Author's Note: Okay, first of all, can I just say that you are all awesome reviewers? The reviews I got from the last chapter were so entertaining, and I'm really glad I was able to pull off what I did! Hahaha I'm sorry for blindsiding most of you, and I'm sorry for ripping our favorite couple apart again, but it had to be done. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for it.

Please be warned that this chapter will have a lot of cussing, and that (obviously) it will be really dramatic. I'm not sure how you guys will like it, but yeah. I had a hard time writing it because I really had to think about being in Kaoru's (and Kenshin's) shoes and I just let it flow from there. Anyway, here it is!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor any of its characters. All information in this story (especially those relating to the Japanese government and their public officials) are all fictional.

It Is What It Is
Chapter 13

"Kaoru—"

Her hand hung in the air, and she could feel the tingling of the skin on her palm which made contact with the redhead's cheek. Her breathing was heavy and erratic now, and she was forcing herself to calm down. It wouldn't bode well for her if she would let herself be carried away by her emotions since the situation was very sensitive, and one wrong move could make her break down into nothing but a pitiful, sobbing heap. She had to keep a level head if she wanted to get out of this with her dignity still intact. If not for her sake, then for the sake of her two friends who were standing a few steps behind Kenshin, looking at her with surprised—and slightly scared—expressions painted on their faces.

"Don't touch me." She said softly, forcing her voice to remain as expressionless as possible.

Kenshin flinched. "Kaoru, I just—"

"Stop talking." She breathed out, her feigned indifference starting to wear off. She had to get out of there, and she had to get out of there now. "Just… please. Stop talking."

She took a few deep breaths to ease her pounding heart into a calmer state. The room stayed deathly silent save for the video that was still playing on the TV as the three men watched her carefully for any signs of how she must be feeling. When the DVD player automatically restarted the video, she briefly saw Sano and Aoshi turn their heads to watch the scene that was unfolding before them. By the looks on their faces, this was the first time that they were being informed of what happened as well, and she was slightly thankful for that.

'Small mercies', she thought to herself.

She remained standing and Kenshin did as well, but the difference was that while Kenshin's eyes were locked on her face, she was doing everything she could to not let her eyes wander to his. Calmly, she reached for the remote that lay innocently on the couch that she vacated and turned the TV off. She already knew the words that were said by heart, and she'd watched and heard enough for the night—for the rest of her life, even.

She heard Sano clear his throat from the other end of the room and her gaze swiveled to meet his. "Maybe… well—we're just gonna go now, okay? I think you two need to—"

"No." she said. "Stay."

"I just don't think we should be—"

"I said stay." She growled fiercely and took a breath before continuing. "I need you two to stay because I'm forcing myself to be calm for your sake. If you leave… if you leave, I don't know what I might do. So I need you two to stay here."

Sano and Aoshi looked at her intently, trying to find nonverbal cues that would contradict what she was saying. When they saw the commanding glare she was giving them, they had no other choice but to sigh and sit down on the two chairs by the small table next to the sliding glass doors that led to their balcony. Once she was sure that they wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon, she bent down to pick up her cigarette pack from the coffee table in front of her.

"I'm going to smoke." She said to all three of them, but they all knew it was directed more towards the anguished redhead. "I'm going to smoke, and I don't want any of you to follow me. I'll be right out there so you can be sure that I wouldn't do anything stupid."

Stiffly, she walked out to the balcony, making sure that the glass door that she went through was closed when she stepped out. She placed her cigarettes on the round iron table that lay between four wrought iron seats and sat on one of the chairs, pulling it around to make sure that it wouldn't face the room she just left. Her hands shook as she gingerly plucked out a cigarette from its pack and lit it. It was chilly, so she pulled her legs up to try to keep as much warmth in her body as she could.

'Breathe in, breathe out' was her mantra, and she focused on repeating the phrase again and again in her head. She stared up at the sky, closing her mind off from any other thoughts aside from how beautiful the contrast was between the darkness of the night sky and the gentle glow from the moon and the stars. Three cigarettes later, she achieved her goal and her mind became blissfully blank.

She didn't know how long she sat there, and frankly she didn't care. All she knew was that she had her cigarettes, and she was away from it all. As long as everything remained quiet around her, then she could remain calm. If they didn't talk about it, then she could pretend that it didn't happen.

But alas, all good things must come to an end.

"Hey." She heard Kenshin say softly from behind her. "You've been out here for an hour. They're starting to get worried."

Kaoru said nothing and opted to inhale more smoke from her cigarette. She heard him walk closer to her and felt his warm fingers brush her bare shoulders as he covered her slightly shivering form with a coat. She muttered a brief "thanks" as he sighed and sat down on the chair adjacent to her.

"We need to talk about this, Kaoru." He whispered against the silence of the night. When he saw that she didn't react to what he said, he tried to get her attention again. "Kaoru."

She put out the cigarette she just finished, but didn't even pause before plucking another one from her pack. She gave Kenshin no sign that she was listening, but as he watched her light the stick she held between her fingers, he knew he had her full and undivided attention. It hurt him that she couldn't even look at him, but he was willing to take what he can get.

"I'm—I'm sorry, Kaoru." He started. He didn't hear anything but silence, but he didn't let that discourage him. Breathing in deep, he continued. "I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I never meant to—"

He paused to gather his thoughts. "I never meant to hurt you. At the time, I had no idea that the aftermath of what I did would be that bad. I just… I only wanted to protect you, Kaoru. I didn't want you to have to face the same ghosts that haunt me every day. I know what you believed in, and I knew how much of that you already had to give up for me. I didn't want you to lose more of yourself—not when I know I could've done something to prevent it from happening.

"I know it hurt you, but you have to believe me when I say that it hurt me more. I didn't want to be the reason for you feeling the way you did and having to go through what you've gone through while you were away. I can't even imagine how you must've dealt with everything. I wanted to be there for you—I wanted to follow you to Kyoto, but I knew I didn't have a right to do that. I was so torn up with guilt and every day I thought about what I was responsible for. I could barely live with myself, but—and I'm sorry to say this, Kaoru—if I had the chance to go back and do things all over again, I wouldn't have done otherwise. I would still make the same choice I made, because even though I know it hurt you, it protected you; and that's enough for me. It tore me apart, but I knew you were better off for it."

