect Callie and a judicial system that requires them to accept that kind of abuse, on some level.
Extended author's note:
I published this story for the first time as a WIP earlier this year, before the end of the most recent round of episodes, and also before the abuse storyline with Connor. Connor doesn't appear in this fic, but I was disappointed with the show's handling of that issue – the show's failure to recognize that physical harm that occurs during a "spanking" is still abuse, and that is precisely why spanking is dangerous and there are mandated reporters… of which Lena is one.
The first time I published this fic, I was FLAMED LIKE WHOA. I received a number of not very nice personal notes stating this fic was sick and so was I, etc. I found this baffling at the time, and still do, although I think it may have had to do with being a WIP so it started with the abuse but people didn't give it time to get to the comfort and family healing.
In any case, WARNING: this fic has institutionalized corporal punishment and abuse.
If you think it's sick, I agree – hitting kids IS sick, and so is the fact that it is legal and used in schools, still, in 19 states in the US. Now. In 2014. Kansas is exploring legislation currently that would make it legal to hit kids harder, and leave marks. In ten states it's legal to use corporal punishment to discipline foster kids, and Tenn, Texas and Louisiana have all had bills introduced to allow corporal punishment in juvenile court as an alternate sentencing practice. I live in NYC now and have for many years, but grew up in the south. The school I attended paddled kids from 1st all the way through 12 grade; it still does to this day, and it looked nearly identical to what happens in this fic. All of this is to say that what happens in this fic is not out of the blue, or out of the realm of possibility (even though it's exaggerated here for dramatic effect), and not something kids today don't face on a regular basis. I think it's important to note that. This story speaks to that injustice, and the fact that it's damaging and horrible. I wanted to take characters in a family I love – Lena, Stef and Calie, and explore some of the hurt/comfort dynamics around that issue, and also the helplessness parents feel when stuck between a dysfunctional system and their own protective instincts. Plus I just love hurt comfort stories. If abuse stories offend you, please don't read it. And, just in case there is any gray area about how I feel about it, HITTING KIDS IS WRONG.
Callie came in the front door and quietly closed it behind her.
The light was on in the living room, and Lena sat on the couch, reading.
Callie was not surprised to see her.
"Hi," Callie said to her, leaning on the doorframe.
Lena put down her book.
"Hi Callie," she said, meeting her eyes.
"Am I the last one home?" Callie asked, stuffing her hands into her pockets.
Lena nodded. "Stef went to pick up Jesus from work, but otherwise everyone's tucked in their beds. She's going to call me on the way home to see if she needs to stay out looking for you."
Lena picked up the cordless phone tucked into her thigh on the couch, just for emphasis. There was no judgment in her voice, but Callie felt a stab of guilt anyway.
"Are you okay?" Lena asked. "Did something happen? We were worried about you."
Callie nodded. "I'm okay. I just… didn't plan out my time very well. I'm sorry you worried. I didn't mean to…" She trailed off.
Lena patted the couch next to her, and Callie crossed the living room and sat down beside her, tucking her legs up under her body. She leaned into Lena's side, resting her head on her shoulder.
Lena wrapped her arm around Callie and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm glad you're okay, kiddo," Lena said, and Callie could tell she meant it.
"But-"Lena said, and the butterflies in Callie's stomach fluttered.
"-you know what happens next, don't you?" Lena said gently.
Callie nodded.
"I have to get a spanking," she said, in a calm, resigned voice.
Lena nodded.
"Is Bill here already?" she asked.
"He's upstairs," Lena answered. "He got here a half an hour ago."
Callie took a deep breath and blew it out, nodding.
"Do you need to sit here with me for a little while first?" Lena asked.
"Yes," Callie answered in a quiet voice. She was in trouble, she would take the punishment, but she would take the comfort, too.
She closed her eyes and nuzzled further into Lena, her stuttered breathing the only thing giving away the nerves jangling beneath her skin.
It wouldn't be like before. Her brain knew that to be true. It was sanctioned by her probation officer, and by extension the court. The court wouldn't pass down abusive punishments. Plus she had heard it happen to Jennie – a lot, actually, before Jennie got her job and figured out she could make her own money and not have to steal stuff. More than all of that, though, Lena and Stef wouldn't allow it, not if it was the kind of thing that got out of hand. Not if it was like it had been in other foster homes, when she had been small and alone and breakable and fists and belts and hands had broken her. Repeatedly.
Honestly, if it were up to Lena and Stef, it wouldn't happen at all.
She threaded her fingers up with Lena's, thinking back to the exit interview with Girls United, when Stef and Lena had read through the conditions for her custody transfer.
Honey, do you see this? Are they serious? We're not signing this. We're not going to – our home is a safe place. Corporal punishment? No. Absolutely not.
Lena stroked her hair back and kissed her forehead.
"Do you want me to be there? I'll be there, I'll go in with you if you want, baby girl," she said, and pressed her cheek against Callie's. "Honestly, I don't know which will be worse, being out here listening or being in there watching, but I'll do whatever you want to make it easier. Just tell me what you need."
Callie looked down at her lap.
"Will you be there, you know, after?" she asked, not looking up.
As much as she didn't want to be alone during, she couldn't bear the thought of Lena or Stef seeing it happening. It was too humiliating.
Lena drew her close, gathered her up in her arms.
"I'll be right outside the door, baby, and I'll take care of you the minute it's over. You're not alone in this, Callie," Lena said.
Callie drifted back to the exit interview. Lena and Stef, but especially Lena, had fought vehemently against the state policy, which was that Callie would wear an ankle bracelet and be tracked by her PO, and violations would result in a home visit and corporal punishment, the severity of which would be decided based on the infraction.
It's barbaric! How can you expect us to give these children a safe space to heal when you invade it and beat them whenever their trauma causes slip-ups! We absolutely, categorically refuse. End of conversation.
It wasn't the end of the conversation, though. The end of the conversation was that they agreed to the court's terms and signed the papers, or Callie didn't get to go home with them.
They signed, and they had all just been very careful since. Until tonight.
"Are you mad at me, Lena?" Callie asked, knowing the answer already – knowing it through Lena's gentle touch and warm embrace. But she still needed to hear it to face what was coming.
"Oh, baby, no. You're a teenager. Teenagers screw up sometimes, it's what being a teenager is for – to figure out how to screw up less and make good decisions more. I don't expect you to be perfect. No one is," Lena told her.
Callie was quiet for a minute, and just let herself be snuggled up in Lena's arms.
"Is… is Stef mad at me?" She asked a few minutes later, twisting to read Lena's face for the answer.
"No, sweetheart," Lena said dismissively.
"Why did she really go pick up Jesus, then?" Callie asked. "Jesus takes the bus home from work. I'm not stupid."
Lena gave her a small, bittersweet smile. "My smart baby," she said gently. "Too smart for your own good sometimes."
She looked down into Callie's searching eyes.
"You and Stef are alike in so many ways. Sometimes neither one of you know what to do when your feelings overwhelm you," she said carefully.
Callie hung her head.
"She just couldn't bear it, Callie," Lena said. "The thought of you being hurt – she couldn't – it was too much for her. She just loves you too much."
Callie rested her head back on Lena's shoulder and pulled her hand away from Lena's, picking at her cuticles.
"And you?" Callie said in a voice Lena could barely hear.
"And it breaks my heart, honestly," Lena said, craning her neck to look into Callie's face. "Not that I don't think you need a consequence for being late and putting your probation in danger, but not like this. And we would never let you go through anything like this alone. Stef and I handle hard things differently, and that's okay. She's really good at the comfort, and I'm really good at the fight. I hate what's going to happen to you tonight. If it were up to me it wouldn't, not to you, not to anyone, anywhere. But if I can't stop it, you better believe I'm not going to be resigned to it. I'm not going to accept it, or hide from it, or be anywhere but right in the middle, speaking out for the people I love, not letting anybody forget that it's not okay. So here I am. Right here for you."
"Thank you," Callie said, and twined her fingers back up with Lena's when Lena placed a soft hand over her own to still the picking.
"I'm your mom. I'll always be here for you, kiddo," she said simply. "And Stef too. You're lucky you get two for the price of one," Lena said, smiling.
"I know," Callie said, and squeezed up into Lena's side, turning her face into Lena's arm and squeezing her hand.
"Lena?" Callie asked after a minute.
Lena looked down at her quizzically.
"I think I'm ready now," she said. "I just want to get it over with."
Lena nodded. "Brave girl. I'll be right outside the door. Call my name if you need me and I'll break it down if I have to, sweet baby."
Callie raised an eyebrow, smiling in spite of her heavy heart. "I thought Stef was more the smash and bash type. You know, police uniform and all."
"Never underestimate a mama protecting her cub," Lena said, and wrapped her arm around Callie.
"I'm sorry I'm putting you guys through this," Callie said.
"We're sorry you have to go through it," Lena said passionately. "If there was any way at all, darling, we would-"
"I know," Callie said quickly, and looked up at the ceiling toward her fate.
Together, they walked up the stairs.
Callie's stomach turned over and over with each step closer to the top, where Bill was waiting with his arms folded.
"Callie," he said in formal voice.
Lena squeezed her shoulders and kissed the side of her head.
"Bill," Lena said in a cold voice.
Bill put a hand on Callie's shoulder, replacing Lena's gentle touches with a firm grasp.
He guided her to the end of the hallway, past her bedroom, and Jude and Jesus's, and Lena and Stef's too.
Callie was relieved. She was afraid it would be in her bedroom, and she didn't want anything to taint the safe, protected feelings she had there.
He propelled her into the study at the end of the hall. It was a mixed purpose room, with a tv and video game console, a desk for Stef and Lena to do bills, and bookshelves full of everyone's things – worn copies of Lord of the Flies from past book reports, Lena's administrator binders from school, Stef's police academy textbooks, binders of sheet music that belonged to Brandon, family photo albums.
Callie's eyes immediately rested on one object, though, and a tremble ran right through her.
Bill released his grip on her shoulder and moved to the door to close it.
"I'm right outside, baby," Lena said urgently, and then the door closed, leaving her outside of it and Callie alone with Bill.
"I'm disappointed in you, Callie," he said briskly.
"It's about time somebody besides me got to share that wealth," Callie mumbled, looking away at a spot on the wall to her right.
"What?" Bill said sternly.
"Nothing. I just want to get this over with," she said.
"Do you know why I'm here tonight?" he asked her, taking out a clipboard and a pen.
He leaned against the desk and looked over the clipboard, then at Callie, waiting for a reply.
"I was late," she said tiredly. "I violated my curfew."
"Which means…" Bill said, nodding his head for her to spell it out.
"Which means a discipline infraction. I signed the papers. I understand. You're here for that."
"Callie," Bill said in a warning tone.
"A spanking, okay," Callie said, not meeting his eyes. "I was late, it was against curfew, and the rules say I have to get spanked. Is there something in your job description that says you have to make this is humiliating as possible?"
"If I were in your position right now, I should think I'd avoid having a smart mouth with the person about to discipline you."
"Then I'm guessing you've never been in my position," Callie said. "Because a smart mouth is all I've got right now and it will have to be enough."
"I see for all your touchy feeling posturing with your new moms, you're an old dog that just can't learn new tricks, aren't you," Bill said.
"I'm a conscientious objector," Callie said. "Lena taught me that."
Bill gave her a hard stare.
"You were over two hours late tonight. Why?"
"I just didn't manage my time the way I should have," Callie said.
"Not good enough," Bill said. "Why were you late, specifically?"
Callie frowned. "It was good enough for Lena. What does it matter? You're going to hit me anyway. I told you, I didn't watch my time."
"And Lena would do well to be more interested in discipline in this house. It matters because-"
"DON'T TALK ABOUT LENA THAT WAY," Callie said angrily.
"It MATTERS," Bill said, speaking over her interruption. "Because my job is to mete out discipline for your oversight, and also to deter another. Contrary to what you might think, I don't enjoy this part of my job."
"Oh, so you're saying you don't enjoy hitting little girls? Could have fooled me," Callie said bitterly.
"No, I don't," Bill said calmly. "And you're far from being a little girl any more, Callie. Where were you?"
"Out," Callie answered.
"The more attitude you give me, the more reason you give me to make it very unpleasant for you," Bill said. "Now answer my question."
Callie sighed.
"I was at the beach in Midway, with friends."
"What friends?" Bill asked, writing on his clipboard.
"Wyatt, my boyfriend, and some kids from my school."
"Were you drinking?"
"No," Callie said.
"Did you use drugs?"
"NO," Callie answered, getting impatient. She hated the third degree just as much as she hated what was about to happen. Lena and Stef's trust in her had spoiled her. It was a long time since she was interrogated by a foster parent.
"Were you having sex?"
"What? That's NOT your business," she said, and folded her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling very exposed.
"It became my business when you didn't walk in the door in time to make curfew," Bill said. "Now why were you late?"
"I misjudged the time it would take to get back," Callie said.
"And how did you get back?" Bill asked her.
"I took the bus."
Go, Callie, she heard Wyatt's voice in her ear. I'll get this, you get home before curfew, I don't want you to get in trouble and you know the crosstown bus runs spotty this late.
"Were the kids that you were with using alcohol or drugs?" Bill asked.
Callie pursed her lips.
"Are you refusing to answer the question? Do you really think that's going to serve you right now?" Bill asked, looking over the top of the clipboard and pausing in his writing.
"Fine," Callie said. "Yes, there were kids on the beach drinking when we got there. We didn't know them. Wyatt's friend Brodie went over and invited them to hang with us, and everyone started drinking. Not me or Wyatt," she said quickly, watching as Bill's hand scratched across the clipboard writing fast.
"The kids I was with –"Callie said, remembering. "They got pretty drunk. Too drunk to leave them on the beach, and too drunk to drive. Wyatt told me to go, that he would take care of it, but I was worried, so I rode with him to make sure everybody got home safe. He dropped me off last, and here I am. But I wasn't drinking. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt," she said, thinking about the kinds of things drunk boys sometimes do to girls when they think they can. She didn't know Brodie and those guys, and didn't trust them enough to know if they were or weren't the kind of guys who would be like Liam.
"Is that everything I should know?" Bill said, still writing on his clipboard.
Callie nodded.
"I need to hear you," Bill said sharply.
"Yes," Callie said, a frustrated sigh escaping with her reply.
Bill put down his clipboard.
"To summarize, you attended an event with underage drinking, stayed out past curfew, and you expect me to believe it was because of your altruistic motives?"
"Believe what you want," Callie said. "You will anyway."
"Forgive me if I don't take you at your word," Bill said, "but you don't exactly have a history of good decision making to back you up."
"I was doing the right thing," Callie said. "I was making sure no one got hurt."
"If you were doing the right thing, you would have left the minute your friends broke out the alcohol," Bill said. "That way YOU wouldn't be the one getting hurt. You still have a lot to learn, Callie."
He picked up his clipboard and wrote a few more sentences.
Callie waited.
After a moment, he finished his report and tucked it, clipboard and all, into his bag.
"Your moms will need to take you down to Quest for a drug and alcohol screening in the morning," he said. "I'll speak with Lena when we're done here. I hope for your sake you're telling the truth."
"I am," Callie said.
"In that case, I'll only need to see you tonight, for the matter at hand."
Bill moved his bag to the side of the room and crossed back in front of Lena and Stef's desk.
He unbuttoned the wrist of the right arm of his shirt and began to roll his sleeve up to his elbow.
Callie watched him, her stomach flip-flopping again.
"We discussed at your discharge from Girls United that corporal punishment would be a first response to curfew violations or going outside the area designated by your ankle bracelet," Bill said, resuming his business voice.
Callie swallowed.
Fucking worthless little cunt! You'll learn what happens to ungrateful bitches in this house!
She shuddered, the memory of screamed accusations and ghosts of a belt, blows on her arms, back, shoulder, legs as she cowered and begged.
"…protocol in place for managing difficult behaviors," Bill was saying.
Callie nodded.
"Protcol, okay," she said, swallowing down her fear.
Bill turned, and picked up the object on the desk, the one she couldn't look at and couldn't look away from.
He passed it back and forth between his hands, testing its weight. She didn't even think he realized he was doing it.
You'll learn girl, if I have to beat you within an inch of your worthless life…
Callie took a step back.
It isn't like that, she said to herself, trying to shake off the memories. Lena is right outside. It won't be like it was.
The paddle in Bill's hand said differently, though. It was big, it was thick, it was meant to hurt.
I don't want to be hurt, Callie thought, but it was too late.
"Bend over, put your elbows and palms down on the desk," Bill was instructing her.
He moved to stand beside her and looked from her to the desk, sternly.
Callie couldn't make her feet move.
All the bravado, all the playing it cool, it all went right out the window.
She did not want this to happen.
"I think an even 20," Bill said. "That's 1 for every 10 minutes you were late, plus another 6 to address that attitude."
Callie took another step backward, toward the door.
She shook her head.
"No," she said, shaking her head again. "No, I don't think so."
"This isn't out of the blue, Callie," Bill said. He pointed the paddle at the desk in a gesture for her to bend over as asked.
"I can't," Callie said. She took another step back toward the door and flinched, her hip bumping a side table with a lamp.
