A/N: So this chapter is going to have the Bureau watching the finale to the Doctor Who series 8, so, of course, there are going to be SPOILERS. There's nothing I can do about that, it literally is unavoidable given the context. If you are a DW fan, but haven't seen the newest episode, don't watch. If you're a fan and have seen it, enjoy. And if you're not a fan, well... you're welcome to suggest something else that you want to see the Bureau doing. I'm open to suggestions.

This was inspired by Tasolae who wanted to see a DW-themed chapter and, given the finale, I thought this was the perfect opportunity. I expect I'll do a Sherlock-themed one sooner or later, but thank you for suggesting this! I loved writing this and I probably would not have done this so soon without your prompting.

To KrisG: As much as I would love to have them discussing Big Hero 6, I live in the UK, which means it won't be released here until late January. (Boo!) But I am really excited for BH6 and would love to write a chapter for it! I'm just planning to wait until the official release here.

PS: Get well soon!

Cat.

ooOoo

Chapter 3: Doctor Who: Death in Heaven

[15.11.14]

The first Baron knew that Haru had returned from her family reunion was the moment Hiromi barged into his apartment with the aforementioned brunette in tow.

"Hey, Baron; you don't mind if we borrow your TV for an hour or so, right? Thanks – it's just that you have the biggest TV in the corridor and we have to watch Doctor Who right. You've still got it recorded though, haven't you? You didn't delete it or anything?" Hiromi demanded as she plunked herself down on the armchair.

Haru gave him an apologetic look, but took a seat on the sofa regardless. "I didn't think you watched Doctor Who," she said.

"I don't," Baron answered, "and, no, I haven't deleted it yet."

"Oh, goody."

"If you don't watch it," Haru persisted, while Hiromi switched on the TV and started to navigate her way through the gadgetry, "then why do you have it recorded?"

Baron looked up from where he was cleaning the last of dinner's dishes, his gaze a tad reproachful even if Hiromi missed it. "Why don't you ask your flatmate that?"

"He has, like, the most mammoth TV in the entire corridor," Hiromi said in her defence. "What? Was I meant to watch it on our pin-sized screen? Doctor Who deserves better!"

"Did she come round last Saturday?" Haru asked.

"I was heading out for an extra shift at the Tea House at the time, so I told Hiromi that she could borrow my TV while I was out," he replied, something that he was perhaps regretting. Baron must have seen the guilty expression fall across Haru's face, for he added a moment later, "You are more than welcome to watch this programme of yours here though, Haru. Shall I make tea?"

"Shush!" Hiromi batted her hands madly in the general direction of the other two. "Guys, it's starting!"

Haru did what she usually did when Hiromi was being over-dramatic – ignore and carry on. "Tea would be lovely, Baron."

"Shush!"

"If you like, you are also more than welcome to join us."

Now Hiromi tuned back in. "Join us?" she demanded. "It's the series finale! A second part of a two-parter! He'll never understand any of it!"

"I do enjoy a challenge," Baron noted.

"Hey, Baron, can we crash in here for a movie night?" The door crashed open and the other two occupants of the corridor walked in.

"Sorry, Muta, but we've already beaten you to the TV," Haru laughed.

"Doesn't anyone watch their own TV?" Baron muttered to himself.

"What are you watching?"

At Toto's question, Hiromi snorted in resignation and paused the programme, halfway through the 'last time' segment. "Why don't you ALL just come and watch?" she insisted, heavily sarcastic. "It's not like it's the finale or anything or that you'll understand ANYTHING that goes on but, by all means, join anyway."

"Toto, you're a physics teacher," Haru commented – again ignoring her best friend's dramatics – "I would have thought that Doctor Who would be right up your alley."

"Is that the rubbish you're watching?"

"Watch it, lardball!"

Haru nudged the other woman to calm her wrath. "Easy there, tiger. Don't get your Whovian knickers in a twist."

Muta sniggered and went straight for Baron's fridge.

"Muta, please; I just stocked up on food yesterday."

"Perfect time to raid it then," he said through a mouthful of already stolen pork pies.

Toto perched on the other armchair and stared at the screen – which showed a skeleton in a cabinet of strange water. "I'm not sure how much Doctor Who qualifies under legit physics, Haru."