"When you came back, and you told me about everything that happened to you while you were away, I felt better about the choice I made; because you found something to give you the fulfilment you needed without having to go through what I do whenever Katsura would give me an assignment. Then we—" He paused again and watched her light another cigarette. "Then we got back together, and everything was great. Things were going so well and I didn't—I was scared to ruin it. You were finally happy, and I didn't want to disrupt how you were feeling by telling you about some stupid thing I did in the past. I would've told you about it eventually—" He heard her scoff and his heart clenched painfully in his chest, but he continued. "I would've Kaoru. You have to believe me when I say that. But I was… I was just so scared. I just got you back and I didn't want to lose you again. I didn't want to tell you yet because things were still so fragile and new between us and I knew something like that would've broken what we had—have.

"And then Katsura came in to talk to you, and I heard everything that you said, and that scared the shit out of me even more. But that was when I finally understood you fully and I budged. I've changed, Kaoru. I'm better now. You have to believe that. I'm better now."

He leaned his elbows down onto his knees and placed his head on his hands for a while before looking up at her. He tried to reach for her but she flinched, and he quickly pulled his hand away from her. Anguished, he said. "I love you, Kaoru. My world revolves around you, and there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you. You may not agree with the choices I've made, but they were all for you. I'm really sorry I hurt you, and Kaoru, love—if you'll just let me, if you let me be with you, I promise I will do everything I can to never hurt you again. I can't lose you, Kaoru. Not again."

He stopped talking and watched her mull over what he said. Her eyes were glazed over, and he had absolutely no clue what she was thinking. Every second of silence stabbed into his chest, but he knew he deserved it all. He was shit scared, and the best he could do at the moment was to pray for her understanding.

She closed her eyes and lifted her head to face the sky. After a few moments of staying like that, she finally looked at him with her sapphire orbs and nodded shakily. He would've been thankful for the gesture, but he knew it didn't mean what he wanted it to.

"Do you… do you understand me now?" he asked quietly.

She nodded and looked away. His breath caught at what he knew his next question should be, but he had to know the answer.

"So… what happens to us now?"

She sighed. "I…don't know."

Silence reigned over them and he wasn't sure how long they both sat out there, unmoving despite the cold wind that was blowing around them. He could see Sano and Aoshi throwing them wary glances every now and then, and he suddenly felt nervous about having to face them again. He shrugged it off, though. Kaoru's opinion was the only one that mattered to him. He could survive anything as long as he had her by his side.

"I need to leave." Kaoru announced as she pushed her chair away from her and stood up. "I need to think about this, and I need you to not be there while I do that. I can't—I need to leave."

She was still expressionless and her voice was so damn indifferent that Kenshin was starting to lose control of himself. He didn't want her to leave, but he'd let her do it as long as she gave him something—anything that he could hold onto while she was away. He followed her inside and briefly saw his two friends sit up in surprise when they saw Kaoru walk past them, but he didn't bother to stop and talk to them. His anger was building and he was trying everything he could to not do or say anything that would provoke her.

She walked into their room and he saw her get her travel bag from their walk-in closet. That was the last straw. He thought she was just going to stay with Enishi or Sano for a couple of days, but what he was seeing now was exactly the same as what he saw two years ago. What he did was stupid—unbelievably so, but he'd punished himself enough; and he didn't want to lose her again over something that happened in the past. She has to understand that.

Finally giving in to his emotions, he blurted out. "Don't go, Kaoru."

Sighing, but still refusing to meet his eyes, she replied. "I have to."

"You don't, though!" he exclaimed. "If you go, I can't—we have to make this work. We can talk for however long you want us to talk. We can deal with this however you want us to. But don't go. If you leave—"

"I need to leave."

"I thought you said you understood me, Kaoru. You said you understood."

"Just because I understand doesn't mean I forgive you for it." She replied stonily as she continued to pack her clothes.

"Will you, though?" He asked desperately. "Will you ever forgive me?"

He tensed and waited for her to answer. He heard her sigh and his heart broke when she spoke. "I… don't know."

The way she said it with no emotion at all triggered his anger, and instead of fighting it, he gave in. He needed something to let him know that she still cared about him—if not him, then at least their situation. He needed to know that he still mattered to her, and he was going to do whatever he had to do just to get some sort of reaction from her. He needed to see how she was feeling. He just needed to.

"How long are you going to make me wait this time?" he growled.

She was startled by his question, and she paused from calmly—but quickly, packing her clothes that were now laid out on their bed. "Excuse me?"

"I said," Kenshin said a bit firmer. "How long are you going to make me wait this time? Two years? Four?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit!" he saw her flinch and his heart stopped. She'd always been more honest when she was mad, and he thought that that was they both needed at that moment. Angrily, he slammed the door closed behind him before walking closer to where she was standing by their bed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about 'cause you're doing the same damn thing that you did two years ago!" He took a deep breath and brought his voice down. "You're running away again."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." She said scathingly. "So I suggest you shut the fuck up."

"I won't because I'm not letting you do this to us again, Kaoru. I won't fucking let you."

"You're blaming this on me?" she gasped, surprised.

He stayed silent and watched the anger build in her eyes and some sick side of him was delighted at seeing the negative emotion. He was so angry, and he knew she was too—the difference was that he was being more upfront about it. If she remained behind that damn mask she had on, he knew they weren't going to get anywhere.

"You're blaming me for what happened two years ago?" she said darkly, her hands clenching by her sides as she glared at him. "Are you motherfucking serious?"

"I wasn't the one who left."

The dam of emotions she was trying to repress during the whole time that he's been talking to her finally broke. There were a lot of things she wanted to say to him, and fuck him for making her lose all civility. He brought this onto himself.