"You're only making it harder for yourself," Bill said. He put the paddle back down on the desk and took a step toward her.
Callie shook her head back and forth. "I can't," she said quietly to Bill.
He took another step toward her and reached for her arm.
Callie jerked back from him.
"Lena!" she shouted.
Bill reached out and connected with her arm this time, gripping her forearm firmly and pulling her toward the desk.
"NO – LENA!" Callie shouted
Lena was through the door in seconds.
"Baby, I'm here, are you-"Lena said, and her eyes took in Callie's pale, frightened face, rapid breathing, Bill's hold on her arm and finally the paddle on the desk.
She wrapped both arms around Callie and pulled her easily away from Bill, who dropped his grip without a fight.
"I can't, Lena, I'm so sorry," Callie was whispering over and over in a muffled voice, her face pressing into Lena's collarbone. "Don't make me, I don't want this."
"Lena," Bill started, but was interrupted.
"Don't," Lena said sharply. "Don't look at this child and tell me that it's your job and it has to be done."
She held the back of Callie's head in her palm and wrapped her other arm around the back of her shoulders. She could feel Callie's flush face against her, hot even through her shirt, could feel her trembling.
"You signed-"Bill started again.
"I know what we signed," Lena snapped at him. "But look at her. Do you see what this is doing to her? Can you really tell me what you think you have to do is the right thing? Given everything she's been through? Really?"
"It isn't supposed to be a walk in the park, Lena," Bill said, crossing his arms and leaning back on the desk. "And it isn't up to me either way. There's a mandate from the court. It's out of my hands, and yours. It won't kill her, and you'd do better by her to stop feeding into this notion that it will."
"It won't kill her body, maybe," Lena said passionately, "but her spirit is another thing all together. You people and your system – I'd like to see how fast you'd all be changing your tune if someone passed a mandate saying you'd be hit for your mistakes." Lena's eyes flashed at him. "Which are many, based on everything she's been through before you placed her with us."
"Callie, baby," Lena said, looking down at Callie. She took Callie's face in her hands and tilted it up towards her. "We're done with this, honey, we'll go back to court, we'll figure something out. It's okay."
She stroked her face in her hands. Callie nodded, and wiped her nose with her sleeve on the back of her wrist.
"If that's what you want, Lena, I have to take her with me tonight and put her back in temporary state custody," Bill said simply. "You're not leaving me a lot of choice, here."
Lena and Callie locked eyes, Callie's wide and frightened.
Lena pulled Callie back into her side, hugging her tightly.
"You're saying," Lena said slowly, shaking her head in disgust. "Either we go through this… mandate, or you take Callie back into state's custody. With you. Tonight."
"Callie violated the terms of her probation, Lena. You all agreed to a specific set of terms, through a contract with the DCFS, that related to both your supervision and the protocol for her violation. This. Is. Not. News. The terms were violated. Her ankle bracelet pinged. There's a reflection of it, now, in the system, whether you like it or not. It isn't up to me, although frankly I do believe in accountability. Now we're left with two choices. Either we follow the protocol, which is corporal punishment, and I file a report saying the issue was managed, or I take her with me, put her in an emergency placement until I can appear in court with her and she gets sent to a more secure facility."
"You mean juvie," Callie said, sniffing. She let out a short, hysterical laugh. "By emergency placement, you mean juvie, until you can send me to jail."
"You've been around this block enough times to know the drill, Callie," Bill replied coolly.
"I won't let you take her," Lena said quickly. "Stef is a cop, no cop is going to come in here tonight and take Stef's child out of this house. We'll go to court tomorrow and get an injuction-"
"You can do that, but that puts you in the hot seat for kidnapping on top of everything else," Bill said. "Is that really the route you want to take? I would assume you want to leave the door open to get her back down the line-"
"Kidnapping?" Lena said, and laughed. "This is my house. How am I kidnapping my own child by keeping her here in my own house? Do you even hear yourself?"
"I don't want to go," Callie whispered, turning her face back into Lena's chest.
"She's not your child, actually," Bill said, finally growing short with Lena. "She is the state's child, and has been ever since she landed herself in juvenile court. The court allows you to put a roof over her head, but don't lose sight of who makes the decisions here."
"Lena," Callie said a little louder, her arms wrapped around Lena's waist as she listened to she and Bill arguing.
"She is absolutely my child, and no paperwork can change that," Lena said. "And I am prepared to fight this all the way to state supreme court if I have to. I'll get counselors, and witnesses, no child therapy professional is going to get on a stand and testify that what you're doing is in Callie's best interest. Or any kid in this state, for that matter-"
"Fine. Just be prepared to visit Callie in jail, which is where she'll spend the entire time waiting for you and your case to get a judgment handed down. I'll see you in what, two or three years? And that's if you're not sitting there yourself for obstruction."
"Lena," Callie said, and this time it was her turn to take Lena's face in her hands.
Lena looked down at her. "I've got you, baby. No one will hurt you again if I can help it. Stef and I will fight this. We'll fight for you, honey."
"I don't want to leave," Callie said quietly. "And I don't want you to get in trouble."
"Don't," Lena said, her eyes watering. She gathered up Callie in her arms and held her tightly, stroking her hair. "Don't you do that. Don't you sacrifice yourself for me or your mama or anybody. You are absolutely worth fighting for," Lena said urgently.
Bill crossed back to his briefcase and took out his clipboard.
"I'll need to write up a new report to reflect this development," he sighed. "Also, I need to make a few calls to find a bed for her for tonight. I'm sorry this is the direction you want to go."
He looked right into Lena's eyes. "I honestly thought she would really find some stability and success with you."
"She has. And love, and security, and a family she belongs with. You're not taking her, Bill," Lena said, holding tightly to Callie in her arms.
"I am taking her, Lena, the only question is if someone will be taking you too, which is exactly what will happen if you hole up in here and refuse to cooperate," he answered.
"Lena-" Callie interjected. She drew a big breath. "I don't want that to happen, any of that. It's not worth it."
"It is worth it," Lena said, leaning her forehead against Callie's. "You're worth it, Callie. I won't hear you say different. I'll call Stef home, we'll-"
"Lena," Callie said again, quietly.
Bill stopped writing to observe.
Lena shook her head. Her eyes watered.
"No," she said, her voice wavering.
"I don't want to go," Callie said. "I love it here, I love you. If I go, I don't know-"
Her voice faltered. She took another deep breath, struggling to get the words out.
"I don't know how long it will take the court to let me come back, if they do at all. I don't want to go," she said, and leaned into Lena's chest, wrapping her arms up around Lena's neck.
Lena rubbed her back, too emotional to reply. She gathered her up tight in her arms, and then squeezed her tighter still.
Callie squeezed back once, twice, then broke their embrace. She shook her head and looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm herself down. She took another deep breath, and let it out with a shaky "AH."
"It's wrong, Callie," Lena told her, taking Callie's hands in hers. "It's wrong, and this is my house, and what kind of mother am I if I can't protect you in my own house. Everything about this is all wrong. You having to comfort me about this is all wrong. Baby – Stef & I – we love you so much…"
"I know," Callie whispered. "I love you too. I belong with you. It's why…"
She turned to Bill.
"I'll do it," she said flatly.
"Callie, baby," Lena said.
"I just want to stay with you," Callie said, turning back to Lena. "Stopping it isn't worth having to go back to juvie. It isn't worth getting you and Stef in trouble. I want to sleep in my own bed tonight. Well, I will probably want to sleep in yours…"
Lena barked out a hysterical sounding laugh. "You can sleep in whatever bed you want, baby," she said, feeling at that moment ready to check Callie into the Ritz Carlton for a night of sleep if she wanted it.
"I'll take this as high as it will go, Callie," Lena said seriously, holding Callie's eyes. "I'll fight as long as I have to. I won't give up."
"It's my decision," Callie answered. "It's not like I haven't been through it before, and this time I'll have you to take care of me after. It's better to have a bad guy hurt me and a good family to love me, than a bad family that hurts me and a court advocate."
"I would rather have nobody hurting you at all, Cals," Lena said softly.
"I can take it, Lena," Callie whispered. "It's okay."
Callie's trembling frame belied her bravado, but Lena sighed. She would feel better with Callie under their roof tonight, too. Much better than having to wonder what was happening to her in juvie.
Lena turned to Bill. "I hate you for this," she said simply. "More than I've ever hated anyone in my life, probably."
"Glad to see you're setting such a good example for her, Lena," Bill said.
"Do what you have to do and get out of my house," Lena said venomously.
Bill put his clipboard down on a side table and walked back to the desk.
He picked up the paddle, and pointed it wordlessly at the desk, looking expectantly at Callie.
Callie leaned in and hugged Lena, hard.
Lena hugged back, just as hard.
"I'm staying, baby," she whispered in Callie's ear. "I'm staying right here. I'll be here with you the whole time."
Callie shook her head in Lena's chest. Lena tightened her grip on her.
"Now, Callie," Bill said, and tapped the paddle on the desk.
Lena felt Callie drop her arms, move to obey Bill, but she held on tighter, grabbing up handfuls of Callie's shirt in her hands, not ready to let Callie go, not ready to let any of it be real.
"Do I need to come over there and collect her, Lena, or are you going to be as mature as your daughter?" Bill said coldly.
Lena held on another second and then, against every instinct inside of her, dropped her arms.
Callie looked at her. Her face had gone blank. When she spoke, her voice was flat, empty.
"Wait outside, Lena," she said.
"What? Baby, no, I'm not leaving your-" Lena protested.
"It's bad enough the way it is. I can't have you see me like-" Callie said, and her voice hitched, emotion creeping back in. "Please, Lena," she pleaded, her eyes big and watery. "Please."
Lena nodded, reaching her fist up to cover her mouth, which twisted in anguish.
"I'm right outside, baby. Right at the door. I'm here for you," she whispered.
Callie nodded. The emptiness was back on her face. "Take care of me, after, okay?" she said, and Lena nodded again.
Bill tapped the desk again with the paddle.
Callie turned and walked slowly toward the desk. She didn't look at Bill, or turn and look at Lena.
Lena backed toward the door.
Callie bent over the desk. She rested her elbows on the edge and laid her arms and then her palms down on the cool wood surface.
She laid her forehead down as well.
She had time to think that she wouldn't ever enter the study again after this.
Bill positioned himself behind her.
"Lena, GO," she said, twisting her head to see her, standing transfixed in the doorway, her face reflecting her horror.
Lena quickly took a step back and out of the room, and shut the door behind her.
She leaned her back and head against it and felt her body sag.
She was the worst mother in the world. She had just failed her daughter in the worst way she could imagine, and it was the daughter that most needed her not to.
A sob shuddered through her, but she choked it back.
Callie needed her now, even on the other side of the door, to be strong. She would go to pieces later. It wasn't about her anymore.
Seconds later, it started.
The sound made her jump – a terrible, meaty sound that reverberated through her, even through the door. She heard Callie gasp and Bill's count, a cold, hard "one."
She turned toward the door, pressing against it, her forehead, her hands, her body.
Callie, she thought. And, Jesus Christ.
It happened again, the sound reaching down inside and twisting her heart. Callie cried out from the other side of the door as Bill counted out "two" in the same stern voice.
It went on from there.
By the fifth, Lena could hear Callie crying, and it took everything inside her not to come through the door and put a stop to it.
By the tenth, Callie's sobs had intensified and Lena could hear her begging for it to stop, but it kept going. The hits were steady, loud, wrenching.
Lena cried along with her.
From behind the door, Callie began to wail. The sound was haunting and defeated, and she sounded all of six years old, not sixteen.
"God dammit Bill she's had enough!" Lena cried, and hit the door with the palm of her hand for emphasis. "It's enough!
Another horrible stroke rang out from behind the door. Callie screeched and dissolved into heavy, wailing sobs, weeping that she was sorry, had learned her lesson.
Lena pounded the door again. "Bill!" she shouted.
Finally, it was over.
Almost immediately after she heard Bill's voice count the last stroke, the door opened, and Lena stumbled a little in her surprise.
Bill met her eyes for a moment, his hands rolling his sleeve back down and working the button at his wrist.
He said nothing, and turned, moving out of the way to let Lena in.
Callie hadn't moved, even though Bill finished, and lay face down, bent over the desk, her body shuddering up and down as she continued to weep heavily.
Lena rushed to her side.
"Baby?" she said, rubbing a gentle hand over back in circles. "Callie, honey? It's done now. It's all over, you're safe now baby," she said.
Callie didn't move, and simply continued to cry. She hurt.
Bill put the paddle in his briefcase and picked up the clipboard.
"I need your signature-" he told Lena, holding it out to her, his pen held under his thumb along with it.
Lena snatched the clipboard out of his hands, moving in close to Callie, pressing her body into Callie's hip to maintain contact between them. She scanned the report, it was the original Bill had taken, detailing Callie's evening and making a record of the punishment.
Lena signed it and shoved it back at him.
"You can let yourself out," she said coldly, and turned back to Callie.
"I intend to," Bill said. "With respect, I hope to not have to see either of you anytime again soon."
He wrote a few more notes on the clipboard, signed the bottom of the report and then removed a carbon copy underneath and left it on the side table, their copy.
Lena ignored him, whispering little comforts to Callie, who had still not moved from her position over the desk.
"I expect the results of her drug test on my desk by lunch tomorrow," Bill said, walking to the door of the study. "Don't test me, either of you. She needs to be at Quest in the morning unless you want me back here tomorrow night."
"Get out," Lena said.
Bill walked out of the study and shut the door.
Sidebar: I totally want to write an AU of this fic's AU where instead of letting the events of the last chapter happen, Lena, Stef and the kids barricade themselves up inside the house and mount a big, old-west style standoff to protect Callie. Except I can't think of a way for that to end where they don't get squashed by the government and lose all the kids. So maybe an AU where they pack up all their stuff in the night and flee to the Swiss Alps, Sound of Music style? Haha.
Lena listened to Bill's steps retreat down the stairs, followed closely by the front door closing.
She didn't realize that like Callie, she was frozen in place – her hip pressed in close to Callie's, her hand on Callie's back – until she heard the front door and felt her body sag in relief.
"He's gone," she said under her breath to the empty room. Then she turned her attention to Callie.
"Baby?" she said in a tentative voice, and rubbed her hand gently across Callie's back. "He's gone, it's all over. You can get up now baby."
She saw Callie's back rise and fall, then rise and fall again as she took two great, shuddering breaths.
She pulled her hands in close to her body and pushed up from the desk, rising in slow, stiff movements.
She turned and faced Lena, rose her head and met Lena's eyes, bringing her sleeves up to wipe at her own.
Lena was still, watching her carefully, assessing. She tamped down on the urge to wrap her arms around her, instead giving her space, letting her reclaim control of her body, of who engaged it and when.
Callie mirrored Lena's stillness, assessing her right back, searching for signs of anger or disgust
"Well that sucked," Callie said finally, her voice hoarse and thick.
Lena barked out another short, hysterical laugh and Callie did the same.
Lena reached forward, fingers outstretched, and used her ring finger to smooth a ribbon of hair away from Callie's cheek. It was wet and matted to her skin, which was flushed and damp.
Callie remained stock-still, her eyes tracking Lena's hand.
The strands cleared away, Lena ran soft fingers through Callie's hair and back to her neck, cradling the back of her head briefly in her palm before stroking down through her curls.
Callie closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.
"Baby," Lena said, and pulled her into her arms.
Callie wrapped her arms tightly around Lena's waist and listened as Lena babbled little comforts – it's over, I'm so sorry baby, you're safe now. Her hands wound fists full of the back of Lena's shirt and she just - held on.
Minutes went by. Eventually Lena stopped talking and just held her. The room was quiet.
Slowly, Callie's breathing went from choppy to still. She was soothed by the up and down motion of Lena's chest breathing beneath hers. She closed her eyes. Gradually their breathing synced up. Lena felt it too, felt Callie reacclimating, felt her heart, along with her breath, tilting back onto Lena's axis.
Callie's fists relaxed, Lena's shirt falling in rumples back against her skin.
"I think I'm okay now," Callie whispered, finally, her head tucked under Lena's chin. She didn't move, didn't let go, but took a deep breath and steadied herself in Lena's arms.
Lena slid her hands to Callie's arms and leaned out to look at her.
"I've got all the time in the world, baby," she said quietly, searching Callie's face.
Callie nodded. "I know," she said, and leaned back into Lena's chest.
"I just… can we get out of this room?" she asked in a small voice.
Lena's arms tightened around her.
"Can you walk?" Lena asked. "I mean, do you need help-"
"I'm okay," Callie said, reluctantly breaking their embrace. Lena wrapped an arm around Callie's waist in support, and Callie straightened up stiffly and took a slow step toward the door.
"It's been worse," she said, in response to Lena's worried expression. "I won't even feel it by tomorrow night."
"We'll all still be feeling it tomorrow night," Lena said softly, and tightened her arm around Callie's waist as she helped her negotiate her footing around a pile of books on the floor next to a side table.
Callie didn't answer, only let herself be guided toward the door. It wasn't that she needed the help, she could certainly walk, but it was a new thing, to be acknowledged, to be treated as if she had been through something, something hard.