"But you like other sci-fi TV," she pointed out. She raised an eyebrow. "I've seen the collection of Star Trek DVDs you have."

"That's classic sci-fi."

"Doctor Who is classic!" both women protested.

"I'll have you know that Doctor Who celebrated its 50th anniversary last year," Hiromi said proudly. She sighed. "Ah... it was so good to see David Tennant playing the Doctor again..."

"Oh, heck," Muta groaned. "They're about to fangirl."

Baron set the cup of tea down before Haru and took the last space on the sofa, beside the brunette. "If the whole corridor are going to be watching this, why don't you give us a quick run-down of what has recently happened?"

"You'll never understand," Hiromi said instantly.

"Let me be the judge of that."

"Well – Hiromi, press play – you see that woman, she's the Master –" Haru started.

"I thought the Master was a guy," Muta interrupted.

"You don't even watch this show!" Hiromi snapped. "How–"

"Tumblr," both Toto and Muta chorused.

"How do you not know about this then? Tumblr practically exploded that day."

"I tuned it out." Muta gave an evil grin. "Although I know what happens at the end."

Haru spun round from the sofa and glared daggers at the large man still raiding the fridge. "Spoil this, and I'll superglue every cupboard in your flat," she snarled.

"She'll do it," Hiromi hummed. "She's crazy."

"I've seen a little of Doctor Who through the media," Baron remarked before Muta could come up with a suitable comeback. "So I've seen the silver men before–"

"Cybermen," Haru explained. "They're humanity upgraded into robots, basically."

"And they're basically invading because they're using the dead bodies for new Cybermen," Hiromi added, "and Missy is amassing an army and everything's doomed and it's the darkest day and all those clichés. And SHUSH! The 'previously' part is finished and it's moving on to the episode! Haru, are you paying attention?!"

"Course I am."

"You are Clara Oswald. You are human. You are unimportant," the Cyberman on-screen monotoned.

"If the Cyberman are unfeeling robots," Toto reasoned, "then why isn't it just shooting her?"

"Stop nitpicking," Hiromi grumbled.

"He's right. You know he's right."

"Shut up, Muta! You're not even properly watching!"

The man dumped a collection of popcorn, crisps, and drinks on the table. "Yeah, well I have snacks. Someone shuffle over." He moved to collapse onto the sofa, and Baron hastily shifted over. Suddenly he and Haru were somewhat squidged together.

"Sorry, Haru–"

"Muta, you have loads of space on this side," Hiromi reproached. "Shift a little!"

"Clara Oswald has never existed."

"Identify," the Cyberman demanded.

"I'm the Doctor."

"Lies!" Haru cried as the opening credits rolled. "Dammit, Moffat! I wanted Dark Clara! I wanted an evil companion! We all know she's just lying to save her own skin! Is this meant to be dramatic?!"

Hiromi grinned. "I can't wait to see your reaction later."

Haru stopped. "Why? Am I wrong?"

"Not going to tell." The grin widened. "But this episode has all the feels."

On-screen, the credits clear to show the Cybermen in London, crowded by curious tourists.

"Photos with the big metal men – one pound!" Missy rings.

"Oh, come on," Haru groaned. "COME ON! We had Cyberman attacking Earth in the past – are you honestly telling me that no one remembers? It doesn't even occur to them that maybe these are the same creatures – and oh my goodness, an Eleventh Doctor reference! Osgood and her bowtie!"

Muta stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth and stared at the young woman. "Are you usually this crazy when it comes to corny BBC shows?"

"You wait until Sherlock returns," Hiromi giggled. "Oh, and, by the way–" She waved madly to her flatmate. "Benedict Cumberbatch is engaged! Isn't it adorable!"

"I would've thought all you rabid fangirls would be foaming at the mouth with him taken," Muta muttered.

"We're fabulous fangirls," Hiromi corrected, "so, of course, we're happy for him."

"Also, he's forty or something," Haru added.

"No, he's not."

"Around that, Hiromi."

"Really?"

"Welcome to the only planet that gets to say this." Kate Steward stands before the Cybermen and nods to the Doctor. "He's on payroll."

"Am I?" the Doctor asks.

"Well, technically."

"How much?"

"The important question," Muta muttered.

"Shush."

