Summary: Sometimes it's the things that lie waiting in your own head that will hurt you the most. (Nalu flavored of course, warning for a small amount of blood and violence.)

Author's Note: Apologies if this doesn't really make much sense. It was sort of teased out of an idea for a longer story that popped into my head, so it might be a bit disjointed. I'm not really sure what to say about this one. Even after a lot of editing it still feels very clumsy and ham-handed to me, but this is as far as I could seem to get it to go. But angst away. (Quick Spoiler for this fic: No one dies, I promise.)

"How could you?"

Natsu turned his head to look at Erza's serious face, brows furrowing in confusion. Her sword was out and leveled towards him with gleaming edges though her armor looked smudged and battered. "Wha...?"

"What the hell's wrong with you, Flame Brain?!"

He spun to look at Gray who had scratches and dirt all over his bare torso and torn pants. Frowning at the rough state of his friends, he shook his head. "Huh? I don't..."

How had he gotten here? Where the hell was here?

Wracking his brain, Natsu managed to summon a faint recollection. Some part of him suggested it shouldn't be so difficult to dredge up such a recent and important memory, but he couldn't seem to think in a straight line. His thoughts tumbled over and under each other without rhythm.

That's right. They were fighting a dark wizard who'd been terrorizing his way across the countryside. The job had promised a ton of jewels as a reward, so even Lucy had been reluctantly accepting despite the danger. He could picture her strained smile and agreement as he'd looped an arm around her shoulders.

Where was that guy?

Spinning in a circle to search, Natsu wobbled and felt a wash of dizziness roll over him. Had he gotten hit in the head? Was that why he was having such a hard time thinking? There wasn't time for that if they were in the middle of a fight...

His wavering gaze landed on the slumped, furry form of Happy. Piteous sobs were coming from the tiny exceed, and Natsu immediately ran towards him. "Buddy! You okay?" He couldn't see any serious wounds but the worry of his little friend being hurt always kicked up his anxiety. Not that Happy couldn't protect himself -

"Why, Natsu? Why would you do that...?" Watery, sorrowful eyes rose to meet his dark ones, and the tiny nose scrunched when Happy sniffed loudly.

"Do what? What did I do?" Growing frustrated with the vagueness of his comrades' words, the dragon slayer growled. "Does no one else care that we have to beat that guy?"

"You're so reckless!" Erza accused, suddenly right beside him and looking fiercely disappointed. He reared back, feeling a strange stab of apprehension from her proximity and intensity.

"You were supposed to protect her!" Gray shoved him hard, sending Natsu stumbling, and he barely regained his balance before he could hit the ground.

Rising up from the awkward stance, the fire wizard brought his fists up and bared his teeth. His head was fuzzy and nothing was making any sense, least of all his friends. "What the hell are you all talking -"

He stopped short and stared at his hands in bewilderment. The fists unfurled, and he flexed his fingers, puzzled by the sticky red fluid coating them. "Is that… blood?"

He looked up to his guildmates with a dozen questions on his lips, but was met by a scene that utterly stole his voice. Lying sprawled on the ground, golden hair a matted halo against the grass, was Lucy. She was unnaturally still, not even the subtle rise and fall of her breath disturbing her limp form. The coppery, heavy scent of blood flooded his nostrils, settling rich and terrible along the back of his tongue and turning over his stomach as he lurched towards her. "No..."

Eyes huge and swimming with horror, Natsu frantically tried to sort through what had occurred. He refused to believe that this could happen while he was absent. That he could let this happen again. Where had he been? How had he missed this? Reaching forward for his partner, he hesitated at the sight of his own gore covered fingers so close to her pale skin.

A black wave of magical energy… The feel of Lucy's flesh giving way under his knuckles… Her scream of pain echoing in his ears… Blood on his hands… Dozens of disjointed impressions assaulted his senses and left him reeling.

His brain rejected the thought he could ever hurt her, leaving the wizard disoriented and grasping for something to ground his perception. The universe slid off its axis as his knees started to buckle under the weight of despair and disbelief.

