五月一日（木）

I'm sorry for my intrusion, Teitoku.

But for the sake of logging the events that are to follow starting today, I feel that this is necessary. And in the hopes that you will wake with remembrance of us all and read these entries when you have the chance.

Please allow me to explain.

Today, on May 1st, 2014, the Abyssals attacked our naval base here in Okinawa. Judging by their coordinated attacks, it appears that they knew exactly where our base was located.

The assault began at 0924 hours, after breakfast. The first wave of artillery hit the main office and harbor, and the second follow-up wave hit the mess hall. The third wave destroyed the storage buildings, cutting us off from our supplies and equipment, and we were therefore forced to take cover.

Teitoku ordered us to take our casualties and evacuate the base, but by then there were too many waves of artillery and Abyssal planes coming in to attack our position, so staying inside the rubble of the base was our only choice, and pray that no one else would get hit by any more shells.

It breaks my heart to report here, Admiral, that you were hit by a shell at 0928 hours.

The attack ceased at 0955 hours. We put you in your bedroom, which escaped damage, after treating you. We did our best, but as of now, I sit with you on your bed writing this entry knowing that you may not survive this night.

You lost both of your legs and your right arm. Your head also suffered a severe concussion and internal bleeding when a heavy piece of the ceiling fell down on you due to the shelling. We do not expect you to regain consciousness for a long time...if at all, in which case...

...there wouldn't be a point in writing this, would there?

I shall now report the casualties of the attack:

No Damage:
Irako
Kiyoshimo

Lightly Damaged:
Samidare
Yayoi
Sendai
Nachi
Taihou

Heavily Damaged:
Sazanami
Fubuki
Wakaba
Akatsuki
Hibiki
Inazuma
Ikazuchi
Hayashimo
Naganami
I-168
I-19
I-401
I-58
Taigei
Kitakami
Ooi
Yahagi
Kiso
Abukuma
Kuma
Noshiro
Takao
Atago
Suzuya
Aoba
Kirishima
Hiei
Yamato
Amagi
Akitsushima
Shouhou
Zuihou

Critically Damaged:
Akebono
Hatsuharu
Shigure
Yuudachi
Urakaze
Ooyodo
Tama
Kumano
Souryuu
Akagi
Hiryuu

Killed:
Murakumo
Houshou
Mamiya
Akashi

Missing:
Harusame

Because Akashi was killed in the attack, we were unable to treat Teitoku to the extent that we wanted.

Murakumo-chan was the first to get hit by an enemy shell. I'm told that she was struck by a direct hit from a battleship-caliber shell that pierced through the ceiling, and she died instantly.

Shinsengumi was also shelled heavily, and Houshou-san and Mamiya-san were there to wash out some of the ramen broth pots. They, too, were trapped and crushed under enemy shells and rubble.

I witnessed Akashi's death as we were trying to evacuate Akebono-chan and Urakaze-chan to the medbay. The shell that struck her caused her to shield me from the blast, so I only suffered light damage while she, too, died instantly.

Our developers, the men and women from Seal Team Six, had, to their good fortune, escaped damage because they had gone out to visit the town nearby. When the enemy shelling began, they radioed us to learn of the situation, but we asked them to stay away from the base until the attack was over. They consequently summoned support from the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force for assistance and base rebuilding.

JMSDF troops arrived at 1030 hours to assist with the crisis. They have established a defensive perimeter around Okinawa and have placed the entire region on high alert.

We don't know what will happen from here. With Teitoku grievously wounded and rendered incapacitated, we don't know if Headquarters will send a replacement Teitoku to take his place or if Big-Sensei will take direct control of us ship girls of the Moebius Four Platoon for the time being. They are still deliberating on the most effective course of actions to take, especially in regards to what to do with the Teitoku.

I first found out about these journals shortly after the incident in which the Teitoku was shot by the terrorist group of extremist right-wing assassins. I visited his bedroom while he was in his coma and discovered his journal that he'd been writing in, and unable to contain my curiosity, I opened it to read it, but it was all in English. My curiosity still proved too strong, so I was determined to learn English in secret so that I could read Teitoku's deepest thoughts, to understand what kind of a man and a commander he really was. At the time, I still had my suspicions that maybe Teitoku was here for ulterior motives - after all, my service on the mainland had taught me the valuable lesson of never trusting my superiors, so I wanted to learn to read English to read this journal. I used the laptop that Teitoku bought for Fubuki-chan and stayed up very late studying English in however ways I could over the Internet.

And I'm very ashamed to admit this, but...but during the mission in which I died around two months ago, I was very sleepy during that mission because I had been up very late the past few days finalizing my mastery over English. Thankfully my mistake then didn't have any lasting repercussions, and I am now fluent in English.