"Okay, I like this episode," Haru says, grinning crazily. "And oh flipping heck, the Cybermen can fly?" She hesitated, and then watched the robots soar into the air. "They look like Iron Man when they fly."

"Iron Man is better," Muta grumbled.

"We all know you're biased."

"So are you."

"If it isn't exploding, then what is it doing?" the Doctor demands.

"Pollinating," Missy replies.

"I don't think the writer knows science," Toto remarked after a pregnant pause. "Pollinating? Pollinating what?"

"You should see his previous episodes."

"You're thinking of the moon episode, aren't you?" Hiromi asked.

"Of course I'm thinking of the moon episode!" Haru snorted. "You can't have something lay an egg immediately after hatching that is the same size of the egg it just hatched out of. It's not a viable life strategy. Where did it store the egg before laying it? Where and when did it get fertilised? Or was it asexual reproduction?"

"Haru, it's just a TV programme."

"I know. But, dammit, they could at least pretend to have real science! And–" Haru jolted in her seat "– what just happened? Did UNIT just tranquilise the Doctor? No, no, no, no... Bad idea. STOP STOPPING THE DOCTOR WHEN THINGS GO WRONG!"

"I have literally no clue what is going on right now," Toto muttered as rain poured over the graveyards on-screen.

"Shush – things are about to get interesting!"

"Chicky, you've been saying that the entire time."

"In the event of full-scale invasion, an Earth president is inducted immediately, with complete authority over every nation state," Kate Stewart says. "There was only one practical candidate."

"That's your answer for everything, isn't it? Vote for an idiot," the Doctor mocks.

"If you say so, Mr President."

"Ooh..." snorted Haru. "Did... Did the Doctor just get... burned?" She sat back into the sofa and glanced to Hiromi. "But whenever humanity has to make a decision, the Doctor always stands back and lets humanity deal with it," she pointed out, suddenly sceptical. "He doesn't like choosing for us."

"The entire theme for this series has been that the Doctor is a soldier – a commander," Hiromi said. "I think they're just going off that. And it's not like he's given much choice in the option."

The screen switches to Clara approaching a group of Cyberman. Among her ramblings contain the sentence: "...I have four grandchildren, missing, presumed dead..."

"Wait, wait, what? I thought they were safe... or something..." Haru complained. "I mean, it's nice to hear about them, but dead?"

"Relax, Chicky. Geez, it's not even real."

"Anyway, she said presumed dead."

"I know, but that doesn't – oh..." Haru lapsed into silence as a Cyberman turns against its fellow kind and stands over an unconscious Clara. A name can be seen on the sheet it holds crumpled in its hand.

A small gasp escaped from the brunette and both hands flew to her mouth.

Baron turned to her. "Haru?"

Haru dropped her hand and Baron slipped his palm into hers. She took the hand and leant against him. "I have a bad feeling this episode is going to break my heart," she whispered.

"Would more tea help?" he whispered back.

"No." She buried her head into his shoulder. "Just let me cry into your shirt if the occasion rises."

"Of course."

"Guys! You're missing the Doctor-Missy scene!" Hiromi whined.

"All of time and space?"

"I'm sorry?" Osgood asks.

"Just something for your bucket list," the Doctor nonchalantly replies.

Haru peeked out from Baron's shoulder. "Has the Doctor just offered that Osgood become the next companion after Clara?"

Hiromi pointed avoided Haru's gaze. "Maybe..."

"I would like that."

"Guys, I'm ordering pizza! Who wants what?"

"Really, Muta; I thought you said that you had already eaten," Baron noted reproachfully.

"Yeah. And? Whatd'ya want, Baron?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

"We'll share a pepperoni!" the two women chorused.

"Good. And you, birdbrain?"

"Hawaiian."

"And that'll be one large meat feast for me," the man muttered, punching the number into his phone.

"Heavens above, we're such a lazy corridor," Haru groaned, slumping deeper into the sofa.

"You still ordered pizza, Chicky; you can't judge."

"It's a Saturday evening and we're ordering pizza and watching TV. You'd at least think we'd go to the cinema once in a while instead."

"What would you rather be doing?" Hiromi teased. "Clubbing?"

"Oh, of course," she retorted sarcastically. "I just love to party." She mimed waving a small flag in mock-enthusiasm. "Wild party animal that I am."

