A/N: This is the end! I'm done with this series, because I've pretty much exhausted every funny bone I had in my body.

I'm also being treated for broken bones at this moment in time, but, that's beside the point.

Seriously – announcement time for any person reading this who cares:

I'm starting new stories. Don't ask me when new chapters are out, I'm fucking writing them all at once as much as I can.

(Before Round 2 of the Chunin Exams…)

Team 7, in all of its adolescent, sterling glory, had finally arrived to the place they needed to be at.

It was there they'd finally met Team 9 – a team that was in the year above them, but still in the same teaming system as them for some reason the author didn't quite know.

And heck, while we're on the subject, let's all laugh at said author for picking the one saga in Naruto broadcasting/print he knew the least about! And hell, is he going to try and revise his knowledge for this story? Or will he continue to make fun of the show in spite of never having watched it fully?

I think you know the answer.

I digress, however.

Team 7 had arrived at – you know… that building – and they were intercepted by the team led by Maito Gai. Though Gai wasn't there.

"Well, well. Snarky comment regarding your teams abilities, and its relation to the concept of fate." Neji, a beautiful woman after Naruto's heart, said. Sakura took offense to this.

"Light-hearted yet deeply offended retaliation!" Sakura bit back angrily. Tenten stepped in front of the Hyuuga beauty, as if to defend her from a possible attack.

"Defence assuring what my teammate said was taken out of context when it clearly was not!" The Higurashi (bullshit, remember?) clan member retaliated. Sasuke huffed, still in his male form.

"Hn. Hn, hn, hn. Hn." He hnned. Naruto looked to his teammates, and those of Team 9, only to see that Lee was eyeing him up, hard.

"Uh… Believe it?" Naruto said, unsure.

"Yosh!" Lee commented.

"Reprimanding of our happier teammates!" Sakura and Neji yelled to Naruto and Lee, who sunk back out of shame for showing their happiness.

It was then some random kunoichi from other villages interrupted.

"Unsuccessful attempt at defusing situation!" Kabuto yelled to the group, her eyes falling on the sullen Naruto. Her "team" came in behind her, adorning their "fake-evil" looks.

"Generic violent saying!" Yoroi said, with a dark chuckle.

"Support of generic evil saying!" Misumi added with a sneer to all but Naruto.

"And I'm Rinji!" Rinji declared, true to her nature. It was then Kabuto's team fully caught sight of the beautiful blonde Jinchuuriki-

"You mean me?" Yugito asked happily.

"No." A voice said. Yugito gave a mopey look to the floor and sighed, deciding she might as well join in on the scrap that was happening with her own team.

Ahem.

It was then Kabuto's team fully caught sight of the beautiful blonde Jinchuuriki, Naruto. They each all stared at him with their best sexy stares, Kabuto flaunting her impressive bust, Yoroi her soft lips, Misumi her shapely rear, and Rinji her hypnotic hips.

"Heeeeey, Naruto." They winked at him. He stared at them for a full seventeen minutes before he spoke.

"Who the fuck are you people." He asked, without a questioning intonation. They swooned at his attention, and he grabbed Kabuto by the collar roughly, bringing his face right next to hers.

"I'm totally serious right now. Somebody better tell me what the fuck is going on or I will end this story right here." Naruto threatened as seriously as he would ever. Kabuto seized the moment and took Naruto's lips in a kiss. Although he gave in, he was still furious.

It was then Team 10 arrived on the scene. Shikamaru and Chouji, in their recently revealed female forms, wrapped their arms around Naruto and kissed him on either side of his cheeks. Naruto looked to them, then to the public who had gathered around him and his team.

"Uh… Not that I don't appreciate the attention, but Shika – Chouji – shouldn't you guys be… You know… Guys?" He asked them. Chouji began nibbling on his ear as she left Shikamaru to explain.

"Yeah… Our parents gave us the go-ahead. Turns out it was a huge misunderstanding. Don't you remember?" Shikamaru explained, slowly slinking her hand down Naruto's pants. He then raised an eyebrow at her behaviour.

At this news, Sasuke smacked her head with an open palm and groaned aloud, as did Kira and Shino.

"Uh… No. I may have lost memory of that day. Or maybe it was one of those scenes the author cut off short to leave something to the reader's imagination…" He murmured, with Chouji humming in agreement.

"In any case… I think there's something you two want from me that isn't sex… What is it?" He asked them – the crotch fondling being their obvious give-away. Shikamaru's movements stalled for a millisecond before she continued and grumbled something low.

