Yoko Days

We've seen Self Inserts, but probably nothing like this. Probably.

-Prologue-

I awoke to the feeling of something tugging at my body…rather my energy. I chuckled as I cut the flow before it got too worst. It seems like my gracious host has finally found out about me and was mad enough to drain a bit of my charka. Not a lot mind you, it was like getting bit by a mosquito, but just enough to wake me up.

I could hear his words, about not touching his Iruka-sensei. So we're finally there huh? Took him long enough, I suppose. Then again I've been stuck inside him for nearly twelve years. Honestly I don't even remember how I got into the predicament. Actually scratch that, I know how the body got into this problem, not my mind. Last thing I remember was getting up to get a cup of coffee. God I miss that. I love that liquid gold. So strong, and flavorful…

Ugh I can feel his happiness. Not that I don't mind him being happy, not as all. I'm not as petty to deprive my host of his joys. It's just that ever since I was sealed inside of him, negative emotions felt better than his positive ones. I guess being a mass of chakra and hate kind of fits into being a vampire of emotions. Happiness felt like drinking a glass of liquid sugar. On a side note, never drink a glass of liquid sugar. It will rot your teeth!

Actually I think I've gone stir crazy sitting in this cage. I've gotten like…really bored, and my mind wanders a lot. Is this what it's like to be senile? Oh god, I hope I'm not going senile. I'm too young for that.

Oh hey someone's touching my seal. Pop!

"What the?" I grinned as an old man appeared before me.

"Wow I didn't think that would work," I commented as he looked up to me. "Hi by the way, I'm the Kyuubi if you haven't noticed."

"I…I've noticed." He said shocked that I'm talking to him.

"Good," I said nodding. "You're Hiruzen Sarutobi correct?"

"Yes."

"Good." I said nodding. "Quit being a pansy and run your god damn village like the shinobi you are. Quit letting the council dictate what you should or should not do, and for god sakes make Naruto wear something other than orange."

"How did you-?"

"Pull you into the seal? Know that you're the council's bitch? I'm the Kyuubi, I know these things." I said smugly. "I am all powerful, and all knowing."

"If you're all powerful, how did you get sealed?" He asked glaring at my words.

"Oh that? Some Uchiha who thinks he's Madara kidnapped Naruto the second he was born, and threatened Minato and Kushina with his death unless they freed me. He eventually summoned me from her seal, and used his Sharingan Eyes on me to attack the village. I could divulge more delicious secrets and information, but there's a system for that," I ended shaking my head. "I could tell you everything I know; past, present, or future, but what would that give me?"

I watched as Hiruzen as he processed what I had just said to him. Seeing the so-called god of shinobi look shocked was quite hilarious. I grinned as the look of shock slowly disappeared and a frown was set in its place.

"What would you want?" Hiruzen asked me once more.

"A change of scenery would be nice," I commented. "I don't really care enough to leave my seal, but good god; it's always damp and soggy. Also I'd like to get laid. After going so many years without it, you tend to get frustrated." I snickered as he looked at me funny. "What? Just because I'm a massive ball of chakra and hate, doesn't mean I'm any less of a person, Hiruzen. I have a name; I had dreams, and aspirations. Getting used by you humans was not one of them. People hate what they can't understand, but people are afraid to understand what they hate." I can see him looking contemplative about that. "Anyways, I think I've taken up too much of your time, I'll see you next time when you decide to check his seal." Pop. With that, I exiled him from my prison.

Ah that felt good. I haven't talked with someone in such a long time. I couldn't help but to slightly antagonize him though. Maybe it's the hate in me? Or maybe because I'm stronger than him? Bah, I never liked bullying anyways.

::::

I yawned as I woke up again. Seems like I woke up with my container this time…Looks like it's time for him to find out what team he's on. I can't help but to pity the kid. Living alone, without someone to look out for him…bah, he hates pity.

"Don't drink the milk stupid," I said cheekily, just as he was about to pick up the box.

"Wha? Who said that?" I heard him say confused.

"I live inside you rent free, and I have nine-tails," I commented still amused. I somehow knew how to communicate with him. I always thought he'd have to meet me or something. "Also you should probably think back. People already are weary of you; you talking out loud wouldn't help."

'Kyuubi?'

"Yep. Like I said, don't drink the milk. If it's pass the expiration date, it's not good for you system. I doubt you want to get sick and vomit or worse, explosive diarrhea at the worst possible time." I could sense his apprehension and he finally put down the milk carton.

'Why are you even talking to me, aren't you like…evil and hate humanity?'

"Oh Evil is subjective and I hate everyone equally," I replied sighing. "I could spend days teaching you about philosophy, but I guess that's not the reason why I decided to bug you. I'm bored, Naruto."

'…what?'

"I'm bored. The seal sucks, it's always flooded, my fur is soggy, and I haven't done anything interesting in twelve freaking years," I lamented, lying on my side. He would've sweat dropped if he could see me. Damn animal instincts. "So I'm going to play your intelligent subconscious for the rest of your life until something interesting happens."

'Let me get this straight. You finally talk to me after twelve years of being sealed inside me, and the first thing you say is that you're bored?'

I could hear the incredulity in his voice. "Oh I could say a lot of things – like how you refusing to eat other foods stunted your growth, or that the orange jumpsuit you wear is an eyes sore, or how your crush on Sakura-chan will probably get us both killed because you have NO taste in women," I could feel his annoyance growing. Good, I want him annoyed. It'll make him more receptive of me whenever I talk to him. "Or how you're oblivious to your own surroundings, but I'm being nice…today."

'Gee thanks.'

"No don't thank me just yet, I plan on being a pain in the ass you'll love in the future…no homo by the way."

'No wha?'

I shook my head. "Never mind…get to school and find out who is on your team."

'Ah you're right!'

I snickered as I closed the connection, "You know Minato, Kushina; I know you two are there. Probably waiting for me to do something idiotic or something, like force eight tails on him or something stupid like that."

I grinned as two people appeared in front of the seal. "H-how did you know that-?" Minato began to ask.

"That you built a failsafe inside the seal just in-case Naruto drew upon all nine of my tails?" I offered with a grin. "Like I told Hiruzen; I'm all powerful and all knowing. The reason I called you because I'm bored, and I probably plan on teaching your brat how to be a better ninja."

"Why would you do that?" Kushina asked glaring at me. "You never did that with me."

I raised an eyebrow. "That because I'm not into bondage, tomato." I grinned as she turned red, with anger and embarrassment. "And that's because of the pain your version of the seal put me through; it kept me in a blood rage or something. Now get over here and siphon off some of my chakra so you guys can stay around longer than you need to. I have things to tell you about your son that may upset you."

"Like what?" Minato was glaring at me.

"Like how he's the village pariah right now, like how his godfather hasn't been around for him, how he almost just drank expired milk because he barely goes shopping because all he eats is Ramen." I listed off as their two faces slowly melted into shock. Wow I am good at this shocking thing. "I could go on, but it'll be pointless if you two disappear before I can. Now get over here and give me a hug."

The two wasted no time in crossing over the seal. I could feel them draining a bit of my chakra, I didn't mind. If it meant not being alone I could take a few mosquito bites.

End of prologue.