Long time no see folks. Hope you're all well. I found this half written on my phone the other day. I started to write it well over a year ago and seemed to abandon it. I've made an effort to finish it, I don't think I've done the storyline as much justice as I originally intended, but I hope you like it all the same.
Max pulled his jeans on and fastened them before rooting around his bedroom floor for his towel again. He lifted it to his head and began to rub his wet hair trying to rid all other stresses that were circling his mind too. He'd been working non-stop the past few weeks, a combination of staff shortages, a busy bar and plans to open up a new place had been the cause. Max had no reason not to work, it wasn't like he had much to do instead. His estranged wife had decided to live back with her Dad, his mates too were far spread and many settled down with wives and girlfriends. None were single and free for lads nights out or even around during the day time. It never bothered him before, he had had someone to spend his days with.
He hung the towel back up in the bathroom and pulled a t shirt over his slowly toning chest. It wasn't that it didn't matter to him before, the extra time on his hands, despite work, meant he found himself at the gym more and more often.
Max strolled into the kitchen and chucked some bread in the toaster. He leaned back on the counter and ran his hand through his hair, massaging his head as he went. He sighed in the silence and decided to hit the button on the radio in an attempt to fill the silence.
He moved over to rummage through the cupboards, not that they were full anyway. All that remained were the ends of food packets, crumbs lined the shelf itself, hardly any fresh food existed. It wasn't that he was incapable of buying more, it wasn't that he always relied on Rosie to do the food shopping, he just didn't seem to care anymore.
The sound from the radio broke his thoughts. Max turned and looked towards it, the CD sign flashing as a fairly familiar tune was played.
Max rolled his eyes. Rosie had obviously left her CD behind when she left and it had taken nearly a month for him to notice.
Max left it playing, not bothered to change it. Rosie had played it continuously in the couple of months before she left. Some British singer apparently that she'd discovered whilst pretending to scour the internet for research articles.
It used to make Max laugh when he watched her dance and sing around the apartment. He'd stand there, arms folded, eyebrows raised until she'd wrap her arms around him and dance into him. A grin always spread across her face that would widen when he gave into her and kiss her deeply.
Max didn't realise how lost in thought he was. She had a habit of popping up in his mind but it was either pushed to the back of his brain or a thought that was so full of hurt and anger that he enjoyed the reminder that his life was better off without her.
This time was different though. It was if the weeks without her and the increasing empty feeling laying within him was surfacing when he least expected it.
Max turned to the coffee machine, the one he'd bought Rosie last Christmas. He placed his mug inside and watched as the steaming coffee filled the mug. Just as she filled his heart he thought.
He couldn't deny how much he missed her. Not even for the full kitchen cupboards and the way she filled their home with laughter.
It was the way she made him feel. How no matter how grumpy or stressed he was, Rosie could wrap her arms around his lower back, nestle into his chest and shrink all of his feelings away. Instead, as she held him, he found himself burying his head into her hair, and pulling her further into him. Surrounding themselves with the love and security that they'd always shared.
They hadn't done that in a long time. Since it started to fall apart the most intimacy they had shared was sleeping in the same bed, when her leg would brush past his. Even though he had longed to cuddle up to her he knew they had lost the care and love they once shared.
The next track kicked in. Max held the mug in his hands and took a sip in the hope that the caffeine would perk him up and relieve his clouded mind.
Dear Darlin' Please excuse my writing I can't stop my hands from shaking 'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight
I miss you And nothing hurts like no you The ache seized through him. He couldn't help but notice his feelings in the song. No one understands what we went through It was short It was sweet We tried.
It was true, everything he sung. They did try, he was sure they had tried, fought to the bitter end. Maybe they didn't try enough.
Yet it still puzzled him. Surely this song, any of the songs on the album would remind her of what they had. This one was so specific, didn't it kill her too?
And if my words break through the wall To meet you at your door All I can say is Girl I mean them all
He had to. He knew he had to get through to her. There was no way Max could continue to wait for her in pain, with the prospect that she might not ever come home.
