Disclaimer: I don't own the Characters and I don't own the movies, comics etc. All rights belong to Marvel.

I borrowed the name of the story from "Stay" by Black Stone Cherry. The song inspired me and I chose the title before I even wrote the first sentence of the story; of course the song doesn't belong to me.

Rating: T, M, NC-17. I'm paranoid.

Warning: Violence, angst, I'm a youth/child care worker (residential group home) and not a doctor, hurt/comfort, sometimes I've got stupid ideas, whump!Clint, Phil has a bad temper at times, smut (I'm not good at it, sorry).

A./N.: To be honest the story is pretty old. I started it together with "Backstabbing". I had more ideas than fit into one story so I wrote two. But I never finished this one.

One of my dear readers asked for some smut and I stopped writing this story at a point where I intended to skip the sex scene again that's why I'm continuing this one. It's almost finished, one or two more chapters will follow.

I'm sorry it's nothing new and you might be disappointed but I hope you give it a try.

I dedicate this one to Gleidison, for blowing a hole into my writers block.

Thank you very much.

…

By the way I'm still in need of a beta reader. Sadly I never managed to find someone who's interested. People aren't happy with my English-skills and they have every right to be unhappy, I try to learn but it's not enough.

Sometimes I get so many mean messages I think it would be better to write in my own language.

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The battle was over and most of town had been rebuilt but the wounds Loki inflicted on most human's heart and soul would remain. It had been a painful battle; many had died and as many got hurt. Children lost their parents, parents lost their children. That was the way war worked.

Loki had brought a new team together, ready to avenge the lost souls.

Loki's war had brought them together but it was Fury's lie that kept them together, like glue.

After the truth came out in the open, they had been angry and disappointed but they couldn't deny that what they did on a daily basis was important. So they stayed together, with their beloved Coulson as their liaison.

They all had their burdens to carry but Barton felt like the weight of his issues was tearing him apart. His relationship with Coulson was strained at best for a long time now and Loki's attack made it even worse. He couldn't look Coulson in the eye; it was too hard to bear his presence.

They had been together for almost two years before Clint broke up with his handler. It didn't work out between them. Their working relationship had suffered and their private life hadn't been better. It wasn't that Clint didn't love his handler. He loved Phil with all his heart but they couldn't stay together. It wasn't possible. Coulson's 'death' had reopened all the wounds inside his battered heart and soul and he was even more convinced that his decision to break it off had been the right one.

"Do you even listen to me?" Steve glared at him.

"Sorry, no."

"You're behaving like an adolescent since the day Coulson came through that door two months ago."

"If you think that's his adolescent behavior you're wrong," Coulson joined them in the mission room. "He's at his best behavior right now."

"That I am," Clint forced a grin onto his face. He was glad for his ever present shades, or else his eyes would betray his inner turmoil and the love he harbored for the older agent.

"Use easier words," Coulson took the seat next to Natasha, who sent Coulson a glare for his poor choice of words.

"Why, is birdie brain not smart enough?" Tony grinned at Clint, waiting for a witty reply.

"You hacked into our files, you know the answer," Clint stated, ignoring Tony's try to banter.

"I do," Tony nodded. "You're smart though, just lazy."

"Thanks pal."

"Enough," Steve chided. "We have more important things to do than argue about his poor education." Cap blushed a little as he realized what he had said.

"Come on ol' man, tell us your plan," Clint crossed his arms in front of his chest, leaning back in his chair.

Phil watched the archer during the whole meeting. He missed Clint, dearly. Not working together felt strange, he couldn't get used to it, even though their working relationship was not the best near the end. New Mexico was awkward and it was one of the rare times they spent some time together after their messy breakup. During their time on base to protect the teseract they were too busy avoiding each other; or else they might have gotten the chance to reconnect. Phil had no idea why Clint broke up with him. Their relationship had been well. They were happy, so he thought. A short mission, a movie, a loving evening together and BAM the next morning Barton was gone. Sorry sir but it doesn't work between us. Clint asked for a new handler and one day he vanished from the face of earth, and that for months. Phil kept an eye on Clint for the first few weeks in hope to find an answer to the burning question in his mind. But he never found one. After a while Phil started to hate Clint for what he'd done, it still hurts like it was yesterday. He ignored anything that was related to the archer, mission reports, medical reports; all of it was not his concern anymore. He had no idea what happened before New Mexico and after Loki's attack, and he didn't care. He persuaded himself that he did not care anymore but he knew deep down that it was a lie.

