Abby surveyed camp Jaha, noting the usual flurry of activity. The rest of the kids had only been found a few days ago and everyone was still trying to find their place and make sense of this new home. Abby felt the familiar pang in her heart as she thought about the gaping hole in quality time her daughter had been willing to share with her.
Clarke had shared her knowledge of local plants and volunteered in medical. But her free time had been spent with her friends and in experimenting with local plants with Monty. It wasn't like Clarke was still angry, but she also wasn't a little girl anymore. She had responsibilities and most of the surviving 100 still looked to her for guidance.
Abby hadn't realized just how grown up Clarke had become until she suggested she take a seat on the council and Clarke just looked at her with one of those measuring looks she uses far too often these days. Abby was taken aback when Clarke had asked "Why do we still need a council? A Chancellor? They were for old rules that do not apply anymore."
And it would seem that more than just her friends would agree. People from the Arc had started listening to Clarke, then to Bellamy. They had knowledge of Earth that the people of the Arc did not. Even the men who taught the earth skills classes back in space didn't know how to identify a grounder trap, or what berries were hallucinogens. It was Clarke who formed peace with the grounders and it was she alone they chose to negotiate with. Bellamy and his friends had learned how to hunt without guns- a necessity when they first arrived. This alone gave them a certain status among the Arc survivors.
So it was with an almost sense of desperation that Abby realized she had to form a new bond with her daughter. Her little girl was gone and if she didn't act fast, she wouldn't have a place in the life of the woman she had become.
Abbey found Clarke sitting outside at the table she and Monty had been using for sorting and gathering plants. She began to wonder if this bonding thing would be more difficult than she had hoped when Clarke ignored her first two calls. It wasn't until Abby got closer that she realized Clarke was just sitting there with a blank look of her face- staring off into the distance.
Abby knelt in front of her- concern rising by the second when she noted the strange looking plant in the girl's lap. She patted Clarke's arm gently and called out to her again. Still nothing. She removed a small flashlight from her belt and shined it against the unfocused blue and swallowed hard when the pupils didn't dilate. Approaching the point of desperation she cried out to Clarke again, roughly shaking her by the shoulders. She glanced around the camp looking for the best person to offer help. Several heads were turned in her direction, Kane and a few of Clarke's friends were already headed over.
Abbey grabbed the strange plant and tossed it away, noticing its odd smell and berating herself for not removing it sooner. She took a steadying breath and then slapped Clarke, hard, across the face.
The girls head whipped back and to the side and suddenly she was up, grabbing Abbey by the throat and reaching for the knife resting on the table.
Abby had to force herself not to claw at the vice like grip encasing her throat. "Clarke! It's me! It's mom. No one is trying to hurt you!"
Abby felt herself shake in relief as the cloud passed from Clarke's eyes. The knife rolled from her grasp and rattled to the ground. Clarke reached out, this time with a hug. "Mom? Are you okay? I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know. One minute I was there and then.."
Clarke pulled back and held up a hand to her face where Abby could see the red imprint of her own hand. "I'm so sorry baby- you wouldn't respond, I was trying to wake you up."
"I was sleeping?"
Abby was ready to explain but suddenly her audience was larger. Finn had come to stand behind Clarke, he draped one arm around her shoulders and reached out with his other to squeeze her small hands in his. He glanced back and forth between the two of them "What happened?" Abby didn't miss the strange look the passed over Clarke's face at his actions.
She felt a presence behind her followed by Kane's strong hand on her own shoulder as he asked if everything was ok there.
Bellamy too had joined the group, but he had no questions to ask. He simply picked up the knife and placed it at the other end of the table before stepping back and handing a cool cloth towards Finn and Clarke. Finn reached out first but Clarke was faster, taking it from Bellamy with a soft thanks. Abbey then noticed Clarke's eyes dart around briefly before coming to rest on that stupid plant several yards away. Clarke then looked to Bellamy before returning her sight back to the plant. His own head turned to follow her gaze. Abby decided he must have known want Clarke was after because he grabbed a spare rag off the table and went to retrieve the plant. Abby made a mental note to go wash her hands as she noticed Bellamy used the rag to pick up the root, carefully wrapping it before placing it in his pocket.
He came back towards them and knelt before Clarke. Abby noted that he still didn't ask any questions, just raised a single eyebrow. Evidently that was enough for Clarke.
"It was more than a hallucination, it was like I was somewhere else. If Lincoln doesn't know, ask if I could meet with Nyko" she told him.