"I left because I was falling apart, you bastard!" she screamed. "I left because I knew what I needed to do to fix myself! I left because I wanted to stop hurting you!"

Kenshin scoffed and she felt the raging fire within her burn brighter and hotter. "No you didn't."

"What?" she hissed.

"Why don't you just fucking admit it, Kaoru?" he said sardonically. "You left because you were jealous. You wanted to be like us—you wanted to be out there doing everything you could to make a fucking difference, but you knew you weren't good enough."

Part of her was hurt at what he said, but she couldn't deny that some of it rang true. She was jealous—but damn her to hell if she was ever going to admit that to him, because that was not the only reason that she did what she did. It may have been a part of it, but it was a very small part and it didn't even deserve to be acknowledged.

"Apparently, I was!" she yelled, turning around and running a frustrated hand through her hair. Her eyes were flashing with hot coals of pure, unadulterated fury when she faced him again. "You made me think I wasn't good enough! You ruined my reputation by making them believe that I wasn't worth trusting! You broke me, Kenshin, and fuck it all if you don't go to hell for it!"

"But look at where you are now!" he screamed back, trying to get her to actually hear him and understand. "Look at what you've accomplished because of what happened! Kaoru, don't you see? You told me yourself that you're stronger now and that you're finally happy. You told me what happened brought you to where you are now."

He sighed. "You told me you were happy. And now you're going to throw all of this away just because of some stupid thing I did in the past?"

"Fuck you." She growled. "Don't you dare say or even fucking imply that I should be thankful to you for what you did to me. You don't get to tell yourself that you were a part of the two years I've been building myself back up. Not when you were the one who broke me in the first place." She gave a loud grunt before giving in to what she really wanted to tell him, the source of all the hurt that she's been feeling. "I fucking trusted you, Kenshin! I trusted you to never ever hurt me, and what you did went far beyond the point of hurt. You broke me, and you had absolutely no part in what happened to me after you did. Fuck you for even thinking that."

"I was only trying to protect you!"

"I don't and never did I need your protection! Can't you see that I'm fully capable of protecting myself?!"

He sneered. "Like the way you protected the baby?"

The door burst open and Sano sauntered in with rage clear on his face. The couple, though, didn't even seem to notice his loud entrance. He angrily walked towards Kenshin and grasped his collar as he pushed him into a wall. "Goddamn it, Himura. I swear to fucking god if you don't take that back, I'll fucking hit you 'til you do."

It wasn't until Sano saw his friend's face that he knew he didn't need to threaten the redhead. It was clear that he regretted what he said before he even finished talking, and the anguish and desperate plea for forgiveness that shone bright in his eyes made him realize that he wanted to take it all back.

But the damage was already done. Kaoru's legs were shaking so bad that she had to sit on the bed. What Kenshin said almost made her head explode with all the repressed memories that she forced into a box in her brain. Suddenly, she saw herself sitting in a pool of blood in the middle of their bathroom, trying desperately to clean herself off and repeatedly denying what happened.

Uninhabitable uterus, they told her. That's why she lost their child. That's why their dreams of having a little, redheaded child running around their house to make things better for them were instantly erased and burned out of their minds and hearts. For a long time, he kept telling her that what happened was in no way her fault, and that he still loved her the same. He promised her that he didn't blame her for anything. She scoffed internally at her stupidity and naïveté for believing in him.

"Get out." She growled out as she held herself to try to stop the shaking that was starting to wrack through her body.

Sano was surprised at hearing her voice, but nonetheless tried to help his friend by trying to drag Kenshin out the door to give her a moment of peace. The redhead was stubborn though, and pushed him away to kneel in front of Kaoru's crumpled form.

"I didn't mean that, Kaoru." He said desperately. "You know I didn't mean that. You know I never blamed you for anything. It wasn't your fault, and I never thought it was your fault. I didn't mean what I said. Please, you have to believe that—"

"You know," she chuckled darkly as she wiped off the tears that were trickling down her cheeks. "I somehow knew you blamed me for miscarrying. You kept telling me you didn't, but I guess that was just another lie, wasn't it?" She looked up at him then and he visibly cringed at the tears that were flowing freely down her face and the empty look in her eyes. "You're so full of shit, Kenshin. Get the fuck out of this room."

"She's right, man. Maybe you should just leave her alone. Just… cool down for a bit." Sano sighed as he moved closer to Kenshin, making to help him off the floor and out of the apartment.

The redhead didn't move and continued to cover her tightly clenched hands with his, willing her to understand that he didn't mean even one word of what he said.

"Fine." Kaoru scoffed and shoved him away before roughly standing up. She grabbed her half-open bag and walked out of the room, barely acknowledging Sano as he stepped aside to let her through.

Kenshin swore as he chased after his love, leaving Sano rushing to hold him back. He was too fast for the tall detective though, and managed to grab Kaoru's arm just as she was about to open the door. "Don't leave, Kaoru. I—I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean anything. Just—let's talk about this, okay?" he pled. "We're getting married and I—"

She raised her brow at what he said and looked back at him blankly. "Seriously? You still think this sham of a marriage is going to push through? You must be more of an idiot than I thought you were."

"You can't do this." He said, shaking his head at her anger and resolve to leave him. "You can't. Not again."

Angrily, she pulled away from him and turned her back as she harshly pulled the ring from her finger. She faced him again and raised it so he could see it clearly before throwing it as hard as she could as though it was nothing but a piece of trash that she wanted to get as far away from her as possible. "There's your marriage, Kenshin. There's your fucking relationship."

She saw his eyes flash with hurt, and for a moment her heart thudded painfully in her chest for being the cause of it. But then she steeled herself away from the pain and by the looks of it, he did too.

He swallowed at seeing the display of fury that Kaoru put on. "I'm not going to wait for you anymore." He warned gently as he stepped away from her. "Once you walk out of that door, we're done, Kaoru."

