Chapter 34

I knew what my family was expecting, and a part of me was expecting it too, but it did not come. Soon that numbness that had eaten away at me would descend again and this time it would consume not just my mind and my body, but my soul too, except that didn't happen.

It was the strangest thing. Sai put me in the car, I fell asleep and when I woke up, there was no more pain. During that first month I thought it was shock. My mind could function so easily. When my father's claim over Louisiana and Arkansas was approved, he named me Queen. I saw to that task with the efficiency of a well-oiled machine.

Still, I thought I should be feeling something, grief at the very least. I didn't. I went through my tasks easily.

It was as if I was beyond the pains of this world. Mentally, I was able to view the series of events so I could determine what I should be feeling. In this case, I knew it should be cripples emotionally, if not catatonic again. I thought I felt it, but I couldn't be sure; it was watered down somehow just like everything else since Eric had smiled at me as he plunged a stake into his heart.

I actually felt a stabbing in my chest as though I'd been staked too. Except my body hadn't died, it felt like something irreparable in me shriveled up and died. Now I didn't have to fight the impulse to break down and sob hysterically, nor did I have to suppress my inner predator. The urges were gone. I just was. I merely existed.

"All Hail The Queen!" The noise was enough to pull me from my thoughts. "Long May She Reign!"

I was in Oklahoma City. All the vampires whom I had turned against Freyda as well as those that I hadn't were taking a knee bowing to me. All had sworn their fealty. My father was seated on my right, Victor to my left. Sai and Nim were directly at my back in a show of the fiercest loyalty. I took the thrones of Louisiana, Arkansas, and Oklahoma becoming what I was born and destined to be, the most powerful Queen in the World, New or Old.

How useless it had been to run from Destiny and fight Fate. I was right where my father had wanted me; I was the living Queen of the Undead. I should feel something, anything, good or bad, but nothing got through as it should. I wasn't numb or in pain. I was struggling to feel. It was a hollow, pitted-out feeling that, at times, made me certain there was a hole in my chest. Sometimes I massaged it for so long and so hard that I bruised yet it never waned. That was what I felt. I knew that this was all there would be for me even if I lived forever.

There had never been a more fitting punishment for it was no more than I deserved.

"Majesty, you have a visitor."

I looked up and the face of the vampire was meaningless as was their name. "Send them in."

I felt as if I was a robot trying hard to be human. I had been Queen for only a month but I was already unfeeling about my role. Maybe this visitor, whoever they were, would pose a challenge as they tried to take my life. My hope was they would succeed. I watched the door with something akin to hope. It faded into nothing as Pamela Ravenscroft entered my Receiving Room. I didn't feel the sting of disappointment either.

My brain told me she looked the same since the last time I saw her, the day she was cosigning on my divorce. Strongly as I knew I should feel about that, I got nothing. I was just looking at a face that was a part of my past. She bowed respectfully and I nodded.

"Somehow this suits you more than the telepathic barmaid," she said as hello. "I suppose that answered the question of why I always disliked you. You never fit."

I didn't say anything. How could I? I didn't feel anything at her words. The worse part? I thought I should.

"I am here to deliver the last confessions of My Maker, The Viking."

Excitement didn't come. All I could manage was another slight nod of my head. It was all she was waiting for as I could read her eagerness to be through with this task. I had none of my own.

"Upon his end, I have sworn to relay this to the woman he considered His Wife in his undead heart, and in all the ways that mattered to him."

I nodded my head, and then heard a story in where I had an integral and large part. So easily I could recall the series of events, but, in hindsight? It all felt like nothing because save the dull, hollowing ache, nothing was all I felt. Pam also sounded like a prerecorded message, and I wondered if it was the only way she was able to recite this tale, despite her emotions at losing her Maker.

Pam glanced to the side where my father was seated. Presumably she thought I would want to do this alone, that it was too painful. I didn't have a preference in anything anymore.

"Eric plotted to end Ocella from the moment of his unexpected arrival. Thus, he began to subtly lay the pieces of the trap and, at the end, Thalia would have been the one to take Ocella's forever, but My Maker's wife attacked Ocella, and then My Maker's plans were thrown asunder. He had to find other means to protect that which he loved most in this world."

Pam looked like a waif in her pink Capri pants and white tank top as she stood tall in the opulence of the Receiving Room while she told me what felt like ancient history but wasn't. This was anything but.

"For the sake of His Mate, My Maker made a painful choice. It allowed Ocella to believe he was controlling His child's fate when, in fact, Eric planned it. He sent me to spread news to Freyda that Ocella did not approve of his telepathic wife. He did this knowing she desired him. He did this to keep Ocella from His Mate."

"Eric knew he was the only person who could kill her because she would never fight him, not really," My father murmured.

