Chapter 2

-Willow-

The morning of Reaping Day was what I hated the most. All of us were tired from being awakened by nightmares, not just from mom but from all of us. None of us felt like leaving our beds. Unfortunately, dad eventually made his way downstairs and started preparing breakfast. He knew full well that none of us could hold down anything but he did it anyway. Maybe he just needed to get himself occupied.

We came down when he called us but mom didn't. She was probably still in bed… or maybe she couldn't bear to look at us. I don't blame her. I couldn't even look at Rye without seeing him with a knife or a sword sticking out of his chest. Rye felt the same.

Dad didn't leave our sides though. He made sure both me and my brother ate and he did everything he could to make us feel better. He even hugged us close after we cleared away the table and he wouldn't let us go until five minutes later. Rye and I didn't stop him. It felt good to have that kind of secure and comforting presence on this kind of day.

"Alright… why don't you uh… go upstairs and get ready?" Dad said, patting our shoulders and sending us upstairs. Rye went up immediately but I stayed behind.

"Dad?" I asked just as he sank down on the couch. He looked up at me tiredly and raised his eyebrows.

"Need anything else, sweety?" he said, propping up his elbows on his knees.

I shook my head and went over to him. "Dad… do you think… do you think mom could take it if one of us gets picked?"

He sighed heavily at my question. It took him a while to answer but the sad look in his eyes gripped at me.

"Don't worry about it, Willow… She'll be all right. She's strong that way…" he said slowly, like he was trying to convince himself.

I gave him a small nod and took off upstairs. It broke my heart to see my parents look so disheartened. They were already so broken and the Games only made it worse.

I went into my room, waiting for Rye to finish using the bathroom only to find him sitting on my bed.

"Rye… what-" was all I could manage to say when he tackled me in a hug.

"Promise me you won't volunteer for anyone?" he said softly, his voice cracking.

I was a bit shocked at first but I placed my arms around him and said, "Whoa… where's all this coming from?"

It didn't make him feel better. His grip tightened and he repeated what he had said earlier. "Promise me you won't volunteer for anyone."

I sighed and rubbed his back. "I won't do that, Rye, c'mon… I actually like breathing… well… Well if you get reaped, then I guess there's no stopping me. I'd volunteer in a heartbeat-"

Rye broke our hug and glared at me. "Don't do that! Mom's breaking down and that's only with the possibility of one of us getting sent into that arena. How do you think she's gonna take it if both of us get picked?"

"Rye… it's my job. I'm your big sister. It's my job to look after you. If only one of us gets to come out then it should be you." I told him reasonably.

"Why should I get to come out alive? What makes me so special?" he asked me angrily.

I shook my head and pulled him down to my bed. His shoulders were shaking and I took his hands in mine, rubbing small circles with my thumb. "Rye… you're too young to understand it but… mom and dad… they need you more than they need me. No, no listen- Listen! It doesn't matter what happens to me. You should stay alive, for them."

We were quiet for a while. He seemed to be pondering over my words. It wasn't until after a few minutes that he spoke.

"Just… just don't do anything stupid, Willow."

I shook my head and chuckled sadly. He really was too young. "Shouldn't I be saying that to you?"

He shrugged his shoulders and got up from the bed. "Not when it's you doing the stupid stuff."

I gave him a small smile and watched as he went to the door. He stopped and turned around to look at me.

"You know," he said. "you should use the bathroom first. I know how long it takes for you to get ready."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh shut up. Yeah, yeah… I'll go first."

I pushed him out of the room and proceeded towards the bathroom. I did my best to bathe quickly to try and prove Rye wrong just so I could see the look on his face. When I was done, I went to my room to change. I saw my brother on the way and I gave him a smirk to which he responded with a look of surrender. I laughed a little and ruffled his hair.

At we were still joking around. If I ever got reaped today, I wanted my last memories of my brother be good ones. Not the both of us sulking around and crying. I wouldn't want that.

When I got into my room, however, I found my mother there, straightening the dress she laid out on my bed. She looked up when I closed the door.

From a distance, she looked fine. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy but it was to be expected, I think. She was wearing one of her Capitol dresses. Not the large, ridiculous ones. She wore something much simpler but it was clear from the fabric and the elegance of the design that it was Capitol made.

The dress she laid out was even more so. Its fabric looked expensive but the intricate designs on the hem of the dress looked priceless. She never wore dresses from the Capitol unless they were actually there. To see her lay out something from them… it was a first for me.

Mom beckoned me closer and I complied. She placed her hands on my shoulders and guided me towards the edge of the bed.