She sneered at him before opening the door, picking up her bag in the process. "I can't believe that despite all of this, you still have the nerve to try to tell me what to do. You know what? Fuck you, Himura." She stepped out, but the desire to hurt him as much as he did her overtook her and she paused to say one last thing. "I may be your world, Kenshin, but I don't need you in mine. Not anymore."

She walked away from him after finally having said her piece, but each step away from her apartment made her feel more and more lost and unsure of what just happened. The day started out great for them—hell, the past few months were incredible. So the rush of emotions that she felt that night was completely unprecedented and was driving her insane.

Her hands shook harshly as she tried to open the door to her car, and she was gasping horribly for air as the sobs that she were trying to fight off fought their way through her chest and left her raw and bare. Her vision was clouded with the amount of tears that kept flowing down her face.

She was a bit startled when a hand covered her own and took her keys from her. Warily, she glanced up and found Aoshi's towering form looking at her warningly as he silently told her that he will be driving her to wherever she wanted to go because she was obviously incapable of doing so without ending up hurting herself. She let him guide her into the passenger's side of the vehicle and gave into the maelstrom of violent emotions that she tried to tamp down. She didn't even feel the car move, nor did she know where he was taking her. She just… didn't care anymore. She couldn't.

She didn't know how long it took, but the next thing she knew was that Aoshi was banging on someone's door with all his might as he tried to support her still sobbing form while holding her bag with his other hand. Five minutes later, she heard Enishi's disgruntled voice.

"What the fu—Kaoru?" he gasped. The sleepiness in his voice disappeared completely when he saw Kaoru sobbing against Aoshi's chest.

Aoshi gently pushed Kaoru's shaking form into Enishi's arms and watched as the blonde journalist wrapped her in his warm embrace.

"What the hell happened?" Enishi asked the stoic man who was currently placing his friend's travel bag beside his door.

Aoshi shook his head before turning to leave. Before he took another step forward though, he cast another worried glance at Kaoru before directing his attention to the man who was now holding her.

"Yukishiro." He called. Enishi looked up at him and he locked his icy-blue gaze with his worried green orbs. "Take care of her."

Enishi nodded seriously at what he said and took a breath before closing his door to lead Kaoru into his bedroom.

Yukishiro Enishi is what you would call a compulsive smoker.

It's not something he's particularly proud of. In fact, there are times when he's quite ashamed of the fact that whenever he gets the urge to smoke, he just has to. It's a lot similar to how shopaholics feel whenever they'd see something pretty that's on sale—they just have to buy it, otherwise, they'd die; not literally, though. Just, you know, die inside.

He started smoking when he was a sophomore in the university he studied in. Like all other students, he was not alien to having to pull an all-nighter in order to beat a deadline—so he found a way to keep himself up while he studied. Nicotine is a known stimulant, and when you pair that with coffee? It's like sex for a crammer; the breakfast of champions. Once that stick is in your mouth, you feel powerful and brave and cool. Eventually, he equated dealing with stressful situations with opportunities to smoke more. Breathing the toxins into his lungs gives him a sense of peace, calms his turbulent mind, and helps him think of a game plan that he could use to beat whatever monster is in front of him.

So, given the recent behavior and state of his best friend, plus the amount of work they were currently dealing with at the office, and his apparent involvement with the underground organization that Kaoru dragged him into, he felt that his high cigarette consumption record was perfectly justifiable. It's perfectly reasonable for him to never leave his house without at least two packs of cigarettes ever since Aoshi left a sobbing Kaoru in his arms three months ago.

Kaoru is one of the few people that he feels the most comfortable with. Their job isn't really something that would help them meet a lot of helpful and trustworthy allies, so getting a chance to work with her was probably one of the best things that's ever happened to him. She annoys him to hell and back, and often makes him think that she's more hassle than she's worth, but she just spices his days up so much that he can't imagine ever getting rid of her—despite what he often says to her and their new teammate, Seta Soujirou.

Although people see him as nothing else but an aloof, easy-go-lucky pretty boy, he actually takes the happiness of those he holds dear very seriously. Take his sister as an example. Since they were orphaned at an early age, Tomoe and him had no one else to rely on but each other. She was older than him, yes, but his inner chivalrous heart made him feel like it was his job to take care of her. So when she started dating this bastard of a man who knew nothing better than to mooch off of his darling sister, he was the one who found a way to get rid of him. Of course, he had to make sure that his sister wouldn't know that he was responsible for their heartbreaking break-up so Tomoe wouldn't want to disown him or anything along those lines. It involved a lot of scheming and excellent timing, but it all worked out in the end—quite brilliantly, if he may say so himself. At the end of the day, he saved his sister from a tragedy by getting rid of the guy who she thought was her hero at the time.

So when he started becoming really close with Kamiya Kaoru, it was only understandable for him to want to shield her from anything that would make her cry as well. He loved her—hell, he was even in love with her at one point, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to provide her with the love that she really needed. He wanted to try it out with her once, but when he weighed the good versus the evil of asking her out, he backed off. In essence, he protected her from himself because he knew that he wouldn't be able to make her happy. Eventually, he was able to look at her like he would a kid sister, and things went smashingly well from there. He loved her, he needed her, and he never ever wanted to see her hurt.

Which is, really, the reason behind all the stress he's facing right now. He knew she was hurt as hell because of what happened with the shit-eating bastard that is Himura, but at the same time, he also knew that the bastard is still the only person who could possibly make her as happy as she was before all hell broke loose because of the damned DVD that was sent to her apartment anonymously. When he saw the video, he was torn between wanting to fucking eat the pansy-ass bitch who didn't even have the courage to give the DVD to Kaoru face-to-face so he could see the damage he did, and shooting the shit-eating bastard that was on the video.

He was helpless. For the first time in his miserable life, he couldn't think of anything to do to make his best friend feel better. The icing on top of the fucking cheesecake was that the redheaded detective felt the need to bug him every damn day about how Kaoru was doing—as if he had a right to. Well, he did, actually; and if it weren't because of the fact that he knew that the bastard would be the only cure to Kaoru's misery, he wouldn't even bother replying or calling him back. But then just talking to the redhead posed complications for him as well. I mean, seriously, if Kaoru found out that he'd been updating Himura on her progress, he doubted he'd still have his testicles within five minutes of her discovery.