It was true. Not even when he was fighting to kill had I used my mental defense abilities against him, not even when I realized that I wasn't faster or stronger. It had been abhorrent to me to hurt him like that. Ironically, if I had he may have survived. My only reaction was the same dull ache in my chest. Pam nodded in answer to him without really looking his way.

"That was his sole purpose until such a time that he could safely end His Maker. It was working until The Spaniard King threatened the Witch Queen with war. Frightened, Freyda promised to make sane Ocella's boy lover, Alexei, if he aided her. It mattered little; the war was not fought with swords. Soon the Witch Queen was defeated and broken. That was when Eric found his solution. In exchange for mercy, Freyda would end Ocella, freeing my Maker but she failed. Freyda ended the young Tsar. In his fury over the loss, The Roman claimed the head of the Queen. Then there was no refuge left for Ocella, but he chose to take My Maker and His true wife as he embraced the True Death. My Maker foresaw this end, but he was still unable to prevent it."

I knew that. That was why Eric had been so desperate to review the footage when we had spent that afternoon together. I had reviewed the footage, but it had been too little, too late. If I had been strong enough to watch what I presumed was him being unfaithful, I could have saved him. I couldn't. Now he was gone.

Eric had kissed Freyda and held her. When she calmed he spoke. "I can save you," He had told her. "Free me, and I can save you from Sookie. No harm has been done, our union hasn't been consummated, and could be annulled, if not stricken completely. It will appease the worst of her anger because she does not know how to lose. She never learned."

"What about my state?" she asked, looking and sounding broken.

She had been holding onto him as if she would blow away with the next wind if she didn't. I now understood why Eric had offered her that comfort. She hadn't charted the course to get him; he had played her, using her desire to make her no more than a buffer, a pawn. She may have tried to kill me, but the ensuing fight had been so one-sided that it was sad.

"It is lost," He told her. "It is broke and worthless. Even if she left you in peace today, it will take little effort for another regent to crush you tomorrow."

Freyda nodded and left. She called one of her remaining guards and asked to be notified once Ocella returned. It had all gone terribly awry after that. When Ocella had arrived, he was with Alexei who was halfway into one of his fits. He attacked Freyda, and she blasted a whole in his chest destroying his heart. She almost had Ocella too, but then he called Eric and the fight was over. He held her frozen with his powers, and then Ocella took her head.

"Your wife has cost me something I love and now I will take what you love." The Roman had said.

Eric had come to Bishop's house because he knew that was where I would be. He had come to say goodbye because he knew that at the end of that night one of us would be forever gone. Not even a fortune teller could be this precise. Eric seemed to know from the beginning that this, his death or mine, would be the outcome no matter what I did. His plan had depended on my trust, the one thing I refused to give him.

"How did he know?" I asked in an empty voice.

"It was never about you," Pam growled, her eyes narrowed.

The King's guard formed a tight circle around her before the noise of aggression faded in the air. Pam backed down instantly. She sighed long and hard. It was a very human noise… of defeat. I waved the guards away so she could continue her tale.

"It was never about you. Ocella was cruel and sadistic, but, most of all, he was petty. He took what you wanted only because you wanted it and for little other reason. There was nothing for him to take from Eric until you, and he would have stopped at nothing to get it."

I had given the Roman more credit than he was due, and, in doing so, I had caused all of this. It was never about me. I'd been so consumed with the fact that I was the opposition. I had been so sure that it was me that Ocella envied, but, in truth, it was Eric. He never wanted to take Eric from me; he wanted to take me away from Eric. Two very different concepts.

"Where will you go?" I asked Pam.

"Away," she replied. "There is nothing left for me here."

I watched her go. Thinking how horrible it had been for my poor husband. How horrible it would be for me to live for forever without him, and how fortunate I was to be hollow inside. I could function. I would be nothing but a shell with lights and clockwork, but it was my forever and I embraced it.

Epilogue.

One month ago…

My father, Niall, has been furious with me very many times. There had only been once when I had feared that he would take my life. That was when I had turned my twin into a dark Fae to save him from death. It wasn't an easy feat seeing I was Fae and I had turned him into our most hated enemy. I hadn't cared. He had been half of me and I refused to part with him. Of course he was bit insane now. It wasn't a huge difference from the way he was before, so overall I would say it was a success.

Considering I was half-human and not nearly as perfect as my father's eldest son, Dillon, it was even more impressive. I had powers to do things that not even the Prince could comprehend, but what I lacked was a need to please him. I never cared what he thought of me. Till this day I didn't, but I knew that my daughter did.

Like me, gifted with unfound magical ability, Sookie was gifted in mind. She had worked for Niall. She had fought to defend him. It was because of her that the Fae were growing again. You would never know that as she sobbed for her vampire. She looked like an angel being devoured by the fires of Hell.

I knew I had to do something. It may not make her call me Father, like she does the vampire, but if I were to give her something that not even he or my father could, what no else could;, perhaps she might want to know me like I have longed to know her, if but only a little.