"Yeah- you good here?" Bellamy had asked Clarke but his eyes traveled to Abby and the others as he spoke.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Mom's got this. Ask Monty to show you where he found it on your way."
He nodded and turned to leave as he stood.
Abby then began explaining to the group what had happened but her eyes kept falling back towards Bellamy. He didn't stick around for her explanation. Instead he began making his way out of the camp, - Monty, Jasper, and Miller all following him without a word.
This wasn't the first time Abby had noticed that the kid's had an ability to communicate and act without speaking. It reminded her of the tight bond they all shared. It also reminded her they weren't really kids anymore after all they had been through. She reached out to take Clarke from Finn's grasp.
"Let me take her into medical to get checked out." she explained. Clarke followed her willingly but stopped when she noticed Finn was also tagging along.
"I'm fine really- go back to work and let mom do her job." Clarke smiled and then walked passed her mother into the ship. Abby watched the boy as he watched after her daughter. His eyes slid to hers as he noticed her stare. He gave her an easy smile "She's too tough for her own good sometimes." Abby read between the lines -don't just take Clarke's word for it, make sure she really is okay.
Once inside Abby began going through the paces in a typically clinical manner. Heart rate-normal, blood pressure- normal, temperature- normal. Reflexes, pupil dilation, vision, hearing; all normal. She moved on to some more in depth testing and was nearly finished when she noticed the thoughtful look Clarke had been giving her. "What is it sweetheart?"
"Dad made you laugh didn't he? But you also trusted him?"
Abby felt that question may be leading them towards dangerous ground but remembered her previous determination to bond with Clarke. In the interest of mending bridges she decided to answer the question.
"Yes, to both." Abby smiled. She loved her husband and she never intended for him to be killed, but she understood that Clarke didn't necessarily see it that way.
Clarke nodded her head in agreement but her eyes were still thoughtful, as if Abby had answered a much bigger question- one she didn't even know was being asked.
Clarke smiled then- wide and true as if a huge burden had suddenly been lifted. "He loves me I think- he just doesn't know it yet."
Oh- so they were talking about boys. Abby quickly pulled up a chair. The mom side of her wanted Clarke to continue because talking about boys is a centuries old female bonding experience. Her doctor side wanted Clarke to continue because she wasn't entirely sure the girl didn't have brain damage.
"What do you mean sweetheart?"
"He doesn't know. He'll stay here, watching over us until I find someone I like. Maybe it's Finn, maybe someone else. He'll vet the guy out and when he knows he can trust him, suddenly Bellamy will feel the urge to leave; to be with Octavia. He'll go live with his sister but come by every now and then to check on us. His eyes will linger on me a little more than the others. We will swap stories and share advice. He'll talk with my husband but choose to go back early instead of staying for dinner. And he'll never know."
Abby suspected Clarke's disjointed explanation was connected to the trance the girl had been in earlier. "Clarke, is this something you saw?"
"Sort of" Clarke shook her head and her brow scrunched together as she tried to make sense of what had happened.
"It was like I was watching my life flash before my eyes, only it was my future and I lived two very different lives.
"Tell me about what you saw Clarke" The mom and doctor both urged.
"In one life, I marry Finn. We settle down and we are happy but then one day I get pregnant, but it's bad news because you tell me I could die if we go through with the pregnancy. When you finish telling us, Finn squeezes my hand and I look up at him but he is asking you what can be done. He talks me into aborting the baby- he's so earnest that I believe it is the right thing to do too. And I am happy, most of the time. Meanwhile one of the girls Bellamy has been keeping company gets pregnant and he decides to settle down. Octavia has two kids already so it was about time for him anyway. Now when he comes to visit he brings his children with him. I marvel at what a great dad he is and we both silently mourn for the child I lost."
Clarke looked down at her hands, seemingly unsure of herself.
"Sweetheart, that just sounds like a dream."
"I know mom, but it felt so real- the confusion and uncertainty. I never felt truly safe in that life, and I didn't fully trust Finn, every decision we made I always wondered in the back of my mind if it was the right thing to do."
"It sounds like maybe your mind was trying to work through some things you have not had the time or energy to think about consciously." Abby leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on Clarke's knee. "You said it had been two lifetimes?"
"Yeah- it was. In the other I was with Bellamy. It was almost the same. When you told us about the bad news about our baby he squeezed my hand too, and when I looked up at him, he was looking back at me and he knew. I didn't have to say a word and he knew I wanted to keep the baby. And a calm washed over me because he wasn't going to let anything bad happen to our child. Whether or not keeping the baby was the truly the right decision, it felt right and I trusted him. My world was scary and uncertain but I felt safe."