"Well… We need you and Ino to hook up and become lovers, too." She asked of him, Chouji working double time to make up for the slip up. Naruto, enjoying himself way too much, agreed easily.

"Is that all? I thought you were going to ask me something completely different. Sure, where is she?" His question was answered when Ino came up behind him with a large, chesty hug.

"Oh, fantastic!" She cried into the nape of his neck. Naruto looked at the female crowd staring at him, fully aware of his slowly hardening erection. He then cranked his head back to Shikamaru.

"Is there any way you could zap me out of here?" He asked them. It was then Anko appeared on the scene and stomped on the ground, loud enough that it shook every ninja out of their stupor.

"Alright, shitlords, time for your last exam!" Anko yelled. As they stood there, proverbially holding their own dicks in their hand, Anko sighed.

"Get IN the arena, retards!" She yelled. And so the retards did.

(Some time later)

Having gotten everybody settled…

You know what? I don't have to do this. You people don't have to see this for the fiftieth time today.

You don't have to sit there and re-read the seventy billionth rewriting of the Chunin Exams in detail. So I'll just skip to the good bits.

(Naruto's fight with Kira)

"coughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughFight!coughcoughcough" Gekko Hayate called.

Naruto and Kira charged at each other, each with animalistic ferocities that ensured the crowd a messy spectacle.

And they got one.

Just not the one they were thinking.

As soon as the fight started, Kira mounted Naruto and gave him a ferocious kiss, as she quickly took her clothes off, despite the crowd. In fact, the crowd may have excited both partners even more during their sexual conquest.

"…Is… Is anyone going to stop this? I mean… They're children. They're children, and they're attempting to have sex on my court…" The Hokage said, stroking his beard as the two teens began going at it like the horny rabbits, or dogs, or foxes, or whatever other dirty animal analogy they were.

Tsume put her hands behind her head and puffed her chest out proudly.

"Nah, they're fine. Like every fanfiction writer always justifies – they're ninja! If they're old enough to kill, they're obviously old enough to fuck! Or rape. Or drink. Or commit genocide…" Tsume said with her proudest sarcastic inflection, going silent afterwards as the two "battling" teens down in the arena began fighting for dominance over the other.

"…That makes no sense though. I mean… They're fucking." Sarutobi Hiruzen said, uneasily smoking his pipe as the other audience members paid Naruto and Kira no mind.

"On my court." He added. Sighing, he shut the doors to the little Kage box he and Orochimaru, along with the other, at-this-moment, faceless Kage were situated in.

Gekko Hayate stared on, unmoving, unblinking, and watched as how Kira struggled, failed, and then finally submitted to Naruto's sexual techniques and lewd powers on the battlefield. She then threw her arms down and took a deep breath.

"Victor – Naruto!" He yelled, just as Naruto released inside Kira and thusly claimed her as his own. Disregarding his clothes, Naruto picked the now limp Inuzuka kunoichi in his arms and carried her back to the stands, filled with people who would no doubt not remember the events of this chapter later on.

"Two children." Hiruzen began, silently, rubbing his temples.

"Fucked." He added.

"On my court." He finished.

Surely, Minako and Kushina would either be scorning their son from the heavens, or high-fiving him, in spirit.

(Somewhere, outside the Exam Hall)

Several cloaked figures stood outside the Exam Hall, all growling grimly and menacingly meandering about the place. Their leader held a hand up, and the remaining gathered around her in a circular formation.

"Phase 1 is complete. Whilst Orochimaru tends to her plans, we will strike. For now, we initiate Phase 2." Yahiko ordered the Akatsuki, half of whom nodded solemnly, whilst the other half looked on at their leader in confusion.

"Um… What exactly is Phase 2?" Asked Deidara. Yahiko then edged towards Tobi, where the entire group laid eyes on the insane woman, who was practically brimming with excitement.

"Tobi buys us milkshakes. That is Phase 2." Yahiko announced, stalking her way to the nearest milkshake establishment, closely followed by her beaming subordinates.

"Yay!" Came Tobi's giddy yell.

(Some time later…)

Kakashi popped some wine, and poured two glasses for her and her date, who sat across from her at the table a little awkwardly. Even though Kakashi had chosen a form-fitting, luscious dress, she still chose to wear her facemask, albeit an adapted version.

"For getting past the first round, Naruto, I wanted to reward you with a little date…" Kakashi sauntered, having removed her mask, and thusly showing her gorgeously gorgeous face. She giggled at the boy's stunned look, and reached over their table to give him a small kiss.

