A/N: This fanfiction is a black comedy satire based around the common fic idea of all of the villainous team leaders being in one place and joining forces. This fanfic is based on the games, so moves, places (such as the PokéMart), and certain items will be capitalized. ^_^ I hope you enjoy!

It was a cool summer night, just past ten o'clock and the streetlights were shining bright, causing the buildings to shimmer a bluish-green. Giovanni had made some lame excuse about needing to buy repels so that he could leave the PWT before anybody else. He absolutely hated it when trainers came to talk to him in the lobby after the tournament.

As he walked away from the PWT facility, Giovanni checked his bag. It turned out it was true—he really was running low on repels. He wasn't fond of many of the native pokémon of Unova, and besides, his adventurous days were over. He stopped to pull his fedora over his eyes. I'll stop by the PokéMart, then be on my way, he thought. He walked past several emerald-studded buildings. He was glad they didn't shine much at night.

Giovanni had never liked Driftveil City. There were far too many people milling around, constantly blabbering about something or other. It was difficult to find ways to carry more than the legal six pokémon at once in such a place. The World Tournament building screened every trainer's party, so Giovanni was forced to hide his extra pokéballs in his coat and hat. Even worse, it wasn't as if he could commiserate with anyone about such criminal inconveniences.

But for the "Self-Proclaimed Strongest Trainer" and former boss of Team Rocket, it wasn't as if he could seek worthy opponents anywhere else. Taking back his position as Viridian City gym leader had been difficult enough. He didn't want anything more to aggravate him.

Giovanni scowled. The walk to the to the PokéMart was taking longer than waiting for Ariana to fix her hair. He tilted up his hat brim, and saw nothing. The Market was nowhere in sight, and the city's stonework stretched to the horizon. The scenery seemed to blur, and Giovanni felt his head pounding.

"What? Is this some sort of idiotic prank?!" Giovanni reached for his bag, but paused when he saw something yellow flickering at the edge of his field of vision. He whirled around, and saw a Kadabra.

"Don't tell me Sabrina has it out for me again," muttered Giovanni, as he prepared to send out a pokémon. Before he could do anything, he heard a woman's unfamiliar voice cry out.

"Kadabra, use Psycho Cut!"

The Kadabra's eyes glowed pink, and it swiped at the air with its claws. A psychic wave shot out and crashed against Giovanni. He screamed and grabbed his head. He crumpled over and fell to his knees. Everything went black.

Giovanni woke up with a pounding headache, his eyes still closed. It felt like his head had been trampled by a herd of Tauros. Knowing that he'd eventually have to wake up, he opened his eyes and resigned himself to the toils of the day.

But instead of his usual hotel room, this room was even more drab. Giovanni quickly felt his clothes—he still had his coat on, not his bedclothes. He turned to the side and saw his fedora lying next to him. He put it on. Getting more and more aggravated, Giovanni groaned and pushed himself out of bed. The room was cramped and barren, with only a bed and no windows. His bag was nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, the memory of the Kadabra from the night before came rushing back. My pokémon, thought Giovanni, I have to find them! He rifled through every one of his pockets, looked inside his hat and his shoes, and found nothing. Giovanni grimaced when he realized whoever had kidnapped him had frisked him and stolen his pokémon.

"How dare I be toyed with!" Giovanni stormed toward the door.

Before his hand even touched the doorknob, the door opened by itself, revealing a young woman. She wore a flowing sundress like an Aroma Lady. Beside her stood the Kadabra.

"You! You did this to me!" yelled Giovanni. He reached out to strangle the woman, but missed and stepped right past her. He stumbled into the hall.

"Sorry, Mr. Giovanni," said the woman. "I had Kadabra use Kinesis on you. No harm done, right?" She winked.

"Using moves on humans is against the law!" yelled Giovanni. "Now, what do you want from me?!" He shook his fist at her.

"Oh, Mr. Giovanni, you've got it all wrong," she said. "We're here to help you! And we only use these pokémon to aid in your recovery." She reached down and petted Kadabra's head. "Anyway, we need to hurry to your first meeting. Follow me, please." She turned and walked down the hall.

"I refuse to follow—" Giovanni was cut off by Kadabra raising its spoon. Giovanni became bathed in blue light, and his entire body was dragged after the woman.

