Disclaimer: Don't own Castle. Sadly.

IV

'Josh, what are you doing here?'

'What am I doing here?' Josh said incredulously, slamming the door and stepping closer into the room. 'I came to see my girlfriend. I came to see if she was alright. Instead I find you with him.'

'You don't own me, Josh. Did you not get it last night? Did you not understand what I said? We're over.'

'You never meant that, Kate. We were having a fight. Things got heated,' he said, trying to grab for her hand but Kate dodged away from his touch.

Kate shook her head, 'I meant every word I said last night. Just like you did.'

'Kate, come can't be serious. You're going to leave me for a guy plastered on page 6 with a different women on his arm every night.

Kate laughed, 'you just keep proving my point. You're not gods gift to women and the Castle you see on page 6 isn't the Castle I know.'

'Come on, Kate. Don't you see this is all a game to him? He only wants to get in your pants - nothing else. You'll be thrown on the scrap heap with all the other Castle groupies.'

'I am not a groupie,' said Kate, her worlds barely louder than a whisper, her tone sharp enough to cut glass. 'Castle has gone above and beyond trying to prove how much he cares and appreciates me. He broke through my walls. You never got over one.'

'And why do you think that is, Kate?' said Josh, he eyes blazing with anger. 'Why do you think I never got inside those walls? You never let me. Not once precious Richard Castle was warmly inside.'

'Don't give me that bullshit. You never tried.'

'I goddamn tried, Kate. I tried but you just built an even bigger wall and kept me out in the cold.'

'Then why are you still here? Why are you still here fighting for something that barely existed? I said we're done. You need to leave.'

'You want to know why I'm still here?' said Josh, banging his fist on the table. 'I'm still here in the vain hope that there's something in your heart that wants us to work.'

Kate looked away, wrapping her arms protectively around herself, 'we're done, Josh. Stop trying.'

Josh shook his head, 'so that's it. You're trading me in for writer monkey?'

'So what if I am?' Kate asked indignantly.

'You'll regret it, you know. He'll hurt you,' Josh said, rubbing his palms up and down her hands. Kate letting him touch her for the first time since he stepped foot in the break room moments earlier.

'He's hurt me already and I've hurt him.'

'Sounds like such a healthy relationship you've got there,' Josh mocked sarcastically.

'If you've given your heart to someone and you don't get hurt along the way then it was never love. It was never worth the time of day.'

'And you think that's what we had?'

'Yeah, Josh. I do.'

'I guess I should go then. It was nice knowing you, Kate.'

'And you, Josh. You'll find someone better. Someone who will treat you the way I never could.'

He barely spared Kate a backward glance as he walked out of the room, out of her life. She felt distinctly empty. In a matter of minutes she had completely lost her boyfriend, and possibly her best friend. Kate took a few moments to collect herself before walking out of the break room to Ryan and Esposito who were so very obviously not spying on her. It was almost comical, her protective brothers. They skidded on their chairs trying to get back to their desks narrowly crashing into each other. Ryan quickly picked up the phone rambling off a series on nonsensical statements and sighs of agreement.

'You can give it up now, guys,' said Beckett, kicking the backing of Espo's chair lightly. 'I know you were listening and all I want to know is where Castle went.'

'I- Beckett- We weren't,' Ryan stuttered.

'Castle? Where did he go?' Kate enunciated each word fully and slowly.

'We don't know. He flew outta here like a bat outta hell as soon as motorcycle boy showed up. I shouted for him but he didn't stop,' said Esposito.

'Right,' said Kate, pausing to glance at her desk before settling on her decision. 'Can you boys cover for me for a few hours? I got something to do.'

'We got your back, Beckett,' said Ryan, smiling at her. 'You go do your thing.'

'Thanks guys, I owe you one.'

She didn't even wait for them to respond. Kate was already at her desk, grabbing her bag and heading toward the exit.

'Hey, Beckett, wait up,' shouted a voice from over her shoulder as she reached the lift.

Kate hummed, turning around coming face to face with Javier Esposito.

'Look, Kate, I'm no good at this but good luck.'

'Good luck?'

'Yeah, I mean, you're going to go see Castle right now, right? And he's good for you.' Kate tried to interrupt, a question on the tip of her tongue but Esposito waved her off, 'I hope it works out because we've had this pool going for too long for you guys to ruin it now,' he guffawed.

Kate punched him in the arm, laughing, 'you sure now how to ruin a nice brotherly moment.'