I looked down at the rapidly decreasing light of the soul of the vampire called Eric Northman. Then I looked at where my daughter's heart was breaking and her mind didn't seem far behind. I closed my eyes and focused all my powers.

"Time untimed, damage undone, keep what was—"

"What are you doing now?" My twin asked.

Unleashing my power always drew him like a magnet, and that was why I often refrained, yet I was never as strong as I could be unless he was near.

"I intend to turn back the hands of time to take away my child's pain," I told him. "It would be as though it never was. I will be there to ensure we do not make the same mistakes."

Dermot cared about three things: me, what I cared about, and hurting people. He would help me. With our combined powers, I could go back far enough that I would have never lost my daughter in the first place.

"I don't think that's a thing, Finny," My brother said.

I let out a breath and tried my best not to shout at him. "You know I can make it a thing!" I snapped. "Just help me!"

"I am not sure I will be of any use," He said, pointing up and slightly to the left. "A part of her soul is leaving her body though she lives."

I looked and saw that I was almost too late! I threw the soul of the vampire at my brother and flashed to grasp that of my daughter. Hastily I pressed them together and grabbed hold of my brother to complete the spell.

"Time untimed, damage undone, keep what was destined, untime that which should have never been."

"I honestly don't think that is a thing," My brother cautioned. "Maybe we shouldn't do this?"

My only response was to grab ahold of his hand so tightly that he had no choice but to repeat this makeshift spell of mine.

"Time untimed," we both chanted. "Damage undone, keep what was destined, untime that which should have never been."

With his help, I felt the souls in our grasps bend to our power.

"Time untimed, damage undone, keep what destined, untime that which should have never been."

I looked down, and that which had been two melded into one. They didn't have to be held together by us. They seemed to be flowing together into one entity, and when that life force was strong enough to hang freely between Dermot and me, it was ready to do its work. It only needed one more incantation, one more injection of our collective power.

"Time untimed, damage undone, keep what was destined, untime that which should never been."

We poured everything we had into the last one, and then watched as what was once a whole and one-part of two different souls fuse eternally into one.

"It worked," I said.

I would get a chance to set to right what had gone so wrong. I would get the daughter who was denied me. No sooner did I have that thought I saw evidence of my failure. The soul shot from between us, first it bonded to the remains of the vampire, flew into the air, and then shot away into the ether, vanishing. The scene didn't change. My child was still screaming uncontrollably.

"See," Dermot muttered. "Definitely was not a thing. Come along then, Fin."

"What happened?" I asked my brother.

I may have the power and imaginings to create any spell, but it was he who understood best.

"I think you turned back time, though not for our daughter or us, just for the vampire," He said.

He pulled on my arm, but I watched the scene, heartsick, while a vampire carried her away. It left me feeling like a failure all over again, the failure my father believed me to be.

"Please don't cry, Finny. You know how it upsets me," Dermot soothed, pulling me into an embrace. "Do not despair, little brother."

We were two halves of a whole that should have never been, but I've never gone a day without needing or missing him. No one knew my suffering like Dermot. When our father abandoned our mother, on the day she had died, and the day we learned we were considered half-valuable because we were half-human, he had been there. I clung to him now and cried much as I had my whole life when the pains of this world bore me no ends. Perhaps I was forever doomed to this hell, to always come so close to what I loved most yet falling short.

"Why should I not?" I asked him. "I will never be what Sookie needs or wants. I have forsaken my only child! She does not know me. She thinks nothing of me. She calls another man, a vampire, her father."

He wiped my tears. "We can give her something that he cannot, something no one else can."

"It didn't work!" I cried. "It's—"

"Not as you intended but we can track the soul; a portion of it belongs to her and because she lives, it cannot pass on. We'll reach it before it finds a random vessel, and then we can control where it takes root and we will ensure that the vampire Eric Northman comes back to her again, be he in living form or dead."

"Can we do that?" I asked feeling my hopes renewed.

My brother deliberated for a moment, and then nodded. "We will return him to her and she will love us for it."

"I want that more than anything," I told him, earnestly.

"Then we must hurry. There is much to do, little brother."

He kept my hand in his. As he teleported, I let my body go lax so I could follow the spiritual trail through the ether. Together we could track the soul that was now Eric Northman and my daughter. Wherever it might be, we would take it to where it belonged.

The End…

To my readers, I know this ending was hard. Honestly, it wasn't what I wanted or what I saw coming when I began this story. Until about fifteen chapters or so, I didn't think myself capable of writing a story that didn't end in a Happily Ever After. As the story progressed, this ending became more and more inevitable. This isn't an apology for any backlash that may come. I'm just letting you all know that I'm sad too, and that while this is the end of this story, the journey isn't over. I hope you all join me for the last installment of this saga T'n'T III: At The Edge of Forever, coming soon.