"You did this!" Gray shouted, but Natsu didn't face him. Couldn't face him. Just the wrathful, disgusted tone of the ice mage's voice was enough to make the dragon slayer shy away.

"No! I wouldn't…" he choked. "I… I…" Clapping his hands over his ears to block out the memory of his partner's dying cry, all he managed was to smear her still warm life's blood along the sides of his head.

Her soulful brown eyes gazing up at him, light fading into emptiness… Bright blood frothing along her lips from the crippling internal injuries he'd inflicted… She'd smiled at him. Told him she forgave him. Asked him to look after the others. Protect the future...

A painful clench in his chest felt like someone crushing his heart in their fist. His stomach rebelled, and for a moment he was sure he was going to retch. He swallowed the bitter saliva convulsively, bending over and sucking air in through his gasping mouth. Eyes burning as hot tears scalded their way down his cheeks, Natsu staggered away from the evidence of his sublime betrayal.

"No… This can't..." His breathing was stoppered by the agonizing lump that lodged itself in his throat and sinuses, each inhale stuttering and each exhale a violent hiccup. Vision skewing wildly, Natsu forced himself upright as his head started to throb from the force of his racing pulse. His balance abruptly failed him, and it took a few stumbling steps to plant his feet while he swayed. "Please..."

He threw his head back, spine arching like a taut bow. A bestial howl ripped its way up from the bleakest depths of his soul and shook his body like a leaf in a hurricane. It roared up his raw throat, desperate and anguished and tearing jagged, bitter shards out of his being. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Make it STOP!

"Natsu, snap out of it!" Gripping the pink haired boy's arms hard, Gray shook him roughly. "Stop screaming like tha-" The ice make mage barely dodged the swing aimed at his head and took two quick hops backward to put some distance between himself and his fugued friend.

Lips peeled back in a feral show of teeth, Natsu looked more like a maddened animal than the skilled guild wizard he was. There was no recognition behind those black eyes, pupils blown with empty rage and strange dark veins standing out under the tanned skin around them.

"Crap! What'd that spell do -" Gray, unprepared for a sudden burst of speed, was sent spinning from the punch that struck him brutally in the stomach. He let out a grunt when he bounced across the churned up earth. "Shit!" he wheezed, air robbed from his lungs.

Erza's sword slashed the air a split second before Natsu could pounce on his downed comrade and forced the berzerk fire wizard to change his course and attention. "Natsu, what are you doing?" she demanded, eyes pinned to his tense form. Flames licked at the corners of his mouth, and his fingers flexed like wicked talons.

The redhead carefully edged herself in a direction that she hoped would drive him into a more easily defended location. Desperation and pain had twisted his features into something unrecognizable, and she realized he wasn't even registering his own actions.

Grimacing when he charged at her, she blocked a fiery uppercut with the flat of her blade, and staggered slightly from the energy of it. Erza angled her weapon to catch the next blow but realized just a moment too late that he had intended for her to do so. The jab struck her mailed hand instead, sending a spike of pain up her arm and numbing her fingers just enough for her grip to loosen.

That too turned out to be just a distraction. While she fumbled with her hilt, Natsu dropped low, leg lashing out and sweeping her feet out from under her. Back slamming into the ground with enough force to rattle the breath from her, Erza scarcely had enough time to roll herself out of the way of the fire mage's flaming heel drop. The ground cracked and caved under the impact, sending dirt and rock spitting in all directions.

"Stop!"

The raging dragon slayer whipped around at the command with his fist cocked back to strike, but he froze at the sight, muscles twitching under the strain, jaw tight and fangs on display. Happy floated, wide eyed and frightened just over Lucy's slender shoulder.

There she was, whole and alive, smelling of starlight and sweet summer melons. Or maybe it was cucumber? Citrus? He'd always had a hard time trying to pin down the notes of her scent, but it was definitely something refreshing and lively.

Why was he thinking about that? Why was it so hard to think at all? Dropping back into his senses felt like being smashed face first into a boulder and left him addled, struggling to catch up.

