Hope on Fire

She promised herself that she wouldn't do this. She wasn't supposed to let something like this happen again. But some things you can't control.

Some things you can't fight.

Closing her eyes, Caitlin cursed silently, knowing that Barry Allen had exposed a chink in her armour. It wasn't supposed to be this easy for him to get under her skin, but he had done it.

Before, she had credited it to the simple fact that he was alive, that at least one thing worked out that night. That she could still do some sort of good. That maybe there was some sense of hope in everything she had lost because of the particle accelerator.

But Barry gave her hope in much more in that. Now more than ever, she could wake up and feel like her life wasn't a complete mess. In these last few weeks alone, he had become someone that she could actually talk to, tell things that she wouldn't dare tell the other people in her life.

He also wanted to be a hero, a parallel with Ronnie that she knew before this spark got inside her and she tried her best to stomp it out. Felicity coming here was supposed to make it easy and knowing about Iris was supposed to extinguish it entirely. But somewhere deep down, Caitlin didn't want it to go out.

She wanted to be happy, she wanted to let go, to have one person who she could relax around. As much as she knew that Barry wasn't invincible, that this could be the start of repeating unfortunate history, this was the best she had felt in months. Yet as she stared at that stupid suit, Caitlin couldn't let up on old habits.

Even going out with Cisco for ice cream didn't the trick. It was her idea, but soon after the sugar high wore off, she found herself back at work. At this point, it was the only constant she had left in her life.

"You're here late."

Caitlin whirled around, smirking as she saw Barry standing behind her. "I'm surprised to see you here at all," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear before walking back over to her console. It wasn't the best way to greet him, to hide the frustration she was currently feeling, but she also wasn't an idiot. She knew why Barry had sped out of here earlier tonight.

Barry didn't miss the insinuation as he walked up beside Caitlin. "Maybe under different circumstances, it'd –" His voice suddenly trailed, likely because she refused to make eye contact with him as she brought up a file she was working on yesterday. "I thought I'd say goodbye to my friend with a bit of style."

"Good," she said quietly, hoping that Barry would get the hint.

She wasn't going to be so lucky. "Have you even left this place tonight?"

After a scoff, Caitlin glanced up in his direction. "Cisco and I went for ice cream, but I came back because I left my keys here."

"You mean the keys that are in your purse?"

Seeing Barry looking inside her purse, she pulled it towards her and shut down what she was working on. Something told her that she wasn't going to get much done tonight after all. "Yes, those keys," she lied, hating the way Barry didn't hesitate on calling her on it.

At the doorway, she half-expected Barry to speed in front of her to stop her progress, but instead, she only heard a single footstep before he said, "Caitlin, are you okay?"

And there it was. The sincere concern in his voice, combined with the respect for her boundaries. He always pushed her buttons just a little, but somehow he never crossed the line. Part of her hated that too, because that approach usually ended up with her giving him what he wanted. "I'm trying to be," she replied, biting her lip as she knew she had given in again.

"I'm here if you need anything." Finally, she turned her head to face him straight on. "You know that, right?"

"I do," she said honestly. His offer to accompany her down to the particle accelerator, to try and get over Ronnie's death, wasn't something she was about to forget. It was that knowledge, combined with the way he was looking at her now, that allowed her to relax. So she allowed herself to smile, an action Barry was quick to return. "Thanks Barry."

"See you tomorrow." He gave her a knowing nod before turning towards the screen she had left a few minutes ago.

Once his back was turned, Caitlin considered walking back in to work alongside him to make up for the way she had initially treated him tonight, but Caitlin decided to take his unspoken advice and spend one night outside of these walls.

As she walked down the hallway, her smile crept across her face once more. Maybe there really was hope for her after all.

~End~

Sera's Scribbles: I'm not entirely sure where this came from, and I probably should take more time to polish this, but I wanted to post this prior to the next episode. I know the fire analogy is an odd choice considering what's to come, but I couldn't get the image out of my head, so I'm hoping it works anyway.