"Th-thanks, sensei…" Naruto stammered out, with a tomato-red blush covering his whiskered cheeks. Kakashi couldn't stop girlishly giggling at him, which made his uncomfortableness rise to unmaintainable levels.

"Please, 'Ruto, call me 'Kashi." She said with a sultrily smile. Naruto cleared his throat as their meal went on, with the newly revealed female Kakashi teaching him all about proper dating etiquette. She smiled as he slowly stared off into space after her words, seriously contemplating how his other relationships with the people around him were forming.

Afterwards, and despite many police forces trying to stop an older woman from molesting an underage boy, Kakashi taught Naruto of proper bedroom etiquette. It was a few hours later that the couple fell asleep and collapsed in each other's arms.

Again, with the world failing to stop such paedophilia.

(Some time later, yet still totally unspecified)

Naruto was led by hand, down to an Inuzuka clan house. Kira/Kiba squeezed his hand and turned back to face him, her face marred with worry.

"Naruto… Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked him, meekly. Which was odd for an Inuzuka clan member. Naruto smiled back at her.

"It's fine, Kira. I've actually fucked my own parents and seen more than five of the people I used to know as men reveal that they're actually women who want to fuck me. This is nothing compared to that stuff." He said with a foxy grin. (Do you get it? It's humour, apparently). Kira bit her bottom lip and halted their descent.

"So what you're saying is…"

"I'm fine with fucking your mother and sister if it means we can all live together. Really." Her blonde Adonis smiled back a comforting smile. Kira took a deep breath and thusly led the unsuspecting boy down into the Inuzuka Mating Halls.

Because if any clan is has a designated place to fuck, it's the Inuzuka clan.

There, Naruto saw Tsume and Hana, whom he'd only met a few times before, clad in nothing but grey robes. He could clearly see Tsume's neatly trimmed pussy, glistening in the slight part of her robe. At the sight, he swallowed and gawked at the two women, who finally noticed his presence.

"Get started without me. I'll be out in a sec, okay?" Kira checked with her new beau, who nodded with a dumb smile. He was dragged down atop the pile of bedding by a shy looking Hana, and Tsume began straddling him.

"So… Here's the deal – when someone marries into the Inuzuka clan, they must compete with their partner sexually to determine who the Alpha in the relationship is." Tsume explained, slowly taking off Naruto's clothes.

He gave her a wonky-eyed stare.

"Uh… How do I compete, then?" Naruto asked. Tsume and Hana smiled.

"Use your imagination, Naruto…" She said with a growl, before positioning her burning pussy lips above Naruto's mouth, her hands on the back of his head. He smiled and played her game, his tongue bravely digging into the clan head's snatch.

Tsume, not expecting such an eager start, lurched forward and held a hand over her stomach as she let out a squeak of pleasure. Hana, meanwhile, began freeing the blonde's massive cock from his constricting trousers, before playing with it skilfully.

The Jinchuuriki took Tsume's moment of weakness to flip her on her back softly, slipping easily out of Hana's grip. He held Tsume's legs apart, his hands gripping her creamy thighs. He smiled at her and without warning, slid into her, barely fitting in half his meat before assuming a nice rhythm.

Tsume's moans became more and more erratic, and she felt the need to resist slip from her. As Naruto began to climax, he pulled out of the Inuzuka woman and began roughly pleasuring himself, using Tsume's slick juices as a thin lube.

He ejaculated onto the woman's body, the hot seed marking her as his. He was now officially her Alpha, by Inuzuka laws. Naruto smiled as he reversed his position, so that his cock was now draping over Tsume's burning face. She willingly took the length in her mouth and sucked with glee, as Naruto's tongue once again delved into her folds.

He drifted his fingers southwards, and shyly poked a finger or two at Tsume's backdoor, making her lurch up and cry in pleasure, despite the blonde's cock doing its best to gag her. Lost in the pleasure of having his penis sucked for all it was worth, Naruto roughly slipped his length out of Tsume's mouth and let her breath. She gasped for air, and did nothing to resist as Naruto flipped her on her stomach.

Using a mix of his and her juices, and her saliva as another lathering of lubricant, he poked at the clan head's asshole. That particular action didn't last for long, as Tsume soon gave in and loosened herself up to be fucked. Naruto smiled at her and never relented in his thrusts. Tsume lost herself in each orgasm as he gripped her bedding tighter and tighter.

