Chapter Four: Lonely

I go back to the monitors and continue to watch them. The fixed monitor is bright and active again. I sigh in relief knowing that I got two jobs done in one night. Now all I have to do is wait here till Ram comes back in the morning. Tomorrow I am scheduled for gate duty at 7am, but I put in a call to Margery, telling her I am subbing for someone in the control room for initiate week, and she says she will find a replacement for the morning shift, but that I should report to the gate at 2.

I watch the initiates return to their dorms after the capture the flag game. The little Abnegation girl looks happy and triumphant, but its not long until they are all asleep. Maya and Rita head back to Maya's room together, where I am sure they will have a nice roll in the sack before passing out. Our rooms are all next to each other and Maya and Rita have been trying to hide their relationship from me for years. But I'm not blind or deaf, and I know they have been lovers since initiation. It's not that same sex relations are wrong among Dauntless, like they are in Abnegation. No, they just don't want me to be jealous of their relationship. Which makes me feel both happy and sad. There are times when I think they are close to inviting me into their love nest. I'm still not sure I would say no.

I watch Four travel from the dorms to the hallway that leads to the control room. I follow his trek on screen until he is standing in front of me.

"I didn't expect you to be here," he says pulling a chair over and settling into it. "I came to give Ram a break for a bit," he says.

"Well I beat you to it," I say. "He was pretty tired." I then give Four an update on the J cue and how an Erudite tech came to repair it. I don't mention that the tech was Lars.

"Nice," he says. "Thanks."

"So, your team won, huh? Congratulations," I say. He shrugs like its no big deal but I can see the smile creeping out the corning of his mouth. "Man I wish I could have seen Eric's face. The big idiot! Man, I hate that guy," I say cringing.

Four nods, letting his smile loose at last, "It was pretty great."

We laugh together and fall into companionable silence. We watch the monitors for a while. I see Rita come out of Maya's room. They share a long, steamy kiss at the door and I sigh. Four follows my gaze and watches the show. He glances at me. "What, you didn't know?" he asks.

"No, I knew," I say. "It's just I'm a little jealous of them. They look like they have it figured out. I feel like I'm drowning."

"Ah," Four says. "Lars."

I don't know how he knows, but somehow Four always understood that the reason I put in for the transfer had something to do with Lars. Maybe it was something Lars said. Or maybe Four can just pick up on that sort of thing. But I've never had to lie to him about it.

"Yeah, he was here," I say. "It was...awkward."

Four nods. "Are you ever going to tell me what actually happened between the two of you, or do I have to keep guessing?"

"There's not much to tell, really," I say. "We had a thing. It got a little too serious and I ended it. I haven't seen him since. Well that is, until tonight." I duck my head and rest it on my knees, squeezing my eyes shut.

I feel Four's hand rested on my back and I look up. He is looking at me strangely, as if he is considering something for the first time. I straighten up and we look at each other for a long moment. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls me to him. He kisses me, hard and urgent. And for just a moment I get lost in that kiss. We cling to each other, his hands gripping my back, moving up around my stomach to my breasts and then back down to my waist. I hold his face to me and press my body against him until I am practically on his lap. We break apart long enough to look around. The cubicle's private enough that no one has noticed yet, but we can't really get away with much more.

"Downstairs?" Four asks, his eyebrow raised. I take a moment to think. While I like Four a lot, I'd never really considered him any more than a friend. But he's good looking, and after seeing Lars tonight, my blood is burning.

"Yeah," I say, taking his hand. Once we get downstairs, I close the latch on the door only partly. That way no one will see in, but if anyone comes looking for us, they will know we are down in the basement working on something. It was an old trick I'd do with Lars. The thought of Lars threatens to overtake me, but I push it aside. I see Four standing there before me. His black t-shirt tight over his lean chest and arms. He wears a band on his forearm that holds a small knife he can flick out at a moment's notice. His jeans fit snug on his hips. How have I never realized how attractive he is?

I strip off my vest and kick off my shoes before going to him once more. I can tell he is eager and he tugs off his shirt revealing his bare chest, covered in tattoos and muscles. I begin kissing a trail down his chest to the belt of his jeans. He reaches down and pulls off my shirt. The bra I am wearing is transparent black silk, and I know my nipples are very visible. He paws at my chest, cupping and squeezing as if these are the first breasts he's ever felt. I've finally gotten his belt undone and I slowly open his jeans releasing his throbbing member. He lets out a deep moan as I take him in my mouth. I can feel myself getting wet, coming so aroused by his arousal. I stand up, so I can push him down on the floor. It's then that I realize this is actually happening. I haven't been with anyone else since the night I ended things with Lars. It feels good. It feels like closure.

Laying on his back on the floor, Four reaches around and tugs at my bra. He manages to undo the clasp, but he does so with such clumsy-ness that I again find myself thinking that perhaps he hasn't done this before. I look into his eyes and realize that he is utterly terrified. Perhaps this is the first time for him. Well, if that's the case, we need to talk about this. I lost my virginity long ago, but even then I had wanted it to be special. Sex on the cold basement floor of the control room isn't exactly romantic.

"Hey," I say softly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He looks at me like I am crazy. "Are you kidding?" He says.

"Is this your first time?" I ask, knowing that this question might very well kill the mood. Four's face hardens and he pulls me down on top of him. He kisses me hard, rolling me onto my back so he covers me with his body. His hands fumble with my jeans and he pulls them off, leaving me completely naked except for my soaking wet panties. He kneels before me and pulls the underwear off with his teeth. It's then that all thoughts of morality and romance flee from my mind. I can't think about anything but my body, and how good it feels to have Four's mouth slowly open on my sex. His tongue flicks about, if not expertly, then certainly enthusiastic. I feel myself building too quickly and I pull him up, rolling him over onto his back so I can mount him. His throbbing cock is still poking out of his pants and I yank the jeans off quickly. I go down on him once more with long, slow strokes. He grips my hair with one hand, pulling out the messy ponytail so hair falls around my shoulders.

I feel him about to reach the edge and pull up at the last minute. "Do you have a condom?" I ask.

It takes him a moment to realize what I am saying, but he nods yes and reaches for his jeans. I push him back down and stand up, giving him a show as I bend over to fish the condom out of his pants. It's old and morphed from being in his wallet for however long, but it still looks functional. Kneeling before him, I slide it over his cock, gently massaging as I go. He moans softly and pulls my face to his, pushing his tongue deep in my mouth. As we kiss I maneuver myself so his cock can enter me. I sink slowly over him and he lets out another low moan as I begin rocking my hips. I take his hand and press his thumb to my clit. He catches on quickly and I find myself nearing climax. Four is visibly sweating now, and the sight of him so aroused sends me over the edge. I throw my head back in ecstasy, the orgasm washing through me like a much needed drink of water. I feel Four tense as he follows suit, his fingers gripping the flesh on my waist and ribs.

I collapse on top of him and we sit there for a few moments, not moving. My body feels good and warm against him as I slowly move so he slips out of me. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. I lay my face against his chest, breathing deeply.

"Well," I say. "That was fun." Four just chuckles. He sits up and pulls the condom off, tying it at the top and tossing it in a nearby trash can. I'm tempted to ask if that was his first time again, but I let it go. It doesn't matter.