This is an AU of Asylum of the Daleks.

NO WAIT DON'T RUN AWAY COME BACK NOW.

It has an interesting twist. I'm not using any more than five lines of the original dialogue here. It'll be fairly short- two parts plus a short coda- but I hope you will enjoy it. I won't tell you what the AU bit of it is; it'll spoil it.

If you liked it, please review!

The Majestic Tale (of a madwoman in a Dalek)

Part One

It was a dark night on the desolate, windy planet of Skaro. Plumes of smoke drifted up into the smog-covered sky, and the only sound was of creaking machinery. Rain drizzled down over a moss-covered statue of a complete and utter monster- a Dalek.

A woman sat, hunched over in a black cloak, at the base of the statue. She didn't move. Not even a bit. The hood of the cloak covered her face, making her unrecognizable.

"I got your message," a man's voice said. She glanced sharply up. The hood slipped slightly, revealing a snatch of dirty brown hair. "Not many people can do that," he continued, stepping out into visibility. "Send me messages, I mean."

He was tall and had the look of slight awkwardness about him. His brown hair flopped sideways over his face, and his tweed jacket was pulled tightly about him. A bow tie was fixed about his neck. And his eyes... his eyes were as old as the universe, maybe even older.

"You came," the woman exclaimed, scrambling up.

"I always come," he replied, attempting to scrutinize her, underneath her cloak. "It's a very bad habit of mine I need to learn how to break. It would also be nice if I knew who you were."

Her body language had all the marks of sudden dejectedness. "You don't know me?"

He tilted his head, and straightened his coat. "Well, if you'll wear a cloak..."

The woman pulled the hood down, revealing an entirely unremarkable face, framed by straight, greasy hair. "Maybe you recognise me now... Professor."

The man's face did several very interesting acrobatics that would have come first in the Olympics if the event was looking shocked. "...my name's the Doctor," he managed. And then... "Ace? What happened?"

She shook her head. "There's no time for that, Doctor. The Daleks. I have a friend in the prison camps. Her name's Manisha. We have to get her out, or the Daleks will kill her."

He grabbed her arms, pulling them down. "How do you know her?"

"I was in the camp. I escaped. I had to find you."

He spun away, and paced around a few times, before wheeling back to her. "No."

The woman glared. "What do you mean, no?"

"I mean, no, I can't. I'm sorry, Ace. No one escapes the Dalek camps."

"I did," she protested. "You know me, Doctor. If anyone could have escaped, it would have been me."

"You're right," he acknowledged. "If anyone had escaped, it would be you. But the point still stands that no one escapes." He tapped her nose. "You're very cold."

"What does that have to do with-"

"And I know who Manisha is." He gazed intently into her eyes for a moment.

"Then you know we have to get her out!"

"No. I'm sorry, Ace, I'm so, so, sorry. But you're a trap."

She stared at him incredulously. "What do you mean, I'm a trap?"

"Manisha was your friend when you were ten. And she's dead. She died years ago."

He stepped back, as the woman's face grew blank.

There was a flash of blue light.

"The Doctor has been acquired," said the woman's voice, distorted out of normal tones to a horrible, grating whine.

Snap!

Amy Pond flung her hair to the side, and put on the moodiest expression she could muster..

Snap!

She was wearing the latest designer clothes that had come out, and had rather thick makeup on.

Snap!

An assistant was firing a blow dryer at her making her hair fly upwards, and she was currently posing on a staircase while cameramen took numerous shots of her

Snap!

She looked gorgeous.

Snap!

That wasn't to say she was actually enjoying it.

"Okay, take a break, everyone!" ordered the director of the magazine she worked for. "Pond- your husband wants to speak to you."

Amy stared into a mirror on the side of a cupboard, and tested her pout again. "I don't have a husband."

It wasn't true, of course. Legally, she was still married to Rory Arthur Williams.

The director snorted. "According to him, you still are. And if you want it to stay that way, by all means, stay right here."

Amy shrugged out of her designer shawl, and handed it off to an assistant. "I'll be right back."

She exited the room, and took the lift down two levels to her dressing room. Opening the door, she saw Rory standing, examining her many rows of nail polish.

"Why do you have so many?" he asked without looking up. "Do you need to wear a color every day or something?"

"Papers," she said without preamble, holding out a hand.

He withdrew the sheets from an inside pocket. They looked distinctly rumpled. Amy wiggled her fingers, clearly expecting him to hand them over.

"Amy," Rory said with a frown. "Are you entirely sure about-"

Losing patience, she leaned over and snatched them from his hand. Grabbing a hot pink pen from her desk, she quickly scribbled Amelia Jessica Pond on the dotted lines.

"That's Miss Pond to you," she snapped, handing them back. "Go away. I'm working."

"Amy..."

"GO."

He sent her that look (the one that looked like a lost puppy dog) and finally, finally left.

She was alone in the dressing room now.

Amy sighed out, and sagged into a chair.

"When did my life get so annoying?" she asked herself out loud.

There was a knock on her door.

"What now?" she hissed.

A woman peeked in. "Hello." She spoke with a distinctive London accent.

"What do you want? If it's another marriage proposal, I've already said I don't like girls-"

"No, it's about the Doctor." She opened the door fully, and stepped in. "He's in trouble."

Amy spun around. "I'm Amy. What happened to him this time?"

Amy burst out of the front door. "RORY!"

He turned halfway, from where he was about to step onto the bus. "I thought you weren't talking to me."

She screeched to a stop a few paces away from him, panting. "No time for that. This is Ace," she pointed behind her. "and the Doctor's in trouble."

Rory stared.

"I don't look that bad, do I?" she patted herself down. "Did my mascara smear or something?"

He raised one hand and pointed behind her. "Dalek."

Amy didn't bother looking. She hit the ground while a bolt of blue energy soared over her head. Being with the Doctor had taught her that, at least.

The bolt of light hit Rory instead, who instantly crumpled. She scrambled over to him, desperately feeling for a pulse the way he had taught her.

He was still alive.

That was the last thought she had, before another beam of light struck her in the back and she passed out too.

"Amelia Pond and Rory Williams have been acquired," said the grating, mechanical voice.