~Really Not Fine At All~

Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes. Just this idea pulled from my head.

Sharon's POV

She lightly tossed her pencil on the file she was going over and rubbed one hand along her forehead. She couldn't take much more of this she thought. Sharon leaned back in her chair crossed her arms in a protective manner that was such a habit by now from working for so many years in a world where most of her co-workers despised her. Most thought it was a defensive or defiance gesture. In a way it was part of her armor for inner protection.

After she took another quick glance out her office window she took off her glasses, laying them on her desk frustrated with herself and closed her eyes. Sitting back up she glanced once again out to see into the murder room. Even without her glasses she could see her team working but her eyes kept going back to one particular place and that would be Lieutenant Flynn's desk or more accurately to Lieutenant Flynn himself. He was taking a witness's statement. Nothing out of the ordinary really except this witness was very blonde, very young, very pretty and had very long tanned legs as everyone could see from anywhere in the room. A bit too tan if anyone asked her opinion, which of course nobody did.

Sharon couldn't hear what Andy was saying but what she could hear was that...that...frustrating headache causing giggles in return to Andy's questions. In her years in IA she had always heard Lieutenant Flynn was somewhat of a ladies man but she had never seen it so up close and personal before now. With these two flirting right in front of her Sharon didn't know how much more she could take.

Listening to them go back and forth with questions and laughs for what seemed like eternity, Sharon finally had enough. Not wanting to hear any more of the high-pitched giggling she stood up, arched her back to stretch. Looking up to the ceiling for some patience then walked over and closed her door quietly. Next, she shut the side blinds. She hoped it looked casual enough not to bring attention to her actions. As she was sitting back down she heard the now fainter sound of more giggling. Obviously, what she did didn't interrupt Andy and his...his...interview or whatever they were doing out there.

Wow, Sharon couldn't believe she was reacting this way. Was she jealous? She had never been jealous. Jack and she had a lot of issues but jealousy was never one of them. Ok, she wasn't going to be thinking of her life or what she missed out on with Jack. That part of her was just about over, well her life as a wife anyways, she thought. She's still had to deal with Jack once in awhile, when he decided to use her to get their kids to talk to him. Why would she be jealous anyway? "We're just friends," she said quietly. No, it must be because she was exhausted. Yes, that must be it. She had been feeling run down lately even more so than usual.

She couldn't be jealous, she wasn't Andy's type anyway and she knew that. He had asked her to a few of his family functions with her going along as his buffer. They had a few friendly non-date dinners. Thinking about those dinners made her smile. Andy and her always had a nice time when they were away from the office. It was easy to relax around him. Well, he made it easy for her to relax. He always managed to make her laugh, especially when she was having a not so great day, which she had a lot of them lately it seemed. In fact, she had never laughed so much than when she was with Andy.

They were just friends, colleagues, she was technically still a married woman and she was his boss, his superior officer. What was she thinking? It would never work even if Andy was interested in taking their friendship to another level. Sharon laid her head back against her chair and looked up at the ceiling again. She rolled her eyes and said in a sad commanding voice, "stop, Sharon just stop." Trying to pull herself together she let out a deep breath. She put her glasses back on and got ready to actually see if she could remember what she was reviewing in the file.

Not even five minutes later another peak of laughter broke out. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then frustrated she said out loud, "oh that's it," she had had enough. Sharon pushed back her chair, stood up and buttoned her jacket, slid her hands down to the edge and tugged it down. It was a mental and almost physical way of putting on her armor. Picking up her mug she walked to her other office door and headed to the breakroom to refill her tea. Hers was cold anyways, it was a good excuse. She just needed to get away from what she knew was going on at the lieutenant's desk.

She was walking down the hallway when she heard Provenza call out, "oh Captain." To her he sounded a bit too happy making her suspicious. He's never happy. She didn't stop. Just keep walking Sharon said to herself. He hardly wanted to talk to you half the time anyways. A few more steps away she heard him talk to her again, "You need to hear this. Our young witness here, Miss Cindi with an i..." She noticed he stopped speaking, then there was another round of giggles from the young blonde. Sharon could also hear Andy's laugh in there too. She wondered what her usually grumpy second-in-command did to get them both laughing. Probably made fun of her behind her back. Something she was very use to, but it seemed to bother her more now that it was her people, her team. She had thought they were becoming her friends or at least starting to respect her.

Sharon needed to get away from that giggle, Provenza, the rest of the team in the murder room and mostly Andy. She didn't want them to see the pain on her face. So, she sped up her steps to make an escape. As she was farther down the corridor she heard Provenza call out louder trying to get her attention again, "Uh hum Captain, Miss Cindi here says we need to hear..." he had stopped abruptly when she came to a halt and turned around.

She rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated "hmmm" that came out more like a growl. Slowly she spun around and walked up towards her senior lieutenant who was just as aggravating as his partner. "What do I need to hear?" Sharon asked, her voice low and flat. She was impressed with how calm the words came out because she feeling anything but calm.

"Miss Cindi, our young witness, has been very helpful she..." Sharon turned towards Andy as he started to speak but couldn't look directly at him. She didn't want him to see the hurt in her eyes and she didn't want to see the happiness in his.

It would be easier if she just stopped this all now. So, she interrupted Flynn to ask, "can you brief me about the interview, when you're finished with her?" Her words came out cold even she could tell that. Sharon noticed that everyone in the room was looking at her. She hadn't used that tone with her team or co-workers since her FID days. Except for the first year she took over Major Crimes. Now, that was a rough year, she didn't think they would ever accept her after their beloved Chief Johnson left.