"Wait-" Callie said in the doorway, pulling back a little as Lena stepped them over the threshold.
Concern knitted Lena's expression and she took Callie's two hands in her own.
"The other kids – oh god, Jude," Callie whispered, horror contorting her features. "Do they know? Did they hear? I can't – right now – Lena –" she stammered, her eyes watering with fresh tears.
"Baby," Lena said, taking Callie's face in her hands and bending a little to be on her eye level. "No one in this house blames you for what just happened. No one. Jude is spending the night with Conner –"
Callie's face, her whole body, sagged with relief.
"-the older kids…" Lena continued, "Jesus is on his way home with your mom. Brandon and Marianna, they know the law, they saw your mom and I getting anxious when you didn't come home. They probably –"
"-heard." Callie finished. "They probably heard everything." She leaned backward against the doorframe and looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head. Her face flushed with shame.
Lena waited helplessly. Callie's humiliation and shame were palpable, and watching her grapple with the realization was like watching her get victimized all over again. She tamped down on the anger bubbling and bubbling inside her. This wasn't the time.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Callie whispered, and doubled over, clutching her mouth.
It was too late, though, and she threw up all over the floor in the hallway.
"Oh god, Lena," she said in a panicked voice. "Lena I'm so sorry, I'll clean it up," she said, wincing as she crouched down.
"Shhhhhhh," Lena said, crouching down and stilling Callie's frantic hands. "It's okay," she said softly. "All the things you're feeling, all the revulsion, I feel it too. It's okay. I almost puked while it was happening, honey – you've been hurt. And right here in our home. And we're all – you, me and your mom, your brothers and sisters – we're all going to have to face our feelings about that. We're a family, and we're all here for you. It wasn't your fault, and you don't have anything to be ashamed of. Bill does. The system does."
Lena dropped to her knees and pulled Callie into her lap, rubbing her back as she spoke.
"We have to clean-" Callie said, gesturing at the mess on the floor.
"I've cleaned up a lot of puke in my time as a mom, baby," Lena said, smiling a half-smile. "It comes with the territory, and it can wait."
Callie rested her head on Lena's collarbone. She was quiet.
"The time will come, sweet girl, where we'll have to all talk about this as a family. Together," Lena said.
Callie tensed, crinkling her eyebrows and frowning at the thought.
"We're a family, all of us together," Lena said again, and ran her fingers through Callie's hair to soothe her. "If it happened to you, it happened to all of us too, baby, and we're not going to take it lying down. But-" Lena said, holding up a hand as Callie shook her head.
"But that time isn't right now," she said gently. "Right now is for you. Just for you, for whatever you need to find comfort in this moment. Can I run you a bath?" She asked, moving her hands to the other side of Callie's face and smoothing down the hair there. "Do you want to come to bed with me? I'll read to you. We can go for a drive and listen to music if you want. Anything. Tell mama what you need, sweetheart."
Callie heard the words Lena was saying, but they sounded like a foreign language.
Comfort.
It was comforting being in Lena's arms. It was comforting knowing that she could puke on the floor and not get hit for it. It was comforting knowing that Bill had the left the house and she wouldn't have to worry he would get drunk and find an excuse for round two in a few hours. But beyond that? Comfort?
It was like being asked what she thought of Paris when she'd never been out of Southern California. She had no idea what she needed to find comfort in this moment. Other times, after - she was lucky if she could crawl into a bed, wrap herself around Jude and be thankful it was her body littered with burning welts and fractures, not his. That was comforting.
But Jude was across town, sleeping in a guest bed that was probably nicer than any they had slept in at any of their so called homes, concerning himself with all the things a regular 12 year old boy should. And she had no idea what to do with herself.
"I think –" Callie said, slowly. "I think I just want to go to bed," she said, chewing her bottom lip.
Lena nodded. "And you want to sleep in our room tonight?"
Callie nodded back. "Is Stef coming home?"
"As soon as I call her," Lena said, and pulled herself up off the floor.
She held a hand down to Callie, who took it and pulled herself up gingerly as well.
Lena didn't miss the wince that clouded her face.
"I just want… will you…" Callie said in a voice barely audible. "I just want you to stay close to me tonight. Both of you. Is that okay?"
Lena wrapped Callie up in her arms and nodded into her hair.
"Oh baby, wild horses couldn't drag us away," she said. She gave Callie another squeeze and led her down the hall to her and Stef's bedroom.
Callie paused in the doorway, looking down at her sweatshirt and jeans, then worriedly to her bedroom door across the hall, where Mariana was inside, sleeping or… something. Callie didn't want to know, wasn't ready to face anybody but her moms for the night.
Lena read her dilemma immediately.
"You can wear a pair of mom's pjs tonight honey," she said, and guided Callie in the bedroom. "Unless you want me to go into your room and get you your own?"
Callie shook her head vehemently.
"Alright then, bugaboo," Lena said. She opened up their dresser and pulled out an old pair of Stef's flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. "You can put these on, and use the bathroom if you need to freshen up or get ready for bed. I'll be right here, baby, and Stef's on her way."
Callie nodded.
She took the clothes from Lena but just… stood there, not turning away.
"Baby? Are you okay? Do you need help?" Lena said, concern in her voice.
Callie stood there another minute, chewing her bottom lip, her eyes going watery as she watched Lena carefully.
"I love you, mama," she said after a minute, and threw her arms around Lena, squeezed her impossibly tightly and then turned away towards the bathroom.
"I love you too, Callie," Lena said quietly, watching her walk stiffly to the door. "More than you can possibly know."
She waited for Callie to get in and close the bathroom door before she picked up the phone and called Stef.
"What are we doing here?" Jesus asked, propping his sneaker on the passenger side dash of the SUV and using a pen to color on the side of the rubber sole. His mom sat in the driver's seat, turning her cell phone over and over in her hands.
He glanced out his window as the fluorescent interior lights of Friendly's Ice Cream went out – first in the dining area and then in the back.
They had been in the parking lot for at least 20 minutes. He had already finished his double-scoop Oreo madness, which his mom had not batted an eye when he ordered, and when he saw that she was just letting her own mint-chocolate chip melt into soup, he had finished that, too.
The giant neon parking lot sign flickered once and then went out, and two kids in Friendly's uniforms exited the front door. The second one pulled out a huge ring of keys and locked the outer gate for the night.
"Mom?" Jesus said again. "It's after 11pm and you just watched me eat my weight in cookies and ice cream, and even I know that this much sugar late at night makes me crazy." He reached over and put his hand over hers, stilling them. "Plus you never pick me up from work. What's going on?"
Stef looked up at him and gave him a strained smile. "I'm sorry love," she said. "I'm just a little distracted tonight. But you're right, that ice cream had better hold you for awhile because you're off sweets for the rest of the week."
"Is something wrong?" he asked, frowning. "Is this bribery ice cream or something? Are you trying to butter me up to tell me something bad? Is it Ana – what's she done? Because honestly mom, you're freaking me out right now."
Stef glanced at the time display on her cell phone for the hundredth time, and then back at Jesus. "Such a smart boy I have," she said, exhaling. "It's not you, kiddo," she told him, scanning his worried face. "You haven't done anything wrong, it's not Ana, I'm not buttering you up…"
"But…" Jesus said, folding his arms.
Stef sighed. "But you're right, there's a… situation, and both your moms are pretty upset tonight."
"What's going on?" Jesus frowned.
"We need to talk about Callie," Stef said tentatively. "She's… she's dealing with a hard situation tonight, one that will affect our whole family," she started.
"Is it Liam?" Jesus said angrily. "Did he mess with her again? Because if he did I'll-"
"Whoa, son," Stef said, the corners of her mouth turning up. "Steady the troops, it's not Liam-"
"Good, because I don't want that asshole anywhere near my sisters," Jesus said, and cracked his knuckles, his body tense in his seat.
"Language, son, language," Stef said. "Although I appreciate your protective feelings. You're a good brother."
"If it's not Liam…" Jesus said slowly.
"Love, you remember when Callie got sent to Girls United, yes? And when she came home her social worker came to the house and we all signed a lot of paperwork?" she said.
Jesus nodded, confused.
Stef took a deep breath. She hated having to have this conversation with Jesus – to tell him, it felt like breaking Callie's confidences, but the other kids were home while it was happening. If she didn't tell him they would, and who knows what their interpretation would be. He needed the truth, as hard as that was.
"In the state of California…" Stef said slowly. "The state of California has some pretty strict rules for juveniles when it comes to breaking the law. There's a mandate…"
Jesus was hanging on her words. She felt tears prick her eyes. There was no way to present this information that would make it sound okay, and she felt torn between teaching her son to respect the law and teaching him to respect and support family. She could feel his anxiety and tension like a loaded gun in the seat next to her, and she chose her words very carefully.
"The state believes that corporal punishment for juvenile offenses is an effective deterrent and alternative to incarceration," she said, pulling out the official language.
Jesus's face clouded in confusion. "First, what does that mean, and second, what does that have to do with Callie? Is she okay?"
"No, son," Stef said, and the tears pricking her eyes spilled over and rolled down her face. "Your sister is not okay."
"What-" Jesus said in an anxious, escalating voice, but was cut off by the phone ringing in his mother's hands.
Stef picked it up before the first ring had completed.
"Lena?" she said.
"I'm here," Lena said in a flat, hollow voice.
"Is it-" Stef said haltingly.
"It's done. You can come back now," Lena told her.
A hundred questions sprang into Stef's head. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. She didn't even know where to start.
Heavy silence stretched out between them.
"How… was it?" Stef said finally, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes, dreading the answer.
"As bad as you would expect, and then 50 times worse than that because there wasn't a damn thing I could do but listen," Lena said. "Stef – I will NEVER do that again. Never. I swear to you. We'll take the kids and go somewhere. I don't care where. It was wrong, I was wrong to let it –"
"Baby, you couldn't – you were doing what you had to in the moment – it wasn't your fault, or hers, or anyone's- " Stef interjected repeatedly, but Lena wouldn't be dissuaded.
"Mom-" Jesus whispered anxiously from the passenger seat, but Stef shushed him with a wave of her hand.
"NEVER again, Stef," Lena said vehemently. "I mean it."
"Okay, love," Stef said. "Okay."
"Just come home," Lena said, in a voice that sounded 1000 years old. "We need you."
"I'm on my way," Stef said, and turned the keys in the ignition.
Lena disconnected the call and Stef stared at the phone in her hand for a moment before putting it on the console.
She turned to Jesus, who had hopped his feet up onto his seat and was bobbing up and down on his ankles unconsciously, his hands fidgeting his thumb and forefinger together as he waited for her to get off the phone.
"I'm sorry, son," she said, putting a hand out to rest on his knee. "I know I scared you just now, and I'm not handling this conversation very well. Your moms are stressed, is all, but everything will be okay."
"Is Callie-" he said, searching Stef's face for some clue about what was going on.
"Callie's going to be okay," Stef said. "She's had a hard night. I'll tell you, but we need to get home. Are you okay if I drive and talk at the same time?" she asked.
Jesus nodded.
Stef looked pointedly at his knees, at his body propped up in the seat. He stretched his legs out and then back down to the floor, righting himself in his seat and readjusting his seat belt.
Stef put the car in gear.
"I was saying, when your sister was discharged from Girls United, we had to sign a lot of paperwork agreeing to the state's treatment plan as a condition of her getting to come back and live with us," Stef said, pulling the car out of the parking lot.
Jesus nodded slowly. "Okay, I get that part."
"Callie is still on probation from that confrontation she had with Jude's foster father, remember?" Stef asked, and flicked on her turn signal, the tick-tick-tick metering their conversation.
"I remember," Jesus said cautiously.
"Okay, so part of the paperwork we signed when we got Callie back outlined what would happen if she messed up at all once she moved back in with us. Your mom and I didn't like what it said, but we had to sign or else the state wouldn't give her back," Stef continued.
She glanced sideways at Jesus, who was taking it all in.
She sighed.
"Sooooo…" Jesus said.
"So the paperwork said that, as per the law in California, if Callie messed up at all – if she missed curfew, if she left the state, if she had any run ins with the police, that she would be subject to corporal punishment, carried out by her state worker because your mom and I refused to do it."
Stef wiped at her eyes, then gripped the steering wheel harder.
"What is that – corporal punishment?" Jesus asked.
"Corporal punishment is hitting," Stef said. "Spanking," she corrected, not wanting to scare Jesus, despite her anger over the situation.
"Hitting? What the? Mom, you said hitting is wrong, why would the state-" Jesus said in a shocked voice. He ran a hand through his hair.
"I know, love, I know. Your mom and I think it's a terrible policy, and we fought it – hard, but in the end agreeing was the only way they would let Callie come back to us. And we love her, and we wanted her home, and we believed she would be better off with us, even with the policy, than in a group home or in juvie until she's 18," Stef said, trying to help him understand.
Jesus leaned back in his seat, working it out.
"Wait, so you're saying… if Callie gets in trouble she gets hit by some worker for the state… and Callie had a bad night and you and mom are upset and now Callie's not okay…" he said slowly, connecting the dots.
"Callie's okay," Stef corrected. "I was stressed out when I said that, I didn't mean she wasn't…"
"No, you're saying… Callie got in trouble tonight and the state worker came to our HOUSE?" Jesus shouted.
"Yes," Stef said quietly. She couldn't look at Jesus, but could feel the anger radiating off him.
She pulled the car onto their street.
"Someone came to our house and hurt Callie and we just SAT IN A PARKING LOT EATING ICE CREAM?" Jesus shouted. "MOM, YOU'RE A COP! How could you just sit by and – we have to get home and get in there, mom, RIGHT NOW!"
Stef pulled up in front of the house.
It looked like her normal house. The lights on the main floor were dark, but her bedroom light was on, and so was the porch light. She had come home to the house exactly like this more times than she could ever count, but nothing about it felt normal in that moment.
She felt like she didn't know who lived there.
She cut the car's engine.
"Son," she said, and turned to Jesus, looking at him seriously.
"I don't understand this," Jesus said. "Any of this. It's not fair. Callie was just defending herself anyway, she wouldn't even have had to get that bat if that guy wasn't hurting her and Jude. The state shouldn't even be involved in her- Why are you so calm! Don't you even-"
"Of course I do," Stef said urgently, her tone leaving no room for dissent. "I'll tell you why we sat in that parking lot while that happened, because I'm so mad I can barely keep my eyeballs in my head and I was afraid of what would happen if I had stayed," she whispered angrily. "Your mom is much calmer than me in those kinds of situations, she's an administrator, she gets it – she didn't like it any better, but she's used to working the system. I don't know what I would have done if someone – when I was there – in front of me – I couldn't have done it, son!" Stef said angrily.
Jesus's eyes grew wide. "Nobody could have held you back, mom, right?" he said.
Stef nodded. "And then what? I'd have only made it worse. Then they might have taken Callie and never let her come back, and me too, for assaulting an officer of the court. What good would that do?"
Stef said the words, but she only half believed them. She had never felt so helpless, and she wondered fleetingly if it were really Jesus she was trying to convince.
She saw the curtain of their bedroom flutter on the second floor, saw Lena's face swim into focus and then disappear from the window, back to bed with Callie, probably.
She put both her hands on Jesus's hands and met his eyes.
"Listen to me, love, because I need your help tonight," she said.
"Whatever you need, mom," he said seriously.
"Callie is upset, and your mama is upset, and your brother and sister are upset, and confused, because they haven't gotten to talk about it yet like you and I just did. I need you to be supportive, to help everyone stay calm and not shout or do anything that could scare Callie or make her feel like we're mad at her, okay?"
Jesus nodded seriously. "It's a really good thing Jude wasn't home," he said, remembering how he had left at the same time Jesus had left for work. "Do you want me to talk to Brandon and Mariana?"
"You're an incredible kid, Jesus, you know that?" Stef said, and pulled his hands up and kissed them. "I think just head to bed for tonight. If they go in your room you can talk to them like I just did you. But remember, we need to all be focused on loving and supporting Callie. We're all upset about what happened, but we don't want to do anything that will confuse her or make her think that we're mad at her, or upset with her. Do you understand the difference?"
"Right," Jesus said. "We're mad at the state workers and the court."
"Come on, you beautiful boy," Stef said, and opened her door. Jesus got out and walked around, putting his arm around her as they walked up the driveway. Stef kissed the side of his head and he didn't even flinch away or tell her she was gross.
"Can I say goodnight to ma?" he asked, as they reached the front door.
"She'll come in and talk to you before bed. Callie's in our room tonight, so let's give her some space, okay?" Stef answered, and turned her key in the lock.
Jesus nodded, and they went inside.
"We're home, loves-of-my-life," Stef called up the stairs, as she often did when she came home from work.
There was no answer. The house had a somber, heavy-aired feel to it. Jesus gave her a look, kissed her on the cheek and then clomped up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
"A little less stomping bud-" she called up after him, as she also had done a hundred times, but her heart wasn't in it.
Moments later she heard the door to his room close.
She took the stairs herself, bending over and straightening up various pairs of shoes scattered down the side as she went.