So he had to be sneaky about it. He told Kaoru to live with Soujirou so she could hide from Kenshin better—since Kenshin didn't know where the creepy-ass reporter lived, so it'll look like he didn't want her to have anything to do with the man who broke her heart; which gave him the freedom to talk to Himura and their other overprotective friends. He was going bat-shit crazy, but to make Kaoru happy, he would gladly do this over and over again. Although he wanted to keep her in a box and throw her all the way over to Tajikistan so they'd never lay a finger on her again, he saw how happy she was when they all got back together—and to be honest, he saw Himura's point. What happened was in the past, and she's all the more better for what happened. He's actually a bit thankful for it because if the lying asshole didn't do what he did, he never would have met the feisty little reporter. The big challenge now, really, was to get them to trust each other again. The issue here isn't what he did, it's all the lies that stand between them—at least, that's what Enishi thinks.

Things were going so well—relatively, at least. Their living arrangements were fine, they were all still working on the child prostitution thing, and Kaoru was actually starting to look like an actual human being again. She still got drunk every now and then, and he almost always ended up having to clean up after her pathetic self, but those were small prices to pay for the respite that they were all being given. But, like everything else in his life, another complication rose that completely blindsided him.

The complication? Seta Soujirou—that conniving, creepy-ass bastard.

"Yo." Enishi greeted as he stepped out onto the small balcony in Soujirou's apartment. "Where's Kaoru?"

Soujirou smiled. "She's still sleeping, I think. Long night."

The blonde journalist sighed and watched his breath form a cloud in front of him. It was too cold to stay outside for too long now, but that never really stopped him from going out anyway to smoke a cigarette or two. Apparently, Soujirou felt the same way, and he knew that once Kaoru was up, she'd go straight out to the balcony to join them.

He pulled a stick out from his pack and asked the blue-eyed man for help with lighting it since his hands were gloved. "How's she doing?"

"Better than before." Soujirou said happily. "She's still working her ass off on the case, and every time she'd get a break, she'd take shot after shot of tequila until she passes out. At least now, she gets at least two to four hours of sleep at night. When you brought her here, she didn't sleep at all."

Enishi nodded. "She been eating alright?"

"That sounds like something a worried mother would ask." The cheery mused with a quirked brow.

"Fuck off and answer the question, Seta."

"She has. I've been making sure of it, don't worry."

He scoffed. "Sure you have."

Soujirou turned towards him with that creepy smile painted on his face again. He was getting used to that, but what worried him was the weird glimmer he had in his eyes that he started seeing around two months ago—about a month after he sent Kaoru to live in his apartment. It was that damn glimmer that was starting to be a complication that he didn't know how to deal with, but he sure as hell wasn't going to not try to get rid of it before it causes Kaoru any damage. His best friend's one of the strongest people he knows, but she has a tendency to beat herself up over things that aren't even really her fault—i.e., when she turns down acquaintances who end up liking her a little too much. Every sane person knows that unrequited love is something that almost everyone has to deal with every now and then, and that although tragic, it's not really either party's fault when it does end up in flames. But Kaoru? Bless her little heart, because she actually feels horrible for not feeling the same way as one of her admirers—hell, she even cries when she turns them down.

"Excuse me?" Seta asked him curiously.

He looked at his teammate warily, making sure that his face was completely serious as he spoke. "Nothing. I just… be careful there, Soujirou."

The blue-eyed man lit another cigarette before tucking his hands tightly in his coat pockets. "What do you mean?"

"Stop acting like an idiot. I know you know what I mean." He scolded. He watched the other man's face stare at him blankly and he took another drag of his cigarette before leaning against the wall of the balcony and continuing. "I know that look."

"What look? Are you feeling alright, Enishi?"

He sighed. "Look, I've been there before, okay? So I know the signs. And I'm telling you now, you don't have an ice ball's shot in hell with her, so get it out of your head now while you still can."

"I still don't know what you're talking about." His teammate replied calmly as he exhaled the smoke that he ingested.

"I know you're starting to like her." He said bluntly. "Hell, you might even love her already with the way you're acting around the girl."

Soujirou grinned. "That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?"

"Fucking asshole." He muttered. "Look. I told you. I know that look. I fucking had that look before I realized I'd never be able to match up to Himura. So, as a friend, I'm telling you nicely. Get that stupid thing off your face and out of your head. You do not have a shot with her."

"I didn't know you had that much faith in Himura." The blue-eyed journalist mused.

He scoffed. "I don't. But I know Kaoru… and I know she's saying a lot of shit about him now, but believe me, they won't be able to stay away from each other for too long. What he did was fucking terrible, but what they have? It's a lot stronger than any of us think it is—it's something no one else but Himura can ever give her. So don't bother trying to win her over. It's not going to work."

Soujirou looked at him contemplatively for a while, and he was feeling a bit uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny. He was about to say something more, but his teammate beat him to it. "Is that why you didn't bother trying? 'Cause of Himura?"

"Of course not." He said firmly. "It's because of what I know Himura will be able to give her that I won't. At the risk of losing my balls here, I know he's the only guy who can make her happy. That was enough for me and that should be enough for you too."

"Well, that's where we're different."

The simple, but confidently spoken statement made him raise his brow in response. Soujirou seemed like a pretty meek guy, so he didn't think that he'd be the type of guy that would fight against all odds just to get what he wanted.

"I don't think Himura can make her happy, so I'm not going to let myself lose to someone like him. Seems to me that if someone can do something like that to her, then he doesn't deserve her any more than you or I do. So it's fair game."

Enishi sighed. "It's not as simple as that okay? You know those two have a… complicated history."

"Oh?" Soujirou asked with a raised brow.