As Sharon scanned the room over her glasses she thought Sykes's mouth was actually hanging open. Poor Amy, she was picked by her to have an ally on the team, even if it was just to get the job. She saw Provenza with his infuriated smirk. Tao, Buzz and Sanchez quickly looked down at their computer screens pretending not to be listening. All but Amy knew what that tone meant and didn't want it directed to them. Sharon thought they were probably concerned that the wicked witch was returning. Mostly nowadays she only used the icy cold tone for when she was interviewing a suspect or maybe when she had to deal with Assistant Chief Taylor. Slipping one hand into her pocket wishing she wasn't holding her cup in the other. She glanced at her watch like she had to be somewhere at a certain time. Sharon cleared her throat quietly and made sure what she said next came out nicely. She didn't want to scare her team and was trying to make up for the shock she caused them. "If it's not pertinent to the case at this very moment, can it wait? I...um...I have to meeting to be at." She looked back down at her watch again, since she didn't really see what time it was at her first look. "Actually, since it's almost 4:30, why don't we call it a day? We can start again tomorrow and look for more leads with fresh eyes."

Feeling quite foolish for reacting like that she turned around as gracefully as she could and headed back into her office. She couldn't believe she let herself act like that in front of her team. Sharon figured they would think it was her just being in one of her don't mess with me moods. Which was fine with her because her current bad mood was really because she couldn't stand to be in the room or anywhere near Andy and that woman any longer. Sharon needed to get out of there before she made a complete fool of herself. She had always kept her cool no matter what. She did not like showing much emotion or any of her personal side at work. Like when Rusty ran away it was hard to hold back the tears she wanted to let out. It was easier to just leave. Rusty and her were the same that way. Neither cried in front of anyone.

Sharon let out another deep breath taking a moment to compose herself then collected her purse and put the files together to take home. She pretended to be concentrating on balancing the items in her hands as she walked out of the murder room so she didn't have to look at anyone. She used one of Flynn's and Provenza's favorite insults and mumbled, "idiot," in a whisper directed to herself. She didn't need to look up to know they were still watching her.

She could feel their eyes on her. Just as she got near the door she heard Provenza smartly say, "what was that Captain? I didn't quite hear you."

"Oh nothing," she replied as she held the folders carefully. Calling over her shoulder, "please, all go home and see you here in the morning," she managed as casually as she could.

I her rush to escape Sharon didn't see Provenza looked at Flynn, Andy just shrugged his shoulders. When he saw the ridiculous smile on his partner's face and how flustered the captain was, Provenza mumbled, "idiots," then walked back to his desk to finish his crossword.

The young lady sitting next to Andy said loud enough for Sharon to hear as the door was closing, "that woman is your boss?"

Stopping when the door closed Sharon turned slightly to look through the window in the door in time to see Cindi put her hand on Andy's arm and giggle again. Sharon could see enough of the lieutenant's face to know he said something to the girl. He had that lopsided grin that always caused Sharon's stomach to flutter and caused tingles to run all the way to her toes. She could just image what Andy's smile was doing to this young pretty girl, lady or whatever she was.

Sharon thought, I don't even know how old she is? As if answering her own question, she said quietly, "I'm sure she's nowhere near my age, that's for sure." Turning away quickly she walked to the elevators and then to her car. The whole time she couldn't stop her brain from thinking about Andy and Cindi. Yes, Cindi with an i was exactly Andy's type. She knew he had a type because she had known Andy a long time and Flynn likes, 'em young, blonde and leggy, as Provenza would say, but if Andy was just a friend, then why did it hurt so much to see him with that girl?

After dumping her files, purse in the passenger seat of her car, Sharon walked around to the driver's side and was opening the door as she heard voices at a whisper but still echoed through the parking garage walls. "Yep, that's her, the Ice Queen from FID. She may be in Major Crimes now, but I hear she's still cold." The laughter rang through her ears then faded away. Sharon had seen who it was as she was settling into her car. It was two detectives from Robbery/Homicide.

She had spent years working on being just that cold, distant, and frigid even. It was the only way she could police the police and not have such comments cut her to the core. She wasn't there to make friends she was there to do her job and she did it well. Sharon always took pride in that. She knew what the whole LAPD thought of her and on certain days, certain moments it would actually get to her. She hated that, she didn't like when comments got to her, past her armor that had taken years and years to build it up. She had Jack to thank for that. If he ever did anything for her it was to help her thicken her skin. To hide behind a mask and not let people see how much things really did affected her.

Taking a deep breath for the third time today, Sharon slowly let it out. With a shake of her head she then straightened up her hair and as if mentally slipping her Darth Raydor mask back into place. She knew better to let her guard down. Maybe she was getting too comfortable in Major Crimes to be thinking she had friends in the LAPD. She wasn't use to letting anyone at work get behind her walls she thought. She'd try harder to be the Wicked Witch/Darth Raydor again. It was easier to keep people away then let them get to know you. To let them get close then let you down and hurt you. "Yes, I can do that. I'm fine or I will be fine," she said more as a declaration to herself. "Or am I really not fine at all?" She questioned herself as she started the car. She wanted to get home where she could be just Sharon. She wouldn't let little things break her.

~TBC~

A special thank you to acquariusgb for all her help and encouragement!