At the door to her bedroom she hesitated. She had the crazy impulse to knock, which was crazy, it was her own bedroom with Lena, but she didn't want to interrupt if she and Callie were having a moment, or take Callie by surprise.
She was standing there debating with herself about what to do when Lena called to her from inside.
"Stef?"
Stef arranged her face in a soft smile and walked inside.
Lena and Callie were snuggled in bed, Lena laying on her back propped up against the headboard and Callie on her side, spooned into her.
"I love the sight of my beautiful darlings snuggled up in bed waiting for me," she said softly, and slipped out of her shoes and over to the bed.
She sat down on the side, near Callie's feet, and placed a hand on Callie's calf.
Callie pressed her face into Lena's shoulder, avoiding meeting Stef's gaze.
"I'm here, baby," Stef said. "I'm here and I'm so sorry about what happened to you tonight. None of this is your fault, and I love you so much."
Lena looked down at Callie, who was still hiding her face. She stroked her hair softly.
"We've been reading," she said to Stef, gesturing at a worn copy of To Kill a Mockingbird on the nightstand.
"Mom's been reading," Callie said in a muffled voice, not turning her head.
"What baby?" Stef said, her hand rubbing little circle's on Callie's calf.
Callie turned a little, looking at Stef for the first time. Her hair was frazzled, her face still red and blotchy from her obviously upsetting evening.
"Mom's been reading to me," Callie said hoarsely. "I've been sitting here like a pathetic mess trying to get myself together."
"Callie you're not-" Lena started, but Stef reached over and touched her leg, quieting her.
"First of all," Stef said softly, "you're not pathetic. Mama reads to me all the time and I happen to love it, whether I'm sick or healthy or turned on or anything else. It's one of my favorite things."
Callie sniffed and raised an eyebrow, and Lena's mouth fell open.
"Honey we're married," Stef said, turning to Lena and holding out her hands apologetically. "And Callie's in high school, she knows about people being turned on, and you're my wife. Of course you-"
"OKAY, okay," Lena said, looking down at Callie, who offered the tiniest, slightest giggle. "That's enough talk about that. Everybody in this house loves to be read to, that's all we need to know."
"You're blushing," Callie whispered, giggling a small giggle again as she looked at Lena's face.
Stef smiled. Things were at least a little okay.
"AND," she said, getting serious again. "And there's absolutely nothing pathetic about letting yourself feel upset about having a rotten night. And I know you had a VERY rotten night."
Callie dropped her eyes again. She moved to sit up, wincing as she shifted from laying on her hip to a sitting up position, then settled on sitting sideways, keeping pressure off her sore places.
"Callie," Stef said, and reached out and took her hand. "Baby, can you look at me?"
Callie reluctantly looked up and met her eyes.
"It's not your fault," Stef whispered. "You don't have to be ashamed. We love you. I love you, and you absolutely didn't deserve what happened to you tonight, no matter what some court paper says."
Callie nodded quickly, wrinkling her forehead. Stef could tell she was hearing the words but they weren't penetrating.
"I don't know about the two of you, but what I need right now is to hold my girls in my arms," Stef said, not breaking eye contact with Callie. "Is there room for me in that snuggle you've got going?"
Callie nodded a watery smile and Stef leaned forward, wrapping her arms around both Lena and Callie.
Callie rested her forehead on Stef's chest, and Stef felt Lena's arms come around her tightly, Lena's head ducking into her collarbone. She could feel the pent up emotion in Lena's embrace and she returned it, just as tight.
"I'm so glad you're home," Lena whispered into her ear, barely audible, words meant just for her.
Stef nodded, squeezed her tighter. Callie's arm came up and wrapped around her waist, and Callie turned her head sideways and leaned further into her.
I'll protect you, Stef thought, holding her wife and daughter close to her. I'll protect you both from this ever happening again. I promise.
After a minute Lena pulled back. "I think you and Callie need some mom time, and I need to brush my teeth and check on the other kids," she said.
Callie looked at her worriedly.
"Are you okay if I get up for a few minutes, baby?" Lena asked her. "I'll be right back, and we'll pile up together and give each other sweetest dreams, all night long. Is that okay?"
Callie nodded, the same scrunched up expression on her face as she had given Stef earlier.
This kid, Lena thought, reaching forward and giving Callie another squeeze before standing up. If I can do anything as a mom, I want her to feel safe enough with us to not be such a tough guy all the time.
"BRB," she said lightly, and padded softly out of the bedroom, closing the door gently behind her.
Stef moved up on the bed, stretching out her legs and leaning back into the headboard as Lena had before. She opened her arm, inviting Callie into her embrace.
Callie leaned into her, turning again onto her hip, resting her head on Stef's chest. She brought her hands up under her chin.
They were quiet for a moment, together.
"So, I think I owe you an apology," Stef said quietly.
Callie looked up at her quizzically.
"I apologize for not being here earlier, if you felt like I wasn't here for you or you were afraid I was mad at you, and that's why I chose not to be here while Bill was in the house," she said in a quiet, serious voice.
Callie looked down at the bedspread. She picked at a stray thread on the wrist of the flannel she was wearing.
"I'm not mad at you, love, not even the littlest, tiniest bit. That's the truth," Stef said, and stroked the top of Callie's head.
"I mean, I'm not thrilled about you missing curfew, but in a regular situation, that's a pretty common thing for a teenager to do from time to time." She rubbed the top of Callie's head with her knuckles, a light, teasing touch like a noogie, to let her know the curfew wasn't the point of her talk.
Callie turned her face into Stef's chest, her mouth turning up a little at the teasing.
"Truly though, baby, and hear me when I say this…" Stef continued, her voice going serious again. "I didn't go out because I didn't love you, or because I was mad at you or because you were in trouble. It was exactly the opposite, actually."
Stef's eyes watered again and she reached up and wiped at them.
Callie glanced up in surprise and then looked away just a quick.
"I left because I was afraid I would make things worse for you if I stayed," Stef said, and she was crying openly now. "I'm such a mama bear," she said, wiping at her eyes again, "and the thought of anyone hurting you babies, or any kids anywhere, makes me so angry. I was afraid if I was here my anger at Bill, at the court, would get the best of me and I would have blown everything up… for you, for our family, everything. I don't know if I could have stood outside that door like Mama without breaking it down to stop it, and that would have only ended up with you in jail and me in jail and everything a worse mess."
Callie listened carefully, continuing to study her shirt cuffs intently.
"But I still owe you an apology, because a mom is supposed to put her kids first, and I should have focused on you and been here to help you feel safe, and figured out how to squash my inner supercop. I'm sorry if my being gone made it worse for you. I hope you can forgive me," Stef finished.
Callie was quiet for a minute.
"All of this makes it worse for me," Callie finally whispered in a hoarse voice, staring blankly at a spot on the floor beyond the edge of the bed.
Stef looked down in alarm. "Oh honey, what can I-"
"No, not like that," Callie said blankly, like she wasn't even talking to Stef. "Not just you, this." She waved her hand at the room. "All of this. Pictures on the bedroom walls and a toothbrush for me in the bathroom and being interested in the answer when you ask about my day. All of it. It's a bubble, and I forgot…" she trailed off.
Stef was quiet. Her fingertips rubbed little circles on Callie's back between her shoulderblades and she just listened. It wasn't about her right now.
"I'm sorry," Callie said, and flicked her eyes up to meet Stef's for a half second, then broke the contact again. "I don't mean to be ungrateful. I just… I…"
"You can tell me anything, love," Stef said quietly. "I want you to talk to me, to tell me how you are. Nothing you say can change how I love you, how you belong in this family."
Callie chewed her bottom lip for a moment, looking down into her lap.
"I always want it to be the last time," she whispered, pulling her hands deep into the sleeves of Stef's flannel and curling the soft fabric around her fists. "Every time it happens, I tell myself 'Okay. That was awful but it's over and I'm okay and it has to get better from here because it just can't be this bad forever. Except I'm always the fool. It doesn't matter how good I am or aren't, or how nice or awful the place I'm living is."
She worked the string on her cuff loose and pulled, the stitches falling apart and unraveling the soft fabric.
"It's never over. Except this time I really thought it was," she said, and she laughed a terrible, jaded laugh. "Everyone here is so nice, and you make it so comfortable and nobody yells and your kids don't even know what hitting means and I thought finally. Finally, the last time really WAS the last time but it never is."
Her words were coming fast, rushing and tumbling like water.
She raised her head and met Stef's eyes. "Why? Stef why isn't it ever the last time?" Callie's voice choked, her shoulders folding inward as a sob overtook her.
Stef pulled her into her arms.
"Oh, baby bear, I don't know," Stef said, crying right along with her. "I don't know why some people are mean, why they're cruel to each other and why you got stuck with way too many of them in your growing up years. You didn't deserve what happened to you, any of it, including tonight."
She rocked Callie back and forth. "And I can't promise it will never happen again, it certainly won't under this roof, I'll promise you that. But when you go out into the big world as a grown up – I don't have to tell you what's out there. We've both seen it. All I can tell you is I'm here for you, your mama and I both, and your brothers and sister, and we're going to spend the rest of our lives loving you up, loving over all the bad things that all those people did."
Callie turned her face into Stef's arms and clung to her. Stef pulled her close, up into her lap, and held her tightly as her body shook with deep, wracking sobs.
"I've got you, love," Stef said, rocking her.
Lena used the kids' bathroom to splash cold water on her face. It helped manage the swirl of emotions she was still feeling, and she wanted to at least appear calm and stable when she talked to Marianna and Brandon.
She knocked on Marianna's room first.
She cracked the door quietly when she didn't get an answer, opening the door just enough to check if Mari was sleeping.
The lights in the bedroom were on. Marianna lay in her bed, curled up in a ball with her back to the door. Lena watched for the rise and fall of her chest, measuring the steadiness to try and determine if her daughter was asleep or not.
Uncertain, she came softly into the room, her movements slow and her steps light, just in case.
Marianna was curled around Mr. Googlyface, a stuffed monkey they had given her as a welcome gift when she had first come into their family as a little girl. She was still in her regular clothes, but walking closer Lena could tell she wasn't asleep.
She sat down on the side of the bed.
"You can't sleep?" Lena asked quietly, running her hand over Marianna's hip in an affectionate gesture.
Marianna craned her neck backward to see her, and pulled at the earbuds Lena hadn't noticed were in her ears. Pounding, tinny music spilled out of them, faraway sounding like the bottom of a well.
"You can't sleep?" Lena asked again, understanding now why Marianna hadn't responded to her knock.
Marianna shook her head, worrying her brow.
"It was hard tonight, baby, I know," Lena said, stretching far across the bed to grab Marianna's pajamas, sitting folded on her desk chair beside the bed.
She tossed the pajamas on the bed next to Marianna and patted them, a gentle suggestion to get ready for bed.
Marianna didn't reply, and fumbled under the pillows and pulled out her ipod, turning it off.
Lena sighed.
"Do you have any questions about what happened tonight," She asked gently. "Do you want to talk about it, or ask me anything?"
Marianna didn't look at her, instead winding the skinny white earphone cable around and around her metallic pink ipod.
"I thought it was pretty terrible," Lena continued, keeping her voice soft. "What happened to Callie, having to hear it, the fact that a stranger came into our house and did something so awful. It was really scary," she said.
"I didn't hear it," Marianna said finally, meeting her eyes.
Lena tilted her head, waiting for Marianna to say more.
Marianna held up her ipod. "I turned it up loud. Me and Brandon both did. We agreed. It wasn't anything we wanted to…" she trailed off. "Plus it didn't seem like Callie would want us to listen."
"That was… impossibly kind of you both," Lena said, giving her a sad smile. "I have the best children in the world."
"Is Callie okay?" Marianna asked, putting her ipod on the desk and turning to sit up in bed. She pulled her pajamas in her lap and held them, carefully studying Lena's face for an answer.
"Callie is… upset," Lena said tentatively. "It was hard, in every way it could be, and she's going to need a lot of support and love from us in the coming days and weeks. But she's not… grievously injured… if that's what you're asking, baby."
"Grievously injured?" Marianna said, and frowned, raising an eyebrow.
Lena shook her head. Nothing got past Marianna.
"She's sore. It hurt. She's a little bit limpy, like if she had a sports injury, but more than that, it brought up a lot of bad stuff in her past, and made her feel pretty shaky," Lena said candidly.
Marianna nodded slowly. "I get that," she said. "But I mean… she's okay, mom, right?"
Lena nodded. "She's okay, honey. We're just going to have to work really hard to help her feel safe again in our house."
"Like we did when she first came?" Marianna said, thinking back to how Callie was before, reserved and insecure and guarded.
"A lot like that," Lena said. "Callie's come a long way since then, but this is a big thing that she – that we're all going to have to work through together."
"It's not right," Marianna said.
Lena took her hand.
"You're right, it's not. And I'm so sorry I couldn't keep it from happening," Lena said.
"I mean the state. They're supposed to be so big into 'child welfare' or whatever," Marianna continued, making air quotes with her fingers. "But what they did wasn't good for Callie. Instead it undid all the progress she's made since she's been here. It really sucks."
"It does really suck," Lena said, squeezing her hands. "And your mom and I are going to work to make sure it doesn't happen to Callie again, maybe not to any kids anywhere. We're just one family, but we get it, Mari, just like you, and I'm taking comfort in the fact that I can try and make some good come out of it."
"Like legal stuff, you mean? Like on Law and Order?" Marianna said, her eyes widening.
Lena laughed. "Maybe not quite so… dramatic," she said. "But yes, like legal stuff. But that's for us to figure out moving forward. For now, we just need to be all about Callie, we need to be calm and soft and kind, and let her know we love her and we don't blame her and she doesn't have to be ashamed with us. Okay?"
Marianna nodded.
"Good girl. I'm not worried about you, Mari, you have a wonderful heart and you're a great sister. Just keep being who you are and I know that will be a big help," Lena said.
She leaned forward and drew Marianna into her arms, giving her a long embrace and kissing the side of her head.
Then she stood up. "PJs on and lights out now, okay?" she said.
Marianna nodded.
"Callie's sleeping in our room tonight, but you can come in quietly and get me if you need anything."
Marianna nodded again.
"Mom?" she said, and Lena paused in the doorway.
"Thanks," Marianna said shyly. "For adopting me when I was little I mean," she added. "Jesus and I were lucky you found us. We could just as easily be where Callie is now if you hadn't. I get that," she said.
Lena leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"I just wanted you to know," Marianna said.
"You and your brother were a gift to us," Lena said, and meant it. "Every day I'm thankful. Now pjs, bed," she said. "Before I get cavities from all this sweet talk!"
Marianna laughed and closed the door behind her mom.
Lena crossed the hall to Brandon's room.
"B?" she said softly, knocking lightly on the door.
She heard rustling inside and seconds later Brandon was at the door, opening it and looking first at Lena, then around her and down the hallway.
"Can I come in?" she asked him.
He looked back and her and then stood aside, letting her cross into his room.
Lena sat on the edge of his bed. Brandon slumped down into the chair next to his keyboard.
"Are you okay, honey?" Lena asked.
Brandon looked away, tension written across his face. His leg jogged up and down in place. "I'm fine," he said curtly.
"Brandon," Lena said softly, and reached out, putting a hand on his knee.
He stilled his leg and looked at her.
"Is Callie fine?" he asked.
Lena met his intense gaze. His eyes were red, she could see he had been crying.
"Callie is…" Lena started, and chose her words carefully. "…fragile right now, but she's okay. She doesn't have any injuries that require a doctor, but what happened was pretty upsetting for her. And all of us," she added.
Brandon's leg bounced up and down again and he went back to looking out his window.
"Marianna told me what you both did, with the headphones," Lena said in a quiet voice. "That was very understanding of you. I told Marianna too. Callie is lucky to have you as a brother."
"Right," Brandon said in a hard voice. "Because that's exactly what good brothers do, put on their headphones so they don't have to hear their sisters get beat. And they say chivalry is dead."
His leg bounced faster. Lena could feel the vibrations in the floor traveling up her own calves.
"Is that what you think?" Lena said, leaning over to catch his eye. "That it's your fault? That you could have stopped it somehow, and you're a bad brother for not being able to?"
Brandon met her eyes in a fierce gaze.
"You're going to sit there and tell me you're not feeling the exact same thing as a mother right now?" he spat.
Lena's eyes widened in surprise. He was angry, at both of them, clearly, and it took her a moment to collect herself from the shock of his words.
"Can you honestly tell me you would feel better if Callie were in juvie right now instead of in our room down the hall?" Lena countered, tamping down on the defensive tone that rose up inside her.
"Because that's exactly where she would be if we had gotten in the way of it, either one of us," she said in an impassioned whisper. "And, I was ready for that fight, Brandon," she said, and saying the words was as if all the air deflated from her body. Her shoulders sagged.
"I was all for the fight. I told Bill he could call the police, that no cop was going to come in here and take Stef's child out of this house, not in this precinct. And he said fine. He wasn't going to fight me to get it done. But that meant she would go back to juvie to wait for a new court date to address the violation. Your sister didn't want that. It was her choice in the end."
"That's no kind of choice," Brandon said, glaring at her.
