So, I was reading some YA fanfiction, when I found the story Things Billy Kaplan is Not Allowed to Do by K. A. Maples, and reading the list I found one that I really, REALLY wanted to write a story for, and K. A. Maples was kind enough to give me permission, and her blessing.

And then, reading the list again, I found several others that I wanted to include. So now the story incorporates 14 of the items on the list in the story Things Billy Kaplan is Not Allowed to Do
X3 I'm going to include them in the author notes as they come up in the story.

Originally I thought the story was gonna be a one-shot, but then it just kept getting longer... and longer... and longer... till it was over 25,000 words... so I've broken it into chapters XD

I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS STORY! :D

So, this story is set post-Young Avengers v.2, in my own AU universe where, following that, for at least a few months after that there were no apocalypses, the world wasn't almost ending, and nothing really super bad was happening *gasp* XD Oh yeah, and WARNING for slight OCCness ;P (And I'm not up-to-date with current Uncanny Avengers or whatever's going on in the comics, so... yeah, AU ;3)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters! They belong to Marvel. And I don't even own the ideas! All credit goes to K. A. Maples and those who added items to her list (A HUGE THANKS TO ALL OF THEM) :) All that is mine is the writing, and any typos.

I hope you enjoy! :D

Prologue:

Tommy had to be the most annoying brother in all of the universe, in all of history, ever.

Whenever Billy wanted him around, just to hang or have a brotherly talk, he was nowhere to be found; yet when Billy didn't want him around, when Billy wanted silence and peace of mind, or just to be alone with Teddy and make out, Tommy seemed to be everywhere, zooming around, talking nonstop, being his crazy, obnoxious self, and not leaving Billy alone.

It was driving Billy bananas.

And he was going to do something about it.

Chapter 1:

1. Billy Kaplan is not allowed to make Tommy mute (no matter how much Wolverine offers to pay him) - #36

Billy and Teddy were at the Avengers Mansion where they lived (only some of the time though—they lived at the Kaplanses house the rest), and Tommy was there with them.

Currently, the speedster was pacing quick circles around the living room and making extravagant gestures with his arms as he ranted.

"So I've been wondering, where are all the villains?! I mean, usually it's like the world is ending every other week, and there's constantly bad guys in need of beating up, but for the past several weeks it's like suddenly all the supervillains decided to go on vacation and take a break from their evildoing, and now us heroes have absolutely nothing to do! And there really aren't enough crossword puzzles or parties to fill up all this time, and I went through an entire book of sudoku puzzles, and I think I must have ran ever running trail in the world by now and made up a ton of my own, and the internet has been so slow it's faster for me to just run over to the Caribbean to check the weather rather than look it up on the web, and speaking of webs has anybody seen Spiderman lately? I think he must have gone on vacation with all the supervillains or something—"

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to use my powers to make you mute," Billy threatened his twin, crossing his arms and glaring.

"Silence my beautiful voice?" Tommy asked, falling onto the couch and kicking his legs over the armrest, saying, "You wouldn't dare! You're too good of a brother and you just love me too much to do that."

"Try me," Billy bit out through gritted teeth.

Tommy sprang back up to his feet and ruffled Billy's dark hair, grinning and saying, "Yeah, sure, little brother. And hey, where's your alien boyfriend? I thought he was the one who made breakfast on Wednesday mornings, and I'm starving!"

"But it's—" Billy started.

Tommy rushed off to check the rest of the Avengers Mansion.

"—Monday," Billy finished, as Tommy came back dragging a half-asleep, half-dressed Teddy behind him.

Teddy was shirtless, and Billy allowed himself to gaze, smiling slightly as he met his boyfriend's sleepy blue gaze.

"Monday? Really?" Tommy said, dashing over to check the calendar, "It feels like days have gone by since I woke up this morning and—"

"IwantTommytobemuteIwantTommytobemuteIwantTommytobemute..." Billy muttered under his breath.

And a few moments later, though Tommy's mouth kept moving, no sound came out, and immediately he rushed over to Billy and prodded him hard in the chest, mouth still moving silently a mile a minute.

"I warned you," Billy pointed out, smirking, "but you didn't listen."

Tommy disappeared.

"What did you do?" Teddy asked his boyfriend as he rubbed his eyes and blinked. "What happened?"

"I used my magic to make Tommy mute," Billy said smugly, taking Teddy's hand in his and pulling him closer. "So, you know, he can't bother use when we do this..."

He pulled Teddy into a good-morning kiss.