"It wasn't rain, Man Scout!" the Doctor sharply corrects. Haru returned her attention to the screen. "It was pollen. Cyber-pollen. Every tiny particle of a Cyberman contains the plans to make another Cyberman."

"Are the writers trying to reference DNA?" Baron asked.

"Who knows?"

"All it has to do is to make a contact with compatible, living organic matter, and bang – full conversion."

"Actually, I think this is closer to a virus?" Toto offered.

"What would you know, ya stick insect? You're a physics teacher, not a biology one."

"I teach biology to the younger kids," he icily reminded the other man. "Anyway, I know more than you do about science – and aren't you meant to be ordering pizza, moron?" He pointed back to the screen. "But, if the writers think that a mere virus would be enough to fully transform dead bodies into metal robots, then..." Toto gave a short, barking laugh and threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "I give up."

"But if it is like a virus, then viruses can reproduce really quickly," Haru pointed out.

"Quick enough to reanimate corpses?"

"This is Doctor Who," Hiromi reminded them flatly. "There's always going to an element of suspension of disbelief."

"No, but now I'm thinking about it," her flatmate protested, "I guess it could make sense? Not entirely – Doctor Who isn't that sane – but, you know, you could rationalise it out."

"Bacteria have been genetically engineered to produce all sorts of chemicals," Baron remarked. "Drugs, food, etc. Perhaps the Cybermen have found a way for them to produce metal and wiring."

"From what?" Toto demanded. "You can't just produce metal out of nothing."

"Maybe there's metal in the ground?" Haru suggested.

"Not enough for whole body suits, I'd warrant."

"The whole thing would seem less surreal if the Doctor had made some sort of reference to viruses," Haru said, mostly to herself. "Instead of just saying, yep, let's spray the Earth with pollen and – poof! The corpses popped out of the ground!"

"Like daisies!" Hiromi cried.

The two girls caught each other's gaze and burst into laughter.

"That should totally be a meme."

"It probably already is."

"Are we missing something?" Muta whispered.

"Disney reference, I believe," Baron filled him in.

"But she's been upgrading dying minds to a hard drive for a long time," the Doctor hisses, pacing the presidential room. "So, she upgrades the hardware, then she updates the software."

"Is he saying that when you die, Missy takes your mind, saves it, and then later reanimates your corpse?" Haru asked. "Because what happens if, when you get downloaded back to your body, you go to the wrong body?"

"They're all Cybermen, so I'm not sure they can tell the difference," Hiromi reassured her friend.

"Every graveyard on planet Earth is about to burst its banks..."

Hiromi leant over to her friend. "I'm just going to take this moment to remind you that Amy and Rory are dead, so they're probably one of the Cybermen at this point."

Haru recoiled. "No! Why did you have to go and say that?"

Hiromi just grinned.

"You're horrible."

"I know. I could be even more horrible."

"I don't even want to know."

"Because there's a big spoiler I could give. Well, several, in fact. Well, one's coming up right now..."

Haru stared at the screen, where Missy has just escaped from her cufflinks and has caught Osgood.

"Say something nice."

"No," Haru whispered. She glared at Hiromi. "No, Osgood's not going to..."

"Not saying a word."

"You don't have to. Dammit, she dies, doesn't she?"

"Missy, the Master, whatever you call yourself, I promise, I'm much more useful to you alive," Osgood reasons.

"Oh, yeah, that's true. That's definitely true, that is a good point well made. I'm proud of you sister. But did I mention... bananas! Pop."

Haru flinched back, recoiling against Baron's shoulder.

"That's not okay. No... No, aw, come on! COME ON! He had asked her to be the next companion! You can't do that – you can't..." Haru clenched her eyes shut and gingerly rubbed at her face.

"Are you sure you don't need a cup of tea?" Baron whispered.

"What, you think I would give up the Doctor?" Clara demanded. "Don't be daft. I would never, ever, give up the Doctor. Because he is my best friend too."

"Oh, heavens above, now we've got Clara and Danny's reunion," the brunette whimpered. "Tea's not going to be enough for this. Not even your special blend. This needs ice cream."

"He is the closest person to me in this whole world. He is the man I will always forgive, always trust, the one man I would never, ever lie to."