"You don't know their whole story, so you can't judge their relationship based on what you've seen recently. Those two have been together for years before you and I even came into the picture, and the shit they've been through is more than enough for anyone to kill themselves over. They may not want to admit it, but they keep each other strong. They need each other, and that's never going to change."

"That may be the case now, but how do you know it won't change? Have you ever even seen her at least try being with someone else?"

The blonde-haired man stayed silent as he watched his teammate warily. He really didn't want to be dealing with this, but he knew that if things got out of hand, they'd end up facing more unnecessary drama. Not to mention what the others would do if they get a hint of what's happening. Sano, personally, would make sure that Soujirou never sees the light of day again, and although his colleague creeped the hell out of him, he didn't want to lose a valuable teammate.

"If what Kaoru needs is strength, then I can give her that. If she needs comfort, then I can give her that too. I can be anything she wants me to be, Yukishiro." Soujirou continued. He craned his neck to watch a flock of birds fly by the cloudy sky, smiling at both the simple beauty of the view and his line of thought. "I'm not asking her to return my feelings. I know that at this point, it'd be stupid of me to do so—contrary to what you believe, I do know how strong her connection is with Himura. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try. From what I can see, she's trying her best to forget the guy. He hurt her too much, and I know you know that too." He sighed and shook his head.

"I've waited years to meet someone like her, and I'm not going to just stand by the sidelines while I watch that bastard tear her up again and again. If she ends up deciding to forgive him and be with him again, then I won't stop her. But until then, I'm going to be here for her, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure she never cries again. I'll be everything she needs, Yukishiro, and you can't stop me."

Soujirou locked his eyes with Enishi as he said the last part of his speech, baring his serious intent to the man beside him. The green-eyed man held his gaze for a bit and tried to gauge just how deep the other's feelings were for his best friend. He had to admit that he felt a bit jealous of Soujirou's obvious dedication to his feelings, and he grudgingly admitted to himself that maybe this creepy-ass guy was actually more of a man than he is. After a few more moments of sizing each other up, Enishi looked away and chuckled.

"I may not be able to do anything, but those goons of her might not be as friendly as I am. You've seen how they act around Kaoru. Especially Shinomori—he's a quiet guy and all but god forbid the person who tries to mess with his little group. They're all practically a family and I don't think they'd be open to you taking Kaoru away from them."

The blue-eyed man shrugged. "Maybe they'd be more inclined to offer me their support once they see that I won't hurt her as bad as Himura did."

"You're forgetting that Himura's a part of their family. They're—we're all just waiting for the two idiots to get their heads out of their asses and just get married already. Aren't you worried that they'll see you as a threat?"

"I'm not rushing anything, Enishi. I know it's gonna take some time to get them to trust me, but right now I'm not really worried about that. What's important now is that Kaoru's getting better—and I know they can see that since they all kidnap her from the office almost every other day to talk to her. Let's just see how this goes, yeah?"

Enishi sighed. "Your funeral, Seta. But don't tell me I didn't warn you. And don't come crying to me when they do get back together—which they will. I swear I won't do anything else but laugh at your pathetic face." He paused before turning serious and threatening eyes to the man beside him. "But if I ever see or even smell you doing something that would hurt Kao just to tip the scales in your favor, I swear to Kami I will shoot you myself."

Soujirou smiled and didn't say anything more, opting to enjoy the rest of his cigarette in peace. Enishi followed suit, but he made sure to give the man beside him scornful looks every now and then just to further reinforce the point that he made. Yes, he fucked around often but that did not mean that he couldn't be serious about certain things; and he sure as hell did not take his threats lightly. When he says something, he always pushes through.

The opening of the door that led to the balcony signaled the complete end of the conversation for the two reporters. There was only one other person who was currently in the apartment with them, and they knew that that person also shared the same penchant for smoking that they did.

It was obvious that the newcomer literally just rolled out of bed. The two men watched amusedly as Kaoru stumbled her way over to them, dressed in nothing but a plain white shirt and a pair of wool pajama pants that were covered by a relatively thin, dark blue robe, and a pair of black slippers. Her pixie-cut hair was disheveled—since she never really brushed it anymore ever since she got it cut back to its short length two months ago, and her skin was pale in the morning light. The dark circles under her eyes were a testament to how tired she was, and it was even more evident than usual because of the lack of make-up on her face.

"Hey." She greeted them, pressing a chaste kiss on each of their cheeks as she stood between them. "It's fucking freezing out here. Has it snowed yet?"

"That's because you're wearing a damn robe, you idiot." Enishi scolded. He dragged her to him and tucked her under his coat so they could share his warmth. "Where's your coat?"

"It's inside. Wasn't really thinking there, sorry." She giggled as she plucked a cigarette out from the pack that she brought out with her and lit it quickly. It took a bit of maneuvering on both their ends for her to be able to move, but it was something that they'd done before, so they were able to arrange their limbs properly after a minute or two. She turned to smile at the blue-eyed man standing beside her. "Hey, Sou. Have you been up long?"

Soujirou nodded. "Yeah, around an hour or two. I got a call from Hiko earlier. He said he wants to see us at around 10."

Kaoru's brows met in confusion. "Did he say why? We didn't miss a deadline or anything, did we?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Enishi interrupted. "He called me too. The meeting was Saitou's idea."

"Saitou? What could he possibly want from us now?" she asked curiously.

Both men remained silent, and she huddled closer to Enishi as she sought for his comfort and reassurance more than his warmth. That silence could only mean one thing, and she was sure that the other two knew that she didn't like it. She frowned. "I already gave Sano and Aoshi copies of all the info we got over the last month. I don't see why he thinks we still need to meet face-to-face. It's not like he's stupid enough to not understand how everything ties together."

"That's not what the meeting's about, Kao." Her best friend said quietly.

"Oh? Then what did they say it's going to be about? And why the hell's Hiko involved with this?"

He sighed. "Hiko's getting tired of waiting around for one of us to find something that'll help. He wants all of us to work together so we could get this over with as soon as possible."

"Haven't we been doing that for the past, I don't know, three months or so? There are a lot of districts, you know, and there are only three of us."