"I KNOW that," Lena said, feeling as if the last strands of her patience were stretching taut between them. "It's no choice at all. It's coercion. It's abuse of power. It's abuse period. Brandon-" she said, and scooted to the edge of the bed, leaning forward and putting both hands on both of his knees for emphasis. "B – a terrible thing happened tonight, and it made us feel hurt, and powerless and angry, all of us, Callie most of all. But what's underneath that anger is love, fierce and wonderful love for your sister and for our family, and that's what Callie needs the most from us right now. Our softness. Our love. Our gentility."
Lena reached up a hand and gathered the hair at the back of her neck, twisting it up behind her head absently.
"As bad as we're feeling, you and me, and your mom, too, as guilty as we feel, Callie feels ten times worse. She blames herself for causing something so traumatic to happen, for bringing it into our house. She feels ashamed and embarrassed and angry and like she deserved it-"
"She didn't-" Brandon interrupted angrily but Lena held a hand up to silence him.
"None of those things are true, I know that, but Callie's going to need some help remembering. If she sees that anger, even though it's justified, even though it's on her behalf and it comes from love, she's going to think we're angry at her. And we need to help her feel safe right now, more than anything else. Do you understand?"
Brandon leaned back in his chair and blew out a breath of air he had been holding. Lena saw some of the tension drain out of his shoulders with it.
"I hate them," Brandon said.
"I know, honey. And that's okay. But you have to put that away for now, for Callie. She needs our love more than our hate. No matter how good our intentions are. If you want to talk to me, or to your mom or to a therapist, that's okay, but you need to be careful otherwise. Can you do that?" Lena said.
"That's it then?" Brandon said. "All we're doing is damage control? Shore her back up until some stupid slip up happens and the whole thing plays out again?"
"No," Lena said. "Your mom and I are already talking about how we can protect Callie, and our family, moving forward. But there are right ways and wrong ways to take on that fight. And we're going to do whatever we can to keep Callie with us while we do. And that means work with them, not make enemies of them. I know that's a hard lesson to learn, Brandon, especially on nights like tonight."
Brandon didn't look at her, and continued to stare angrily out the window.
"Can you do that for me, Brandon? For Callie?" Lena asked.
He didn't reply.
"Brandon?" Lena said again.
He looked over at her.
"I'll try," he said.
"That's all I need you to do," Lena said, and reach out to squeeze his hand.
"We're going to talk about this, all together, we're going to work through all these complicated feelings. But tonight isn't the night for that. Do you trust your mom and I?" she asked him.
Brandon nodded.
"Good. And Brandon," Lena said, again tilting her head until she caught his eye. "I love how loyal you are to Callie, and all your brothers and sisters. You feel things deeply, and that's a really good quality. I'm really glad to be in a family with you, and I know Callie is too," Lena told him.
Brandon blushed. Lena smiled, and reached out and ruffled his hair.
"Will you be all right in here for the rest of the night?" Lena asked. "Callie's in our room with us, but you can come in quietly if you need me for anything, me or your mom," she said. "I told Marianna the same thing."
"I'm okay. I don't know if I can sleep yet, I still feel really wound up. I might watch a movie on my laptop or something," he said. "But I'll be quiet." He picked up his headphones and held them up for her to see.
"Okay. Goodnight, B. I love you," she said, and stood up to hug him.
He hugged her back, tightly, and then Lena slipped out the door.
In the hallway, she paused, leaning against the wall. She was exhausted, and emotionally drained, and desperately wanted to take a shower, to stand under the hot water and cry and give herself 10 minutes to let her own brave face fall. The she would put on her own soft pajamas and slide into bed with Stef and Callie, and get shored up again, as Brandon called it. She needed it. Broken down is definitely how she felt. It felt selfish even to think that way, considering how Callie must be feeling, but they were all going to have to heal from the night's events, and nurturing herself as well as her kids was something she would allow herself.
First, though, she had one more stop.
She knocked lightly on Jesus's door.
"Come in," she heard, and opened it up to find Jesus inside, already in his pajamas, doing sit ups on the floor.
She crossed the room and sat on his bed, squeezing his shoulder as she passed him.
"Just checking in to say goodnight," Lena said, smiling at him. "How are you doing, bud?"
"I'm okay. I'm sorry you and Callie had to go through that tonight. I didn't know until after – I'm sorry mom and I weren't here for you," he said. He paused the sit-ups and leaned back on his elbows, looking up at her.
"It's okay, buddy, I'm actually glad you weren't here. It wasn't any fun," she said quietly.
"Mom talked to me about what happened though, and why and stuff," Jesus said. "Callie's going to be okay, right?"
"She'll be okay," Lena said. "She's going to need some time, but she will be."
Jesus nodded.
"Will you tell her I love her, and I said good night?" he asked.
"I will, bud," Lena said.
She stood up, and reached a hand down to him. "Come up here and give your old mom a hug, sweet boy," she said.
Jesus jumped up and wrapped her in a big bear hug, and she squeezed him right back. The ferocity of his hug felt good.
"I love you, mom," he said, and dropped back down to the floor when they separated. He scooted his feet forward, tucking them under his bed to brace himself.
"I love you back, son," Lena said, pausing in the doorway. "Don't push too hard, okay?" she said, nodding her chin at him to indicate the exercise.
"I won't," he said. "I just want to work on my core, coach thinks if I work hard I can move up a class category in the next match."
Lena nodded, smiling. She hated to admit it, but wrestling had been good for him.
"Plus it just… helps me," Jesus said, and shrugged.
"I know, sweets," Lena said, and wished him goodnight again before closing his door.
Lena poked her head into her bedroom to find Stef and Callie still in bed. Stef had changed into her pajamas and was snuggling Callie into her side, stroking her hair and telling her a story about her time in the police academy. Lena smiled, she had heard that particular story – of a timed physical exam and a mishap with a rope challenge – before, all their kids had, it was a family legend. Callie was looking at Stef with skeptical eyes, but the corners of her mouth turned up and Lena was happy to see the easy moment between them.
"The rope story, huh," Lena said, smiling as she came in and sat on the edge of the bed. "It's a family favorite. You must have really charmed her to get her talking about her police academy days."
"Is that all true?" Callie asked, throwing side-eye at Stef. "The part about the rope breaking and her falling on top of her instructor and breaking his leg? Really?"
"That was before my time, kiddo," Lena laughed. "I have only your mom's word to go on, and she's been known to exaggerate a time or two."
Stef held up her hands pretending to be offended. "Just what part of that story is so hard to believe, you doubting Thomases?" she said. "That your old mom could climb up a 20 foot rope with her bare hands or that someone could survive this bulked out ripped specimen of a mom falling 20 feet and squashing them like a bug?"
"Both," Callie whispered, and gave a halting smile.
"Pictures or it didn't happen, Officer Foster," Lena laughed.
"I'll remember that the next time you come shrieking for me to kill a spider or shoo a bat out of the garage," Stef joked, poking Lena with her toe.
"The garage has bats?" Callie asked, rolling her eyes up to look at Stef.
"I'm glad you asked that, daughter," Stef said in a theatric, playful voice, and started up another story about the time Lena had been searching for old school papers and then hid in her car honking for Stef to come after she saw one.
"Okay, okay," Lena laughed, holding up a hand. "Listen, before you go deep into more family lore, I wanted to check in with you two mischief makers." She looked at Callie and placed a hand on her calf, rubbing it. "Baby, are you okay if I take 10 minutes and rinse off the shower?"
Callie nodded, chewing her bottom lip.
"Are you sure," Lena asked, leaning forward and meeting her eyes.
"We'll be fine," Stef said, giving Callie's shoulders a squeeze. "I've got all sorts of sordid Adams-Foster tales to regale her with," she laughed, and waggled her eyebrows, earning another just-barely smile.
"Okay, wife and daughter," Lena said, and stood up. "Hold some of those snuggles over for me, and I'll be back in 10 minutes." She leaned down and planted a kiss on Callie's forehead, and another on her cheek.
"She'll be fine," Stef mouthed over Callie's head, and make an air kiss with her mouth. Lena nodded and slipped into the bathroom, glad to have a few minutes to let herself decompress.
True to her word, she didn't linger, instead she put her hair up to keep it dry and let the water run over her face, on the back of her neck, down her back. She turned it up as hot as it would go, the bathroom filling with steam, but the pounding water felt good on her tired body, and the sound of the water masked her crying. By the time she was done she felt lighter, relieved, and had the catharsis she needed.
When she came back into the bedroom, Stef was propped up against the headboard and Callie had slipped down onto the pillow, where she curled into Stef's hip, sleeping.
"So she can't stay awake for your stories, either," Lena teased in a whisper, and bent down to kiss Stef. Stef reached up and ran her hand lightly behind Lena's neck, encouraging her to come in closer, where she deepened the kiss.
"I know you had a hard night, love," Stef said softly, keeping her voice low to avoid waking up Callie. "Thank you for taking care of Callie, and of all of our kids, and keeping the house calm. You did an amazing job," she said. "I don't know if I could have."
Lena peeled back the comforter and slipped between the sheets, cuddling up behind Callie and nudging her slightly toward the middle of the bed, between them.
Callie stirred.
"It's just me, baby," Lena said and kissed the top of her head. Callie turned over and snuggled into Lena.
"You smell good," she said groggily, not opening her eyes.
"Sleep, baby, we've got you. Both your moms are here," Lena said, stroking the back of her head.
Moments later, Callie's breathing evened back out as she drifted back to sleep.
"I understand why you left," Lena said, talking over Callie's head in the same low voice, so as not to disturb her. "I truly do, but I have to tell you when I was on the other side of that door and Bill was… I won't deny that I wished you were here, to break that door down. He was so cold, Stef, so clinical. I wanted to smash him into smithereens."
"Tell me the truth," Stef whispered. "How was she? Really?"
"You mean during?" Lena asked.
Stef nodded. "I know that's a terrible question, but I need to shut down my imagination."
"She was… Callie," Lena said. "Always a tough guy. She had a lot of bravado up until the moment it was happening, and then she got scared. She didn't want me in the room with her. I told her I'd do whatever she needed."
Stef ran her fingers through Callie's hair as Lena talked, looking down at her.
"During – Stef, it was terrible. She was crying out and wailing and begging. It was the worst thing I've ever had to face. And that includes all those bullies when I came out in high school," Lena said.
Stef reached over Callie's shoulder and took Lena's hand in her own, rubbing her thumb over the soft skin at the base of Lena's thumb.
"Bill wants her down at Labcorp in the morning to do a drug test. After that I want to take her to the doctor," Lena said, twining her fingers up in Stef's. "I want to make sure she's okay, and I want to officially document… how she is. Her body, if she has any injuries. I know there must be bruising. I want a record of it, all of it."
"She's not going to like that," Stef said.
"I know," Lena said, "but that's why we'll let the doctor do it. He can make an official record, and I think it will be less embarrassing for her than if we check her, or try and take pictures."
Stef was silent, thinking about that for a few moments.
"I think… I think when we signed those papers when she was discharged from Girls United… I didn't really think it was real," she said quietly, meeting Lena's eyes. "I didn't like what we were agreeing to, but I never really thought it would happen."
"Me either," Lena said. "I can't believe that families just… accept this."
"A lot of families probably don't have the resources we have, love," Stef said, and continued to stroke the soft skin of Lena's hands. "Or they have a pretty healthy fear of the system, some of them probably came through it themselves and are afraid to challenge it. Kind of like we were tonight."
"It's not okay, Stef," Lena said passionately, sitting up and looking seriously at her wife.
Stef nodded. "Shhhhhhh…," she said, looking down at Callie.
"I know," Stef said. "I was thinking maybe we can get the doctor to give her some kind of exemption, like a doctor's note just to go in her file, in case a situation ever came up again where they were going to do it. Like, it would preclude her. Maybe there's a medical reason. Or a psychological one. Her therapist maybe, do you think?"
"Oh, there's definitely psychological reasons," Lena said. "You should have seen it. That terror on her face – that didn't have anything to do with teaching or deferring anything. But don't you think other people would have tried that by now? I'll do some research tomorrow," she said.
Stef nodded.
"Plus I have some other ideas," Lena added, "but I have to do some research on those, too."
"Just be careful, love," Stef said. "I agree that we need to find a way to protect her, to keep it from ever happening again, but we don't want to rock the boat too much, and give them any reason to try and take her away from us, yes?"
Lena settled down on her pillow, thinking.
Stef followed suit.
"Just let me look into some things," Lena said softly.
Stef was quiet. She leaned in close to Callie, touching their foreheads together.
At the foot of the bed she moved her feet, searching for Lena's, both of them twining up their legs with Callie's in the process.
Lena wrapped her arm around Callie's waist and found Stef's hand.
She closed her eyes, soaking up the warmth of her family, her wife and her child.
She had a plan. It was dangerous, it still needed some details ironed out, but she had a plan.
Callie stirred and blinked at a bright beam of morning sun hitting her face. She shaded her eyes with a wad of comforter and scrunched up in a ball.
After a moment, she stretched, and immediately winced and let out a groan at the sore, stiff pain in her backside and legs.
"Good morning, love," Stef said, where she was propped up next to Callie in bed, still in pajamas and a messy ponytail. She took off her glasses and put down the book she was reading, then leaned over and kissed Callie's forehead.
"For two seconds I forgot why I was sleeping in your bed," Callie said, turning her face into her pillow. And then, looking up worriedly, "aren't you supposed to be at work? What time is it? I didn't make you late, did I?"
Stef scooted in close to her and rubbed her back.
"Shhhhh, easy love," she said. "I took the day off. Mama's downstairs getting breakfast, and we didn't want you to wake up alone today."
"I'm sorry," Callie said in a small voice, wrapping her arms around her pillow but turning her head sideways to look at Stef. "You didn't have to miss work for me. I'm okay-" she moved to turn on her side and winced again. "I'll be okay. Honest, it's been worse."
"It's been worse is no kind of comforting thought to me, sweet girl," Stef said, leaning in again to kiss the top of Callie's head. "And in this house, 'I'll be okay' isn't a substitute for taking care of yourself."
Callie leaned her head down on her pillow, looking at Stef. She wasn't sure what to say to that. She would be okay. She knew from experience. And it had been worse. And she pretty much always had to just get up and do what she had to anyway – take care of Jude, find them food, go to school.
What happened the night before sucked, but it felt weird to have everyone around her acknowledging it and treating her like she was breakable. She hadn't been breakable for a long time.
"I see those wheels in your head turning," Stef said. "What's happening in that brain of yours?"
Callie looked into Stef's eyes and held them for several moments.
"I was just thinking how different it is living here," she said at last, ducking her head shyly.
"In what way, love?" Stef asked, rubbing wider circles over Callie's shoulder blades and squeezing her neck gently.
Callie leaned into the touch.
"Just how you guys act like it's important how I'm doing, or if I'm okay," Callie said.
"Come here," Stef said, and patted her lap. Callie scooted over and placed her head and arms on Stef's thighs, cuddling in.
"We're not acting like it's important, it is important to us," Stef said quietly. "You're our girl now, Callie, a piece of paper doesn't make that any more or less true, while we're waiting for it. We care how you are, and we care if someone hurts you. It broke your Mama's heart last night, and mine, what Bill did to you."
"It was pretty awful," Callie whispered. "I mean I'm okay, but, it was still bad," she said, squeezing Stef a little tighter.
"Mama told me you felt pretty scared when the time came," Stef said gently.
Callie didn't answer.
"You know that's really normal, right sweet girl? And healthy? I'd be pretty worried about you if you were so used to being hit that you stopped being scared, or stopped caring about protecting yourself."
Stef ran her hands through Callie's hair. Callie remained quiet.
"Your mama and I, we know you're going to be okay," she continued.
Callie leaned back and looked up at her, relief etching her face.
"We do," Stef said, smiling at her. "But that doesn't mean we don't have feelings about what happened, or grieve that we weren't able to protect you from it. AND worry about how it made you feel, and the grief you might be feeling, too."
"Is it okay if we put a pin in that grief and go back to it later," Callie asked, staring across the room out the window. "I just – can't – right now, not when I'm still…" she said, and waved a hand toward her sore places.
Stef nodded. "Okay for now, love," she said. "Are you ready to go downstairs for breakfast?"
Callie nodded, pushing herself up off Stef's lap.
"Okay, sweet girl," Stef said. "Let's eat, then your mama and I are going to take you for your drug test, and then to the doctor."
Callie shot Stef a worried look and opened her mouth, but Stef put up a hand to quiet her.
"I know, you don't want to go. But both your mama and I will feel a lot better knowing that you're okay, inside and out. It's important to us, okay?"
Callie slouched back against the headboard but nodded, and then gingerly swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
"We'll talk about it more after breakfast. Now let's get downstairs. I know your mama is anxious to see you this morning and give you a hundred kisses," Stef said.
She punctuated her sentence with several tiny kisses of her own, all over Callie's forehead and cheeks, bringing a tiny smile to Callie's face.
"See you downstairs," Stef said. "You can use our bathroom if you need, but don't take too long," she said, and slipped into the hallway.
Callie heard her foot falls echo down the stairs to the kitchen moments later.