At Clara's words, the Cyberman raises his gun towards her head. The arm shakes.

"Do you want that ice cream?" Baron murmured.

"No." Haru's hold on Baron's hand tightened. "I think I just need someone to hug right now."

"Geez, Chicky; I don't know why you're getting so upset."

"Because they're made to be together but everything's so messed up and he's dead and a Cyberman and he died just crossing the street and she's finally found him again but it's so messed up and everything's wrong, and they promised not to lie to each other, but Clara kept lying and lying about the Doctor and everything else, and now she's just gone and said that and how is your heart not breaking, you soulless monster?"

"Obviously it's because I'm a soulless monster."

"It's an inhibitor. I need you to switch it on," Danny tells Clara.

"What does it inhibit?"

"Emotion. It deletes emotion. Please. I don't want to feel like this."

"It's official. Moffat hates us and he hates happy endings. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" Haru ranted at the screen. "Do you feast on the broken hearts of your fans or something? Is that it? Is that why you keep doing this to us?"

Hiromi prodded Haru. "Hey, Missy and the Doctor are back."

"I don't care."

"You're going to."

"Cause she's perfect, innit? The control freak and the man who should never be controlled," Missy teases. "You'd go to hell, if she asked. And she would."

"I don't know how I feel about this whole episode."

"Now that's the sound of your chain being yanked. Heel, Doctor!"

"Yes, you do," Hiromi corrects. "Broken."

"Ah, yes; that's it. That's how I feel."

Missy destroys part of the plane and Kate Stewart is dragged out, falling to her death.

"Why did you do that? You didn't have to do that!" the Doctor rages.

"Agreed!" Haru vented. "Could Moffat stop, you know, just killing everyone? I know 'death' is in the title, but it's just a title, not a challenge! Oh, great, and now he's even trying to kill the Doctor."

"Permission to squeeee..."

Missy promptly kills the AI interface.

"Okay, he's not even real, but still..."

"Hey, the pizza's here!"

"Get it yourself then, fatso!" Toto shouted. "You're nearest."

"Why don't you?" Muta retorted. "Or are you actually watching this rubbish?"

"Clara, watch this," Danny tells Clara. "This is who the Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action."

"It's... not bad," Toto admitted after a long pause. "I could maybe watch a few more... to, you know, understand what all the hype is about." He looked to the two women. "It is a little weird though."

"We need to start you at least with the Ninth Doctor," Hiromi said. "You need to go through the Russell T. Davies era first to fully appreciate the series. People don't appreciate Christopher Eccelson, but he's a fantastic Doctor. I think you would like him."

Clara stands before Danny, the sonic screwdriver raised to re-boot the inhibitor. "I wasn't very good at it..." she whispers, "but I did love you."

"I love you too," he replies.

"I'm never going to say that again."

"Me neither."

Haru buries her head into Baron's shoulder. "I think I need some duct tape. They say it fixes everything, so maybe it can fix my heart."

"Ready?" Clara asks.

"Yeah."

She sobs. "I feel like I'm killing you," she manages to splutter.

He scoffs weakly. "I'm already dead. You're here this time at least."

"Goodbye, Danny."

"Goodbye, Clara."

The sonic screwdriver whirrs, and the inhibitor takes over.

Baron hugged Haru, frowning a little as he watched the scene play out. He looked to Hiromi. "Is Doctor Who usually this... dark?"

"This is the finale," she reminded him. "But, Moffat does like his harrowing stories, and the Twelfth Doctor does have a much grittier atmosphere than the other recent Doctors." She looked him up and down. "I think you'd like the Tenth Doctor."

"Why?"

"Because he's optimistic and charming and improvises all the time. Remind you of anyone?"

With the Cybermen under the Doctor's control now, Missy curtsies to the other Time Lord. "Go on, crack a smile. I want to see if your eyebrows drop off."

"I'm even more confused now," Toto muttered. "What just happened?"

"You sound like the entire fandom."

"All this, just to give me an army?" the Doctor asks.

"Well, I don't need one, do I? Armies are for people who think they're right," Missy trills. "And nobody thinks they're righter than you!" The Doctor tries to pry the bracelet off, but Missy intercedes. "Give a good man firepower, and he'll never run out of people to kill."

"I don't want an army," he protests.

