Honestly, this whole situation had caught Crash really off guard. He could count the number of times the final boss had been someone besides Cortex on one hand, and Crash only had four fingers. Dr. N. Tropy didn't look quite the same as he had back at the Evil Retirement Community. His bronze, clock-incrusted armor had gotten an upgrade, making it more elaborate and mechanical. Crash gulped and scooted closer to Cortex. He was sure this was nothing he and his bestest pal couldn't handle.

"What are you doing here, Tropy?" spat Uka Uka. "Didn't we already humiliate you enough back at the Evil Retirement Community?"

"That wasn't me, you nitwit," said N. Tropy. "That was the Nefarious Tropy of your timeline. I'm from the same timeline as Crash and Cortex here. In fact, the timeline we're standing in right now was created by none other than yours truly." He turned to scowl at Crash. Crash replied with a friendly smile, but he wasn't sure N. Tropy appreciated the kindness. "I was the one who went back in time to warn the Cortex of this timeline not to allow Crash to escape the Cortex Vortex and become a hero."

"But why go to all this trouble just to let someone besides you rule the world?" asked Aku Aku.

"I've never much cared for ruling the world," shrugged N. Tropy. "Even when I first allied myself with Cortex, I was fine letting him enslave all of history while I stayed at the sidelines and kept the Time Twister operational. You see, ever since I was a lad creating controlled time paradoxes for the Academy of Evil science fair, I've always had a passion for manipulating the fabric of time. The Time Twister was my greatest creation, the fruit of years of backbreaking labor and slavish devotion." He pointed his tuning fork scepter at a certain orange hero. "And then you came along and ruined everything with your bumbling."

Crash gave him an apologetic shrug.

"It's too late for apologies, you disgusting animal!" N. Tropy snapped. "Thanks to you, I got trapped in prehistoric times AS A BABY! DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO BUILD A TIME MACHINE OUT OF DINOSAUR BONES WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN TOILET TRAINED ANYMORE?"

"Heh, I remember that," chuckled Cortex. "Good times."

"After that, I was reduced to merely another one of Cortex's henchmen," continued N. Tropy. "After his schemes with the Elementals went south, Cortex and Uka Uka vanished for three years. I was low on both morale and resources. I thought all hope was lost until some of Cortex's old minions and I caught wind of how he'd gone turncoat and sided with the infernal bandicoot."

"That was only to beat the Evil Twins!" yelped Cortex. "It was just a one-game gimmick, I swear!"

"We stowed away on the Iceberg Lab when the Psychetron teleported it to the Tenth Dimension, then infiltrated the Evil Twins' stronghold. That treasure would've been ours if it hadn't been for that accursed purple dragon's random cameo. The other scientists were sent running with their tails between their legs, but I managed to evade the dragon and stay behind. Once you idiots somehow defeated the Twins, I stole some of their reality-warping technology and reverse engineered it into a time machine. Then it was simply a matter of going back in time and stopping Crash Bandicoot from ever existing. Of course, changing history only creates an alternate timeline without erasing the original, so once Lord Cortex enslaved everything, I directed him to send his forces across timelines with his Psychetron."

N. Tropy shot Crash a giant smirk. "How does it feel, Crash? How does it feel to have your entire life ruined, just as mine was ruined when you destroyed my Time Twister? You've got no Coco, no Crunch, no N. Sanity Island, nothing but the misery the Vice-Versa Reverser Device left behind on your homeworld and the humiliation of seeing your arch-nemesis successfully enslave the planet. How do you like them Wumpas?"

Crash didn't have the most fearsome face ever, but nonetheless he gave N. Tropy the old angry eyebrows.

"I would've been content to hide in the shadows and watch you squirm, but it turns out Cortex is an incompetent idiot no matter how many resources you give him." N. Tropy shook his head in disgust. "But now with Lord Cortex gone, I'll step forward and initiate my real plan!"

"And what plan is that?" asked Aku Aku.

"It's simple." N. Tropy turned to the Psychetron. "With all the interdimensional energies Commander Crash acquired by conquering the Infinite Dimensions coupled with my advanced knowledge of quantum mechanics, I can fuse with the Psychetron and become a god of time and space!"

"Wait, you can do that?" said Cortex.

"SCIENCE CAN DO ANYTHING!" N. Tropy let out a diabolically British evil laugh. "NOW PREPARE TO DIE, CRASH BANDICOOT! AND YOU, TOO, CORTEX!"

"W-Wait a minute!" gulped Cortex, taking a step back. "N. Tropy, buddy, you know you've always been my favorite henchman, right?" He let out an anxious chuckle, sweat dripping down his oversized forehead. "We shouldn't be fighting each other. Let's team up and destroy Crash Bandicoot together! Then we can split this godhood thing sixty-forty. I get the sixty, of course-"

"Don't kid yourself, doctor." N. Tropy raised his tuning fork high. "Why don't you salvage whatever dignity you have left and face your death like a man?"

