For Your Service, a west wing fanfic

Author's Note: I wrote this in honor of Veteran's Day. I don't have any experience with anything like this, personally, but I hope the emotions came off true, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge the men and women who have fought battles all over the world and at home.

For Your Service

Annabeth had been in a very deep sleep, perfectly warm and comfortable and happy. She had, that is, until something startled her awake. It took her a moment to realize what was happening. The bed was shaking slightly, the frame creaking with the movement.

But it wasn't an earthquake. It was Leo.

Annabeth sat up and gently put her hands on his thrashing arms. "Leo," she whispered. He didn't wake. He was moaning somewhat. She tried louder. "Leo!"

He bolted upright with a shout. The momentum and impetus of whatever was going on in his head caused his hands to end up on Annabeth's shoulders, inches from closing around her neck. His eyes were wide open, but they were looking right through her, full of fire and fear.

"LEO!" she screamed.

That brought him out of it. His eyes refocused, seeing the terror in her face. Immediately, he dropped his hands and moved away from her.

Annabeth's heart had skipped about three beats, but the pounding in her chest was beginning to subside. She took a couple of deep breaths as she noticed the change in him. The look on his face was no longer one of aggressive fear, but one of shame; fear of himself.

"I'm…I'm sorry," he told her, his voice low and hoarse. His head was down. He was staring at his hands, too disgraced to even look at her.

"Are you alright?" she asked tentatively.

Now he looked up at her. "Am I alright? No, are you alright?"

Annabeth gave a small smile. She took one of his rough, aged hands in her soft, supple ones. "I'm fine, Leo. You did scare me a little, but you didn't hurt me."

"But I could have! Annabeth, you gotta believe me, I haven't…"

"I know you would never hurt me. I know that." When Leo opened his mouth to say something to the contrary, she pressed her fingers to his lips. "I know you would never, ever hurt me. And this…whatever this was…this wasn't really you. I don't exactly know what this was, but it's over and everyone is okay. Right?"

Leo's brow furrowed slightly. "Yeah. I'm so sorry, Annabeth."

"It's okay," she insisted, plastering her normal sunny disposition all over her countenance, masking the worry she felt inside. "You just had a nightmare. Do you wanna talk about it?"

His face glazed over again. His mind was elsewhere. "Yeah…No. Not right now. I…I gotta take a walk." Leo extricated his hand from her grasp and got out of bed. He pulled on a robe and took his cellphone off the nightstand, slipping it into his pocket. He left the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Annabeth stared at the door, not sure if she was more worried or confused. She turned on the light and tried to figure out a way to stamp down the nervousness that now sat resident in her stomach.

Leo walked through the apartment fast and anxious. He walked into the den and paused, but quickly left. He did the same thing in the kitchen. Finally, he took a deep breath, put on some shoes, and left out the front door.

As he paced back and forth in the alley behind his building, Leo stared at his phone. He flipped it open and closed about four times before finally resigning himself to making the call.

The switchboard forwarded his call so Leo could finally hear the voice of the one person he needed right now.

"Leo?"

"I'm sorry to wake you, Mr. President," he apologized in advance.

"It's okay. What's going on?"

Leo sighed and used his free hand to rub his eyes. "I need a drink."

"I thought your whole problem is that you always need a drink?" Jed replied in jest.

"No, I always want a drink. Right now I need one. And you said last time…"

Jed interjected, "I told you last time that whenever you think you're going to relapse, you call me, no matter where or when. I'm glad you called. What brought this on?"

"I had a flashback to Vietnam. And Annabeth woke me up and I…"

"Oh my god, is she okay?" Jed asked, the worry obvious in his tone.

"She says she is. I didn't actually hurt her, I don't think. But I grabbed her. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have any control. You know I'd never lay a finger on her otherwise."

"I know. And she knows. Did you explain to her what was going on?"

Leo felt the weight in his chest double. "No. I just had to get out of there. I couldn't face her. She was just so…understanding. I didn't know what to do. I went to where I used to keep the bourbon before I came outside and called you."

"You're outside? Leo, it's practically snowing!"

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You need to go talk to Annabeth. No matter what she said, I'm sure that scared the hell out of her. I used to overhear Jenny talk to Abbey about it when you got them more regularly. But it's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, this is the first one I've gotten in years," Leo admitted.

"Stress of the campaign, you think?"

"I guess so. There's no other explanation for it."

"Leo?"

"Yes, sir?"

Jed paused for a moment. He had begrudgingly gotten used to Leo calling him 'sir' over the years, but right now, it just felt so wrong. "Leo, repeat after me. I don't need a drink."

