Human Hospitality
chapter 1
Morning Rituals

A/N: pureleaf is currently sickleaf and this silly idea's been rolling around in my head for a while, so here we go… (might be some formatting issues too. expect edits. my bad.)

Summary: Stranded on Earth, Vegeta accepts Bulma's invitation to move in with the Briefs family and faces some serious culture shock. As royalty, Vegeta feels it is his responsibility to be a gracious guest but struggles to keep his composure. What effect does human hospitality have on the cold-hearted prince?

Sunlight had filtered through spaces in the blinds and crept halfway across the bed when Vegeta woke with a start; so shocked to wake up in a human bed with the smell of a human breakfast drifting into his room that he bolted upright and took a few moments to regain a sense of where he was.

He was alive. He was safe.

"That's right," he sighed, sinking onto his elbows and glancing over the large room, "day two of my unwanted vacation. Well," he pushed himself up and got out of bed, "at least there's food downstairs."

Even Vegeta had to admit that the guest room he'd been given was more than generous: it featured hardwood floors, soft blue walls, large windows, a balcony, and a spacious en suite washroom. The bed, dresser, writing desk, and night table were all made from a dark, solid wood and to the Saiyan it appeared to be the sort of objects that might be considered heirlooms. Best of all, the bed was large and comfortable. He'd actually fallen asleep moments after collapsing into his bed, with a full stomach and pleasantly warm in soft garments humans wore as sleepwear. He had few clear memories of his first evening on Earth aside from a blonde woman offering him a great deal of food and an older man giving him clothing before showing him to his room.

As royalty, Vegeta felt it was his duty to be a gracious guest and that he could not threaten or harm his hosts, no matter how strong the desire. He wasn't on any sort of mission for Frieza any more, thank the gods, so there wasn't any need to threaten the Earthlings. Besides, he wasn't interested in fighting the humans or halfbreed again- he wanted to wait for Kakarot to return before challenging him to a rematch. In the meantime, his hosts had the facilities for him to train under the same conditions his rival had, and Vegeta planned to take advantage of that.

He pulled off the dark blue bottoms that the old man had referred to as "flannel" and draped it over the back the chair at his desk. The older man had given him a pair of something called "jeans" and said they were popular worldwide. As the Saiyan stood in the middle of his guest room, naked from the waist down, he inspected the strange split around the waist of the garment and frowned with intense confusion and disapproval as he tried to make sense of the tiny metal teeth that appeared to be sewn into the clothing. Cautiously, he pulled gently at the tiny slider and watched as the teeth closed together and stayed shut.

"Huh. So it's designed to tighten and fix over the waist… rather strange that they would use fabric that doesn't stretch. Why would humans sew metal teeth into clothing and place them right against the genitals? Maybe it's to warn other humans to stay away?"

He decided to drape the jeans over the chair and put the flannel pants back on before heading downstairs to the kitchen.

"Oh, Vegeta! Good morning, honey! You must be hungry, hmm? Come and sit down- would you like some coffee?" The blonde woman, whom Vegeta presumed to be the matriarch of the family, busied herself in the kitchen with several pans on an electric cooking range. Something in the air smelled very rich and fragrant and he wondered if it was this thing called "coffee" she was referring to.

This place keeps getting stranger by the minute…

He took a seat at the round breakfast table. "A small plate will suffice."

"Oh, honey, coffee is a beverage! You must have never had it before," she filled a mug with the beverage and approached Vegeta from behind, placed one slender hand on his shoulder and placed the mug in front of him.

The woman's touch made him tense and his hands curled into fists. I can't hurt her, he thought, but why is she touching me like this?

Mrs. Briefs felt her strange guest grow very tense and removed her hand. "Everything alright, sweetheart? Did you sleep well?" She moved back to the stove and started filling a plate for Vegeta.

"Don't touch me! Were you planning to attack me?"

Vegeta brushed his fingertips against the mug and was surprised at how warm the vessel was.

"Goodness, no," she returned with a full plate and she set a small carton of cream on the table, "nothing like that, dear. Some find coffee a bit bitter, so you might enjoy it with a little cream. Cream is the white liquid, by the way."

"Right," he gingerly added a small amount of cream and was fascinated at how it turned the hot coffee from near-black to rich brown, "I suppose this is a popular breakfast?" Vegeta picked up his mug, noticing the cream had cooled down the coffee, and he took a cautious sip.

The coffee was warm, smooth, and almost thick on his tongue. The mouth-feel of the beverage was unlike anything he'd experienced before; the fat from the cream softened the bitter edges of the drink and enhanced the natural sweetness that came after he'd swallowed his first sip.

"This coffee, I like it," he inhaled the scent once more before taking a larger sip and found it left him feeling a little more restored, "if this isn't a popular beverage, you Earthlings are missing out."

A light laugh drifted into the kitchen, followed by the blue-haired girl, clad in black leggings and an over-sized top that revealed one creamy white shoulder. "We Earthlings figured out the magic of coffee centuries ago! Give us some credit, pal! But coffee isn't meant to be a meal, Vegeta, it's just an accompaniment. Well… sometimes people only have coffee for breakfast, but it's not a good way to start the day, believe me. Coffee has a compound called caffeine, and a lot of humans rely on it to feel energetic when they first wake up."

"I see. So you have this every morning, I presume?"

"Sure do. Don't feel right without it," she sat across from him and smiled. "So, did you sleep well?"

Vegeta poked at the food on his plate with a bare finger. There was some sort of cooked meat, a pile of something that looked like light yellow brains, raw fruit, and two slices of something brown which he could not identify. "The blonde woman already asked me the same question. I slept through the night. Are humans concerned with how others sleep?"

"It's typical for good hosts to show concern for how their guests sleep," the girl called Bulma replied, "especially since you're in for some culture shock. Oh, the yellow stuff is called scrambled eggs. You've also got sausage and toast there, and a little fruit," she pointed at each respective item, "all of these are popular breakfast foods."

Vegeta scooped up some of the scrambled egg with his fingers and popped it in his mouth. The texture alone was almost enough to make him vomit and he spit it back onto his plate. "Eugh! Repulsive stuff! What kind of eggs do you people eat?"

"That's disgusting, Vegeta! It's alright if you don't like something, but you're supposed to spit it into a napkin!" Bulma passed a wad of paper napkins to her disgusted guest.

"Oh," Vegeta took a single napkin and wiped his mouth, "well, never serve that dish again!"

He picked up a sausage and bit into it. He was pleasantly surprised by how savoury it was, and decided that sausage, fruit and coffee made for a fine breakfast. He'd get the blonde woman to prepare more of them in the future. "This, however, is very good. More of this, always."

Bulma was about to chastise Vegeta for not using utensils when Dr. Briefs shuffled into the kitchen, puffing on his first cigarette of the day. "Ah, you're up, son! Did you sleep well?"

The prince let out a long, exasperated sigh. "That's the third time a human has enquired about my sleeping habits! Is once not enough?"

"Just being a good host, my boy," Dr. Briefs tapped the end of his cigarette over an empty ashtray in the middle of the table, "I see you're drinking coffee. Is it to your liking?"

Vegeta started to feel that his hosts were going to seriously test his patience.