"But I don't wanna die- I mean, err..." Cortex cleared his throat, then turned to Crash and the masks and said in a much deeper voice, "This is it, men. We have to stop N. Tropy from achieving godhood no matter the cost. This could be our greatest battle ever!"

Crash immediately turned tail and ran out the landing deck.

Cortex took a very, very deep breath and counted to ten. "Fine, fine, whatever. No big deal. I can do this myself." He aimed his ray-gun at N. Tropy with trembling hands. "Prepare to meet your-"

Zap! A quick blast of energy from N. Tropy's scepter sent Cortex flying into the back wall, knocking him unconscious.

"No! It cannot be!" gasped Aku Aku.

"Hey, N. Tropy, I don't suppose you're interested in forming an alliance, are you?" asked Uka Uka.

"Well, I was loyal to the Uka Uka of my own timeline," said N. Tropy, "but frankly, given I'm about to become all-powerful, I don't particularly feel like answering to anybody anymore."

"Eh, fair enough. Just thought I'd ask."

N. Tropy grinned as energy began pouring from the Psychetron's whirring machinery and into the clock on his chest, causing the hands to spin faster and faster. "Yes... Yes... it's working... Ooh, omnipotence feels tingly..."

Aku Aku turned to his brother, crestfallen. "If N. Tropy's not stopped soon," he said gravely, "all of reality is doomed."

"YES, YES! HA HA HA HA!" At this point, N. Tropy started glowing and levitating into the air, a surefire sign of godliness. "NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!"

Don't keep reading until you've put on some appropriately epic music because the next instant, the landing deck doors burst open and Crash stormed into the battlefield helming an army of heroes. Crash landed before the newly created God-Tropy and flashed him a smug grin.

"Ugh... What's going on...?" Cortex picked himself up off the floor and opened his eyes in time to see a little purple dragon staring him down.

"Lord Cortex!" Spyro turned to the rest of the army. "He's the one who locked us all in those pods!"

The army took a collective step towards him.

"No, no, wait, that wasn't me!" Cortex yelped, his voice going up in pitch.

The green-haired, pointy-eared hero with the pet orange mammal cracked his knuckles. "Man, I am real sick of madmen locking me away for years." He cocked his sci-fi gun.

"Everyone, wait!" Aku Aku placed himself between Cortex and the army. "There's a much greater evil than Dr. Cortex here!"

"Yes," said Uka Uka, "namely the all-powerful time-traveling maniac over there who's seconds away from rewriting reality in his image."

"What?" Spyro spotted N. Tropy. His reptilian eyes narrowed. "Hey, that's one of the jerks who tried to steal my gems!" He snorted some smoke in Cortex's face before charging off towards N. Tropy.

"You dolts are too late!" N. Tropy howled with laughter. "In another second, I'll have drained all the Psychetron's energies, and then I'll be powerful enough to-"

The Psychetron abruptly went dead.

"What the-?" N. Tropy's eyes shot towards the empty slots around the machine where crystals were supposed to go. "Where are the Power Crystals?"

"You mean these things?" A raccoon in a blue outfit and carrying a, uh, twisty-staff-spear-thingy stepped out of the shadows. In his hand, he was twirling a purple crystal. "No idea what they are, but they were shiny, so I impulsively stole 'em."

"What? How many heroes did Lord Cortex have in that stupid trophy room of his?" N. Tropy looked around the landing deck, doing a quick headcount.

Standing next to Spyro the Dragon was the yellow-orange feline-creature with the robot, and across from them was Crash, who was standing beside the green-haired elf guy, the tiny orange critter, and a horrified-looking ordinary human clutching a shotgun, glancing around at all the cartoon animals, and mumbling, "Oh God, Sully was right, I do need to cut back on the drugs..."

Also scattered about the room was the raccoon, that weird limbless guy with the floating hands and feet, a boomerang-wielding thylacine, a chameleon with a purple bat on his head, and countless other miscellaneous heroes of varying notability.

"Was one butt-roasting not enough?" Spyro scowled at N. Tropy. "C'mon, pal, try and steal my gems again. I'm sure it'll end real well for you."

"Throw as many heroes at me as you like, Crash Bandicoot," said N. Tropy. "Nothing can stop me now, even without the last few drops of interdimensional energy." He held out his scepter, causing a bolt of light to shoot from it and take the shape of a big box at his feet. The box solidified, forming into a metal crate with yellow exclamation points painted on the sides.

"Behold the Reality Reset Crate! Formed by the careful warping of dimensional energy through spacetime, whoever activates this crate gains the ability to bend reality to their will! All I have to do is strike the crate, and all of reality is MINE!"