The song continued, a continuous reminder of Rosie, of them as a pair, a reminder of feelings that he still had, that were unlikely to fade.
He turned to one of the drawers and rummaged inside until he found a pen and pad of paper.
'Rosie' he scrawled on the top.
Max looked to the ceiling, he had no idea what to write. He just knew he had to. She'd avoided any calls or texts he'd sent her so this was the last option he had.
'Found your CD in the kitchen.'
He just had to be honest.
'I had it playing, I guess it just reminded me of you. It's in the packet. Hope you're okay'
He sighed
'Just one question. Doesn't track three mean anything to you?'
He signed it off. Just his name and a kiss. He paused unsure whether to put it in or not but he knew there was no point lying or pretending he wasn't feeling the way he did.
Maybe it would sway her.
He would just have to see.
(x)
Rosie collapsed in a heap on the bench outside the house. She ran the back of her hand over her forehead, hot and tired after the long day.
The rest of the party had passed her inside. They'd been out since the early hours of the day tracking and capturing some game to set up a breeding programme. Rosie had thrown herself into working alongside her Dad since she got back, not only for the purpose of using it as a uni placement but for the other fact of making her life normal again. She knew she'd have to go back to Cape Town at some point, simply to finish her degree, other than that she had no reason or ties to be there anymore. At least that's what she told herself.
Rosie knelt down and untied her laces, kicked off her boots to the ground and sighed.
The sun beat down as she leant back on the bench again. Her brow continued to sweat despite the fact she was no longer trekking through the bush.
"Rosie" Nomsa's voice came from behind
"Yeah?" Rosie turned to see the older lady behind her
"A package came for you, I left it in your room"
"For me?" She questioned,
Nomsa nodded and smiled before disappearing into the house.
Rosie frowned before picking up her shoes and following her inside. She wandered down the corridor and opened the door to her bedroom, puzzled as to what it could be or who it was from.
She sat on the bed and picked the package up, she turned it over to double check it was addressed to her.
It was.
Her name scrawled in her husband's writing.
"Brilliant" she muttered as she begun to rip it open.
A note fell out on to her lap. She pulled out something in bubble wrap and tore off the sellotape.
She ran her hands over the CD. She didn't bring herself to ring Max and ask him to send it over, it would have been too much hassled. Clearly it had taken him a while to do it himself without prompting.
She stood up and walked over to Charlotte's room, knowing she had a CD player in there. Charlotte was still at school so she could get away with a few minutes of listening to Olly Murs instead of singing him. She pressed play and the familiar tune started to blare out the system.
She smiled to herself and then remembered the note that was crumpled in her hand. She peeled it open and began to read Max's writing.
Rosie,
Found your CD in the kitchen. I had it playing, I guess it just reminded me of you. It's in the packet. Hope you're okay.
Doesn't track three mean anything to you?
Max x
Rosie frowned and re-read the last line what felt like a thousand times. Unsure of what Max was getting at she skipped to the track and sat back on Charlottes bed.
All of a sudden it was as if the lyrics she knew so well were pulsing through her with another depth.
"Seriously Max," she shook her head before holding it in her hands. Thoughts of him filled her mind, it had been a strange month or so without him. At first it was the break she wanted, she needed. It was almost as if they both needed to be apart to prove that they no longer needed each other, that they could go it alone. It had worked for her, Max had fizzled out of her brain, they only time he had cropped up was when she lied to everyone about their happy life together.
That was up until a week ago. She didn't know what triggered it but something had churned inside her, something had suddenly made her feel uneasy about the situation. She'd dreamt about him, a strange situation but regardless he was there and in her mind he made her feel safe and secure and loved. She thought about him more than she had done previous. His smile, that she didn't want to admit charmed her, would appear in her mind. She tried to shake it off but she knew it was probably because she missed him.
The words and music circled her brain. Rosie felt a tear creep down her cheek, she brushed it away yet knowing it wouldn't make a difference.