"This… this was from a friend of mine a long time ago. He… um… he made this. I never got the chance to wear it but… I think you should. I want you to wear it." She said as she picked up the dress and handed it to me.

I stuttered out my thanks and went over to the corner to change. I didn't think she would trust me to wear something like this. I was about to outgrow my last dress. I guess mom noticed too.

The dress was fairly simple. I had no trouble getting it on. Mom's attention wasn't on me when I turned around. She'd been staring at the wall ever since I left to change into the dress. As I stared at her, I noticed for the first time how old she truly was.

I don't know what kind of things the Capitol did but they did something to my parents and now, they looked like they haven't aged a day older than 25 or something. They had a few wrinkles and a few white hairs but it was barely noticeable.

Her wrinkles were more defined now as I stared at her. Her eyes were filled with pain and sorrow and not just because of what today was. Everything, every moment of her entire life, was held in those eyes and that was proof that they were old. That they had seen many terrible things in their life and it wasn't going to stop.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and walked over to her. Mom took one look at me and she nodded, turning me around and straightening out a few places.

"There…" she said softly when she was one. "Come on… let's do your hair."

We don't talk to each other a lot. She had been doing my hair even before I was old enough to be reaped and we knew that this was the one activity that didn't need words from either of us. I remembered her gentle touch and the way she pulled on my hair and braided it to perfection.

When I turned twelve and eligible for the games, the Capitol practically burst with excitement. My parents didn't share the same enthusiasm. Sure, the moment Rye had become eligible was a day sadder than mine, but it was somber nonetheless. The Capitol even rung our house and offered stylists to make me look stunning at my first reaping and I remembered my father slamming the phone in a way of showing them his refusal. Mom kept herself locked up in her room for days.

She came out of the room eventually and laid out a nice dress for me. It was a very old outfit. She told me it had been her sister's. I was surprised to see her have me wear it but she waved it away. She helped me wordlessly and braided my hair afterwards. She still had that gentle touch but it was lost to me when I saw the expression on her face.

I saw that expression today when she had me sit down in front of my mirror. It was during these moments, as I gazed up at her face, that I let myself believe that she loved me… that I believed that I would break her heart if I let myself die in that arena.

But then her usual stoic face would return and the moment would end. I wonder if she resented me deep down. I wonder if she hated that the Capitol forced her to have me, an uncontrollable and short-tempered girl, to look after.

Rye was the unexpected addition to the family. The moment they found out mom was pregnant with Rye, their smiles started to return. He brought them smiles even before he was born, smiles that I could never reproduce even if I tried really hard.

-Katniss-

I looked at both of my children, standing before me in their reaping clothes. This was the one image that I never wanted to see in my lifetime. This was the sole reason why I never wanted to have children.

"Oh… Willow, you look beautiful in that dress." I heard Peeta say from behind me. He was the last one to get ready amongst the four of us. We had been waiting for him to finish in the living room so we could depart.

Willow gave him a small smile, barely noticeable. "Thanks dad…"

Peeta chuckled and hugged Rye and Willow. I got the feeling that this wasn't the first hug that happened today but I let it slide. I went over to them and reminded them that we should get going. Peeta nodded and let our children go reluctantly.

I found myself wandering over to my youngest, Rye, and wrapping my arms around him. I didn't know why but it was easier to do things like this with him. I guess it was because Rye was somewhat safe from the Capitol, with the Hunger Games being the only exception. Maybe that was why I let my guard down around him and I was never afraid of showing affection to him because I knew, even if the he wouldn't get reaped, the Capitol would never take him.

Willow on the other hand… she was the face of the Mellark household. She was our first child and therefore, was considered the proof of our love. Her conception had been forced but that didn't mean that I didn't love her any less than her brother.

I had a difficult pregnancy and due to the constant stress from the Capitol, I delivered Willow much earlier than anticipated. I was seven months pregnant and there had been a hundred phone calls from the Capitol for the past few weeks before her unexpected birth. Peeta was on the verge of having an episode and that was the last thing we wanted. Haymitch stayed away, thankfully. It was only my mother who had somehow kept us all together. Despite my anger and frustrations at her, I couldn't help but be grateful that she had been there when she was.

She was the only healer I trusted and since Willow wanted out, we didn't really have a choice.

Thirty-eight hours of labor and one final push later, Willow was welcomed into the world. I was the first to hold her, only because my mother thought that it was only right that I should.

And she was right. The moment that I held my little girl in my arms was the happiest moment of my life. My fears vanished and love immediately took its place. I shed many tears in my entire lifetime but Willow was the first to make me cry out of happiness and pure love.

