She had been given Varrick's room. What could Kuvira mean by that? Probably that she was above Varrick now. Above him she might be, but certainly not over him. She would never be over Varrick, at least in the romantic sense. Her mind fluttered back to a very special moment that very morning when she had certainly been all over him physically... She closed her eyes, counted to ten, breathed. The thought was gone.

But it wasn't. She had thought he would kiss her, she really had, and for a moment she had been the happiest woman on earth. But he hadn't, he had yelled at her as he always did and she had felt unwanted and pathetic, as usual these days. In truth, she might have forgiven him all his slights if he had ever been able to return her feelings. That would be enough to make her feel special and appreciated. Or perhaps it wouldn't. She thought back on the years of frustration she had spent by his side. She would never leave his side, never say a word she shouldn't, never refuse him anything. Even if Varrick had loved her with all his heart, and she was quite certain he didn't, he wouldn't, she still would have had enough at some point.

Was it really that much to ask? She didn't even want him to shower her with praise all day long and sing ballads about her devotion. Just a little gratitude would be enough. Some acknowledgement, a simple "please, Zhu Li," a "thank you, Zhu Li" from time to time. She had done everything for him, had dedicated her life to him. She deserved at least that. All hopes of his love, hugs and kisses were just futile sillyness that she knew would never come true. A cold warmachine she might be, but she wasn't heartless. Even she had the right to hopes and delusions.

Everything she had said about Varrick was true and it had felt good to let it all out. She did feel frustrated, she was fed up with the way he treated her. She didn't want to remain in his service in those conditions. She did think he was a fool. But a fool she loved. She had to let him know her frustration, let him know that it couldn't go on that way, but that didn't mean she would leave him for good. She had told Kuvira what she knew the ruthless woman wanted to hear, but in her mind, it was clear that she would never work against Varrick. It had been the only way. Speaking against Varrick ensured Zhu Li that he understood his mistakes and perhaps thought about the way he had been treating her, but it also provided her with a cover. Kuvira trusted her now. And because she knew where Varrick was locked up, she could look after him, as she so often did. She had no plan as of yet, but she would come up with one soon, as she always did.

But would Varrick understand? She longed to go see him and have a heartfelt conversation with him to let him know everything, but that would have to wait. There was no way to go see him discreetly now that he was watched by many guards at any time. She had no way of contacting him. She could only hope that he would not resent her too much, to the point of rejecting her when she would come back to him. But then again, she was the one who had any right to be angry with him. He would have to make it up to her, not the other way around.

She lay in the bed that had been Varrick's. As soon as she pulled the covers, she was overwhelmed by a distinctive scent she loved and could recognize among thousands. It was more than just Varrick's expensive cologne, although she had been responsible for choosing that for him for years and made sure she picked the best ones, the ones she would not get tired of after being around him all day long. No, it was something unique to him, the bed smelled of her Varrick and enveloped her like an embrace.

This was probably as far as she could ever get from him, sniffing his bedsheets like a pathetic lovesick teenager. She had no idea when she had started to love Varrick. Maybe as soon as she'd met him. Maybe slowly over time and it had taken her falling on him, them having a moment to make her realize she could not see her life without him, even though she could not see a life with him if he kept treating her as he did. Maybe when she had realized that she would follow him anywhere, even in prison as in Republic City, as long as she could be by his side. In any case, she was head over heels for him.

Why did everything have to be so complicated somehow? Why did Varrick have to be horrible to her, and yet so absolutely endearing sometimes? Why did she have to feel anything for him? Why had they joined Kuvira in the first place? She had no idea what plan she would have to come up with. Varrick usually had the ideas. She was just his assistant. Yet, she wanted to be much more than his assistant, and maybe to become that, she had to be a lot more daring and creative than she used to. It would have to wait for the next day, though. She was exhausted, emotionally more than physically, even though she had been through a long and tiresome fight, all that for nothing. Her thoughts about Varrick were so similar to dreams nowadays that she never noticed when slumber took her.