In the kitchen, Stef walked up behind Lena and wrapped her arms around her waist. She kissed the back of her neck, exposed with Lena's hair swept up in a tousled, high bun atop her head.
"Mmmmmm," Lena said, wrapping her arms around Stef's. "I could get used to these leisurely mornings with you," she said. "Summer should last all year, and you should trade off all the time."
She leaned back and gave Stef a light kiss on her lips.
"I know," Stef said.
"Under better circumstances," they said together, Lena reading Stef's pensive tone.
"How is she today?" Lena asked, turning back toward the stove and flipping a pancake in the skillet and then leaning back against Stef's body.
"Like you said, she's Callie. Always tries to be tough stuff," Stef said quietly.
"But she's… okay? I mean moving around okay?" Lena clarified.
"She seems sore, but okay. She'll be down in a minute," Stef said.
"It's like you said last night. My imagination just runs away with me. I was here when it happened, and I saw her in bed this morning as I was getting up, but still, I close my eyes and I just fear the worst. Even though I just laid eyes on her a half an hour ago," Lena said, turning around to look at Stef.
"I told Callie and I'll tell you too, babe," Stef said, reaching out and squeezing Lena's hands. "It's just going to take us all a while to heal from this. It was a serious thing, and we have serious feelings about it."
"Did you tell her about the doctor's appointment?" Lena asked, turning back to the pancakes. She slid one from the skillet onto her spatula and then over to the plate, where a stack was already waiting, then picked up the mixing bowl and spooned another round of batter onto the hot surface.
"I did. She wasn't thrilled, but she's pretty anxious to make things up to us, so she'll do whatever we ask," Stef said.
"Make it up to us?" Lena said, turning around and waving the spatula in surprise. "We're the ones who should be making it up to her. We're supposed to keep her safe in our house. We're the ones who failed."
"She blames herself for causing the whole thing," Stef said. "She just wants to show she's doing the right thing right now, even though I know going to the doctor is raising some pretty anxious feelings. I told her we'd talk more about it after breakfast. I assume the kids are all going in their various directions?"
"Brandon's spending the afternoon in the music wing of the downtown preservation library, I know he's working on a new song with the band and he said something about early blues influences," Lena said, ticking him off on her finger.
"That boy," Stef said, shaking her head.
"I know" Lena said. She flipped the pancake in the skillet. "Jesus is going to the beach, I think there's a volleyball pickup happening, and Marianna is going to the movies with Matt. And we'll pick up Jude on our way home."
"What are we going to tell Jude?" Marianna asked, coming into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and placed three bottles of nail polish on the table in front of her plate.
"Not at the table while we're eating, love," Stef said, walking behind her and kissing the top of her head as she passed by.
"I know," Marianna said. "I'm just choosing a color to redo my nails before I leave this afternoon. Any suggestions," she said, smiling at Stef over her shoulder.
"What are the choices?" Lena asked, sliding two pancakes onto Mariana's plate.
Marianna stood up, got the syrup out of the fridge and sat back down. She reached for a peach out of the fruit basket at the end of the table, and began slicing it on her napkin.
"Grurple, Concrete Dove, and Royal Rebel," Marianna recited, pausing to turn the bottle labels toward her to read them off.
"Otherwise known as…?" Stef asked, crossing her arms over her chest and staring down at Marianna with an amused expression.
"Purple-gray, light gray, and blue-gray," Marianna said. "But not like a sky-blue gray, more like a navy gray, except more slate. And sophisticated."
"Well it sounds like there's your choice," Lena said, holding up a pitcher of orange juice and a pitcher of water in front of the fridge.
"Water please," Marianna said, and Lena filled her glass.
"And, seriously, moms, what are we going to tell Jude?" Marianna asked again, frowning.
"I was just wondering the same thing," Jesus said, thumping down the back stairs and into the kitchen.
He wore a pair of bright blue board shorts and no shirt.
"Ah ah ah," Lena said, and pointed to the stairs. "No shirt no service, you know that buddy," she reminded. "We take meals like civilized people in this house."
"Okay, but don't talk about anything important without me," he said, and ran back up the stairs.
"We are going to have to figure that out, love," Stef said to Lena in a low voice where they were standing next to the coffee maker. "What to tell Jude."
"I think Callie needs to be the person who has input on what and how we tell him," Lena answered, pouring herself a cup of hot water and dropping a bag of earl gray inside.
"We can't keep it from him, though, which is what Callie will want," Stef pressed. "Not when all of our other kids know, and we're going to be dealing with the fallout for a while."
"Hey, I said no talking about important stuff until I got back," Jesus said, sitting back down at the table, this time with a t-shirt on.
"Your mama and I were just saying it's something we need to talk to Callie about to decide," Stef said, standing behind him and squeezing his shoulders before kissing the top of his head as she had Marianna's.
"But it's a good question, both of you," Lena said, sliding a stack of pancakes onto his plate. "And we are going to talk about it all together, probably later tonight. And I want you guys to know how proud I am of how you handled yourselves last night. That was a tough situation, and you were loving and supportive of your moms and your sister. We noticed, and we appreciate that," she told them.
Brandon moved from his spot in the kitchen doorway where he had been listening quietly, to a spot at the table.
"That goes for you too, B," Stef said.
Brandon scooted his chair in and remained quiet, looking down at the table.
"You're still upset, buddy?" Stef said wrapping her arms around his neck from behind and squeezing him lightly.
"Aren't you?" he said, and his tone was curt.
"Of course we are, Brandon," Lena said seriously, sitting down next to him. "Upset, and angry, and vulnerable… all of us are. But the best way to cope with those feelings, and to fight again the thing that caused them is with love. It's what Callie needs, and what I need this morning, frankly," Lena said.
Jesus leaned over out of his seat and hugged her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders protectively.
"It's what we all, need, much more than a morning where we stomp into the kitchen and nurse our negativity, sniping at each other," she continued.
"I'm not sniping-" Brandon started, but Lena cut him off.
"I know you're not, and I'm not saying you are," she said. "I just mean we let the people who did this to our family win if we let it change who we are, how we relate to each other."
Stef cleared her throat and looked at Lena, then flicked her eyes toward the stairs. Callie stood at the bottom, leaning on the wooden stair-post, looking into the kitchen and listening.
"Morning kiddo," Lena said to Callie, reaching for an empty plate out of the cabinet. "Up for some breakfast?"
Callie took a hesitant step forward, then moved to the doorframe, leaning on it just outside the entrance to the kitchen. She hung back, though, wrapping her arms around her waist and studying the floor.
"Come on in, love," Stef said lightly. "Mama made pancakes, and I have it on good authority that you love pancakes."
She walked to an empty stool next to Jesus and scooted it out from the table, looking from the stool to Callie and back to the stool.
Callie took a tentative step into the kitchen, and then another one, looking down at her feet and avoiding eye contact with any of her siblings.
She picked up the empty cup next to her plate and turned to the fridge, pulling out the jug of milk and pouring herself a glass.
She turned back around and put it next to her plate, which Lena had set out with pancakes.
Before she could sit down, Jesus threw his arms around her, folding her into a careful but tight hug, her feet lifting up off the floor with the totality of his embrace.
Callie stiffened a moment, startled, and then rested her head on his shoulder, comforted by the contact.
After a moment he leaned back from her, still holding her arms lightly and looking intently into her eyes.
"Callie, I am so sorry about what happened to you last night," Jesus said. "I didn't know, and if I had been here – I just wish there was any way I could have kept it from happening," he told her earnestly.
Callie gulped, offering a shaky smile.
"I know," she said, nodding her head and wrinkling her brow. "Of course." Her eyes watered and she cleared her throat, trying to tamp down on the emotions bubbling up in her.
She looked from Jesus to Marianna to Brandon. "And I want to apologize to you guys – all you guys," she said, glancing from Lena and Stef back to her siblings, "for missing curfew last night and bringing that drama into your house. It was irresponsible, and that's not how your house runs, and I'm sorry."
She slid onto her stool, wincing as she shifted her weight up off the floor, a move that was not lost on anyone in the room.
"Our house," Brandon said right away, giving her a penetrating look. "Not how our house runs," he said again. "It's your house too, you're our sister. And you don't have to apologize," he told her. "You didn't ask for that, and nobody is mad at you. We love you. You don't have to be embarrassed in front of us."
"Yeah, heaven knows we've missed curfew before, all three of us," Marianna said, reaching under the table with her foot to nudge Jesus. "Jesus especially."
"Hey now," Jesus said, nudging her back.
"But we don't deserve to get beat for it, and you didn't either. The court sucks," Marianna said. "It wasn't your fault."
Callie poked at her pancake with her fork, nodding in agreement even as she struggled to make eye contact with Marianna. "No I know," she said in a strained voice. "Still – I'm just, you know, sorry."
"Did I ever tell you about the time I got beat down at school in front of my WHOLE grade?" Jesus said.
Callie looked up at him in surprise.
"I mean it. In front of all my classmates," he said, and Callie shook her head, curious.
Jesus was… substantial. She had felt it in his arms, when he hugged her. He was built solid. He had a warm heart, but he was still scrappy. She couldn't imagine anyone beating him up.
"It was the first week of sixth grade," he said. "Marianna and I had just moved from the elementary to the middle school building."
"Let me interject and say that this was before Anchor Beach, when you kids still went to public school," Lena said, frowning. "And that this story is a big reason why you no longer go to public school."
"We get it mom, you run your school much better," Marianna said, reaching over and bumping shoulders with Lena.
"All the local elementary schools fed into the middle school, so there were a million kids all of a sudden, and a whole bunch of homerooms. Marianna and I got split up for the first time," Jesus continued.
"Also, for the record, I was two years older and in a completely different wing," Brandon interjected. "I had no idea this was going on."
"Because if you did you would have done what? Scowled that other kid to death?" Marianna teased him. "You're not really action guy, Brandon."
"Listen, I'm telling it," Jesus said.
"We love you just the way you are, B, my little sensitive guy," Stef said, walking around to Brandon and kissing his cheek, then tousling his hair.
Brandon squirmed beneath her.
"ANYWAY," Jesus said, causing the corners of Callie's mouth to turn up. "There was this girl in Marianna's homeroom who was a real b-"
"Jesus," Lena said in a warning tone, causing him to stutter.
"Sorry, a mean person," Jesus said, looking at Callie. She was older, she'd been held back a few times, and she was really big and really bitter and just really a jerk."
"That's an understatement," Marianna nodded from across the table.
"Eat your pancakes while you listen, baby," Lena whispered to Callie, giving her shoulders a squeeze. "Give your body the fuel it needs to heal itself."
Callie nodded and speared a bite of her pancakes, slowly putting it in her mouth as she watched Jesus.
"So apparently she started picking on Marianna. She was small for her age, and in the sixth grade she still looked pretty much like a fourth grader," Jesus said. "What? You DID," he added when Marianna glared at him.
"Long story short," he continued, ignoring Marianna sticking her tongue out at him. "I found out after about two weeks that this girl was stealing Marianna's lunch money every day."
Stef moved over behind Marianna and gave her a squeeze. Marianna leaned back into her mom, resting her head on Stef's shoulder.
"We didn't have the same lunch period anymore, and it was a minute before she told me. As soon as she did I went and confronted this girl, and told her to lay off my sister," Jesus said.
"So chivalrous," Marianna said, smiling at him.
"Also so young," Lena interjected. "We've since learned to tell a teacher or counselor when we're being bullied or having a conflict you need help solving," she reminded, her voice taking a very "formal educator" tone.
"It turned out, the girl had an older brother in the 10th grade. She told him, and he showed up at school the next day and got in my face. He told me and everybody that that Friday he was going to come back and kick my-" Jesus continued.
Stef shot him a warning look about language.
"…beat me up," he corrected.
"He was a tenth grader?" Callie asked, looking at Jesus in surprise. "That's like 15 years old. And you were, what, 11 or 12?"
Jesus nodded. "That was on a Tuesday, so I had alllll week to think about it. Plus it had all week to spread through the whole school."
"And the administration had a whole week to find out and intervene," Lena interjected again. "And was just clueless about what was going on in that school. I still say we should have sued them," she grumbled.
"Did you end up fighting him?" Callie asked, totally engrossed in the story.
Jesus nodded. "I had to. I pretty much knew I was going to get creamed, he was older than me and bigger and stronger, but I had to show up," he said.
"No, you could have told your moms what was happening and we could have gone to the school to sort it out, and protect you," Lena said.
"And then it would have been open season on me and Marianna both for the rest of the time we were in school," Jesus said, spreading his hands open and shrugging. "Mom, I know you want to protect us from everything all the time, but you just don't get kid politics. The point wasn't whether I won the fight or not, the point was if I showed up."
"Were you like, so anxious, all week long?" Callie asked.
Stef looked over Marianna's head at Lena, who met her eyes, then they both looked back to Callie and Jesus.
"I thought I was going to die," Jesus said. "I wanted to throw up every minute of every day. I told moms I had a baseball tryout and I was just nervous so they would leave me alone about it, but I was freaking out."
"And so was I," Marianna said. "I felt SO guilty."
"It wasn't your fault, though," Callie said, looking from Marianna to Jesus.
Stef and Lena exchanged another pointed glance across the table.
"Of course it wasn't her fault, it was that jerk kid's fault, but that didn't make him any less determined," Jesus said.
"So he ended up just beating you up on school grounds, in front of everyone?" Callie asked, incredulously. "No teachers got involved to stop it or anything?"
"Not at the school, for exactly that reason," Jesus said. "Friday came around, and he told me to meet him on a corner in a neighborhood a few blocks away. He knew he couldn't have done much without teachers intervening on school grounds. And he and his stupid sister had spread it all around, so tons and tons of kids went to watch. Seriously, there were more kids there than there ever are at my wrestling meets these days."
"It was pretty awful," Marianna said. "I was crying and begging him not to go. I didn't even care about my lunch money any more. It was super dramatic, even for me, like something out of West Side Story."
"So I showed up, and basically he pounded me into the pavement," Jesus said.
Callie raised her eyebrows.
"Seriously," Jesus said. "I ended up with two black eyes, bruised ribs and a broken finger. I got my ASS handed to me."
"Jesus!" Stef said.
"Sorry moms," Jesus said. "But look, Callie," he said, and leaned in close to her, using his fingers to stretch the skin at his right eyebrow. "See that scar? That's where he split my face right open."
"I bet you guys went nuclear," Callie said, looking from Lena to Stef and back at Lena.
"Nuclear doesn't even begin to cover it," Brandon said.
"We were furious that the school had been buzzing about it for a week and it was completely under the radar," Lena said. "And furious that the bullying with Marianna and the girl in her homeroom had been going unchecked, making Jesus feel like he had to take matters into his own hands in the first place."
"We were understandably furious with the boy that beat up Jesus – you've got to be a special kind of mean to beat up a child, especially one so much smaller than you and defenseless," Stef said.
"Moms lodged a formal complaint with the school and took it to the county school board," Brandon said. "They had to initiate a bullying awareness initiative and train all the new teachers."
"And my homeroom teacher got suspended for letting me get bullied," Marianna said.
"I still say we should have sued the school," Lena said. "Jesus could have been killed."
"And I'll say the same thing now that I did then," Stef said. "You were a teacher in the district, and we couldn't afford for you to lose your job."
"And it would've been them on the block if I had faced any kind of repercussions or retaliation," Lena answered smoothly.
"It wouldn't have come to that anyway," Brandon said, looking at Callie. "They knew they could have been sued, they were pretty desperate to sweep the whole thing under the rug, and willing to do whatever to placate the wrath of moms."
"Wow," Callie said. She looked back to Jesus. "What was it like for you? You know, after? Did you have to go back to that school?"
Jesus nodded. "For a while. There wasn't really anywhere else to put me at the time, and moms couldn't afford private school tuition. It wasn't until a year later that the first charter schools started opening, and mom transferred us right away.
"I mean, what was it like… with the kids?" Callie asked tentatively.
"It was not a picnic," Jesus said. "Kids mostly left me alone, because if I was the kid crazy enough to take on a 10th grader no one was really going to mess with me, but I was still super embarrassed. It happened so early in the year that I didn't really have time to make any other reputation, so for a long time I was 'that kid who got beat down on Carver Street.'"
Callie chewed her lip. "I'm really sorry that happened to you," she said, and met Jesus' eyes.
"I know," he said. "Just like we're sorry that business last night happened to you. And you're not going to get any shade from any of us for it," he said.
"We get it, and we've got your back," Marianna said, reaching across the table and squeezing Callie's hand.
Callie smiled at her.
Stef put her arm around Lena and leaned into her. "We really do have the very best children, don't we, wife?" she said in a theatric, funny voice.
Lena nodded. "We do," she said warmly, looking around at them with unabashed affection. "Except for the part where they need a refresher course on how to deal with bullying, and how if they get help early on and allow a trusted adult to intervene and mediate the situation, it doesn't escalate into broken bones and bravado," Lena said pointedly, looking at Jesus.
"We get it mom," Marianna grinned, rolling her eyes at Callie, who giggled. "You can spare us the bullying PSA, we were 11 then, we didn't get it, we get it now."