"I don't need a drink."

"I'm not a soldier anymore."

The President hesitated before saying the last phrase. He had never used it for Leo before, but in his darkest times, it was the only thing that Abbey had ever said to him that had really helped. And his friend-his brother-needed that now. "I don't have everything I want or need, and nothing I do will change that. But the people I love are going to do their damnedest to make sure I get by. Because I'm not alone."

Leo went mute. This was new. Usually Jed just used those first two sentences over and over until Leo knew he was okay. But this was different.

"Say it, Leo. I don't have everything I want or need."

"I don't have everything I want or need."

"And nothing I do will change that."

"But the people I love are going to do their damnedest to make sure I get by."

"Because I am not alone."

Leo's voice cracked. "Because I am not alone."

"Say it again."

"Because I am not alone."

"One more time."

"Because I am not alone."

Jed waited, letting the words sink in. "You ready to talk to Annabeth now?"

Leo felt a small smile creep across his lips. "Yeah, I think so."

"You're gonna be fine, Leo."

"Thank you, Mr. President." They both waited for a fraction of a second before hanging up. When Leo heard the line click dead, he whispered, "Thanks, Jed."

He trudged back up the stairs to his apartment. When he opened the door, he found all the lights on. Annabeth had been sitting on the sofa, waiting. He closed the door behind him, and she launched herself into his arms.

"Oh my god, I was so worried!" she said, her voice hitching on a few of the words.

Leo hugged her small body close to him, feeling the knots in his stomach loosen from the mere warmth of having her in his arms. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Have you been crying?"

She took a small step back, remaining still in his embrace, but now able to look at him properly. "You bet I was crying! I had no idea what happened, or where you went, or if you were coming back, or if you would be alright!"

Seeing her red, puffy eyes made all his anxiety return. He shouldn't have left. He had needed to talk to Jed, yes, but he shouldn't have left her without any explanation. "I'm sorry." He kissed her cheek softly. "Why don't we go back to bed and we can talk, okay?"

Annabeth nodded. She kept very close to him as he went around turning out all the lights. His arm remained around her waist. Her blonde head rested on his shoulder. He couldn't resist a small smile.

They both got back into bed. Leo pulled her into his embrace. He noticed that she settled in immediately, not flinching or becoming tense for even a second. That was a good sign. Even Jenny, who experienced his nightmares and various other PTSD symptoms for years, had never come back to him right away.

"In case you hadn't figured it out, I had a Vietnam flashback. First one I've had in at least ten years."

"Do you know what brought it on?" she asked.

"Campaign stress, among other things, I'm sure. There's not really a pattern to it. I thought I'd gotten over it all. My god, it's been thirty years!"

"Well I don't know too much about it, but I would assume that the flashbacks and the nightmares and everything are as much a part of you as the experiences themselves. If it gets worse, I'm sure we can find a professional to work with you," she suggested.

He shook his head. "No, I don't want that. I'm just sorry that you had to experience it." Leo hugged her tighter. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"You know that I didn't think you'd hurt me, right? I was afraid for you. I could see you weren't in control of yourself, and I didn't know what was going on. If you're okay, that's good enough for me."

Leo remained quiet for a few beats. But he figured that since he was admitting things, he might as well tell her everything. "I needed a drink. That's why I left."

"To get yourself a drink?"

"No, to get away from the temptation."

"But we don't keep any alcohol in the house," she pointed out.

"I know. But being in a familiar place is hard when I get like that. I had to get my head out of it."

She processed that information. She then asked in a small voice, "Where did you go?"

"Just outside. In the back alley. I made a phone call. That helped. Got me back to where I should be."

"I'm glad he could help you. I know he loves you very much."

Leo was somewhat surprised that she knew who he was talking about, but he was glad she did. "Yeah," he said simply.

Annabeth reached up and kissed his cheek. "And I love you very much, too."

"I'm glad." He pushed a few blonde strands out of her face.

She pursed her lips. "This is where you're supposed to tell me you love me too."

He gave her his famous smirk. "Oh is that what I'm supposed to do?"

"Well, I wouldn't want to pressure you into anything, McGarry."

Leo chuckled softly and kissed her. "I love you, Annabeth."

"That's what I thought." Her voice was muffled by his continued kisses. She took his face in her hands and held him back, looking deep into his eyes. "And thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For everything you've done. For your service to this country for your entire life. For everything you'll continue to do for years and years to come. And for loving me."

Leo hugged her close, swallowing down the ball of emotion that her words had caused to form in his throat. Jed was right, it seemed. The people who loved him would do their damnedest to make sure he got by.