Trust Max to wind into her thoughts and make her realise something she hadn't admitted before. It was as if these lyrics were coming straight from his mouth, to her. Re telling their history.
Rosie couldn't take it any longer. She wiped her face of the tears again, pulled the CD out of the player and returned to her own room. She opened one of the drawers in her bedside table and lifted out a framed photo of her and Max from their wedding day. It had been floating around the house until Caroline gave it to her to make her feel at home again.
Rosie ran a finger over his face and down to where his hand was interlocked with hers.
She clutched hold of the frame and began to scour through the other drawers. Eventually she found some paper and a pen, she had to answer his question.
Though it would be so easy just to ignore it, ignore him, something inside her told her she had to tell him. Tell him the truth.
(x)
It had been exactly a week since Max had placed the package in the postbox. 7 days had past but he had almost forgotten he'd sent it. Since posting it, it was half as if a small weight had been lifted off his chest, a weight he never knew had been there. On the other side though he almost wasn't expecting to hear anything back from Rosie. If she was being her stubborn self, or the bigger person in their relationship she would have kept the CD and chucked the note in the bin. Or read the note, laughed and gone on with her life without him.
She hadn't though. It was midday, Max was on his way out of the apartment to nip to the shops. He unlocked the letterbox by the main door to their block and pulled out the post. He flicked through them, mostly rubbish until one letter stared him straight in the face.
She'd written his name as perfectly as she always had done. A small smile emerged on Max's face as his finger traced her writing. He staggered backwards to sit on the staircase behind him, he turned the envelope over and tore at the seal.
"I got the package" she'd written. "Thanks"
Max smiled.
I guess it would have been easy to ignore your question but something told me I couldn't. I can't, I can't hide the truth from you. Not when it kills me. It hurts to even listen to the song when it means so much. Not that there's anything I can do about it.
Max kept a tight grip on the paper. He reread it over and over again. Trying to understand what she meant.
Did she mean what he so longed to here? Did she actually miss him? Was this separation really killing her?
It hurts to listen to the song when it means so much
It meant something to her. She did miss him.
A smile crept across his face. Maybe this was the start of the next chapter.
(x)
She felt sick. She didn't want to open it. Her fingers shook around it.
Part of her regretted saying what she said to Max. Even though she didn't state anything explicitly, it was merely a gathering of thoughts. But the truth behind it tugged at her. It took all she had to admit it, even if she didn't do so directly. But she had to tell him, especially if he felt the same.
And here was his response. In her hands.
Rosie took a deep breath and opened the letter.
But you can do something about it. We can. What have we got to lose? We've lost it already. All we can do it is get it back. Always and only yours, Max x
He'd even signed it. With the same line that he used to use on anniversary and birthday cards. It sent a warm feeling around her. She felt loved and wanted again. And so by the only person she wanted to really want and love her more than anyone else in the world. The break up wasn't solely full of hatred and anger. There was elements of it, but the cold and empty feeling drove them apart the most. At the time it felt right but as time when on the need to be loved began to resurface and it ached.
But here he was, reminding her she was loved.
Was it too good to be true she thought? Rosie's mind wondered. How could she trust that it would work? Could he guarantee that?
Could she risk it falling apart again, she didn't think she could manage the cold and empty feeling again. She was beginning to miss him so much that she began to worry about the vulnerability of her heart. They'd been on the rocks before, what's to say they'd make it this time?
She wrote her reply. She needed an answer. The urgency made her ache even more for him. How did he always manage to reel her back in? There always seemed to be a power balance in their relationship. No one person wore the trousers because even if she did one day, he would the next. If she had him wrapped around her finger then she would be wrapped around his legs. Her mind drifted back to when they'd be lain in bed together. Covered in lust or desire, even satisfaction. Even if they were sleeping peacefully they were so wrapped up in each other. They loved each other more than anything else in the world.
But right now, he had her, he was meddling with her mind.