Unfortunately, my fear came back when I heard Effie's voice from downstairs. I almost forgot that she would be taking the journey to District 12 for some minor preparations for an interview with Caesar Flickerman.

It was then that I remembered that Willow was never going to be just ours. The minute she entered the world was the minute she was going to be watched over the Capitol. One small slip up and she would be gone from our lives.

Just one child, Ms. Everdeen. Prove to the people that you are not just for display… Give them proof. Just one child.

My eyes darted to the door and to my husband smiling at the bundle in my arms.

And if I give them one… you will leave us alone?

It was suddenly becoming harder to breath. I could feel a weight crushing my heart. Something was squeezing my lungs painfully.

Not quite. If that child of yours steps out of line… she will be put under our care.

I took one long look at my tiny daughter and then my eyes darted over to my husband. Peeta had noticed that I was no longer warm and happy. I was panicking.

You're… going to take our child away?

"Peeta… Peeta, take her. Please. Peeta, please take her…" I said shakily, lifting my arms out to him. Peeta looked very confused but he took the baby off of my arms. I had a sinking feeling in my gut and my heart feel like it was breaking in two as I looked at my daughter.

"Take her away… Peeta, don't… please, just… take her away…"

If you fail to convince the people… then, yes. It will come to that. Just remember, Ms. Everdeen. This isn't the Games, anymore. A few berries will never be able to turn things into your favor. Not. Anymore.

I shook her head at the memory. Right after that, my fear had gotten to me and I drove my husband and daughter outside the room, refusing to look at either of them for the next few days.

I heard Peeta's calls for me from outside our bedroom and I also heard Willow's cries from her nursery. My heart, very carefully built over the past five years, shattered even more.

It wasn't until a week had passed that both my mother and Peeta managed to talk me into dragging myself out of bed. Even then, I didn't have the strength to take another look at my daughter. I knew I was being silly and irrational and from Willow's cries, it was clear that she needed me… but I couldn't risk pouring my heart out to that sweet, innocent, beautiful little girl.

She had stolen my heart since I heard her first cries. She already had my fragile heart wrapped around her tiny fingers. If something ever happened to her… if the Capitol would take her away… then I would break. They would finally finally break the Mockingjay.

"Mom? Mom? You okay?"

I shook out of my trance and was mildly surprised to see a sixteen-year old Willow standing a few steps away from me. She stared at me with a blank expression but her eyes told a different story. I didn't have time to find out what, however, as I felt my youngest hold my hand from beside me.

"You okay, mom?"

Oh. So Rye was the one who asked me earlier.

I looked down at him and wordlessly gave him a small nod. He mumbled something like 'm'kay' and released his hold on my hand. Not long after he left my side, I felt Peeta slide his fingers into mine.

I looked up at his face. He looked calm and collected like always. He was still her rock, even when this whole ordeal broke his heart as much as it broke hers.

I leaned my head on his shoulders and sighed.

"So… it starts again." He said softly as he stared at our children walking outside the house.

Rye looked back at us and gave us a half smile, probably reassuring us that nothing was going to happen. I couldn't bring myself to give him one in return. Peeta, however, waved at him. Willow, on the other hand, was refusing to look in our direction, unlike her brother. She was looking at the pathway just outside our house, looking at nothing in particular, bouncing on the soles of her feet.

I always thought that she was like me, someone who didn't like hugs or any form of affection but then I saw how happy she would become whenever Peeta would hug her or lift her up into the air when she was a little girl. I saw the look in her eyes when she saw me put my arms around Rye, the hurt and longing.

I regret distancing myself from my own daughter but it was hard to shake off the things you've gotten used to in your life. I was devastated when my sister died and I'm not sure how I picked myself up like I did after her death… but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that again if I lost Willow.

I was reverting to my old tactics. If a stranger died, it wouldn't hurt you at all. But lately, as I stared at my daughter, now sixteen and radiant… I couldn't help but beat myself up for doing what I had to do. For sixteen years, I was emotionally distant and I thought it would work.

It didn't.

With the Reaping in just under an hour, I couldn't help the pain erupting in my chest with the cold realization that if Willow got reaped today…

I might lose her without even telling her the three words she deserved to hear so many times over.

A/N: And that's Chapter 2. Welp... not much of a development, since I've postponed the Reaping for the next Chapter and... yeah, emotional Katniss will be difficult to write. I don't have enough words to - oh... oh right... according to that Tarzan song, "No words describe a mother's tears" so... yeah. That'd be one explanation for the possible sucky description I'd write for the next Chap...