She was fine. She was safe. He hadn't hurt her, and she was okay. Giddy euphoria burst like a bubble in his chest, and he actually had to murder a laugh that tried to worm its way past the lump under his larynx. Somehow letting it out and cackling like a lunatic didn't seem all that appropriate given the circumstances.

He belatedly noticed that the hands she had extended towards him in supplication were also dyed with slick, sticky crimson, and he suddenly felt light headed with relief and confusion. Natsu glanced down at his own stained fingers for confirmation and was puzzled to discover that there was much more of the lurid blood sluggishly coating his entire torso, soaking the edges of his open vest.

"Oh," he said, realization striking sharp and blissful. "It's not yours." A distant, angry ache somewhere near his collarbone clearly stated that he was badly wounded and probably in some stage of shock, but all he felt was ease.

"Natsu…" Lucy reached for him carefully, uncertainly, and he considered that it would be so very nice to rest for a while in those soft arms.

Glancing up at the star-kissed beauty, he saw the concern swimming in her lucid brown eyes. She was afraid - terrified - and it nibbled at his conscience in a way that would deny him peace until he righted it.

"It's okay," he assured her with a peculiar little titter. Swiping a hand across the skin over his heart to collect the dripping vitality, he presented his gorey fingers to her accompanied by an encouraging smile. "It's just mine."

Then he toppled forward, unconscious weight dragging her to the ground.

He stared up at the blue sky for a good number of minutes before realizing his eyes were actually open. It was almost impossible to concentrate courtesy of the pounding in his head, but he tried to work through how he ended up in this state. Natsu could tell that his hands were tied together and resting on his stomach, that the others were standing and talking quietly some distance away, and that his chest really hurt.

Why was he here again? They were chasing a dark wizard…

Oh right. That guy.

"Natsu?" Happy's plaintive voice snapped the fire mage out of his reverie. "Are… you okay now?"

He exchanged the fluffy white clouds for the furry blue face and stared uncomprehendingly at the exceed. Opening his mouth to speak, Natsu abruptly recalled the blood on his hands and lifted them up towards his face urgently.

Though they were mostly clean now, he could still pick out the flakey dried brown around his nail beds. Panic clogged up his throat in an instant, and a tremor shook his body ruthlessly. He'd hurt Lucy!

No. That's right. She was fine. He'd attacked Erza and Gray… Why would he do that? The information his brain was sending back didn't make even a bit of sense.

"Uh… What happened?" he asked.

"You got hit with that wack job's nightmare attack," Gray supplied, coming over to peer down at his incapacitated teammate. "You completely flipped out and almost burst my freakin' eardrums with that roar of yours."

Lucy crouched down next to her partner and very carefully checked the wound dressing binding his upper torso. He rolled his head to watch her, feeling the stifling anxiety evaporate when she offered him a small smile. "That guy injured you pretty badly. Are you feeling better?"

Not trusting his voice enough to speak, he simply nodded and kept his gaze glued to her very much alive figure when she continued. "Erza took him back to the nearest village so they can lock him up. It turns out that he had some kind of nasty forbidden spell that digs up awful things from your subconscious and sort of traps you in them. Like living a bad dream."

The girl loosened the knot on his bonds, setting his hands free and helping him sit up slowly. He groaned at the dull throb of pain. "Ugh. Man, I thought I'd knocked him out with that iron fist…" Natsu muttered.

"You did," Gray confirmed, "but you did it right as he finished casting that spell so you got a face full of it." His expression turned curious, and he studied his pink haired friend cautiously. "What did you see that set you off like that? You were really out of it."

Natsu froze up and then curled in on himself when the seizing muscles protested. Lucy's tender hands on his back and shoulders helped sooth the sharp pain, but he flattened his mouth into a grim line that had nothing to do with the spasm. "I… don't remember," he lied.

"Seriously? You tried to take my head off and actually knocked Erza down. You really don't -"

"Help me up, Lucy." Natsu grabbed on to the stellar spirit wizard's arm and used her as a prop to push himself unsteadily to his feet. The girl frowned at him but assisted as best she could.