The woman looked at him. "Isn't Telekinesis a fun way to travel?" she asked. "Don't worry, I'll tell you all about this place when we get to the meeting room."

"You will suffer for this." Giovanni seethed, but without pokémon of his own, there wasn't much he could do but look threatening.

He was carried down the hall until he and the woman reached another doorway, which stood next to a large billboard that had many brightly-colored fliers tacked to it. A banner above the billboard read: E-ANON.

"What is this?" snarled Giovanni.

The woman stopped walking and spun around to face him. "This is where we gather people like you who need help getting back on track and making new friends!" She grinned. "You'll have free room and board, too! Isn't it great?"

"No!" screamed Giovanni. "Do you know who I am?! I am the Viridian City gym leader, I am—"

The woman snapped her fingers and the Kadabra stopped its Telekenisis. Giovanni crashed to the floor and fell on his stomach.

"Actually, I'm sure Blue will be taking care of your gym while you work on the program." The woman giggled. "Just relax and listen to everyone's stories. Have fun!" She gestured to her Kadabra, who used its Telekinesis to open the door to the meeting hall. "I'll bet they'll all be excited to meet somebody so famous."

Giovanni stood back up and adjusted his hat and coat. "Too famous to be treated like this. Tell me, what is this place?" he asked in a soft tone, under the assumption that the woman was insane.

Her eyes opened wide. "Why, you're at Evil Anonymous. You know, the recovery center for evildoers everywhere? Don't tell me you've never heard of us?"

Now Giovanni was certain she was insane. Such a center seemed too silly to actually exist. He decided to keep playing along. After all, insane vigilantes were even more vicious than starving Arcanines. "Why, how could you think I'm an evildoer? I haven't been involved in any shady dealings for so long now." He smiled. "Why not leave the past in the past?"

She shook her head. "That's what they all say... at least you'll fit in. Kadabra, show him to the seats."

With another burst of telekinetic energy, Giovanni was flung into the meeting room. He recovered and hurriedly tried to memorize his surroundings, especially any possible exits or weapons. The room was spacious enough, but it also had no windows. Near the middle of the room was a whiteboard, which had many chairs lined up in front of it, like a little army. There was a single chair next to the board. In the side of the room was a coffee table set up with drinks. There were a few doors, which Giovanni assumed led either outside or to living quarters.

A few people were wandering around the meeting room, adjusting the chairs or getting cups of coffee or tea. Most of the people were dressed like Breeders or Rangers, as if they were ready for heavy service work. They each had a companion pokémon out and following them around.

Giovanni scrutinized the pokémon. Natu, Mr. Mime, Kadabra... all psychic-types. It figures, he thought. People were starting to fill the room, all of them with dopey expressions on their faces. Giovanni strode up to a service person who didn't look too active and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but what are these meetings? More importantly, where are my pokémon?" Giovanni struggled to keep his voice level.

The man, a Breeder by the looks of it, turned around. He had a Natu on his shoulder, which was staring intently at Giovanni. "Ah, so you're the old Rocket Boss? Nice to meet you. We've been waiting for you for a quite a while." He reached out to shake hands, but Giovanni put his hands in his pockets. "Don't worry 'bout your pokémon. They're being held for you while you recover. Remember that we'll always be here to help you. So, want some coffee?"

Giovanni awkwardly looked away. "Uh... no." It's probably poisoned, he left unsaid. "So where are the... others like me?"

"They'll be here soon enough. Don't get edgy, you'll be able to share your story soon enough." The Breeder turned to one of the doors, where a few more people were entering the room. "Hey! Look, they're arriving. Come on, Giovanni, why don't you go make a friend or two while we wait for everyone else?" asked the Breeder. The Natu on his shoulder chirped.

"How about no," Giovanni said under his breath.

"Aw, don't be such a gloomy Gus. Hey, I know a guy who's a touch shy like you. Why don't I introduce the two of you?" He pointed to a man with spiky blue hair standing by the coffee table. By this point, several people were already sitting in the chairs in front of the board and talking.