"Not if I snipe you in the face first!" The green-haired, pointy-eared- Look, his name's Jak, okay? Let's not beat around the bush. Jak aimed his sci-fi gun at N. Tropy's head. He fired off a few rounds, but N. Tropy deflected it all by catching the bullets on his scepter, lightsaber-style.

"Never seen a problem that can't be solved with a bigger gun." Daxter hopped onto his shoulder and held up a laser-rifle about twice as large.

Over on the Insomniac side of the room, Ratchet flashed Clank a smirk. "Aww, look at that, he thinks his gun is big. That's cute." Ratchet proceeded to whip out a gun with roughly the mass of a baby hippo.

Ratchet's robot buddy turned to the golden dragonfly hovering by Spyro's shoulder. "Does yours have an ego the size of a small galaxy, too?"

Sparx nodded.

"Uh..." N. Tropy took an anxious look over the various guns, boomerangs, and disembodied fists aimed at him. "F-Fools, your combined strength is no match for-"

"Everyone, fire at once!" yelled Aku Aku.

The air was filled with color and noise and explosions and an epic, electric-guitar-heavy soundtrack, and when the smoke cleared, N. Tropy was unconscious on the ground before an un-activated Reality Reset Crate.

Aku Aku turned to Crash, beaming. "You've done it, my child. Your plan to free these heroes has led to the defeat of your greatest foe yet. You see, Crash, you are the legendary hero not because of your physical strength, intellect, or bravery-"

"Especially not that second one," muttered Cortex.

"-but because of your heart. Yes, Crash, this battle was won by the power of teamwork and friendsh-"

"Yeah, yeah, can we cut the cheesy speeches?" Daxter interrupted, walking towards Crash (or, more specifically, Crash's knees). "Let's go ahead and loot this place so we can all go home." When his eyes fell on Crash, Daxter did a double take. Crash and Daxter stared at each other in silence for a minute.

"Nice pants," said Daxter. "Love your fashion sense."

Crash smiled and gave a thumbs-up.

"What, don't you have anything to say?" frowned Daxter.

"Crash doesn't talk," said Aku Aku.

"Ah." Daxter pondered this for a minute. "Well, don't sweat it, orange guy, I'm sure you'll suddenly start talking in one of your sequels."

Eh, Crash didn't see the appeal of talking. Well, maybe if he ever got to be on a TV show…

"Hey there, guys." As the heroes all gathered around the fallen N. Tropy, Sly moved towards Jak, Daxter, Ratchet, and Clank. "It's been a while."

"You people already know each other?" frowned Aku Aku.

"Yeah, there was this whole thing with aliens abducting us," said Ratchet.

"Not exactly our greatest adventure ever," deadpanned Daxter.

"Gee," said Spyro, trading a worried glance with Crash, "I hope we never get a lackluster crossover game…"

"At any rate, I believe I have a way for all you captured heroes to return home," said Aku Aku. "Simply place the Power Crystals in the Psychetron, then use the Reality Reset Crate to restore your homeworlds to the way they were before the Vice-Versa Reverser Device ruined them. I sense this crate will even erase all of our memories of this entire ordeal. It will be like it never happened." (Yes, okay, that's a totally cheap way for me to clear up some continuity errors. Sue me.)

"Sounds like a plan." Sly happily returned all the crystals into the machines, then smacked the crate with his staff. "There. Reality's all fixed. Time to go home." He started to waltz into the Psychetron's portal, but Aku Aku cleared his throat. "What?"

"I'm only counting twenty-four Power Crystals," said Aku Aku.

"Oh, uh... Hey, look at that!" Sly retrieved a crystal from his pants. "Whoops, I totally forgot about this one!" He laughed anxiously.

Aku Aku glared at him.

"I was just, uh... just about to return it..."

And with that, Sly made for the portal. But before he left, Jak stopped Sly and turned to address the whole group.

"Hey, you guys seem pretty cool," said Jak. "If you ever need anything, you let us know."

"Yeah, maybe we can all meet up to beat the snot out of each other!" said Daxter. "It'd be, like, a battle royale of all of us stars..."

"And me and Crash will be there, too, right?" said Spyro.

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't you be?"

The other heroes laughed anxiously and hurried into the Psychetron.

"They seemed like nice enough guys." Spyro looked back at Crash and Aku Aku, smiling. "Well, it was great seeing you again, Crash, Aku Aku. I'd love to stay and chat, but everyone in the Dragon Realms is probably missing me. I'd better get going."

Spyro and Sparx were the next through the Psychetron, followed by Rayman, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, Yooka and Laylee, and the various other heroes. Nathan Drake was about to head through, too, but he was stopped by N. Tropy.