"Not if you count Sano and the others."

"I can't really count them if they're forbidden to share what they have with us, can I?" Kaoru grumbled before taking another drag of her cigarette.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Kao. Hiko wants all of us to work together." Enishi explained warily, keeping his arms tight around the petite woman in his arms to prevent her from causing him bodily harm due to what he's going to say next. "Apparently, Katsura's out of the country, and he will be for at least a few months or so. Hiko's taken full responsibility of Shishi in his absence, so everyone's under his beck and call. His first order of business is to get us all to work together to speed things up. He doesn't want to watch two different groups work on the same case. He says it's not a competition, and since we all have the same goal, he doesn't understand why we can't combine our efforts."

Kaoru paused to mull over his words and silently agreed with Hiko's logic. It was actually one of the reasons why she's been so annoyed with Katsura. The arrangement they currently have did nothing but waste resources and create unnecessary grudges, but she knew that although the politician knew that was the case, he just wasn't the type of man who'd back out on his word. Her anger towards her ex-fiancée surged in her chest again, but she forced it out of her head. There were bigger matters they had to address that day.

"How does Katsura feel about this?" she asked warily.

Enishi shrugged. "No clue. But then, Hiko never really did care about what others thought, and you gotta admit his reasoning's pretty solid. We all knew this was coming."

"And he explained all of this to you, did he?" Kaoru teased. "Did you talk about this over tea and cookies?"

"Oh yeah. I was even braiding his hair while he was talking about his feelings." Her best friend scoffed. "No, you idiot. I found out from Sagara. I called him after Hiko called me last night."

She sighed. "Which means that this has probably been brewing for a while now."

"We all know it has, Kao. To be honest, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. From what I heard, everyone's been bugging Katsura about it ever since he told you to fuck off."

Kaoru scoffed. "Everyone?"

Enishi held her tighter. "Everyone. Sano told me Himura's been the one who's been pushing to get you involved, actually."

"Probably to get back in her good graces." Soujirou interrupted.

The blonde reporter threw him a warning look before changing the topic immediately. "Anyway, he wants us there 'cause Shinomori found something yesterday. And fox lady's got a lead to. Guess we can all expect a little action sometime soon."

Kaoru's body tensed at the thought of going on another assignment in the near future. It's been a while since she's had to do something as intense as what she did a few months ago, and she was torn between feeling excited and scared at what was going to happen.

She took one last drag of her cigarette before casting it off and making sure it was completely dead. A cold gust of wind blew across the balcony and made her shiver violently against the chill.

"Your lips are turning blue, Kaoru." Soujirou chuckled as he moved to open the door for all three of them. "We have an hour before we have to leave, so I suggest you start getting ready. I made breakfast and coffee."

The pixie-haired woman smiled as she rushed inside to get away from the cold. Once they were all inside, she gave her two friends a bright smile and made her way to her room to start doing as she was told.

"I made breakfast and coffee." Enishi mocked once Kaoru was out of earshot.

Soujirou grinned mischievously. "Everything she needs, Yukishiro."

The rest of the morning was spent preparing themselves for the upcoming meeting. Enishi took care of organizing all of the files and documents they'd need to make sure that everyone will be well-briefed on their current status so they could make an appropriate game plan from there, while the other two journalists showered, ate, and got dressed. Since Kaoru and Soujirou would be going back to the same place anyway, they decided on just riding together in Soujirou's car while Enishi trailed behind them since Kaoru was the only one who knew where the venue was. They got to the run-down inn that Ishin Shishi used as their headquarters at around 10:05, but it took them another ten minutes to weave through the dim hallways that led to the organization's main conference room.

They could hear Hiko's booming voice all the way from the end of the hallway. Kaoru grinned at the discomfort and slight fear that was evident on her teammates' faces because of their tardiness, but she knew that they wouldn't dare show their superior just how much power he had over them. Her mischievous grin disappeared the moment they stepped in front of the door though, and she had to focus on her breathing and on keeping herself calm before any of them even moved to open the wooden barrier. From what they could hear, all of the other attendees were already inside and most likely waiting for them to enter so they could begin with their business.

"You ready, Kao?" Enishi asked her quietly. He watched her face carefully for any signs of crashing, but her eyes remained fierce as she stared at the door that blocked them from the room's occupants' views.

The dark circles under her eyes were carefully covered with two layers of concealer, and the rest of her face was covered in light make-up to make her look relatively normal. She made sure to dress impeccably well that day without looking like she tried too hard so no one would think that anything was amiss with her. She knew that everyone—or at least, most of the people—in that room were worried about her since this would be the first time that she would be seeing her ex-fiancée face-to-face again after their fallout three months ago, and she didn't want to make it look like it was a big deal. Maturity was key in situations like these, and given that they would all be working together in a very sensitive and dangerous case, she didn't want anyone to doubt her skills and her emotional state. She was embarrassed enough by what happened, after all.

"Can you three idiots stop fucking around and just get in the damn room already?" They heard Hiko call from inside the room.

Kaoru chuckled at her superior's impatience and grabbed Enishi's hand before opening the door to the conference room with a smile glued onto her face.

"Sorry we're late." She greeted once the three of them stepped inside, keeping her eyes locked onto Hiko's as she spoke. "Got a little held up back at the apartment."

"Jou-chan!" Sano greeted warmly as he stepped up to give her a bear hug.

Kaoru giggled as she returned his enthusiastic show of welcome and saw Soujirou walk towards the table on the right side of the room where Saitou was currently watching everyone else with mild distaste in his eyes as he smoked his customary cigarette. Hiko sat back down on his seat at the head of the conference table and glared at her for causing such a ruckus, but he made no move to stop her friends from approaching her.

"I was with you the other day, Sano. You're acting like you haven't seen me in years." She chuckled as the tall detective put her back on her feet.

"Yeah, well I missed ya anyway." He replied happily, keeping his arm around her as they both turned to face the rest of the room.