Espo shrugged, grinning, 'I try but seriously, Kate, I want this to work out for you. I don't think I've ever seen you happier than I have when you're with Castle.'

Kate flashed a smile, 'thanks Javi, I hope it works to. I hope he listens to me.'

'He'll listen, don't you worry, chica.'

Kate pulled him to a hug, gripping hard. 'Phone me if there's a body, kay?'

'Naw, you go do your thing. We can hold down the fort for the rest of the day. Montgomery won't even notice you're gone.'

'And why does that worry me?'

'Just go, Beckett. We've got everything covered. You go talk to Castle.'

Kate pulled up outside of the loft, shards of anxiety settled deep within her stomach threatening to bubble its way up her throat. Nineteen times. She had phoned castle nineteen times on the way over and nineteen times it had gone to voicemail. She wasn't sure how worried she should be. Should she just be simply worried because he was ignoring her? Or should she be more worried because he seemed to have gone completely off the grid and where Castle was concerned that'll likely end up with him in some sort of trouble.

She greeted the doorman briskly on the way in, hurrying towards her destination, bypassing the lift in favour for the stairs. She needed control, to feel the power of actually doing something and the stairs afforded her that small victory. Breathing heavily, Kate knocked on the door to the loft.

The door swung open but the face behind it was not the face she was expecting it to be.

'Oh, Martha, hello.'

'Katherine, darling, what's wrong?'

'Is Castle here? He's not answering his phone.'

Martha pulled Kate in, 'I thought he was at the precinct. He came home a couple of hours ago and I delivered your message as requested.'

'I'm not blaming you, Martha,' said Kate, clutching Martha's hand. 'He came to the precinct but then Josh showed up and Castle just walked out.'

'Ah,' said Martha, motioning for Kate to sit beside her.

'He left before I had the chance to explain. Josh and I are over. Josh came to see me to try and salvage what we had but I couldn't, Martha. I couldn't. You have to believe me.'

She didn't know why she was begging. It wasn't going to achieve anything. Martha wasn't Castle.

'Oh I believe you, darling. But that son of mine... have you tried the Old Haunt? He sometimes likes to drown his sorrows in that little office of his he has down there.'

'That never even crossed my mind. Thank you, Martha.'

Martha smiled, 'nonsense, kiddo. Go woo my son.'

'Brian, right?' Kate asked the man behind the bar wiping down some glasses.

'Oh Detective Beckett, hey' said the bartender, putting the glass on the counter. He smiled at her confusion, 'I remember you from last time you were here and Mr. Castle said to make you feel welcome whenever you dropped by again.'

'Really? Is he here?'

'He's downstairs. Do you want me to take you down or let him know you're here?' said Brian, already walking towards the door at the back of the bar.

'It's alright, Brian,' said Kate, offering him a warm smile. 'I can find him.'

'Alright, Detective. You have a nice day, now.'

'You too, Brian.'

Kate took each step slowly, willing her anxiety to calm down as she got closer to the bottom of the staircase. When the room came into view her heart rate spiked when she never spotted Castle on first perusal.

'Castle? You down here?'

'Go away, Beckett,' came a muffled voice from somewhere to her left.

'Oh Rick,' she breathed on a sigh, locating him in a dingy corner with a full bottle of scotch next to him.

'Can't you leave a guy to feel like shit in his own establishment?'

'Rick, please. Come sit on that horrid looking sofa over there so we can talk.'

'Why?' he asked, brushing away her hand. 'So you can ask why I walked out and then listen to you moon over motorcycle boy? I don't think so.'

'Would you stop being unreasonable for five seconds?'

'Unreasonable?' Castle choked, pushing himself off the ground. 'You think I'm being unreasonable?'

'You are-'

'The only person being unreasonable around here is you, Beckett. I've had enough of being the guy you keep on a leash to make you feel good. I've had enough of watching you parade motorcycle boy around like you're happy when you're clearly not. I've had enough.'

Kate swallowed a sob, 'Rick, please.'

'No, Kate. This is it. I'm not doing it anymore.'

Kate steeled herself, shaking her head frantically, her hands clenched into fists, 'would you just shut up for five freaking seconds so you can just listen to me because I love you, Castle.'

A/N: Thanks for all the kind reviews so far, you guys are awesome. Genuinely shocked so many of you are actually enjoying this story. I hope everyone has had a great Christmas. The next chapter won't be up until after I've posted the next chapter January 9, 1999. Can't wait to hear what you guys think about this update (and I also changed my twitter handle. I'm now CaptainGoode :)
- Jess xox

Twitter: CaptainGoode
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