"Well, that's the trouble!" Missy shouts. "Yes, you do! You've always wanted one!"

"Hey, gormless idiots, the pizza's getting cold over here!"

"Eat it yourself!" Hiromi shouted back. "We're watching Doctor Who here!"

"And it's really getting good," Haru added.

"It's going to get better."

"How?"

"I'm not telling."

"Are we going to get a speech?" Haru couldn't help herself – she gave a little squeal. "We're going to get a speech, aren't we? Yes! Yes – we've got the speech music coming on – come on, Moffat, make it good!"

"I am not a good man!" the Doctor shouts. He spins around to Missy, grinning, while triumphant music rolls up in the background. "And I'm not a bad man. I am not a hero. And I'm definitely not a president. And, no, I'm not an officer. Do you know what I am?"

"The Doctor!" Haru shouted.

"I... am... an idiot–"

"Or maybe not..."

"–with a box and a screwdriver. Passing through, helping out, learning. I don't need an army, I never have, because I've got them." He points to Danny and Clara, still together. "Always them. Because love, it's not an emotion... love is a promise. And he will NEVER hurt her."

Muta dumped one of the pizza boxes down on the table and collapses back on the sofa. "You lot are pathetic."

"Says the guy who went to see Guardians of the Galaxy five times in the cinema," Hiromi scoffed.

"That's different."

"Really? Well, at least let us watch the Doctor Who finale once in peace."

"In peace? You guys haven't shut up since this started. I'm amazed you have any idea what's going on."

"I actually don't," Toto supplied.

"Yeah, but you're a birdbrain."

"At least I'm not a fatso."

Danny and the other Cybermen fly into the cloud, exploding and setting fire to the sky. The clouds ripple away in bursts of flames, leaving a blue sky overhead.

"Doesn't that look a little like a previous episode?" Haru asked Hiromi.

"Thank you! I was trying to remember what it reminded me of."

"Was it The Poison Sky?"

"Maybe...? I know it was the one with the Sontarons, and the genius boy, and I'm pretty sure it was a Tenth Doctor episode."

"I can't decide whether Moffat is referencing that episode or whether he's just running out of ideas," Haru said.

"Old friend, is she?" Clara asks, the death remote pointed to Missy. "If you have ever let this creature live, everything that happened today is on you. All of it, on YOU. And you're not going to let her live again."

"To be fair," Hiromi said, "the Master has 'died' several times; it's not like he's just let her walk away every time. How was he to know that she didn't actually die?"

"Story logic," Toto answered.

"You hadn't even seen Doctor Who before today."

"I'm right though."

"I'm going to eat all the pizza unless you guys help," Muta interrupted. "I thought you said you wanted this."

"Emotional bit, emotional bit," Haru cried, flapping her hands ineffectually towards the large man. "That must be the [] – wow, Classic Who reference!"

"Yeah, but he just shot off into the sky," Muta grumbled through a mouthful of food – which, now Haru thought about it, was usually how he talked. "And these Cyborgs–"

"Cybermen."

"Nuances. They're killing machines, right? So is that thing just flying around Earth now? Like, what is it doing?"

"Don't ruin a perfect moment!" Hiromi hissed.

Muta snorted and took another slice of pizza.

A portal is open between Danny and Clara; even in death, he has one last chance for everything ot be okay. "Just one trip," Danny says. "One trip, one person."

"Uh... I have a bad feeling about this," Haru muttered. She looked to Hiromi. "It's going to be the little boy, isn't it?"

Hiromi choked on her own pizza. "How do you do that?"

"I'm right?"

"Yes!"

"No! No, I don't want to be!" Haru slouched into the sofa again, forgoing the pizza. "You were right. This episode has all the feels."

"There's something I have to tell you and it's... it's not good news, so just listen, okay?"

"I know," the Doctor says.

Clara looks up, thoroughly confused. "Sorry?"

"I know exactly what you've got to tell me."

"You do?"

"You and Danny are together now. That's great, that's how it should be."

"Yes, that IS how it should be," Haru fumed. "But it's not."

"But the old man and the blue box, that's never going to fit in. So, no more flying around, no more lying."

Okay, no, that's not exactly..." Clara starts.

"It's fine," the Doctor cuts across.