"Hey girlie!" Misao greeted happily from where she was seated beside Aoshi—who was currently tinkering with his laptop, but gave her a brief nod when she walked in. "I have your dress in my car. I want to see you in it before you leave, okay? I need to make sure it fits right."

"Sure." The petite journalist replied calmly.

Despite her friends' efforts to make her feel as comfortable as possible, she could still feel the palpable tension in the room as its different occupants waited to see what would happen next. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she would see next—because surely they weren't walking on eggshells around her if he wasn't in the room.

Enishi stood lazily by her side, but she knew that he was watching her intently and silently offering her his never-ending support. She loved how he understood her and how steady he was despite knowing of her inner turmoil. Sano was very much the same, but he was a bit more physical in terms of how he showed her that he had her back. It only took her a moment to draw her strength from their stable presences and look up to scan the rest of the room and lock her gaze with a pair of familiar amethyst orbs that she hasn't seen in three months.

Kenshin sat silently with his legs crossed as he reclined on a black leather, single sofa that was placed in the left corner of the room. His position gave him a clear view of the entire conference area, which meant that wherever she may choose to sit, he would always, always be able to watch her.

His gaze held no malice, and she took a moment to take in his complete appearance. His hair was piled neatly in a high ponytail, and he was dressed casually in a deep green knit sweater and a pair of dark jeans. She saw a brief glimmer from the silver watch that he was wearing on his left wrist, and her chest constricted painfully when she realized that it was the watch that she gave him for his twenty-fifth birthday. He looked a bit more tired than usual, and she understood the reason behind it perfectly well—after all, wasn't she living through the same thing that he was living through?

At that moment, she gave into her weakness and mentally admitted to herself that she missed him. Despite all that's been said and done between them, she couldn't deny that she still had strong feelings for this man, and she craved his attention and intimacy like a drug addict craved their poison of choice. She was still angry with him—unbelievably so, but her anger could never make her forget everything that they've been through together, nor could it erase the memories of the past months that they spent together.

The time that she spent away from him didn't lessen the hurt that she felt over his betrayal. Every night, she still replayed the conversation that he and Katsura had two years ago again and again in her head just so she could hold on to her anger and her hurt, because she knew that if she somehow lost sight of those two emotions, she'd go crawling back to his side. Her friends think that it's a matter of pride—that she's doing this because her pride was torn apart, and she was never known to not commit to her decisions and actions once she's made them; but they didn't understand that she'd gladly throw her pride away if she and Kenshin could just get one more shot at being together.

No, at this point, she knew that they would only do more damage to their already battered relationship if she decides to try and work this out with him. Too much lies and betrayal stood between them, and if they forced themselves on each other now, she knew that the issue would just keep coming back until they'd both burst with so much resentment with each other that they'd ruin what they have completely. And she didn't want that. Deep inside, she still held on to the hope that everything would be okay in the end. Just… not now.

They held each other's gazes for a couple of seconds before his eyes finally started to express a softer emotion. He gave her a soft smile, and she did too—because she couldn't help herself, damn her—before they both looked away and waited for the meeting to start.

Sano tightened his hold on her and led her to the sofa near the table that Saitou and Soujirou were hovering over, and she was glad for it because this meant that she was close enough to the smoking side of the room so she could light a stick if ever she felt too uncomfortable.

"Are we done wasting our time now?" Saitou drawled. "Or are there any more sentimentalities that we have to get out of the way?"

Hiko grunted and gestured for Megumi to stop talking to him so he could preside over the meeting. "Alright. Since my three insubordinate employees are here, I'm taking it that all of you have enough common sense to understand that you'll all be working together from now on." He looked around the room to see if anyone would oppose his first motion as the organization's standing commander-in-chief. Upon seeing everyone's brief nods, he continued. "Good."

"From what I understand from Saitou's last report, you idiots have been working on this case for close to three months now following a lead that's uncertain at best." He sighed. "Now, I drag all of you together just so you can fuck around and dawdle and bond. Right now, what I want is for us to finally figure out how to stop this as soon as possible. We've wasted enough time and resources on this as it is, and we cannot afford to let this issue drag on. There are over fifty kids in that website that are still being sold to pedophiles all over Japan, and I want them out of there and back where they belong by the end of the month. Is that clear?"

The room stayed silent and Hiko took it as a sign that his subordinates all agree with what he said. Satisfied and sure that he had everybody's rapt attention, he turned to Aoshi. "Shinomori. Report."

Aoshi stopped typing immediately and looked at their leader seriously, his body tensing as he prepared himself for the reactions that he would get from what he was about to say. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, his voice clear as day as he announced the general summary of his findings from his investigation the previous day

"Udo Jin-E is dead."

Author's Note: This was… hard for me to write. There were a few more details that I wanted to include in this chapter, but I felt like it's heavy enough as it is, so I'll have to include them in the next update instead.

I know the miscarriage thing came out of the blue, but it's something that I've been planning on including from the very start of this story. It's really the main reason behind why Kenshin is so overprotective of Kaoru, and it's also one of the reasons why Kaoru can't completely hate Kenshin for what he did—she somehow blames herself for what happened too. I won't be elaborating on it anymore though, because I feel like to do so would be a bit of an overkill since their situation's fucked up enough as it is; although it would be an element in one of the future events of this story.

The next chapter will be extremely plot-heavy, but I think it might take a while before I can post it since I need to make sure that it won't have any loose ties or anything. Soujirou and Kaoru will be interacting heavily in the next update too, because I need you all to realize that he really is in love with Kaoru (as mentioned in the chapter above).

Anyway, I hope this chapter was clear enough, and I hope you all liked it—despite all the drama and cussing (mostly thanks to Enishi's lovely POV).

I'm looking forward to hearing what you all think about this one! Again, thank you thank you thank you for all the support!

Cheers!

PS I have another plot bunny that's niggling the back of my head, so please don't be too surprised if you see another story up in a few days or so. It's going to be canon this time, and it's going to be another dark/dramatic one. Tee-hee.