The doctor side of Abby had been running through scenarios of what could create such vivid visions but suddenly she knew it was just time to be all mom.
She stood and wrapped Clarke into a tight hug. "You are safe now sweetheart." She began to pet the crown of Clarke's head. "You have had so much to deal with, I'm not surprised that you haven't really thought through what those boys really mean to you."
Abby pulled away from the embrace and cupped Clarke face between her two hands. It was a testament to how tired the young girl was that she didn't pull away. "You all have been acting on instinct so long, none of you really have had time to think about anything other than making through to the next day."
Clarke nodded and her eyes misted with unshed tears. Abby moved her hands to Clarke's shoulders. "But you have a chance at a happy life now, we all do. I'm just sorry it took a plant induced trance to help you see that!" Clarke covered her smile with her hand and her eyes cleared.
Abby felt it was safe to keep going. "And I think you are right, about him being in love with you." Abby had witness more than one heated look in her daughter's direction.
Clarke smiled then, the second real smile of the night. "The way he looked at me earlier, when I needed someone to find out about that root, that's how he looked at me in my dream too."
Abby took a deep breath, her mother daughter bonding moment was about to go full force; "And how do you feel about him?"
Clarke's smile faltered then. "I don't know- I have never trusted anyone like I trust him. But that's not the same is it? When I saw him again- after I had thought he was dead, I was so happy. I can't explain why seeing him- out of everybody else made me so happy, but it was like I wasn't alone anymore. I need him, and I felt that way for a long time. But in the dream it was different- it was more. And I think it is that way now too."
Abby smiled and placed her arms around Clarke's shoulders and began steering them out of the ship and back into the fresh air. "In your dream, you said the first time he didn't do anything- just went to live somewhere else?"
"Yeah, it was like he didn't even know himself how he really felt."
Abby gave Clarke's side a light pinch. "What changed that the second time?"
Clarke wiggled out of her mother's reach and came to a stop. Abby could tell by the thoughtful expression on the girls face that she was trying to remember. Sunlight bounced off Clarke's hair as they stood at the entrance to the ship. Abby felt, with no small amount of pride, that it shouldn't take very much convincing to get Bellamy to fall for her daughter.
"I think we were already together when the second part of the dream started. All I can remember was that I would hug him every time he came back into camp after being away."
Abby had a good view of the entire camp and she could see Bellamy and his crew making their way inside. She could feel the mischievous grin as it spread across her face.
She bumped her hip against Clarkes and then signaled with her head toward the camp entrance. "Why don't you give that a try and see where things go?"
Clarke looked back at her; uncertainty clearly written on her face.
"Hey- if it doesn't work, we'll say it was part of the root's side effects. I'll back you up with some fancy medical jargon."
Clarke actually laughed at that and Abby's heart soared. She really had no reason before to dislike the Blake boy, but now that he had inadvertently helped her repair the rift between her and Clarke, Abby was downright fond of him.
Clarke took a steadying breath and flashed Abby with a devil may care grin before she was off like a bolt headed straight towards the dark haired man. Abby was not at all above crossing her fingers; she would have crossed her toes too- if her shoes would have allowed it. Abby could tell when Bellamy spotted Clarke because he threw his pack to the ground and began making his way towards her in concern. He had moved several paces forward when he stopped suddenly.
Abby couldn't hold back a giggle at his look of utter confusion. Clarke's pace didn't slow and Abby figured she was running to keep herself from backing out. She laughed outright as Clarke collided into Bellamy's chest and latched onto his neck. Abby crossed her fingers a little tighter when Bellamy just stood there- all was for naught if he didn't return the hug! Clarke must have felt the hesitation as well because Abby saw her turn her face towards Bellamy's ear and say something to him.
Apparently the girl knew what to say because long arms snaked their way up Clarke's back before pulling her in tightly. Abby hadn't noticed that Kane had come to stand beside her until he spoke.
"You okay with that?" He asked tilting his head toward the pair still embracing by the gate.
"Perfectly, that's twice now he has brought her back to me, and from what I have seen and heard, he would never hurt her." Abby smiled at Kane then, silently begging him to understand as well. The men had clashed a few times in the past, but things had been smoother once it was clear Abby was the acting Chancellor. Kane nods in understanding. "If the two of them really work together, you and I will soon find ourselves out of a job."
Abby bumped Kane with her elbow "Fine by me." she smiled.