"No, it's NOT fine. It... It really isn't... fine."

"I've found Gallifrey!"

"Is that meant to mean anything to us?" Muta snorted.

"You're not a Whovian."

"Home planet of his species," Haru explained, mostly to Toto and Baron, who were actually watching. "Lost because of... timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly stuff – we don't really understand it and, anyway, there's no way I can explain it within the next thirty seconds. To put it briefly, it was lost–"

"How can you lose an entire planet?"

"Again, Muta, your side comments aren't appreciated," Hiromi muttered. "I'm not kidding. Did he just put the planet down and forget where he left it?"

"Space is big," Hiromi sighed.

"Really big," Toto added. "You just won't believe how mind-bogglingly big it is."

Haru laughed. "Is that from Hitchhiker's Guide?"

"First lines, I think?" he admitted.

"You're such a geek," Hiromi said.

"Says the devote Whovian." Haru stuck her tongue out at her flatmate. "I've seen the posters in your room and I know for a fact that you can quote most of the Star Wars movies."

"Only the original trio. The other three I can only quote the famous scenes. Oh, and don't get me started on the new and upcoming film."

"We weren't planning to. You brought it up first. And – ooh, mid-credits teaser!"

"Hello! Doctor! You know it can't end like that!"

"Hey, that sounds like the fandom knocking," Haru snorted.

"Hm? We need to get this sorted, and quickly. She's not all right, you know. And neither are you. I'm coming in." The TARDIS doors open. "Ah, there you are. I knew I'd get round to you eventually. Now, stop gawping, and tell me..." Father Christmas stands in the TARDIS, snow seen to be falling outside the open doors. "What do you want for Christmas?"

The credits roll.

"It's official; Father Christmas is a huge Whovian fanboy. I'm making that canon," Hiromi said.

Her flatmate laughed. "As if you're not responsible for enough fanfiction already."

"What can I say? I'm a fangirl."

"And don't we all know it..."

"And my fanfiction is wonderful! Do you even read it?"

"Of course I have," Haru insisted. She caught Baron's gaze, who saw the half-lie in her eyes. "Well, maybe I haven't read them all..." she admitted. "But, come on – I'm not part of all your fandoms! I don't understand them all."

"Uh-huh." Hiromi spun to the others. "So, guys; what do you think? Are you already dying to join the ranks of the Whovians now?"

Toto shrugged. "We could have a movie night, I suppose."

"Sweet! My dad has all the NewWho episodes on DVD, so I'll ask to borrow them!" Hiromi squealed. "You guys are going to love it, I just know! And then we'll actually have new people to obsess over Doctor Who with!"

"However much Hiromi is making us sound like some sort of crazy cult I can, in fact, promise you that we are not," Haru informed her friends flatly. "And, Hiromi, getting back to the actual episode we have just seen – doesn't Missy remind you of Moriarty from Sherlock?"

"Missy reminds me of every Moffat villain," the other woman huffed. "God, she even looks like some of the previous villains! Oh! Sherlock! We need a Sherlock night too! I mean, there's only nine episodes–"

"Two-hour episodes," Haru reminded her. "It's practically nine movies.

"Yeah, but it's still less than all the NewWho episodes. Plus, Benedict Cumberbatch..."

"We're not rabid fangirls," Muta muttered.

"You don't have to be to appreciate the amusingness that is Benedict Cumberbatch," Hiromi argued. "He's an amazing actor – Sherlock Holmes is a pretty difficult character to pull off well and now he basically IS Sherlock to the fandom. Actually, talking of other shows... what time is it?"

"It's coming up to eight," Baron said.

"Great! Atlantis' second series is starting today, and since we're already here, we might as well just stick around and watch it in your awesome TV instead!"

"I'm never going to get rid of you lot, am I?" Baron asked flatly.

"Nope," Haru said, still leaning against their host. "You're stuck with us."

Baron looked down to the brunette and a smile crossed his face, unbidden. "Well, I think I could live with that. Do you still want ice cream?"

"Nah." Haru tilted her head and grinned impishly to him. "Anyway, I'm comfy now and if you get the ice cream I'll have to move."

"We could always ask Muta to fetch it," Baron offered.

"Why me?!"

"Because you know your way best around Baron's kitchen," Haru yawned.