The blonde boy growled deeply as he released a monstrous load within her, sliding his cock out of her tortured hole. He smiled at the sight of Tsume's swollen stomach and flipped her back on her back.

"Doggystyle, huh?" She remarked weakly, loving the feel of her lover-turned-Alpha's seed filling her. Naruto giggled playfully.

"Couldn't help myself."

Naruto was then set upon by a silent Hana, who tried her best to dominate him. Their session lasted all of forty-five minutes before Hana gave in to her new Alpha, and she took on a similar state to her mother, lying down with a belly full of cum languidly.

Kira then showed up, taking a moment to balk at her mother and sister, before Naruto dragged her down to experience the same pleasure as they had.

(In the sex-dungeon-rape-lair of Orochimaru)

The mop of blonde hair shifted slightly and grumbled into two, soft, gloriously fleshy pillows. He heard moans emanate from a sultrily smiling, saucy Sannin. The blonde little Jinchuuriki peered down to his mouth, realising he was currently suckling from the woman beneath him, and likely had been for a while.

"…'Scuse me." He mumbled, letting the nipple plop out of his mouth, as he got a good look of the woman who was currently cradling him tightly. She smiled a sultrily, snaky smile and licked the air around the two, moaning deeper into her bed again.

As she did so, Naruto noticed a whole lot more people groaning and cutely mumbling in their sleep around him. They were women, from what he could tell. Though, like with Chouji and Shikamaru, he could see a lot of girls he used to recognise as boys, before.

"Um… Who are you?" He asked the snakily snaky looking woman who flicked her forked tongue at him.

"Orochimaru, the Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssnake Sage." She seductively spoke to him. Naruto gave the pale, lovely looking woman a judging look before resting his head back down in her massive cleavage.

"…Alright then. Wake me up when shit stops being weird…" He mumbled, noticing a lot of women surrounding him, even some who appeared to be related to him. He brought his head back up and stared at Orochimaru with a gaping stare.

"You know what? Explain this situation to me." Naruto asked of the woman, who smiled at him, knowingly.

"But of course. You'd be pretty upset if you were a reader of a story like this and didn't know what was going on, right?" She spoke. Naruto shrugged his shoulders, and she smiled again.

"It all began… Well, two days ago…"

(Two days prior)

"Oh no! Sound and Sand have invaded Konoha? Who could've thought that inviting a newly formed village and a village we've been taking missions from would result in this situation?" A random ninja remarked dryly, already noticing one of many standoffs that appeared to his left.

Naruto stared down a bunch of nameless Sound shinobi, who were all led by the illustrious and clearly evil Orochimaru, the Snake Sage.

"Kukukukukukukuku, I have come for your penis, Uzumaki Naruto! I have tricked the Hokage into thinking I was coming after him, where in reality, I was after you!" She cackled, slowly becoming a caricature of herself rather than a passable villain. The colour of Naruto's face drained as the words hit him, and the Snake Sage herself pulled out an artefact of unimaginable power.

"Yes! The Ninja Soulstar will revitalise every ninja within range here, and will turn them into slaves for me! And you, Naruto, will bear witness!" Orochimaru remarked-imaru. She channelled her chakra into the object, and a second later, an energy burst exploded outwards, knocking all victims out for a brief period.

(…)

"So basically, that kind of backfired, and bound my soul to yours. Consequently, every kunoichi, and yet-to-be-revealed kunoichi pledged their love to you. A few minutes later, they did the same thing, but physically." Orochimaru explained, as she further cradled the tired teen.

"Okay… What about the Old man?" He asked her.

"You mean Hiruzen? He was actually a she, and the Soulstar returned her body back to its 18-year-old state, along with any other elderly kunoichi." She exposed, further. Naruto looked down and sighed, before looking back up to the ashen-skinned woman.

"And let me guess, they all wanted to fuck me, right?" Naruto asked her once more. She nodded happily and kissed the top of his head, ruffling his hair.

"Yes. Your parents, too. I really don't know how two women can produce a child, but, here you are. And there they were, fucking you, too." The Snake Sage sultrily said with sibilance, noticing the stir of the mentioned parties below her and Naruto.

"Huh. Would've been awesome to read that stuff, right?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Yeah."

(…)

And that's how this story ends. Despite all the endlessness and repetition of so many moments in the show's history of fanfiction, you can still find people who surprise you.

Not me, of course. This entire thing was an exercise in driving people insane. So I hope you enjoyed the ride.

A/N: Love yas.