But right now he wasn't here. It hurt, it killed her. If this was going to work, if her ache would subside she'd have to get an answer from him. Could he guarantee it?
"Are you off dear?" Caroline frowned as she rushed through the kitchen.
"Yep." She replied quickly, "Just got to get town"
"Before the post goes?" Caroline nodded to the envelope held tightly in her hand.
Rosie held it against her leg, shielding the address on the front.
"Um yeah, before the post goes", She told her nervously. "Won't be long."
Rosie rushed out of the house and jumped into the jeep. She turned the ignition on and drove off in a cloud of dust. She no longer had time to waste.
(x)
It was not long after 3am when Max came back home. He'd been out and about during the day before heading off to the bar in the evening. He walked through the door, a pile of post in his hand. As he entered the kitchen he began to rifle through them. A letter from the bank, a piece of junk mail and lastly a white envelope.
She had replied. She did care.
Christ Max I can't believe you're doing this to me. All I want is for you to hold me in your arms and tell me it will all be alright. Something's telling me it won't but my hearts telling me it will. All I can think about is how much I miss you. I still wear my ring, initially it was so no one would question our mishap and separation. I've started to put it on my finger whilst smiling. I think it's just a niggling ray of hope that maybe one day it will all be okay again. But can you promise me that?
Rosie
Promise her, he thought. Right now he felt like he could promise her anything in the world. She was falling for him again, she had hope. That's all she needed, hope. He would do the rest. He just prayed to God that she wouldn't change her mind. Rosie was stubborn, they both were, he just hoped she was stubborn enough to keep her faith in them.
The fact that she still wore her ring reaffirmed to her faith to him. Even if she wore it because she had to. But then if she still hasn't admitted their break up and pending divorce to her family maybe it was because she didn't want to, didn't want to believe it was true.
This possibility now that it might not have to happen. That they both still cared enough for one another to write these letters. It showed for something surely?
Max wondered into the bedroom, their bedroom. She'd been gone for 2 months now, her presence in the apartment had started to dissolve, that until these letters began, and Rosie started to play on his mind more and more each day. Max took his wedding ring out of the side drawer. He'd yanked it off in mild fury and discontent when she left. Divorce was already on the cards, they'd gone weeks without speaking to each other with decency but when she left that signalled the end. And even though he knew it was over, something told him to keep the ring.
These thoughts mulled over in Max's mind as he turned the ring in his fingers. Did he dare to put it back on? Would he jinx it? He had no choice.
(x)
The next letter came in the post 5 days after Rosie had received the last one. She wasn't the first one to handle it though, Alice was.
"Rosie," Alice called into the surgery, "Max has sent you something"
"Max?" Rosie's eyes widened at the sound of his name.
"Yeah", Alice handed it over to her.
Rosie ran her fingers around the envelope, she bit her lip and thoughts swelled her mind. It was his answer. The thought of him telling her it would be okay but the idea that he could just tell her no and that it really was all over killed her. The uneasy feeling obviously showed.
"Are you okay?" Alice asked.
"Huh?" Rosie looked up, "Yeah I'm fine"
"I've just never seen someone look so unsettled at the thought of a letter from their husband" Alice frowned
"Oh no, I just-" Rosie struggled, "You know what he's like, being a tease and all that. Just don't know what to expect this time!" She tried to laugh it off. "Thanks Alice, I'll open it later".
It wasn't until later that afternoon that Rosie could disappear off, alone, to read the letter.
She lay on her bed, on Max's usual side where she sought most comfort recently and opened the page.
I'll promise you anything Rosie. 'Til death do us part we said Rosie, as far as I'm concerned that still stands. Unless I die tomorrow I have no other reason not to love you. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. To kiss you and love you more than I ever did before. I swear, you have nothing to fear.
Just keep your faith and wear your ring with hope as I will mine. We will work this out I promise. I won't let you down, you deserve everything. I will give you whatever you want. If I can't make you the happiest girl in the world again then tell me who can. Look here I go again, bigging myself up just to prove myself to you. Always yours, Max x
You know we're better together than any time apart.
