AN: 4x07 drabble. Emma's thoughts as she watches over Storybrooke. Contains spoilers for 4x08.

Monster

Due to the lack of downtime in her life recently - or since she'd first come to Storybrooke, really - Emma had only been up to the lookout once or twice, and she was pretty sure that she hadn't mentioned the spot to anyone else. That, and the fact that it was close enough to the town line for almost anyone to avoid it, was why she had ended up there.

Not so long ago, there were other places that she would have run to. The loft, Granny's, the docks; each of these places had their usual pros and cons. But now, along with them would come looks of concern, of regret, of caution.

And fear.

It had been a long time since she'd cared about anybody enough to care what they thought of her - or to admit to caring, anyway. She couldn't deny, and didn't want to, how much she loved her parents and Henry, their strange little family together despite all odds. And she knew that they loved her too, more than she could have ever hoped for.

Apparently not enough to stop them from being afraid of her.

But she could hardly blame them now, could she?

She was, after all, a monster.

Before today, she'd thought that she'd felt pretty much every way that she could about her magic. She'd been scared of it, frustrated with it (both having it and the lack of it, at times), even proud of it.

Her lack of skill had made her a liability, and her instincts had made her powerful.

Today she had been dangerous, and to the people that she cared about the most.

She stared out at the town, feeling nothing but a cold detachment as the lights started to swim before her unseeing eyes. Normally, it was a sight that filled her with warmth, with hope and joy and love. She'd finally embraced this mystical little town as home, the first one that she'd had since - New York, Tallahassee, some unnamed foster home - but none of those homes were real, not like this.

And now she couldn't see the beauty here anymore, because she couldn't erase the image of her mother's eyes filled with fear and shock, while she looked at her.

The sound of David's groans, in pain because of her.

The thought of how close that light pole had come to falling on Killian because he was too close to her.

God, if something had happened to Henry because of what she was...

She couldn't breathe.

"All it takes is one tiny mistake, one accident, and you and your powers go from being their salvation to their worst nightmare... I don't have to know you, Emma. I've been you. Different. Misunderstood. Alone... You can't love somebody that you don't understand...

All I did was show you who you really are."

She couldn't be... that. But what if she didn't have a choice? What if that was who she really was?

Monster.

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Emma set her jaw in determination, ignoring the heaviness that still settled in her chest. There was one thing that she could do. One person who would be able to make it right. To take it all away. Rumpelstiltskin.

In the morning, she would find him, and she would make him find a way to take her magic away.