"Yeah, because he can't get his nose out of the food," Toto snickered.

A piece of pizza went flying across the room. "I'll stuff your nose with this food!"

"Muta, please; not in my apartment."

"He started it!"

"And this is why you guys can't have nice things," Hiromi scoffed.

"We have plenty of nice things," Toto protested.

"Yes, we now have a Wii and Mario Kart and apparently you girls want to come round for a games' night at some point?" Muta asked pointedly.

"Although we are yet to actually set up the machine," Toto added.

"Not that they needed to know that," his flatmate hissed.

A phone rang through the apartment and Haru jolted up. "Is that mine?"

The rest were busy checking their mobiles. "It's not mine."

"Or mine."

"I think I left mine in our flat?"

"Mine is turned off."

Haru was trying to rummage through her bag. "Uh, yeah, it's mine. Sorry – I'm going to dash out for a bit – it's my mother. I'll be back for Atlantis."

"I'm going to pick up my phone," Hiromi said, rising to her feet also. If we're not back in time for Atlantis – fetch us."

"Eh, sure. Are you finished with your pizza?"

"Sure. It's stone-cold now anyway."

"Cold pizza is even better." Muta waited for the two young women to leave before taking a couple of slices and turning to Baron. "So when are ya going to tell her?"

"Tell who what?" Baron, now free of Haru, had risen to turn the kettle back on and make a new batch.

"Haru that you love her," Muta sang, as best as his gruff voice would allow.

There was the sudden clinking of the tea set knocking into the counter. "What?"

"Oh, come ON." The large man guffawed and took another set of slices. "I think I could live with that, Haru; just stay here forever and never leave and we'll live in tea heaven for eternity."

"I think you're reading behind the lines a little too much, Muta," Baron said tightly. "We're just friends, that's all."

"Sure..."

"What would you know about love, lardball?" Toto snickered.

"Oh, please, featherbrain; it's not like you're a hit with the ladies either."

"I don't know what you mean, pudding-breath," his flatmate muttered.

"Just so you know, choking on your own words doesn't count as flirting."

"Neither do awkward pick-up lines, fatso."

"At least you admit they're pick-up lines. You can't even get that far."

Haru and Hiromi returned into Baron's apartment, both with phones in hand. Eager to move the conversation away from himself, Baron asked Haru, "So what did your mother want?"

A moment later, he full took stock of the scowl passing her face. "Well, do you remember what I said about the family reunion – actually, you guys won't," Haru said, "but Hiromi will – Hiromi, do you remember when I said about my aunt having a neighbour's son who I should meet up with?"

"Yes. Oh my... Do you have a date now?"

"Apparently."

"Oh, don't be so gloomy! He could be cute."

"He could be a jerk," Haru replied.

"This is why you're still single, Haru. You're so... so negative!"

"Really? And what's your excuse?"

"I could get a date if I wanted. I'm just... keeping you company in Singleton."

"You know, Chicky, you could just avoid this entire thing by saying you're already taken."

"And then what would that achieve? I would have to run round in circles keeping up the pretence of having a boyfriend, and then it would eventually leak out and I'd never be able to show my face in public again."

"Plus, she shouldn't have to say she's taken if she's not interested," Hiromi piped up.

Haru sat back on the sofa, rolling her eyes. "Look, guys, I'll go and I'll see what he's like, you know, to be fair. There's no point making a fuss about it. Who knows? He might be really nice. Let's just start Atlantis before we miss the beginning." She leant against Baron and added sleepily, "Anyway, who would I even pretend to date if I had an imaginary boyfriend?"

Eyes flickering shut, she missed the significant glances between the guys. Baron blushed and looked pointedly away. He pulled forward a blanket draped over the top of the sofa and drew it over the dozing brunette. "What?" he demanded to the onlookers.

"Nothing."

ooOoo

A/N: Okay, I know I said I loved writing this (and I did), but holy heck, I think I broke my heart re-watching that DW episode! I had to pause and rewind over certain parts and after watching Clara and Danny's scenes repeatedly, I think I'll have to borrow that duct tape after Haru. (WHY, MOFFAT, WHY?)

(PS: Also, part of me imagines that Hiromi writes covert fluffy fanfiction where she ships Haru and Baron...)

Cat.