Gray let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head slowly. "Come on. We need to meet up with Erza back in town. We'll have to hustle to get there before dark, and I'm not sure how fast you can move when you're injured like that." He set off towards the drooping sun, shielding his eyes from the dying orange light that washed the landscape.

After making sure Natsu was going to stay upright, Lucy walked shoulder to shoulder with him. "Do you remember some of what happened during the fight?" she asked.

The dragon slayer was starting to piece together the chaotic events that led to his injury. He rubbed at his clavicle gently. "I got shot with some kind of force bolt and was bleeding all over the place. I guess it nicked an artery or something…" Lucy had hastily pressed her hands against the wound to stem the flow, and he could clearly picture the wide, fearful eyes staring into his as he started to feel strangely cold. "I owe Porlyusica big time. That blood clotting potion she gave us to test saved my ass."

"Do you remember anything else?" she coaxed, expression starting to smooth out from the uneasy pinch she'd been wearing since he woke up.

"Yeah. That guy was casting a spell at us, and I kinda threw you off so you wouldn't get hit." Natsu's eyes darted over to her, assessing that she was, indeed, perfectly fine. "Then I jumped him and busted up his face." The sensation of bone and muscle bursting under his fingers had been from their quarry's broken nose and cracked cheekbone, not Lucy as his brain had insidiously convinced him. "The spell hit me and I…"

She waited, watching him closely. "You what, Natsu?"

"I thought I…" He intimately understood the black magic had caused all the troubling things he'd ever swept into the dim corners of his mind to fuse together inside his head, regurgitating a malignant, gluttonous nightmare that gorged on all those dark memories. The fading warmth of future Lucy's body was burned so indelibly into his psyche that it became much too easy to imagine his own Lucy in her place. "I don't…"

He couldn't even recall making a decision to attack his friends. All he'd felt was that sucking void of pain and grief, and it swept away conscious thought into the aching hallucination his brain coughed up. He'd hurt so much and so completely... It disturbed him that he could lose himself so easily.

"Natsu, are you gonna be okay?"

He looked up from where his gaze had been locked on Gray's heels ahead to see Happy floating next to him. The exceed had wisely chosen not to add even his own slight weight to the dragon slayer's injured shoulders but stuck close just the same. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," came the quiet response, and Natsu realized he couldn't argue with that assessment. He probably looked like hell if the way he felt was anything to go by. "What… happened? What did you see?"

Lucy nodded, soft mouth pulling down at the edges and gentle fingers brushing his arm. "It's okay. You can talk to us, you know."

Silence stretched for a long moment as the dragon slayer wrestled with an answer. His careful footfalls were punctuated by the sound of dry, crunching leaves, and his mouth compressed into a contorted grimace. Even if it was Happy and Lucy, he wasn't sure that he could say what he'd done - what he'd been made to think he'd done. "I… Can we talk about it later?"

Happy seemed to catch on to his friend's profoundly distressed state. It wasn't easy to see someone he cared about hurting both physically and emotionally, but sometimes there was nothing to be done until the Salamander was just plain prepared to talk. "You'll tell us when you're ready, right?"

"Yeah, I will," Natsu breathed, dark eyes drifting back to the sunny haired girl walking next to him. She offered a small, warm smile that should have softened all his hurts. Just having her close normally put him more at ease.

But not this time.

In some shadowy space of his soul, he swore he would never lose her again, not even to the illusions spawned by his own brain. No matter the price, no matter what depths he'd have to sink to, nothing would rip her from his side. He would protect her - protect them all - to his last breath or his last shred of humanity. He would... "Someday…"

Author's Note: Really not sure how I feel about this particular piece, but it seems interesting to me that Natsu appears to have a tendency to just glance at the trauma he experiences and then toss it off somewhere. Since we don't see much of his thought processes, it's not clear if he just happens to be very good at dealing with these things or if he shoves them to the back of his mind and ignores them. I went with the latter since that's pretty much one of the worst ways of handling emotional issues. I was curious what would happen if someone just sort of cracked that bit of his brain open and let everything out...