It last for less than a second before a finger was jabbing him hard in the back, and Billy yelped and whirled around to find Tommy standing there, glaring, and holding up a note that read, in fast, scrawling script: GIVE ME MY VOICE BACK, KAPLAN YOU TOTAL JERK!

"No," Billy said resolutely as he put his hands on his hips. "I gave you fair warning, and you—hey! Stop that!"

Tommy was poking him in the side, incessantly, several times a second.

"Ouch! Seriously, Tommy, that hurts!" Billy protested, trying to shove him away, and when that didn't work he tried to hide behind Teddy. Which also didn't work.

Tommy just kept poking him and easily dodging his shoves.

"Stop it!" Billy snapped.

The poking relented for a fraction of a second, but before Billy could even think to sigh in relief, Tommy was back and poking him again, holding up a note that read: I won't stop poking you until you give me my voice back.

And what choice did Billy have?

"Hell yes!" Tommy whooped as soon as he was given his voice back, jumping onto the table and doing a little jig as he sang some song way faster than it's actual tempo.

Groaning loudly, Billy leaned back against Teddy's strong chest, tilting back his head and grumbling, "I really hate him sometimes."

"Hey, he's your brother," Teddy said as he smiled down at him, stroking his hair. "He just wants your attention."

"And breakfast," Tommy added, from where he was practically sticking his head in the refrigerator, saying, "So, are one of you going to cook, or should I whip together some pancakes?"

"NO!" Billy shouted, rushing forward and pulling his brother away from the fridge. "You are not allowed to cook anymore! Not after you covered the entire kitchen in pancake batter last time!"

"I'll do it," Teddy offered, getting out a bowl.

"Ooh hey, you know what we should do today?" Tommy said, perching on the table and swinging his feet, "We should go to the beach! It's been so dull here with no apocalypses lately, and the weather is really, really nice over in Chicago this time of year, so—"

"You really gotta make that kid mute," Wolverine observed, coming into the kitchen and grabbing the strawberry milk out of the fridge, drinking it straight from the carton. "He's gonna talk us all to death. I could hear him goin' off from the other side'a the mansion."

"I just tried," Billy said sullenly, leaning against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "It didn't work. Instead of talking me to death, he was poking me to death."

"I'll pay ya," Wolverine offered, as he snikt out a claw and stabbed one of the apples from the fruit bowl on the table, lifting it up.

"How much?" Billy asked, perking up with interest.

With the hand not currently stabbing an apple, Wolverine reached for his back pocket to grab his wallet, only to find that—

"Can't pay him if you don't have your wallet, can you?" Tommy asked from the other side of the room, waving the wallet in the air and grinning.

"Gimme that, kid!" Wolverine growled, leaping over the table and snikting out all his claws threateningly. One of them still had the apple on it.

And then it didn't, and Tommy was juggling the apple and the wallet and a frying pan, and then Wolverine was growling and lunging, and Teddy could only watch in apprehension while he stirred the pancake batter, and Billy was already wincing, and—

"What is going on, here?!"

They all turned to see Steve Rogers in the doorway, arms crossed and glaring at them all like, well, a disappointed parent.

Before any one else could even open their mouth to speak, Tommy was blurting, "BillyusedhismagictomakememutebutthenIgothimtogivememyvoicebackbutthenWolverineofferedtopayhimtomakememuteagainandsoIstolehiswallet."

Steve blinked, taking a moment to run through the words in his head, slowing them down to a pace that was actually understandable.

"I see," he said, turning to look at Billy and Logan. "Is this true?"

"He won't stop annoying me!" Billy said childishly.

"The kid doesn't shut up," Logan agreed.

Steve gazed around at them for a moment. He turned to the mage, saying, "Billy, you are hereby not allowed to use your powers to mute your brother. No matter how much Wolverine offers to pay you."

"Not fair," Billy grumbled, crossing his arms.

"And Tommy," Steve said, turning to the speedster, "you need to give Wolverine back his wallet."

"Whatever," Tommy shrugged, tossing the wallet over to Logan, who caught it easily.

"And the apple," Logan said gruffly.

Tommy tossed him the apple. "So, we all cool now?" Tommy asked, glancing around at them all, and then saying with a grin, "Awesome! So, anybody still up for that beach trip?"

The other four people in the room either sighed, groaned, or growled.

"After breakfast, of course," Tommy added.

There's gonna be 8 more chapters after this one, and 13 more things that Billy Kaplan is not allowed to do :)

Reviews are appreciated ;3