Rosie had not worn a wider smile in all her life. He was promising her everything, even if Max had been rubbish at keeping promises in the past, she believed him this time.
She wanted to be in his arms. For him to hold her and tell her he loved her.
Just as long as he kept her promise. That they would fight for each other. She couldn't lose him again.
Rosie composed her reply,
Okay okay. You are mine and I am yours. Just promise we will both fight for this. I love you too much to be heartbroken, this distance hurts enough as it is. Promise me if I disappear off again you'll run after me. Not that I will because I swear I won't let it get to that stage again. We can't run away anymore. I won't run if you don't?
Deal?
That was it. She was promising him and herself that she wouldn't run away this time. She'd told him she loved him, she didn't even plan to, it just hit the paper as naturally as her love for him was.
(x)
Max has thought numerous times over the past few days about picking up the phone and simply calling her. It would be so easy. Just to talk to her and sort this whole situation out. But would it work? The letters gave them space, it didn't cause the rowing that a conversation might, all he longed to do was hear Rosie's voice and tell her it would be alright.
Her latest letter arrived that morning, it still spoke confusion and uncertainty despite his efforts to reassure her. But at the same time it told him how much she cared, she even told him that she still loved him. Hearing that made him miss her even more. Max knew it would only take one more letter to prove how much he would fight for them. It took him a day to write it in the end, it took more thought and planning than expected but Max knew it would be worth it.
(x)
Rosie had taken herself off to her room to open Max's letter. She glanced at her photo of their wedding day and smiled as she pulled the paper out of the envelope.
Wherever you are reading this, I want you to stop and relocate yourself down to the waterhole.
Rosie frowned as she read this, was he serious?
To the tree where we said 'I Do' and I don't want you to read anymore until you're there. Go, go now.
Any other day or time, Rosie would have dismissed this request. But this time she didn't. Max loved to play games like this, maybe she owed it to their relationship to do so. She shuffled of the bed, gathered her boots and left out of the back of the house so no one would notice her.
10 minutes later she found herself at the waterhole. She jumped out and went over to their tree, as directed. She opened the letter again and read it.
You there now? Good. Sit down and look out to the waterhole and remember that day. Obviously you would have been too busy staring at me to notice the scenery but it was just like it is now.
Rosie looked out. He was right. It was beautiful. The sun was glistening through the trees, the birds sang and to the left she could hear the rustling in the trees of what was probably a small warthog. She remembered that day as if it was yesterday. The ceremony was everything they wanted it to be. All she could do was look into his eyes and loose herself in him as they made their promise to one another. And now she trusted that that promise would last forever.
I'm guessing it's a beautiful day, as usual. And you're probably thinking about your latest patient, as usual. And I'm just working but thinking of you, as usual.
Rosie smiled.
Because I love you Rosie Gifthold. Always have and always will.
A tear ran down her cheek, she brushed it off but her smile and the warmth inside of her only made more surface. He loved her too. She had no doubt in him, or them, together.
Rosie pulled her phone out of her pocket and went to text him.
I guess I'll see you soon then.
She pressed send and then returned to the letter. Reread it what felt like a thousand times, especially the last line. She heard the rustling again to her left but didn't take her eyes off the page. He meant too much to her. All she wanted to do was be with him right now.
"Is this sooner than expected?"
Rosie's eyes shot up from the page. To the direction of the voice. She knew the voice, there was no denying it, and it spoke louder than if it were simply in her head
His smile shone back at her, not that it matched the look of disbelief on hers.
He grinned further taking a step towards her. His eyes sparkling and pulling her in.
Rosie ran, straight into his arms as he lifted her off the ground.
As he lowered her back to the floor, Max bent his head closer to hers. HE captured even more so in that moment, more than he ever had before. His eyes glistening into hers. His scent surrounding her and the sheer aura around him of love, hope and faith.
She reached up and planted her lips onto his. Safe in the knowledge that their promise would last forever.