Upon reading Teitoku's journals, I quickly began to see him in a much different light. There was, as far as I can tell, nothing shady or secret he wants to keep...except for the page on the Moebius Four Platoon, but...but that's just to be expected. It's not his fault that he wants to keep something like that secret. But other than that, the Admiral is just a man trying to do his job, trying to be a dutiful officer. Reading these journals became a pleasure to me, for it was always entertaining to read the thoughts he had about us, about me...even if there are some things I don't quite understand, the nuances of the English language. But besides those, I think I now have a good idea what kind of person Teitoku is.

And before I knew it, I found myself in love with him.

I don't know why it is that I've fallen in love with him. He has many qualities of being a kind, strong Admiral, but I don't personally think that those qualities alone were the reasons why I have feelings for him that I probably shouldn't. After some thought, I've determined that maybe it's because I'm envious of the Admiral's ability to so easily put his truest thoughts down on paper without hesitation. Throughout his journal, I noticed very few eraser marks or crossed out words or letters, which can only mean that either he's orchestrated his own journal to say things he doesn't think, or he writes what's on his mind. Knowing him, I should think and hope that it is the latter.

I don't like delving into matters of race or racial stereotype or generalization. I really do think such things are a bit trivial, and so from the beginning, whenever the others would talk about what they thought of our new Teitoku being American before we transferred here to Okinawa, I abstained from discussion. But now, I'm forced to recognize the fact that perhaps I need to reconsider my beliefs on race and nationality. Until today, I had clutched onto my hope that my love for the Admiral would trump over all else, that my hopes of the two of us living happily ever after would win over all. But today, in our meeting with the developers from Seal Team Six, I'm compelled to realize that I can no longer ignore such things.

Also relevant is Teitoku's aforementioned ability to say what is on his mind. I respect that deeply. Being able to do something like that, it must take a level of courage that I couldn't possibly muster up myself. Even if it is in a simple journal, I would have simply written what was to be expected of me. After reading the most recent journal entry, I spoke with Ooyodo-san in the medbay about it, and from it, I've determined that perhaps it is because of our Japanese-ness that compels us to behave in ways that is expected of us. Ooyodo-san is deeply and bitterly resentful of this, and while we all love our culture and our country, Ooyodo-san insists that there are a few things about it that she will never stand, and that having an American Teitoku who fundamentally behaves much differently than what we are used to has helped her cement her opinions.

I still don't know where I stand on this, however. I pray that I, too, will grasp my own conclusions about this matter.

But more to the point, is it because I really am jealous of Teitoku 's personal freedom to say whatever he wishes without fear of repercussion that I have wanted to be by his side? Or do I want him to pity me because I can't do what he can? Do I feel that if I became close to Teitoku , I, too, would learn how to put my deepest thoughts into words, like I want to sometimes? Houshou-san advised me to do so, when I consulted her what I should do in order for Teitoku to recognize my feelings for him. But our first night aboard his flagship carrier...I felt like that wasn't honest. I made Teitoku care for me through dishonest means. I think that night was more of my longing for him and unwillingness to let him go, as if...as if out of spite for the world, that if I can't have him, at least I'll sleep with him at least once before I have to let him go forever.

But I know that now, there's no point in troubling myself over these things. It's too late for these...stupid thoughts now. Now, I know that I, too, must learn how to speak what I truly feel, like the Admiral has, and by writing my own journal entries into his journals, hopefully, I will learn. I pray that his power vested into his journals will empower me, too, to do so.

Teitoku, I pray that you will read this.

I want to apologize for any pain that I will cause you in the future.

We don't know what the future will hold for any of us. Likely, we may never see each other again. With your debilitating wounds, we have been informed by the developers that you are no longer fit for active military service. The most realistic course of action for you, according to Sanford-sensei, if you survive your wounds, is to retire and return to your home in America.

I want you to know that should that be the case, I will do everything in my power to visit you in your home, and, if the heavens allow it, take care of you until it becomes an impossibility.

You warned me that for the two of us to be together, we would suffer many things. I thought I had taken your advice to heart, but only today have I truly realized the truth to those words. I misled myself, convincing myself that everything to turn out okay, that, like some kind of fantasy, we would be able to remain together and live happily ever after. Even now, I still have that delusional hope clinging to my heart, and I shall never relinquish that hope, no matter how miniscule. But now I am compelled to see the reality of the world in which we live.

I hope that this pain in my heart is normal for me to feel. It's not unusual for love to hurt so much, is it, Teitoku...?

If this is my final word to you, then...just in case, farewell, Teitoku. These four months serving with you have taught me far more than you know. I may have come to Okinawa as a young girl, but I leave as a woman. I will never forget my duty towards my country, but at the same time I will never forget what you have done for us. You raised us all as if we were all your own family, and I firmly believe that there are few other Teitokus that we shall have who can live up to the legacy that you have left us. Please, rest well. We shall continue to fight in your name.

But so long as you are alive, I will always yearn to one day be able to sit with you again at the pier in Okinawa, watching the stars on another beautiful moonlit night.

I love you.

五月雨