"What do you think?" Steve asked.

"I think I can track them with JARVIS's help," Tony rubbed his goatee. "Hydra shouldn't be so hard to find."

"They're good at hiding. We needed months to find their first base; okay, Natasha needed months to infiltrate them." He rolled his eyes as Natasha kicked against his shin.

"They like islands and jungles," Phil mused. "I'd keep an eye on the satellites."

"Good idea," Tony ordered Jarvis to hack into every satellite.

"You don't need to hide the fact that you constantly spy on satellites and S.H.I.E.L.D. databases," Clint tilted his head in Tony's direction. "We know that."

"I don't…"

"Yes you do," Phil and Natasha said in unison.

"Busted," he mumbled. "What else do you know?"

Clint and Natasha just grinned while Phil sent him his best death glare, "More than we ever wanted to know." Stark was the reason Fury kept important personal and mission related information far away from their servers.

Tony's eyes widened, "So what do we do, in case we find them?"

"We will send a few teams to make sure they never cause any harm again," Phil said coolly.

"Sounds good," Steve agreed and called an end to the meeting after thirty long minutes of arguing and tough-talking.

"Coulson," Clint didn't know why he called out to him. I have nothing to say, nothing I want you to know.

Coulson turned around, "Yes, specialist?"

Clint opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could make a sound, "How are you, sir?"

"You mean after you nearly killed me? Fine," it wasn't his intention to be so mean but he couldn't stand Clint anymore. The sound of his voice felt like a dagger to his heart. His presence alone caused more pain than Phil thought possible.

The archer paled visibly, "That's all I wanted to know, sir. Have a nice day, sir."

"You too, specialist."

"You're an idiot," Natasha sneaked up on him while he was lost in thoughts. "What you had was special. What were you thinking throwing it away like this?"

"I don't love him," Clint walked faster in hope she would get the hint but no one was as good as Natasha where ignoring hints was concerned.

"Bullshit," she hissed, shoving him against a wall. "You were devastated when I told you he died. You were a wreck for weeks, getting yourself almost killed, twice. So don't tell me you don't love him. You broke him. You broke him and you don't even care. What can be so important that you break Coulson's heart? Do you remember how long both of you fought for each other's trust? I do. Four years. And you have nothing better to do than shatter his heart; he isn't even able to date anymore. He compares anyone he meets to you, asshole. You know, I start to believe that you're nothing more than an egomaniac. It's always about you. Your childhood, your brother, your issues, bu-hu-hu. Fix it or I have to choose between you and him, and it's not you I will choose."

"Take good care of him," Clint pushed her away and walked away; ignoring her curses and hateful words. It was better this way.

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Clint slumped down on his bed; he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to calm his nerves. "I hate my life," he mumbled. Life had been awesome with Phil by his side. The older man protected him from harm and offered him all his love. He missed Phil's strong arms around his body, his smooth voice in his ear and his heartbeat beneath his ear while they lay in bed together. Phil was the man Clint wanted to marry one day. The man he wanted to raise kids with. The man he wanted to grow old with. But life was difficult and not fair on so many levels.

Clint got up from the bed and walked over to his dresser where he kept a box beneath his clothes. He returned to the bed and opened it. The box contained among other things pictures of Phil and himself. Natasha had taken most of them during missions or their time off.

Clint loved the smile on Phil's face when he was happy and Clint despite all his self-doubts knew that he was the reason for these smiles. The archer did not doubt that Phil truly loved him. I love you; he could hear Phil's raspy voice inside his head. Clint caressed the picture, following the lines of Phil's face. Falling out of love was not as easy as he hoped it would be. He still loved his ex-handler as much as he did before, if not more. The pain he felt during the war as he killed his own men was nothing compared to the pain in his heart the moment Natasha told him Phil had died. The guilt was still gnawing on him, for killing his fellow agents and for 'killing' Phil. All Clint ever wanted was to protect Phil the way the older man always protected him. With all he had to give. Never thinking about himself.

Clint let out a shaky breath, "I failed." Tears dripped down on the picture, "I failed you."