N. Tropy was too exhausted from his beating to be much of a threat anymore, but he managed to lift his head and say, "Wait, wait, I might as well be a good sport and tell you... I've peered into the future, and... you might want to hit that Reality Reset Crate again and make a slight change to your homeworld. See, there's this rare strand of fungus that's going to mutate and-"

"Screw you, man!" Nathan screamed, tearing at his hair maniacally. "None of this is real! None of this is real! Oh Jesus, I must be on a really bad trip... I'm seeing blue people covered in clocks and giant, orange- Wait." His eyes fell on Crash's lovable mug. Then they went wide. "I know you. You're that fox!"

"You must be mistaken," spoke up Aku Aku, hovering by Crash's shoulder. "Crash here is a bandicoot. Bandicoots are small, ratlike Australian mammals, whereas foxes are-."

"No! NO!" Nathan's voice was growing increasingly frantic. "You're the fox from Elena's TV game thing! Ha! Ha ha ha ha!" His voice cracked as he laughed. "This isn't real. It's all in my imagination!" Nathan stumbled into the Psychetron portal, rambling incoherently to himself.

Crash and Aku Aku traded glances. Crash shrugged.

Now the Cortex Castle landing deck was occupied only by Crash, Cortex, Aku Aku, Uka Uka, the defeated N. Tropy, and a bunch of de-evolved animals that would hopefully be restored to being Crash's friends as soon as he hit the Reset Crate.

"You may have beaten me this time, Crash Bandicoot!" spat N. Tropy, struggling to pull himself off the floor, "but I'll have my revenge! I'll never stop until you've been utterly humiliated! I'll make you pay for what you've done to me! I'll make you-"

Crash rolled his eyes and spun N. Tropy in the head, knocking him out cold.

"Looks like your time is up, N. Tropy," said Aku Aku.

The others let out a collective groan.

"Well, Crash, we did it." Cortex waltzed over to his bestest pal and slung an arm around his shoulder. "I did all the hard work, of course, but you helped in your own special way."

Crash smiled. He couldn't believe it. Usually, Cortex would be trying to kill Crash right about now, but this time he was acting really nice!

"I suppose now all that's left is to hit that Reality Reset Crate, repair both this world and our homeworld, and go home," said Cortex brightly. "We'll dismantle the crate so it can never be used for evil, and then we'll return to N. Sanity Island, arm in arm, as the closest of friends."

Crash outstretched his arms for a hug.

"You know, it's funny, Crash, I spent so much of my life thinking what I wanted most was to rule the world..." Cortex turned away, a far-off look overtaking his eyes. "...but now that I've seen what that would lead to... now that I've had this partnership with you... I see how wrong I was. I told you at the end of our last adventure that your creation was a mistake, and, well, Crash, now I've finally learned that it was so much more than that..."

Crash... Crash had something in his eye, that was all.

Cortex took a deep breath. "And so, despite all the times I've tried to kill you, despite all the hatred I thought I held for you, Crash, I wanted to say... DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

"Whoa!"

A plasma blast sent Crash tumbling across the room, landing face-first on the steel ground. Ah, of course, Crash should've known – N. Tropy wasn't the final boss after all.

"Ha HA! Take that, you moronic marsupial!" Cortex let out a hearty evil laugh, aiming his ray-gun at Crash's shocked face.

"Excellent work, Cortex!" cackled Uka Uka, hovering by his shoulder. "All we have to do now is kill Crash Bandicoot and my pathetic brother once and for all, then all the Power Crystals will be ours! Then we can fill in the power vaccum left by Lord Cortex and use the Reality Reset Crate to RULE ALL OF REALITY AS GODS! BWA HA HA HA HA!"

"Crash!" Aku Aku hovered at the fallen bandicoot's side. "We can't let the crystals or Reset Crate fall into those evildoers' hands! We must defeat them! For your friends, Tiny, Dingodile, and Roo! For the enslaved people of this world! For your siblings, Coco and Crunch! For your ex, Tawna, even! Crash, GET UP!"

Slowly, painfully, Crash pulled himself to his feet and took a fighting stance, Aku Aku floating at his side. Across the room, Dr. Cortex held his ray-gun high while Uka Uka sneered at them from over his shoulder. Between them stood the Reality Reset Crate, and behind them, inside the Psychetron, rested all twenty-five Power Crystals. In the background, Cortex's awesome theme music from the PS1 games was playing.

"This time, Crash Bandicoot," laughed Cortex, his ray-gun barrel glowing neon green, "this time, I SHALL REIGN TRIUMPHANT!"

"Guess again, Cortex," said Aku Aku. "Crash is the legendary hero, and he's just proven to you that Crash will ALWAYS defeat Cortex." He turned towards our fuzzy orange hero. "Get him."

Crash didn't need to be told twice. He readied his spinning muscles...

And the next thing anyone knew, there was a blinding flurry of spinning bandicoots and evil scientists and magical masks fighting for the fate of the world over some crystals.

All was as it should be.

The End

(You've got to picture Cortex's music playing as the credits roll.)