"Then spare ME the 'kid politics' PSA," Lena said, reaching over and ruffling Jesus' hair.
"Okay," Stef said, glancing up at the clock. "Everybody has a plan for the day, let's get to it," she said, clapping. "Plates and cups in the dishwasher, scrape first please," she said, aiming the last comment at Jesus. "Trash in the trash. All my babies home for dinner by 7pm tonight, please."
Callie was still and remained sitting at the table through all the attending commotion of table clearing and things-gathering.
"See you later, Cal," Jesus said, and kissed her temple before heading upstairs.
"I'll do your nails tonight if you want," Marianna said, winking and holding up her three bottles of nail polish. "Girls night slumber party in our room?"
Callie gave her a weak smile.
"Call me today if you just want to talk or anything," Brandon said. "I'm your brother. I'm here for you anytime, anywhere," he said.
Callie nodded and watched him retreat from the kitchen and up the stairs, and then she was alone in the kitchen with Stef and Lena.
"I'll clear my plate," she said quietly, trailing off. "I just thought you would want…"
"Smart girl," Stef said, kissing her temple in the same spot Jesus had.
Lena took the stool next to Callie, and Stef leaned against the side of the table next to her.
"We do want to check in with you about how this day is going to go, and also about Jude," Lena said.
Callie swallowed and nodded.
"So Bill wants a drug test this morning," Lena said. "That's pretty straightforward, I know you've taken them before at Girls United and different placements. It's at Labcorp, so we don't have to go into DCFS or see Bill in person, thankfully."
"Pee in a cup, yep," Callie said, trying to sound stoic and failing miserably.
"I-" Lena started, and looked at Stef. "I heard you talking to Bill last night, honey, and I read his report, he left a copy for us."
Callie blushed furiously, averting her eyes.
"It's okay, honey," Lena said, putting a hand on Callie's knee. "You're not in trouble with us," she said. "I think you were more than punished last night," she added in a frustrated voice.
"It's just that your mama and I, we have to ask," Stef said, glancing down as Lena composed herself.
"Is there anything we should know about what the results of this drug test will say?" Lena blurted. "I know you told Bill that the results will be negative, and we trust you, honey, implicitly," she said quickly.
Stef nodded.
"It's just that we wouldn't blame you if, in that moment, with Bill, with his big paddle sitting right there on the desk, if you didn't want to give him any reason to punish you any worse," Lena said gently.
She squeezed Callie's knee.
"We know that kids experiment all the time, your mama is a vice principal and I'm a cop," Stef added. "And that you were around people last night who were drinking. We don't want to know to get you in trouble, it's the opposite, actually," she said, trying to reassure Callie, who had gone pale.
"It's just, if we know ahead of time if the results will show any positives, we can prepare for it, and start thinking about how to manage the situation and not be ambushed, like we were last night," Lena said.
Callie's eyes watered.
"It's not that we think you would lie, baby," Stef added, seeing Callie's face cloud. "In that situation, it would have been about self-protection, and probably a good thing." She reached out and stroked Callie's cheek.
"But we want you to know that you can be honest with us, honey, you can tell us anything, anything at all and we won't be mad at you or punish you," Lena told her. "We're in your corner, and a heads up if there's anything to know will help us a lot with the damage control. Okay?" she asked, tilting her head to try and make eye contact with Callie.
"I was telling the truth," Callie said in a tiny voice. "I didn't drink or take anything, that stuff makes me uncomfortable," she added, sniffing.
"Okay baby," Lena said. "We know, but we had to check in. We are going to do our very best to keep what happened last night from ever, ever happening again, baby, and knowledge is the first weapon we have. That's all."
Callie nodded, looking down at the floor.
"So drug test at Labcorp, and then we're going to the doctor," Stef said. "I know you felt some anxious feelings about that when I brought it up earlier, but do you understand honey why we want you to see him today?"
"You want to make sure I'm okay?" Callie said, in a resigned voice.
"Yes, that's a big part of why," Lena said. "Sometimes when we get hurt, even if it doesn't seem on the outside like anything is wrong, there can be internal bruising or bleeding, or trauma that we don't see with our eyes. We do want to make sure you're really okay, honey. And…"
Callie raised her eyebrows, tensing.
"And, honey, we want the doctor to document what Bill did to you," Lena finished.
Callie frowned.
"Document…how?" she said, looking nervously back and forth between Lena and Stef.
"Well, going to see him means he'll make an official record of your visit, of why you came and your condition to go in your file. So he'll write down everything we say, and everything he finds when she examines you," Stef said.
"And, he'll examine your body, probably take some x-rays and photos if you have bruising or damage, and those things will go in your file too," Lena said gently.
Callie groaned.
"Baby," Lena said, scooting up close to her. "We know you're not very happy with the idea, but making an official record of your injuries – and don't say you're not injured because we've all seen you flinching when you sit and stand all morning," she added when Callie started to protest. "Having that record will make it easier for us to make a case against the courts if anything like this comes up again. Hopefully it won't, but if it does we'll be able to argue, with proof, that what Bill did was excessive and injurious to you."
"We just want to protect you, love, and make sure this never happens again, but that means we need to plan for the possibility that we'll have to advocate for you in court, which we are prepared to do as long as it takes," Stef added.
Callie leaned forward and laid her head on her arm on the table.
"Am I seeing Dr. Cassavaras?" she said in a muffled voice, not picking her head up.
"Yes, baby," Lena said, rubbing her back. "And he'll have nurse Rodrigo there with him, and I know you like her very much," she said. "Everyone is on your side here, Callie."
"I know," Callie said from under her curtain of hair. "And I appreciate it, I do, it's just... hard."
Lena continued to rub her back.
"Well, and it's about to get harder, sweetheart," she said.
Callie looked up from the table. The expression on her face made her look 100 years old.
"We need to talk about Jude," Stef said gently.
"I don't want him to know," Callie blurted, before Stef even had a chance to finish her sentence.
"Honey," Lena said.
"I mean it," Callie said. "Everything about this is horrible. I used to get beat all the time in foster homes, and it sucked and I was all alone and I hated it but this is almost worse, almost because I care about all of you and what you all think and everyone is just seeing me," said, her voice shaking with emotion. "Before I could just disappear, and it's so much harder like this, and I love you and I want to do what you want and I definitely don't want what happened last night to ever happen again but… I just…" Callie said, waving her hands helplessly.
"All these years, all this shit," Callie said, and then corrected herself before Lena or Stef could say anthing. "All this stuff I mean, sorry, but all of it… all the beatings, all the being starved, all the bouncing around, all the mean comments, my rape…" she choked over the word. "Everything I did I did so Jude could grow up in a world where he didn't have to worry about it. Of the two of us, he didn't have to be the one who went to bed scared, or went to school having to hide bruises, or stole food because he wasn't sure if he would eat again that week."
Callie broke down in tears, and wiped angrily at her cheek with her palm.
"And now we're finally somewhere safe, like really really safe," Callie continued, wiping her nose with the back of her pajamas sleeve. "And I just don't want him to lose that. I can't, we can't tell him."
"Oh, love," Stef said, and gathered Callie into her arms, kissing her forehead. "We're so sorry you had to go through those terrible things. No one should have to deal with even one of those things, let alone all of them, and when you were just a little girl. You've done wonderful things for Jude."
Callie held on to Stef, her body shuddering with tears.
"But, love," Stef said gently, and Callie leaned back warily to meet her eyes.
"But do you really think, all that time, all those things you went through… do you really think Jude didn't know?" she asked, keeping an arm around Callie.
"And…" Lena said quietly, "are you sure it's really Jude whose feelings of security we're talking about here?"
"He didn't know!" Callie said in an angry, tearful voice. "I was careful, I didn't show anything, I always acted normal, and I can do that now, he didn't know, he couldn't…"
"Your mom and I weren't there when you were going through those things, honey, so maybe he didn't. But let's talk about now. Let's imagine we don't tell Jude what happened. And then he comes home today, and everyone is acting weird and talking in hushed tones and he can tell something is wrong but we all just tell him it's okay. Don't you think it might be more stressful for him to be in that situation, to know something is wrong and have to worry and imagine what it might be? Is that what you want for him?"
Lena held Callie's hands, looking into her eyes.
"We don't have to act weird, we can all just act normal," Callie tried. "I did it, in way worse situations, we can just tell Marianna and Jesus and Brandon to be cool about it, they can do that," she said.
Lena and Stef shook their heads. "We don't stuff our feelings away in our family," Stef said softly. "We don't have to do that, love, because we have each other to love and support and heal together when bad things happen. That's what a family is for."
"Do we have to tell him I got spanked?" Callie asked, blowing a stray hair out of her eyes and sighing in defeat. "Can we just tell him I got in trouble for my curfew?"
Stef and Lena shared a look, and then Lena spoke.
"For now, baby, that's a compromise I think is okay. But I need to let you know that we might have to tell him at some point in the next few days. We're not going to lie to him, but if he asks about your consequences we'll let you be the one to tell him. Is that something you can manage?"
Callie nodded.
"Okay then, hon, you can head upstairs and get ready. We need to leave for Labcorp in about a half an hour," Stef said.
Callie slid carefully off her stool and scraped the remnants of her plate into the trash, and then loaded it into the dishwasher.
She sighed again and left the kitchen. Stef and Lena listened to her feet on the stairs.
Lena turned to Stef. "We're doing the right thing here, right?" she asked, thinking about how uncomfortable Callie felt not just with the spanking, but with everything that had come after.
Stef wrapped her arms around Lena. "Something like that, something so traumatic, it doesn't exist in a vacuum," she said. "We have to deal with it, love, and so does Callie."
Lena nodded, just wanting the day to be over.
The visit to Labcorp was uneventful. They registered at the front desk and waited 45 minutes to be seen. Callie was escorted to the back by a nurse's assistant to pee in a cup, and they were done.
The doctor's visit was less so.
Callie sat in the back seat, and on the way there, Lena checked on her several times in the rear view mirror. She sat by the window staring blankly at the streets passing by. Tension radiated from her body, from the stiffness of her shoulders to the grind of her jaw and the tight way she clenched her fists as they rested one on each of her knees.
They both went back with her to the exam room. Callie kept her clothes on but gingerly raised herself up onto the exam table, the paper strip crinkling beneath her as she awkwardly scooted back. Lena watched as she braced herself on her two hands, keeping most of her weight suspended and balanced in her shoulders and not on her legs or bottom.
She frowned. She thought, not for the hundredth time since last night, that she hated Bill for what he had done.
"Hi Callie," Dr. Cassavaras said as he entered the exam room and closed the door. He picked up Callie's chart and skimmed it.
"It seems like you did not have a very good night last night," he said, putting the chart aside and stepping over to the exam table. "I'm sorry to hear that."
Callie remained quiet.
"How are you feeling today," the doctor asked gently.
Callie looked at Stef and Lena, who nodded at her.
"I'm okay. Sore," she said in a hushed voice. "But nothing I can't handle."
"You're a tough cookie," the doctor said. "I bet you only came to see me because your moms insisted."
The corners of Callie's mouth twitched up for a second, but she didn't answer.
Dr. Cassavaras raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Yeah, moms are like that," he said. "Super pesky with the caring about how we are and what happens to us and all. Can you extend to your right leg for me, Callie?" he asked.
Callie complied, straightening her leg out in front of her. Everyone in the room observed the way she winced when she did so.
"How about your left one?" the Dr. asked next.
Callie nodded, and winced again at the motion.
"Great job," Dr. Cassavaras said. "Now let's do the same thing, but this time I'm going to touch your calf and your thigh while you do it. Is that okay with you?"
Callie nodded, and extended one and then the other leg, while the doctor squeezed the underside of her calf and thigh lightly, up and down.
"The good news is, I don't think there's any pulled muscles or strains," he said, looking at Stef and Lena. "Most likely, the damage is confined to her backside. We'll take some x-rays and evaluate the tissue damage, but she'll be okay. I don't think her coccyx is broken, she'd be having sharper pain and difficulty straightening if that was the case."
Lena squeezed Stef's hand, and Stef nodded in relief.
Dr. Cassavaras looked back to Callie. "Okay tough cookie," he said. "Now that we've gotten your moms to relax a little bit, if you want we can send them to the waiting room while we do the rest of the exam and the x-rays, or they can stay if you prefer. Whatever makes you most comfortable."
Callie looked over at Stef and Lena, a question clear in her face.
"It's okay, love," Stef said. "We're with the doctor. Whatever makes you comfortable."
"Would you mind… waiting in the lobby?" Callie asked.
"Of course not," Lena said. She leaned in and kissed Callie's forehead, and Stef did the same. As they left the room, Callie and Dr. Cassavaras were joined by his nurse, Ella.
It was tense in the waiting room, and Lena and Stef didn't talk. Stef tried to thumb through a few magazines but was restless, and instead paced at the window. Lena sat nearby in a chair, watching the door for Dr. Cassavaras to come out and get them.
Finally, he did.
"The good news is," he said, getting right to the point, "I was right, there's no broken bones, her coccyx is in tact and she's okay, physically."
Lena grabbed Stef's hand and squeezed it, looking at her and then back to the doctor.
"And the bad news?" Lena asked, searching his face.
He frowned, handing her a manila folder.
Lena opened it and gasped. Inside were photographs of Callie's bruising, which was, in a word, excessive.
"That isn't the worst of it," the doctor said in a terse voice. "Deep tissue damage like that – it's like a car accident, the full damage doesn't fully manifest until 48 or even 72 hours later. If you really want to document her injuries, you need to bring her back in two days for updated photos in her chart."
"Are these –" Stef said, staring in horror at the pictures in Lena's trembling hands, "is she – okay? I mean how can this not affect her ability to function?" she asked.
"She's okay, in the superficial sense of the word. It's deep tissue bruising, but it's still just bruising. She'll heal. It will take awhile for these to go away, my guess is about three weeks, but they will, and she won't have any sort of lasting physical impairment. But-" Dr. Cassavaras said haltingly.
"But saying something like this isn't damaging, doesn't do permanent harm is ridiculous," Lena finished in a low, angry voice.
She looked up at him. "You don't seem particularly shocked by the scope of her injuries. I take it you've seen others just like them, from the same source?"
"Lena," Stef said, creasing her brow.
"I'm not able to disclose details about other cases to you because of HIPPA regulations," Dr. Cassavaras said, "but I can tell you this. If someone came in here with these exact injuries, only a stranger had inflicted them, I'd be testifying in court about them."
"Would you be willing to testify about Callie's injuries in court? To that very point?" Lena asked, meeting his eyes and holding them.
"We don't even know…" Stef said in a worried whisper in Lena's ear, but Lena shook her head and focused on the doctor.
"I could, but I would have to testify to exactly what I told you – that technically, she's not injured. She doesn't have permanent damage, and outside of some temporary physical discomfort, she's okay. I'm not sure that would benefit the situation you seem to be asking me about."
"Can I take these copies or do you need them for her file?" Lena asked, not missing a beat.
"You can take those. I had a feeling you would want to, and we've already put the originals in her file," the doctor said, crossing his arms in front of him. "And Callie is ready to go now, if you want to go back and get her."
"Thank you doctor," Stef said, and placed a hand on Lena's elbow, guiding her back through the door to the exam room hallway before she could continue the conversation further.
"What's with you?" Lena said in a loud whisper, turning to face Stef once they reached the door to Callie's exam room. "I know you hate this whole situation just as much as me, I know you'd lay down in traffic to protect any one of our kids, so why are you being so cagey anytime I bring up the possibility of challenging what happened?"
"You're right I'd lay down in traffic for those kids, including Callie, and that means sometimes being discriminating and showing restraint in terms of what you say to who," Stef said in an equally loud, urgent whisper. "Love, I'm with you all the way that we need to find a way to keep this from happening, but you can't go all over town talking about wanting to sue the Department of Child and Family Services, if that's even what you have in your head. We haven't decided anything either way yet, and what we don't want to do is anything that would get Callie yanked out of our house."
"Did you even look at those pictures?" Lena whispered. "Because if you did, I don't know how you could even-"
The door to the exam room opened and Callie stood in the doorway.
"Am I done?" she said, looking first to Lena then Stef. "I'd really like to go home now, if we don't have to stay for anything else. Is that okay?"
Stef put her arm around Callie's shoulders and squeezed her close. "We're done, love," she said. "You did great. How about we pick up your brother and some ice cream on the way home?"
Stef looked over to Lena. "We can have a scoop and then maybe choose a pint to take home for Marianna, Jesus and B?"
Callie nodded, and Lena nodded along with her.
Stef and Callie stayed in the car while Lena went up and knocked on Connor's door to get Jude. Connor's mom answered and invited Lena inside for coffee.
"Oh, I'm sorry, normally I'd love to but my wife and daughter are in the car, and I don't want to leave them too long. Raincheck?" Lena asked.
Jude came bounding down the stairs, Connor on his heels. He threw his arms around Lena's waist. "Hey mom," he grinned, looking up at her.
"Hey buddy," Lena said, followed by "oof," at his tight squeeze. "That's a pretty fantastic greeting, what did I do to earn that?" she smiled.