"I'm not interested. Besides, I'm certain that I'm not meant to be here." As more people entered the room and sat down, Giovanni felt his stress mounting. "I'll take my leave now, if don't mind—" As he turned away, the Natu leapt off the Breeder's shoulder and caught Giovanni's fedora in its beak. It fluttered to the floor and hopped away.

"What?!" Giovanni gnashed his teeth. He grabbed the pokémon Breeder by the collar. "Control your pokémon, you fool, or else you will have to answer to me!"

The Breeder just smiled. "He's just playing. Have a sense of humor, now will ya?" He looked over to the Natu. "Buddy, take Giov's hat over to the guy I want him to meet, okay?" The Natu chirped again, and started hopping over to the coffee table.

Giovanni shoved the pokémon Breeder and released him, and chased after the Natu instead. "Give that back, or you'll experience a world of pain!" The pokémon kept hopping until it reached the shadow of the coffee table. It skipped to the left, landing on the shoe of the man standing in front of the table. He picked up the fedora and looked down at it.

"That's mine!" Giovanni ran over and grabbed his hat out of the man's hand. He put it back on, adjusted it, and let out a frustrated sigh. When he looked up, he noticed that the man standing next to him was staring at him. He had his head tilted down, and was staring down at Giovanni with a blank, soulless expression. He had dark circles under his eyes, increasing the effect.

Although the man's stare was comparable to looking into the back of a Shedinja, Giovanni was not the least bit intimidated. "What do you want?!" he snapped.

The pokémon Breeder walked up to both of them. "Chill, Giovanni. Cyrus looks at everyone like that. Why don't you guys get acquainted? It'd be good for you to make some friends with the other recovering villains, Giov."

Giovanni felt more angry than an abused pokémon using Frustration. "First of all, my name is Giovanni, and you will use it! Second, I am not under your command!" He paused. "Wait, what? Isn't Cyrus the name of..."

"Yep, the Boss of Team Galactic from Sinnoh. Sure was hard for us to track him down!" The Breeder grinned.

"Isn't he supposed to be dead?" asked Giovanni.

"You're such a jokester." The Breeder shook his head. "Now, have a conversation like two, well-adjusted humans. I'm sure you two'll get along great. I mean, you both have tons of wrinkles!" When Giovanni just kept glowering at him, his grin fell. "Natu, use Peck on Giovanni." Right on cue, Natu leapt into the air and jabbed Giovanni in the face with its beak.

"Argh!" Giovanni swatted the Natu, and covered his face with his hands. He felt like the veins in his forehead were about to burst. Thinking quickly, his imagined a detailed scenario involving his Nidoqueen stomping the pokémon Breeder into a paste. That soothed Giovanni a bit, and he straightened his back.

"I'll leave you and Cyrus for a bit," said the Breeder. "Come on, Natu! Let's wait for everyone." He walked away.

"Fine, you fool. I'll teach you a lesson soon enough!" After screaming at the Breeder, Giovanni looked back to Cyrus, who had been completely silent for this entire exchange. "All right. Tell me, how many people have you killed, Cyrus?" he asked with his most cloying voice.

"None... directly," Cyrus answered, in utter monotone. After a long silence, so long it became somewhat awkward, he spoke again. "Why?"

"Either you're a serial killer, or you have never slept a day in your life," said Giovanni. "What is wrong with your eyes?"

Cyrus seemed to look right past Giovanni.

"More importantly, how can I retrieve my pokémon and leave this place this instant?!" Giovanni made a fist and slammed it against the table, causing the coffeemakers to shake.

Cyrus just looked on, emotionless.

Giovanni breathed heavily, sweat dripping down his forehead. After a few moments, he heard someone yelling at the other side of the room. He turned to look, and saw a man being pushed through an entrance by two service people. He was holding a metal cane, struggling to keep his balance, while simultaneously attempting to resist the people forcing him inside. He was shouting some gibberish and foaming at the mouth.

One of the people herding him tried to soothe him. "Now, now, did you accidentally spit out your medicine again today?"

Giovanni's eyes widened. He recognized the shouting man's pale green, antler-like hair and black robe immediately. Giovanni always watched the news carefully. "Is that..." He didn't get to finish his sentence.

"I am perfect! I am Ghetsis!" yelled the former Plasma King, spit flying out of his mouth.

Giovanni put his head in his hands again. This is hell, he thought.