"Just coming to get me," he said off-handedly. "Connor I'll be on xbox later tonight, we'll take on the Cave of Necromancer," he said excitedly, and Connor nodded, waving as Jude and Lena headed out to the car.
"The Cave of Necromancer?" Lena asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It's in a fantasy game, we were playing at Connor's and we got stuck there, we kept trying but kept getting squashed for like, hours," he said.
"That doesn't make me feel any better, bud," Lena said, laughing.
"It's cartoon violence, don't worry," Jude said. "I'm not being corrupted by hyper-realistic depictions of real-world violence." He offered her a sweet, if mischievous, smile.
Lena tousled his hair. "Well, as long as we've got that ironed out," she laughed.
"Hey, what's Callie and Stef doing here?" he asked, heading around to the back seat behind Stef and opening the door. "Hey Callie," he said. "Hi mom!" He reached a hand around the headrest and squeezed Stef's shoulder.
"Hi Jude," Callie said, forcing herself to sound cheerful. "Missed you."
"Hey buddy," Stef said, looking at him through the rear view mirror. "Did you have fun at Connor's?"
"Mmmmhmmmm," Jude nodded.
"Missed you too, Cal," he said, and nudged her shoulder.
"There were trolls, apparently, and cartoon-fantasy not hyper-realistic bits of video game violence," Lena said in an amused voice.
Stef opened and then closed her mouth, grinning. "Okay then," she said slowly, and turned the key in the ignition. "Ice cream, everyone?" she asked, and pulled out of the driveway.
Jude frowned and looked at Callie more carefully, then up in the front at Lena and Stef.
"What's… wrong," he said slowly.
Callie turned to look at him.
"It's weird that you're all three here picking me up, and you guys take us for ice cream a lot when you have stress going on." He turned back to Callie. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?"
"Are we becoming too predictable for our kids?" Stef said to Lena, pretending to be worried. "I would hate to think all our tricks are getting stale."
"Don't joke, I'm serious," Jude said, worry lacing his voice.
Stef sighed.
Lena turned in her seat. "Callie?" she asked softly.
"Everything is okay, Jude," Callie answered with a sigh. "I just… I had some trouble with my PO last night is all, but it's fine now. Everybody's still just relaxing from being kind of stressed last night."
"What kind of trouble?" Jude asked with no hesitation. "Are you okay? Are you getting taken away again?" They all heard the alarm rising in his tone.
"It's okay bud," Lena said. "Callie isn't going anywhere. There was a little bit of an incident last night, but we worked it out."
"What kind of incident? You don't have to protect me, and I deserve to know what happens in this family," he said. "Especially with you," he emphasized, turning to Callie.
Callie looked out the window. Stef glanced at her in the rearview and could see her struggling not to cry.
"Callie was late for curfew last night, and it made her ankle bracelet ping," Stef said. "You know she got the ankle bracelet when she came back from Girls United, buddy, remember?"
Jude nodded slowly.
"Ye-e-e-s," he said, stretching the word out. "So the ankle bracelet told on you and your PO was notified?" he said, working it out in his head.
Callie nodded. "It was stupid, I was stupid. My PO was mad, but we worked it out."
Stef pulled the car into the ice cream parlor and cut the ignition. She twisted around in her seat, reaching a hand out and resting it on Callie's knee.
The gesture was not lost on Jude.
"What does that mean, you worked it out? Did you get community service or something? Do you have to go back to court?" He asked.
Callie's leg began to bounce, a nervous, tense movement. Stef saw her curl her hands up into fists again, rubbing them on her thighs. A few tears slipped down her cheeks.
"She doesn't have to go back to court, buddy, she's okay. She had to take a drug test this morning, by order of her PO. That's why mom and I are here, we picked you up on the way home from doing that," Stef said.
Callie's leg bounced faster.
"Oh," Jude said, satisfied for the moment. "That's no big deal, Callie never does drugs or anything. We don't have anything to worry about then."
Callie reached over and put her arm around him, hugging his neck and then let him go. The corners of her mouth turned up in a slight smile.
"I think that's enough worrying about it for now," Lena said. "We'll talk more about all of this later, buddy, okay?"
Jude nodded.
They headed inside, Jude listing off his favorite ice cream flavors with Callie and debating which he would get and what she would get, and should they pick flavors together so they could share.
In the end, Callie had a scoop of rocky road, Jude had chocolate peanut butter swirl, Lena and Stef shared cherry chocolate chip and they brought home a pint of plain chocolate chip for Marianna, Jesus, Brandon and Jude.
When they got home, it was still early and none of the other kids were back yet.
"I'm going to go upstairs and lay down for a while if that's okay," Callie said, pausing at the bottom of the steps by the kitchen. She rested her arm on the stair post and waited.
"Of course, love," Stef said, and Lena nodded.
"Dinner's at 7:00 baby," Lena said. "We'll wake you up if you end up drifting off." She crossed over and gave Callie a kiss on the forehead, and Stef followed, doing the same.
Callie turned and made her way slowly up the steps.
Jude had dropped his overnight bag in the foyer and headed to the living room, where he turned on the xbox.
Lena heard Callie's door close upstairs.
"Hold it there, mister," Lena said, appearing in the doorway. "How about unloading that knapsack and putting your things away before battling any more trolls?"
"Okay," Jude said, grinning and jumping up.
"Your mom and I are going to relax for a bit, so you can play for an hour then how do you feel about helping me get dinner ready?"
"Sounds great," he said. He picked up his back and ran up the stairs.
Lena followed behind him and turned into her bedroom, where Stef already lay on her back on the bed, her arm up resting on her forehead to shield her eyes.
"This day," Lena said, tossing her purse on the floor next to them and dropping down next to Stef on the bed.
"Not the best one ever," Stef agreed.
Lena curled into her side, and Stef wrapped an arm around her.
"I can't get those pictures out of my head," Lena said softly.
"Just, try and take some down time right now love," Stef said, staring up at the ceiling. "I know you haven't had much of that since this all blew up last night. Rest will help you feel better."
"The thing about it is that I'm still a mandated reporter," Lena continued, fingering the hem of Stef's shirt absently. "If I see a kid with those kinds of injuries – those exact same marks, Stef, I have to report it. And when I do the parents get arrested and sanctioned."
She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Stef's face.
"But it's okay for some stranger to walk into our house and do it? It's ridiculous, the double standards! Nobody can kill anybody, but the state sure can, nobody can hit their kids but the state sure can, I've had enough, Stef," she said.
"Are you saying that everybody should be able to hit their kids and kill people?" Stef asked, teasing.
"No, I'm saying the no one should!" Lena said. "And, can you take me seriously here for one minute please?"
"I am taking you seriously, love, but that's the kind of talk that will get you sanctioned if you keep spouting it all around town. We could lose all our kids, or worse…" Stef trailed off.
"I'm not around town right now, I'm talking to my wife," Lena said, laying back down and snuggling into Stef's side. "And I'm done turning a blind eye. And if you're not, then you can be the person who stays here the next time it happens, and has to listen."
"Hey, I'm not the enemy here," Stef said, turning her head and kissing Lena's forehead. "And I am 100 percent in agreement with you that we need to figure out how to prevent something like this from ever happening to Callie again. Or any of our kids, heaven forbid."
"Ugh, honey, I know. I'm sorry. I just… I just feel so powerless. And I'm angry, I haven't felt this way since I was a teenager. I'm a 38 year old educated woman with two master's degrees and a vice principalship, I'm not supposed to be so disempowered." Lena blew out a frustrated breath of air, and leaned in close and squeezed Stef's waist, pressing her face into her ribcage.
"And if I feel like this, I can't imagine how Callie must be feeling, how the rug keeps getting jerked out from under her. It's a miracle she has any kind of capacity to love and bond left, given everything she keeps having to deal with," she continued.
"I want to hurt the people that did this to her, and to me and our family," she admitted. "I'm not proud of it, but I do. I want them to feel the same kind of powerlessness, and to know that they're wrong. I want to sue them into the next millennium, and watch them get egg all over their face in a very public way."
"You are angry, love," Stef said, rubbing her back. "Let's not forget that Callie brought this on herself a little bit by making poor choices last night."
"You can't blame –" Lena started, sitting up and staring at Stef with wide eyes.
"I KNOW," Stef said, talking over Lena before she could go on a tangent. "All of our kids have made mistakes at one time or another, and none of them deserve to be beaten. Mistakes are how they learn to make better choices. I know, love, I'm right there with you," she said again.
"But you have to factor in the fact that Callie knows she's on very thin ice since Girls United. And knowing that, she still chose to see those other kids home, at her own expense," Stef said.
"Have you considered the possibility that her decision might have been directly related to her history of trauma? Callie is a survivor of rape, Stef, so how could she in good conscious walk away from a situation where she perceived a threat of her peers being victimized in the same way, real or imagined?" Lena asked.
"It's not Callie's job to save the world, Lena, and she needs to learn that before she gets herself in a situation someday where she could really get hurt," Stef countered.
"We know that, Stef, but you're right, Callie hasn't learned to prioritize her own needs. She's never been in a situation where it's been safe for her to do, and her relationship to being hurt is different than yours or mine. You heard her downplaying what she went through last night, even as she limped all over this house today. Her relationship to her body is different. That physical pain is manageable to her, more so than emotional or psychological pain. But that doesn't make it any less hurtful to her, or mean she's any less deserving of protection," Lena said.
Stef was quiet for a moment.
"You told me yourself, what Bill said about it, and he's right. A court case like this can take years, and that's IF we can find the money for it. Something like that, hours and hours of billing dragged out, and it still doesn't guarantee Callie will be safe from it happening again in the meantime. Laws take a long time to change, love," she said, staring at the ceiling.
"We'll run then," Lena said, chewing on a fingernail, something Stef hadn't seen her do since they were still dating. "We'll see if we can find a lawyer who will take the case pro-bono, something like that is bound to be high profile, and in the meantime we'll create an escape plan. Put some money away, keep a go bag."
She craned her neck back and glanced at Stef, who was giving her an amused look.
"What?" Lena said. "I know sounds all cloak and dagger, but it worked for the Von Trapps."
"Everybody loves the end of The Sound of Music, honey, but nobody talks about how they fed six kids on the lam. Plus can you imagine Marianna hiking the Swiss Alps?" Stef chuckled.
"Can you be serious please?" Lena asked, stress putting a strain in her voice. "I'm terrified thinking about this happening again."
"Oh, I know, love," Stef said, gathering Lena up in both her arms and rolling her on top of her body in a bear hug. "But think about what that would mean, to pick up and run like that. Think about how it would disrupt our other kids' lives, and even if we did, how would we support them?"
"What are we going to do then?" Lena asked, crinkling her forehead and wrapping her arms around Stef's neck. "And the plan can't be 'Callie won't screw up.' Of course she will. All teenagers do, it's what being a teenager is for. And I don't want to put that kind of pressure on her."
"Actually, I do have a thought…" Stef said slowly, blowing a stray hair out of the corner of her mouth.
Lena reached up and tucked it behind her ear.
"I'm open to suggestions, here," she said.
"Well, we've always been people who do the right thing," Stef said. "I think maybe it's time to consider doing the wrong thing for the right reasons…"
It was Lena's turn to raise her eyebrows.
"Which means…?" she said slowly.
"We hack the anklet," Stef said simply.
"WHAT?" Lena said, rolling off Stef and sitting up, propping her knees in front of her. She thought about it a moment. "I mean… can you DO that?"
Stef said up next to her.
"I don't see why not," she said slowly. "People use computers to fly robots halfway around the globe and regulate heartbeats inside people's bodies. I have to assume the possibility exists."
"But you don't know how?" Lena clarified, playing with a clump of her hair behind her neck. "Not specifically?"
"Not specifically, no," Stef said. "Not yet. But I'm sure there's a way, and I'm sure it's been done, if we start poking around."
Lena leaned back on the headboard. Her mind was blown. Not just at the possibility, but that Stef would endorse it.
"What you're talking about is way, way, WAY against the law," Lena said. "You could lose your job. I could lose mine. We could be charged with… what? Obstruction? Tampering? Whatever people get charged with in that situation."
"Probably vandalizing federal property," Stef said. "Maybe fraud. We could have our foster license revoked, and lose Callie."
Lena was quiet for a minute. She chewed her bottom lip, considering.
"Are you talking about hacking the device's software, or just, like, finding a way to remove it from her ankle?" she asked.
Stef shrugged.
"I don't know yet," she said honestly. "But I think it might be worth looking into."
"You're a cop, Stef," Lena said, looking at her in disbelief.
"I'm a mom first," Stef said simply.
Lena smiled.
"I suppose…" she said slowly. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just investigate it. Doing some research, just checking up about it isn't the same as doing it," she reasoned.
"That's true," Stef conceded, also smiling.
"Are we really talking about this, like, in a real way?" Lena whispered, opening her eyes wide and giving Stef a scandalized look.
"It's like you said, love, gathering information about it doesn't mean we have to actually follow up with doing it. And it can't hurt, I think," Stef replied.
"Okay then," Lena said. She was impressed with Stef in spite of the dangers of what she was suggesting. Her wife didn't go outside the lines very often, but when she did she made sure to go big.
"Something like that," Stef said, "probably shouldn't exist in our computer search histories. Which means we probably shouldn't try and do any research about it on our home or work computers."
"So, we need to go to, like, an internet café?" Lena asked.
Stef nodded. "If we want to be careful," she said.
"Which we definitely do," Lena said.
"And probably not one in our neighborhood," Stef added. "Just to be extra careful."
"We definitely want to be extra careful," Lena echoed. A smile crept its way across her face. Lena brought her hand up to cover it, looking at Stef with shining eyes.
"Now who's not taking things seriously?" Stef scolded, looking at Lena's cat-ate-the-canary expression.
"I'm taking this situation very seriously," Lena said, and scooted in close to Stef, swinging a leg over her hip to sit in her lap. "But I have to tell you I don't know if I've ever been more in love with you than I am right now in this moment."
She wrapped her legs around Stef's waist.
"And…" she purred.
"And?" Stef said, looking amused.
"And…" Lena said slowly, drawing the word out. "It would be a real shame if I couldn't appreciate the hotness of my wife at the same time," she said.
She leaned down and kissed Stef lightly on the lips. It felt good. She hadn't realized how desperately she needed the closeness between them.
"Oh you think I'm sexy when I'm talking about breaking the law, do you?" Stef said, voice amused. She wrapped her arms around Lena's waist.
"Mmmmhmmm," Lena cooed, and kissed her again.
Chapter Four
Lena rolled onto her back and raised her arm up, shielding her eyes. She felt better than she had in days.
On the bed beside her, Stef trailed her finger across Len's exposed belly, making tiny patterns on her smooth skin.
"We should wait to tell the kids, right?" Lena said, not moving her arm.
"About the anklet?" Stef asked, raising up on her elbow to look at Lena.
Lena raised up her arm and glanced sideways at Stef, then gave her a small nod.
"I think not until we have more information, if we end up telling them at all," Stef said. "This might be one of those 'the less they know, the better' situations."
"We'll have to tell Callie, obviously," Lena said, her words drifting up to the ceiling. "And we'll tell the kids we're looking into legal action. We can tell them that tonight at dinner. It's not a lie. We'll be pursuing that, too."
"I think we should tell Callie that first, though, don't you, love?" Stef said. "Let it be her decision? Maybe she doesn't want to be the public face of corporal punishment in California."
Lena sat up, frowning. "She wants parents who will go to bat for her, Stef, I know she does. You should have seen her last night. She's never had that before, ever. It's the right thing."
"We'll talk to her before dinner," Stef said.
Lena didn't miss the trepidation in her voice. She obviously wasn't sold on the lawsuit. It was the right thing, though, whatever else they did to protect Callie in the meantime. All of that was just… triage. Damage control. It wouldn't protect the next kid that got queued up for a visit from them PO, one who probably didn't have parents willing to fight for them.
She would bring Stef around. And Callie, too, if she had to.
"And the other stuff?" Lena asked, turning sideways to lay on her hip and face Stef.
"Let's look into it tomorrow. Can you meet me on my lunch break? There's an internet café in Escondido we can try," Stef said.
Lena grinned, and covered it up with her hand.
"You know you're going to have to get to a point where you can play it cooler than that," Stef said, arching her eyebrows in amusement. "That cat-that-ate-the-canary isn't going to do much for our desire to stay under the radar."
"I will," Lena said, and worked her mouth into a serious grimace. "See, I've got it. I can do it."
She met Stef's eyes and held them for two minutes before choking on a giggle and breaking into a grin again.
"Yeah, I can see that you've got it," Stef said. "You keep working on that, honey. You'll get there."
She stretched and got up out of bed. She picked up her phone and looked at the time. "The kids will be home soon, and I think it's time to kick Jude off that video game console before he rots his brain permanently," she said.
Lena stretched in bed, pointing her toes and extending her arms out above her.
"I'll get him, we've got a date to make dinner together," Lena said.
"I'll check on Callie," Stef added.
"Maybe let her keep sleeping if she drifted off?" Lena said, as Stef paused in the doorway to look back at her.
Stef nodded. "Come up before dinner when you're ready for us to talk to her," she said, and disappeared down the hall.
TBC...